Instead of going home. I turned the opposite corner. I walked slowly and cried. No matter what, I couldn’t escape my damn past. I cried because I really loved Demarco, and I couldn’t be with him. It was just a matter of time before he found out what I used to be.
I cried because I was about to break the promise I’d made to myself and Ms. Hope. I was about to get high. I was about to cop some ecstasy. Inside I was crumbling.
Somebody was yelling, “I got that techno! Techno! That techno!”
The further I walked, the louder his voice got.
“That techno, yo.” He turned around and faced me. “What you need, little mama? I got white girl too.”
“Give me one,” I muttered, gesturing toward what he was shuffling between his fingers. I didn’t want cocaine.
“Ten.”
I dug into my purse for the money he requested for the ecs, my heart pumping. My wallet was empty, so I dug deeper at the bottom and at first only felt change. My fingers scrambled around until I felt something crumpled up. I yanked it, and it was a twenty. But a piece of torn paper covered it. I removed the paper and scanned it. It was Mama’s number. I held it in my hand and took a deep breath.
“You got the money, boo?”
I stared down at the twenty in my hand then at the torn piece of paper. I threw the money back in my purse and said, “Never mind.” Then I ran back the other way until I found a phone booth.
I dug some change out and dialed the number on the paper. I was shaking and couldn’t believe I was doing this shit. Each time the phone rang, I took another quick breath. I bit my lip so hard, I drew blood. Then I couldn’t stop fidgeting as it rang.
Just when I thought she was going to say hello, I heard, “Hi, you’ve reached Pearla. Leave a message, and I’ll return it.”
I paused, about to hang up the phone. Seconds flew by before I said quickly, “This is Cashmere. I’m ready to talk. You can reach me at 562 223-3222. Or you can stop by. I-I stay at 2343 Bullis Road, apartment 29.” Then I hung up the phone before I changed my mind and erased the message.
I kept on walking. I didn’t buy no damn drugs. I went home.
I went up the steps to my apartment and unlocked the door, walked in, and threw my purse down on the table. I switched on the lights in my living room, which was dark as hell, and nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Black sitting on my living room couch. I shivered and damn near peed in my pants. I couldn’t bring myself to move.
He stared at me coolly. “I had enough of this bullshit, Cashmere. When you coming home?”
“I ain’t coming back!”
I spun around and made a dash for the door, but Black was on me in seconds. He slapped the fuck out of me, making heat rush to my face and drawing blood from my lip. He pulled on my hair until some strands escaped my scalp. Then he bent my hands behind me so far, I thought my limbs were going to break.
“I’m not handling you with kid gloves no more, Cashmere. You want me to do bad shit to you, huh? Why I can’t be nice like I used to be? You force me to do bad stuff. Now I’m gonna have to take out this new dude you been fucking and running around town with, huh?”
I pleaded with my eyes. “No, Black, don’t.”
I tried to get away again, running for the door, when he loosened his hold, but he kicked me down so I fell on the floor. I banged my nose, and blood flowed from it.
I screamed when he grabbed me by my neck and lifted me to my feet.
Black placed one hand over my face and muffled me. He took the edge of his shirt and wiped away the blood on my face, and as he did, he said, “There’s no escaping the game, baby. You married to it. And the only way you leaving it is when your heart stops beating. And, I promise, if you don’t leave with me tonight, I will make that happen for you.”
When he removed his hand from my face I said, “No, Black. Please . . .”
He started kissing me on my face then telling me to shush. I tried to pull away, but he had a tight grip on me.
That’s when Demarco walked in the room.
I tried to pull away, but Black tightened his hold on me and kissed me again, sliding his tongue in my mouth in front of Demarco.
I gagged.
Demarco’s jaw twitched, and his eyes narrowed. Maybe he didn’t know what to make of this shit.
Black pulled away. “What’s up, man? You the one dabbling in my pussy, right?”
Demarco must have seen my swollen lip and bloody nose. He took a step toward Black with his fist balled.
