And yet the thought of leaving... that felt the wrongest of them all.
29
Spike
Kai was leaving. His bags were packed, his things were cleared off their shared desk, and his car keys were tucked into Spike’s pocket.
“You can’t,” Spike said, his chest so tight he could hardly breathe. This had to be a bad dream, except Spike had been watching it play out over the past couple weeks. Kai going to the tryouts, Kai receiving his team acceptance letter. Kai signing the contract with the Colorado basketball team.
Kai paused at the living room couch, his stormy eyes raking over Spike’s face. “We’ve been over this.”
They had. Seven grand a month, thirty-five grand if Kai played the entire five-month season. It was more money than Spike could even begin to comprehend. With that kind of money, Spike wouldn’t have to worry about his own college tuition.
“It’s just a trial,” Micah murmured, squeezing Spike’s arm. “It’s not forever.”
“He’s gonna miss the birth,” Spike said, glancing at Micah’s belly. Micah was five months along. “What kind of dad is that?”
Micah gave a wan smile. “That’s if everything goes well with the pregnancy. We don’t know if it will.”
That was one more problem Spike didn’t need to worry about. “What about the ruts?”
Kai looked away. “I got a silicone tube thing. Should help.”
You’re using that to replace Micah and me? Spike looked at the duffel bags by the door. Kai was in a light jacket, a long-sleeved shirt, and pants. Colorado was a lot colder than Meadowfall in the spring. And Kai was leaving.
Spike’s eyes burned. He’d never been without Kai this long.
“Hey,” Kai murmured, sliding his fingers against Spike’s nape, hauling him in.
Spike shook out of his grasp, anger and heartache twisting together in his chest. “You’re leaving us.”
“I’m coming back,” Kai said, but he didn’t look so sure.
“Stop fucking lying to me,” Spike muttered, his throat too tight. If he kept talking, he was going to start crying, and he didn’t want to do that in front of anyone. Especially Kai.
“We should get going,” Micah said, glancing at the time on his phone. He looked sad, resigned.
“Get out of my sight,” Spike hissed at Kai, turning to the couch where York was sitting, watching TV. “I’m just gonna sit here with York and—”
“Spike.” Kai grabbed Spike’s arm, yanking him back. His eyes flashed.
Spike shook him off. “I don’t fucking give a—”
Kai hauled him forward, and kissed him hard on the lips. It was a rough kiss, Kai biting on Spike’s lower lip. Pain shot down his nerves. Kai tasted like coffee and dinner, and, gods, Spike would miss tasting him, being inside Kai’s mouth, their tongues tangling, Kai’s fingers pulling tight in his hair.
When Kai broke the kiss, his gaze burned. And Spike couldn’t look away.
On the couch, York said, strangledly, “I didn’t know you guys were—”
Kai ignored him. He snagged the front of Spike’s shirt and hauled him down the hallway, to the bedrooms. Spike’s stomach flipped. “You’re gonna miss your flight—”
“We have some time,” Kai growled. He flung open the door, hauled Spike in, and slammed the door shut. Then he shoved Spike toward their bed, the mattress smelling like juniper and elm and gardenia, and so much musk.
Over the past couple weeks, once the three of them had realized Kai was leaving, they’d spent more time in bed. Spike had shied away from spending time alone with Kai, because it felt final, because he wanted Micah to distract Kai so Kai wouldn’t see how much Spike hurt.
But now it was just the two of them, Kai crowding up behind Spike, and this... How much had Kai already seen of him?
“I can’t do this,” Spike choked, his throat closing.
“I’m not leaving forever,” Kai muttered, sliding his palm up Spike’s chest, up his collarbones to his neck. Then he curved his hand against Spike’s throat, holding him there, Spike’s pulse pounding against his skin.
Spike felt vulnerable, letting Kai hold his throat, letting Kai have all the control over him. But Kai had always had that control over him. Spike had ceded it willingly. He’d ceded his heart, too.
Kai nosed at the scent gland on Spike’s neck, pausing there. Spike’s heart stopped. “You gonna bite me?”
Kai hesitated. “Can’t.”
