That's not to say I'm not fond of the man. I am. He's a great guy and what we have is really good. Comfortable companionship, a partner for events and date nights, and really good sex. To be honest, Joshua was by far the best sexual partner I'd ever had. Not that he had a vast amount of competition. I wasn't one to sleep around, preferring to know my partners first.
I'm happy with where we are. And I've come to grips with the fact that just maybe this is as good as it gets. But even so, a part of me knows it wouldn't be fair to either of us to simply settle. We both deserve better than that.
I had put him off all this time, and now he was moving in as a condition of me getting immediate custody of Zane. Like I said, it was worth it, but I had a bad feeling that it was going to lead to pain down the road. And the last thing in the world I wanted to do was hurt Josh.
The car pulled into the short drive beside the house, and we all just sat there silent for a minute. For me, I was just gathering my strength and willpower to make it up those porch steps and into the house. If I could just make it to the couch, I'd count myself lucky.
"Uncle Colin?" Zane's head popped up between the two front seats. "Is Mommy really never coming home?"
Taking a deep breath, I turned to him as much as my broken body would allow in the limited space. "No, sweetie, she isn't. She would never have left her Z-Man if she'd had a choice. You know that."
Zane nodded. "What do you think happened to her?" His voice was nothing more than a whisper that I had to strain to hear.
"I don't know, Z-Man." I unbuckled my seat belt and started the slow process of removing myself from the car. "But I promise you I'm never going to stop until I find out."
The boy thought for a moment, then gave another short nod. "Me too."
Zane took my request for help literally, as I'd meant him to, and walked slowly up the path holding my hand. He did a pretty good job of matching my steps. Joshua followed behind toting the first round of luggage and store bags.
What seemed like an eternity later, I was sitting on the couch watching the show as Zane and Joshua brought everything in from the car.
I saw Zane glance in the corner by the front door, but it didn't dawn on me what he was looking for at first. When it finally did, I grinned down at him. “I think we might have missed a bag in the front seat floorboard. Could you go fetch it for me?”
Even with the screen door firmly shut, I could hear his squeal of delight when he found Mr. Cuddles. Smiling, I stretched out on the sofa and counted today a win.
Joshua came back from a brief foray into the kitchen. "Dude," he said. "We totally forgot to stock up on groceries." He took one long look at me and I saw it register that I wasn't planning on moving anytime soon. "How about we order pizza tonight and deal with that tomorrow?"
"That would be great," I said. "Hey, Z-Man, you still like pepperoni on your pie?"
Zane had returned from the car clutching his newly found best rabbit friend and was currently giving the box with the tablet a close review. "With extra cheese," he said hopefully.
"Two pepperoni pizzas with double cheese coming up," Josh said picking up the phone to call in the order.
I pushed my body back into the couch to give room for Zane to sit in front of me and patted the seat. "Why don't you bring that over and we'll get it going for you."
His eyes lit up, and he bounced up onto the couch, box in hand. Within minutes we had it up and running with all the books and games unlocked and ready to use. I password protected the internet access just in case and started a couple of the newer Disney movies downloading for later.
When we were done, Zane pulled his small bean bag chair out of the coat closet and I had to smile. Becca had hated that thing, but being the cool uncle that I am, I just couldn't say no when he asked for one. Besides, it was a great chair for watching television, and also as it turns out, playing on a tablet.
He had barely dragged the chair over in front of the couch when the doorbell rang. Man, that was fast. We hadn't been expecting the food to get there quite so quickly, so Joshua had gone up to straighten Zane's room while we waited.
"Just a minute," I called towards the door, then turned to the stairs as I sat up. "I'll get it, Josh."
Zane handed me my cane with a solemn look and I tried to get to my feet as gracefully as I could. I don't think I fooled anybody though. Luckily the person at the door took me at my word and didn't ring the doorbell repeatedly. I really hated when they did that.
I shuffled over and pulled open the door, then started reaching around for my wallet. But I stopped when I saw who stood there. The great hunk of a lawman.
"Sheriff Green," I said, nodding to him. "I didn't think the inspections would start quite so soon."
He grinned at me, a good sign. Then I realized he wasn't alone. Standing behind him was a small boy about Zane's age. "And who is this?" I asked.
Zane had followed me to the door, probably with thoughts of catching me if I fell. "Oh, hi, Matt."
At the sound of Zane's voice, the boy stepped around to stand beside the sheriff. "Hey, Zane. Dad said you guys might need something to eat, so we brought you some food."
Belatedly I saw the box sitting on the front porch, stuffed full of food items.
"I know you just got into town yourself, and I didn't know if you'd had a chance to stock up yet. It's just some odds and ends, mostly pantry stuff," the sheriff said gruffly. "And Matt has something for Zane too."
The boy held out a small, wrapped package to Zane. "It's a hot wheel set. I've got one just like it. They're pretty fun."
The sheriff shrugged at me. "So much for wrapping it."
I stepped to one side of the door. "Would you like to come in, Sheriff? We have a couple of pizzas on the way. You're welcome to join us if you like." It was weird, but my memory flashed back to how good it had felt having the sheriff's arm around me and I felt my cheeks grow hot.
He shook his head. "Maybe some other time, once you've got settled in a bit. And by the way, my name is Gabriel. Friends call me Gabe."