Instantly Black pulled out his gat and pointed it at him. “Easy, dude. You don’t want it with me,” he said calmly. Then he walked over to the couch and sat back down.
“You lucky you got that gun, muthafucka!”
Black didn’t respond to that comment and, instead, beckoned me over with his gun. I hesitated, but when I heard a clicking sound, I obeyed, feeling hot tears run down my face.
Black started running his free hand up and down my body, grabbing ass, titties, thighs, and rubbing the gun up and down my pussy. He was making my skin crawl.
Black smiled calmly, looked over at Demarco, who was rooted in the spot that he was in, his face filled with rage, and started unbuttoning my shirt. “You know Cashmere and me go way back, right?”
I closed my eyes as I felt the shirt being removed from my body. Then my bra.
“She was and still is my favorite girl.”
“What the fuck you talking about?” Demarco demanded.
“Cashmere is one of my hoes, and boy, is she a good one.”
I sobbed when he unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them from my body.
Demarco nodded his head, his face expressionless now.
Black angled the gun at Demarco and managed to pull down my panties at the same time.
“Black, please,” I whispered.
Black split my legs open, so Demarco could get a view of my pussy. “She good at bouncing that ass on some dick.” He slapped my bare ass, and the sound rang out in the room.
I closed my eyes in humiliation, afraid to look at Demarco.
Black ran his hands all along my titties, cupping them, rubbing his fingers across my nipples. “But since she been locked up, she probably a little rusty.” He stuck a hand in my pussy. “But if she turns you on, man, you got me to thank for that shit. I went through a lot with the girls, meaning Desiree too, Cashmere’s older sister, the one she killed.”
Too scared to see the shocked look in Demarco’s eyes, I didn’t look at him.
“I thought all you needed was to know who your loyalties were to, Cashmere. I mean, you needed to understand who was number one in your life, and that was me. Which was why I told your sister to get rid of your pops.”
My eyes widened, and I sobbed loudly.
“Sssshh, girl. Wasn’t no need for him. And all he did was get in my way, in the way of all my love. ’Cause all your love, Cashmere, belongs to me. And I don’t play second fiddle to no man. So with him out the picture I’d get all of that. And here you come along thinking you gonna take what is mine. Nigga, please.”
Black pounded his finger into me sharply. “Lie down, ho. I’m gonna show you who’s in control here—me, daddy—so you understand, don’t no other nigga control this pussy but me.”
“No, Black.”
When the gun clicked again, I jumped.
“Have a seat, young blood,” Black said to Demarco. “Watch the show.”
Demarco had no choice but to sit on the couch across from us while I was on all fours naked. Black kneeled behind me and slid a few fingers in my pussy, before plunging his dick into me.
Blinded by my tears, I cried out loudly from the pain and humiliation as Demarco watched Black rape me.
Black moaned and pounded in and out of my pussy, slapping my ass at the same time, his fingers grabbing me everywhere. And he was sucking on my flesh roughly, until I was bruising. Still, he kept on pounding.
I kept on crying, and kept my head down, scared to face De
marco.
That’s when Black busted a big-ass nut into my pussy, grumbling loudly and smacking my ass. “You still got some good pussy, Cash.”
When Black took his eyes off both of us to pull up his pants, his gun dropped. Demarco rushed him and started throwing punches, catching him off guard. As he fell back into the table, Demarco used his boots to stomp him in the head.
I stood and tried to reach for the gun, which was a few feet away from me, near my shirt. I rushed forward and grabbed it. I’d never used one before, but I would have to now.
As Black rose and threw some blows back at Demarco, knocking him into the wall, I angled the gun, scared as hell that I might hit Demarco.
After Demarco fell to the floor, Black stood him up and knocked him upside his head. But then Demarco reached for Black’s neck and started choking him.
“I’m gonna kill you, you dirty muthafucka, for what you did to her! Put your ass in a box where the fuck you belong!”
Black was trying to pull his hands away but couldn’t, so he head-butted Demarco, making blood shoot out of his nose. Then he punched him in his mouth, but still Demarco wouldn’t break his hold.