And Spike’s heart cracked. “Then why are you even—”
Kai shoved him down against the bed, pinning Spike with his weight. “I’m claiming you a last time before I go,” Kai growled in his ear, rocking his hips against Spike’s ass. “Wanna make sure you know you’re mine.”
Spike’s blood shot down between his legs. Gods, he wanted that. But he didn’t want Kai to see him give in so easily, he didn’t want Kai to think of him as weak.
So Spike shook Kai off, aiming a glare over his shoulder. “Fuck you.”
“Fuck me, or fuck you?” Kai’s lips pulled into a dark smile. Then he anchored his arm around Spike’s chest, grasped Spike’s waistband and yanked it down, baring Spike’s ass.
Spike hadn’t intended on going to the airport with Kai and Micah. So he’d dressed simply, underdressed compared to Kai’s sweater and pants, and damn if this didn’t make his pulse quicken.
He shoved Kai off, yanking his shorts back up. But his cock jutted up against the material, betraying his arousal. When Kai spun Spike around, his gaze dropped to Spike’s hips, his eyes darkening.
“Doesn’t mean anything,” Spike muttered, stalking toward the door.
Kai grabbed his arm and slammed him up against the wall, his eyes blazing. “Mine.”
“I’d be yours if you fucking stayed,” Spike hissed. And yet his cock throbbed.
Kai kissed him anyway, hard and rough, biting on Spike’s lip until it swelled and hurt, until Spike’s cock fucking ached for him. Kai shoved his hand down Spike’s shorts, closing his callused fingers around sensitive skin. Then he tugged, and Spike’s hips bucked up, pleasure shooting down his nerves. I shouldn’t want him this much.
“Fuck you,” Spike growled, shoving so hard at Kai that Kai stumbled back. But Kai wasn’t surprised. Just watched Spike, waiting for a reaction.
Spike leaped at him, tackling Kai onto the bed. Kai landed with a grunt; Spike clambered onto Kai’s chest and straddled him, keeping his brother down with his weight.
Try as he might, there was no way Kai could get Spike off his chest now, unless Spike allowed him to. Mine. All mine.
Eyes narrowed, Kai made to shove Spike off. Spike grasped Kai’s wrists, first one, then the other. Pinned them up over Kai’s head, so Kai was helpless now, a wild beast between Spike’s legs. Kai’s eyes flashed, his musk filled the air between them. The sort of alpha anyone would love to have pinned.
So Spike pinned Kai’s wrists with his weight, pulled his cock out with his other hand, and shoved his tip into Kai’s mouth, sliding into his snug, damp heat. “Fucking suck me.”
“No,” Kai said around his cock, defiance gleaming in his eyes, along with the molten heat of his hunger. This? This was like the old days.
Spike growled, shoving his cock deep into Kai’s mouth anyway, groaning as Kai’s lips slid around him, his tongue flicking against Spike’s cock, his moan reverberating into Spike’s body.
Spike gasped at the pleasure, memorizing this sight—his brother beneath him, Spike’s cock filling his mouth, Kai’s powerful chest heaving beneath Spike’s ass.
Five months. That was how long Spike had to wait to do this again. Or if Kai was drafted into the major league after that—who knew when he’d be home? Kai doesn’t care enough to stay.
Spike’s thrusts faltered. Kai took advantage of his distraction, yanking one hand out of Spike’s grasp. Before Spike could figure what he was up to, Kai shoved his hand down the back of Spike’s shorts, probing between his cheeks. Then he pressed against
Spike’s hole, his eyes gleaming.
“You wouldn’t,” Spike growled, letting his cock hit the back of Kai’s throat.
Choking, Kai shoved his finger into Spike’s hole, dry. It burned all the way in. Spike swore, clenching around Kai’s finger. So this was how Kai wanted to mark him. Spike growled, reaching behind to yank open Kai’s belt. Difficult to with one hand. He fumbled, releasing Kai’s wrists so he could strip him faster.
Kai closed his fist around Spike’s cock and balls, squeezing to the point where he almost hurt. Spike hissed; Kai grasped him under the thigh and shoved, and Spike lost his balance.
Kai was on him in a heartbeat, pinning Spike face-down against the mattress, shoving Spike’s knees open. This left Spike’s ass vulnerable to him; Spike’s hole squeezed.