I angled the gun again, my heart pumping. Lord, if I fire this shit, please don’t let me hit Demarco.
Black had managed to break free from Demarco’s hold and punched him again and again until his face was bloody. Demarco was weak now and couldn’t swing any more punches.
I screamed out when Black pounded his head into the wall and it looked like he weighed nothing. Blood gushed out of Demarco’s head. Black threw him to the floor and kicked him in his head. “I told you not to fuck with me.”
I angled again. I had a good shot, now that there was no way I would hit Demarco, because he was lying down. I could get Black, if I could just bring my numb fingers to pull the trigger. I sobbed and gripped one hand over the other as Black turned to me, but with my shaking hands and shivering body, I damn near dropped it.
Black left Demarco alone and stepped to me, blinking. “After all I done for you, you gonna pull a gun on me, Cashmere?”
Why the fuck couldn’t I pull the damn trigger? I adjusted the gat in my hand and raised it higher, aiming it at his head.
Tears seeped in the corner of his eyes. “I love you, Cashmere. You know that, baby. You were the only girl to get under my skin. Drop the gun, baby.”
I shook my head, blinded momentarily by my tears. I glanced over at Demarco quickly. His body was twitching. I knew he wasn’t dead, but he couldn’t help me right now.
“I just want us to be together like we used to be when you belonged to me and only me, when no trick came between our relationship.” Tears ran down his face. “Baby, put the gun down.”
I exhaled deeply and felt more tears drop. My hands were getting sore. I had to do this shit, to free myself from him. Cashmere, this is the only way.
Suddenly Black leaped toward me and slapped the shit out of me, and easily pulled the gun from my hands. Then he started whipping on me, punching me in my stomach. As I bent over in pain, he punched me in my face and pulled a plug of my hair out of my head. With the gun to my temple, he put me in a chokehold like Demarco had him earlier with his free hand.
“Make a decision, Cashmere. You leaving with me, or I’m taking you out—pick one.”
I screamed, “Take me out, muthafucka, ’cause I hate you, and I rather die than be with a piece of gutter trash like you!”
Black tightened his hold on me, cutting off my air supply. My eyes watered, snot started shooting out my nose, and my body was getting weak as hell. I knew he was gonna take me out in that moment. Then he quickly released my neck and drew back. He shoved me on the floor.
As I lay on the floor coughing, he stood over me and looked down at me, cocking his gun and aiming it at me.
I closed my eyes and waited for the hollow tips to pierce my flesh. But before he could fire, the door burst open.
“Police! Drop your weapons!”
I opened my eyes to see a gang of cops running through the door, Mama leading the pack, their guns drawn.
Chapter 33
A month later
“You okay to do this, Cash?” I stared at Mama and gave a nod before entering the courtroom. Entering courtrooms always made me nervous, but not today.
Demarco testified to Black’s assault on him and his raping me. Mama was also able to give the district attorney evidence that Black was the one behind vandalizing Demarco’s salon.
Black was facing some serious time because that gun had some bodies on it, one of them a 20 year-old former prostitute that had been missing for the past year. It was later discovered that he’d killed her after she tried to run away from him.
I shivered when I found out that tad of info, since I could’ve just as easily been another body on that gun, had it not been for Mama. I remember closing my eyes and breathing a sigh of relief when they closed the case. One thing I’ll never forget was how cold his eyes were while we were in the courtroom. Man, if looks could kill.
Finally after days and days of cameras following us and shit, the judge sentenced Black to forty years to life without the possibility of parole. Now neither, Mama, Demarco, or me would be caught up in any more drama behind Black.
Now that chapter of my life was closed, but I still had some left open. The first was Mama.
Yeah, she had saved me and Demarco. She told me that she’d jotted my address down and was on her way over, and that when she got to the house and heard the scuffling and yelling, she quietly called the cops.