“Running out of time,” Kai muttered. Then he grasped the seat of Spike’s shorts and yanked, and Spike’s shorts ripped at the seams, a sound that filled the taut air between them. It felt like something was coming apart, like the bond between them was fraying.
Kai unzipped his pants, pulling his own curved cock out. Gods, Spike would miss that cock. He’d miss Kai fucking inside him like an animal, Kai owning every inch of him. His throat tightened, even as Kai parted the split in his shorts, reaching inside to spread Spike’s cheeks. Cool air brushed his hole.
With a knee shoved between Spike’s shoulder blades to keep him down, Kai reached for the nightstand, grabbing a tube. It oozed lewdly when Kai squeezed it; he slicked lube down his cock.
Spike growled, twisting around to throw Kai off him. Kai snarled back. He grasped Spike’s arm and shoved him down against the bed, holding Spike down with a forearm across his shoulders. Then he grasped Spike’s asscheek and pulled it open, and the blunt slide of his tip skimmed Spike’s hole.
Spike’s insides tightened. Gods, he wanted this. Wanted to belong to Kai for just a few more minutes, wanted Kai to be inside him, using him, claiming him.
Kai rutted against his hole, aligning them, his blunt tip grinding heavily between Spike’s cheeks. Then he sank in, invading Spike’s body, shoving inside like he owned all of Spike. Spike arched, his body spreading around his alpha.
“Fucking take it,” Kai growled, plunging every inch of himself in. Spike took it. He thrashed again, and Kai held him down, pounding inside, his cock lighting up every single one of Spike’s nerves. Spike throbbed against the mattress, his cock shamelessly dripping.
This—it had always been something intimate between them, struggling for control, each trying to dominate the other. Spike loved taking his brother’s cock. Kai groaned when Spike fucked him.
But right now, this wasn’t just about fucking, this wasn’t about sating someone’s rut.
Kai sliding his arm around Spike’s chest, his breaths hot on Spike’s neck as he thrust—this was goodbye, and Spike heard it in the bite of Kai’s nails in his arm, the brush of Kai’s lips against his nape.
It hurt so much, that Spike wasn’t sure how his body was still singing with pleasure.
Kai’s cock shoved hard against Spike’s prostate; the pleasure sent stars through Spike’s vision. Then Kai pounded into Spike, even rougher than usual, his cock a thick, unyielding force.
“Come for me,” Kai growled, sinking his teeth into Spike’s shoulder. Not on the scent gland.
And maybe Spike really was a twisted motherfucker, because he was clenching around Kai and coming without anyone even touching his cock.
White washed through his vision. His cock pulsed. His come spurted all over the sheets. Then, when he could see again, the room went blurry.
He wasn’t crying. Just reacting to Kai fucking the come out of him.
Kai’s breathing grew ragged; his thrusts stuttered. Then he fucked a final time into Spike, pulsing inside, his breath punching out of him. His teeth broke Spike’s skin—another mark on the constellation of scars.
For a long while, they didn’t move. Spike pressed his face against the bed, letting the sheets soak up his tears. Kai pulled out so he wouldn’t knot inside—Spike didn’t expect him to at this point.
He lay on the bed, refusing to look at Kai.
“I have to go,” Kai eventually said.
“Then go.” And so what if Spike’s voice shook slightly?
“I need to see your face.”
Spike froze. There were still tears leaking out of his eyes. “You’ll see me if you do a video call.”
A strong hand grasped his shoulder; Spike tried to shrug it off. Kai was more determined, though. It was the only reason he won, and flipped Spike onto his back.
Spike scrubbed at his cheeks. Kai caught his wrist, pulling his hand away. Spike glared; he knew there were still tear tracks around. “Happy now?”
Kai stared at him, those gray eyes missing nothing on Spike’s face. Then he leaned in, and his lips brushed across Spike’s cheekbones, dampness smearing between them. He was kissing away Spike’s tears, that bastard.
“I’ll be back,” Kai said, his jaw set with determination. “I’m not someone you should cry over.”
Then he dragged his wrist down Spike’s jaw, down his throat, tracing elm over Spike’s skin.
With that, Kai zipped up his pants and turned, leaving the room.
Spike almost chased after him. Almost. But there was no changing Kai’s mind, there was no making him stay.
Instead, Spike sagged back against the bed, listening to the murmur of voices outside, then the front door clicking shut. A minute later, he heard doors slamming somewhere downstairs, and the distant rumble of an engine.
For the first time in Spike’s life, Kai was leaving him behind. Spike had known it would happen. He still wasn’t prepared.
It hurt so much.
30
Kai
The first few days in Colorado were difficult. Everything was alien to Kai. Moving into an empty room by himself, sleeping alone in a too-large bed. Whenever Kai found something cool or interesting, he turned, only to find that Spike wasn’t there, and neither was Micah.
There were texts, of course. Some concerned ones from Micah, and none from Spike. But Micah had done a couple of video calls with Kai, each time pulling a reluctant Spike into view.
“He wants to see you,” Micah said on the third video call, angling his phone to get Spike onto the screen. Spike was huddled up on the other end of the couch, unmoving, only his gaze darting over. “He’s been hiding out of sight, but he’s listening in. He misses you.”
“I do not.” Spike’s voice drifted from the other end of the line.
The familiarity of his voice—that lifted the weight on Kai’s chest a little, enough that he could smile now. “Yeah?” he asked, his heart thudding. He needed to see Spike again, except he wasn’t sure if Spike wanted Kai to. “Could you... move? Closer?”
Micah’s lips quirked into an amused smile. He eased up from his favorite spot on the rug, the video swerving as he found his balance. Then he settled down next to Spike, turning the camera so both of them were on the screen.
Spike scowled, making to leave.
“Spike,” Micah said, catching Spike’s hand. Then he leaned in, kissing Spike on the jaw. The video went sideways; Kai waited. When Micah fumbled to angle it properly again, Kai found Spike still in the video, instead of an empty spot on the couch.
“Fucker,” Spike muttered, his gaze darting over to the phone. He glanced away, then back again, and a look of sheer longing flitted through his face.
Kai’s heart skipped a beat. He still wants me. They both do.
Back at the airport, before Kai had left Micah, he’d pulled Micah into a deep kiss. Micah had blushed and whispered, I’m glad you’re doing this. You need to go out and see the world, Kai. I won’t be able to live with myself, knowing that I’ve taken your future away from you.
His words had played on repeat in Kai’s head. Kai knew Micah was right. He needed the money, he needed the professional experience.
But as he watched Spike narro
w his eyes, sliding his arms around their omega, Spike dropping possessive kisses up Micah’s jaw, Kai felt a pang, too.
“Spike,” Micah said, a blush creeping up his cheeks. “Kai’s on the line.”
“Yeah, well, he can watch while I kiss you.” Spike nipped on Micah’s lower lip, brushing his fingers through Micah’s hair. Kai knew what Spike smelled, what he tasted. Micah’s gardenia-and-honey scent, his soft lips, the taste of apple-cinnamon tea on his tongue.
Micah was all soft eyes and warm smiles, and Kai wanted to reach through the screen, cradle his face. He wanted to press his nose into Micah’s hair, wanted to pull that omega close against him. And Spike, too.
It was torture, knowing they were right there, knowing this was happening right now, two states away, and Kai was too far away to touch them both.
Kai swallowed, his chest tight with longing. It was only his first week here, and the season hadn’t even begun. He was still getting to know his teammates, still learning to work with them. I wish I was home.
For a second, he thought about returning to Meadowfall. But Spike dropped his hand to Micah’s belly, and Kai remembered the baby. Remembered the costs of raising a child, and the costs of Spike’s tuition, and the career he’d promised himself.
“I have to go,” Kai said. So he wouldn’t get homesick and heartsick. The less he saw of Micah and Spike... the less he’d feel so torn about leaving.
Before they could answer, he ended the call.
The silence in his room was deafening. Kai turned on the radio, so at least he wouldn’t feel so alone.
* * *
One month dragged by. It was easier at basketball practice, or during the games. There, Kai had teammates, he had friends. He relied on his laser focus during games, and he felt needed.
The Colorado team was doing well. Better now that they had Kai with them. The camaraderie was easy, and Kai’s teammates accepted him with open arms.
His Two Alphas Page 28