“My honey told me to always carry my gun ’cause you never know what will happen. And, Cashmere, I’m so happy you called me. If you hadn’t”—Mama started sobbing, cupping my face in her hands.
I hoped she didn’t think we were chummy now.
Before stepping in the courtroom, she’d asked me, “Cashmere, when this is done and over, can we sit down and talk, baby? Really talk?”
I hesitated. I thought, What would I gain if I continued to hate her? There was no way my anger or hate could change what had already happened to us, to me, so I gave a slight smile and nodded. “Yeah, Mama, we can talk.”
So after court, me and Mama sat outside on an empty bench.
Before she got any words out, she started crying. “I was weak, selfish, and dumb, Cashmere. Oh so dumb. Your daddy, you, and Desiree were the best thing that had ever happened to me, and here I was thinking about myself. Baby, if I could turn back time, I would have never left. I would have stayed and did the best I could, which is what you all deserved. But I ain’t got no time machine, so all I can give you is now. Baby, love, time, anything I got, it’s yours, Cashmere, if you can say you can forgive me. I just wanna right the wrong any way that I can.”
Truthfully, I’d never stopped loving Mama. Instead of giving her that long speech I had in my head all these years of what I was gonna say if I ever saw her again before whipping her ass, I allowed her to take my hands in hers and didn’t pull back when she hugged me. Now I’m not saying I was gonna be her best friend, but maybe we could try to rebuild something. After all, her and my aunt were the only real family I had left.
There was one other person I had to make it right with. Truth be told, I hadn’t spoken to Demarco all too much since all the court proceedings, and I knew he didn’t have much to say to me. But Ms. Hope always told me to make my amends, so that’s what I did.
I strolled up to the shop to see him. He was outside, repainting the name of the salon—Studio Six Hair Salon—and was doing a good job at it too. His back was to me, so he didn’t see me when I approached.
I asked in a quiet voice, “Did it cost a lot to fix the place back up?”
He paused with the brush for a second. “Insurance covered it.” Then he went back to his letters. He had just finished the S in Six, and was now on i.
I felt a lump in my damn throat, but it wasn’t gonna prevent me from doing this. So I tried to swallow it on down before I started cry
ing. “I know you don’t want me around, and that’s cool, but I just wanted to, ah, say, I’m sorry for not being honest with you about my past, Demarco.” I laced and unlaced my hands, nervously, and took a deep breath.
He turned around to face me. “Cashmere, do you know how much gossip I hear in this salon? Between Rona, Gee Gee, and Quida, they could start their own gossip column, with the shit I hear.”
My eyes widened. He knew? All this time?
Demarco stepped closer to me and, to my surprise, pulled me in his arms. “I knew about your past, what you used to do, who you were before, but I didn’t care, ’cause I loved you, and that stuff was just that, the past, Cashmere. It’s not who you are now. You were a victim of fucked-up circumstances, and instead of you giving up like the people around you, you kept on going. I told you once, and I’ll tell you again—I love you, Cashmere.”
I sniffed and smiled through my tears. “Then why you ain’t came to see me?”
He laughed. “I can’t chase you forever. You know where I’m at.”
He was right, but still I gave him attitude. “And you know where I’m at too,” I lied, since I wasn’t staying at my old apartment anymore.
Mama and her fiancé let me stay with them until this stuff blew over—The media was on me like I was a celebrity—and possibly longer, if I wanted.
“Yeah, I know all right. You stay a ways away from here.”
My mom stayed in Lancaster, two hours from where I used to stay. “How you know that?”
“’Cause I follow you home from school to make sure you get home safe. I never stopped doing that and never will.”
I smiled, but just as soon, my smile dropped, and I took a deep breath. I needed to to say it, confess it, even if he did know. For some dumb-ass reason, I needed confirmation. Don’t ask me why. I just did. “Demarco, I used to be a prostitute.”
“I know.”
“I did drugs.”
“I know.”
“I’ve been to jail.”
“I know.”
“And by accident I killed my sister.”
“You don’t say.”
The People vs. Cashmere Page 21