Matt hadn't waited for an invite as Zane had pulled him into the living room to show him his new toys. Gabe looked past me and nodded. "Glad to see you followed my advice. The kid's lost a lot of toys in the last few months."
My free hand rubbed the back of my neck. "I'm actually really glad you suggested it. I haven't made it up the stairs yet, so I have no idea how much of his stuff is still here. I was thinking clothes, shoes, underwear, but I may not have thought of toys at all. So thanks."
"No problem," Gabe said, then he called to his son just as the pizza van pulled up on the street. "Come on Matt, we need to hustle if we're going to make that movie." He looked over to me. "Friday nights are our movie nights." He grimaced. "His choice this week, so I'm sure there will be pirates or dinosaurs in it somewhere."
"I'm thinking you can probably bank on that."
Matt seemed reluctant to leave, even with the promise of a movie. "Hey, Matt, if it's okay with your dad here, maybe you could come for a sleepover sometime soon? I'm sure Zane would love that."
The boy looked up to Gabe. "Could I, Dad?"
Gabe reached down and ruffled his hair. "I don't see why not, as long as Mr. Shepard here has the help he needs to keep two young hooligans like you boys in line."
"Oh, I think we could manage," Joshua said over my shoulder, and I jumped, suddenly feeling guilty. I hadn't even heard him come down the stairs. "We make a pretty mean team, Colin and I."
"Great, I'll check back with you later this week and we'll set it up." Then the gorgeous sheriff loaded his son back into his SUV and they took off. Hopefully, the movie wouldn’t be too awful.
Joshua paid the pizza driver while Zane and I waved goodbye. Then we all went inside to the wafting smell of tomato sauce, hot pepperoni, and tons of melted cheese. In silent support to the sheriff, we watched a Jurassic Park movie while we ate.
I had been really dreading going upstairs to bed for a couple of diffe
rent, but both equally good, reasons. The first of which was that stairs were a killer to navigate with a cane and a bad limp. The second was, I wasn't at all sure how to manage the adult sleeping arrangements. Joshua was most likely expecting to share my bedroom, and I didn't think I was up to that. Not yet.
Besides, I wasn't quite sure I was ready to spring that on Zane just yet.
I shouldn't have worried about it. Yes, getting up the stairs was a bear, especially after the day I'd just had, but Joshua had settled himself into my sister's room.
"I hope you don't mind," he said. "But I thought separate bedrooms would be best until you get your strength back." He paused. "Besides, when you hire a nanny, they are going to need to use that room too."
"It's okay. It's just a room now." Even though I didn't have the heart to look inside and see all of Becca's stuff waiting for her to return. "In fact, if you wouldn't mind sometime, it would be really great if you could box all her stuff up. I don't want to get rid of it, but maybe we could store it in the garage?"
"Sure thing, I'll do that tomorrow." Another pause. "Do you need some help getting ready for bed?" His voice was a little lower than usual.
"Thanks, but I can manage." I glanced behind me at Zane's bedroom. The boy had rushed into it, tablet in one hand and Mr. Cuddles in the other. I caught a glimpse of him rummaging through his toy chest, making little squeals of delight now and then.
"The jerk didn't even take the kid's toys when he took him," Josh said. "But they sure cleaned out his closet and chest. I didn't see a stitch of clothing in there. Good thing we went shopping before we brought him home." He looked down at me. "Want me to do the honors of putting him to bed?"
Smiling, I shook my head. "I've waited six months to read my Z-Man another bed time story. Strange, but I find myself in the mood for a pirate tale." I patted his shoulder. "Thanks again for everything, Josh. You really saved my bacon today. I won't forget it anytime soon."
"That's my plan," he said. "Sooner or later, you're going to realize that you just can't live without me, you know."
I bit my tongue, not wanting to hurt his feelings. After thinking of all the possible replies I could make and not finding a single suitable one, I just went with a sad smile and a good night.
Then I turned into my provisional son's bedroom for our first father and son bedtime story.
CHAPTER SIX: Finding a Nanny (Colin)
We took the weekend off from searching for a suitable nanny, but when Monday morning came around, I hit the phone hard. There were several agencies online that offered referral services, and I contacted every one of them. Three hours later, I was still no closer to hiring a nanny than before. It seemed there was a rush on right now in my area. Unless I was willing to relocate someone halfway across the country, and pay all those related expenses, plus wait a month for them to give notice and make the move, they just couldn't help me.
The money part didn't bother me, but waiting a month was simply out of the question. I needed someone today, not next month.
I sat in the now empty house and tried to think of where to look next. Joshua had dropped Zane off at pre-school on his way to work, and we had arranged for him to stay after in their latch-key service program. That way, when Josh got off work, all he had to do was swing back by and pick him up on the way home.
Sometimes I think better when I'm busy doing something else, so I set to work going through the kitchen and making a list of what we still needed to get. We had done a little shopping Saturday, but Friday had taken a major toll on my back and we had to cut the shopping short to get me home and prone. Today was a bit better, and the physical therapist was due to stop by between two and four in the afternoon.
The Veteran's Administration had arranged for me to have two hours of physical therapy at home, three times a week. That was a start, but I was planning to ask for an upgrade to five days a week when they got there. I needed to get better fast, not slow.
I didn't want to get started working on another book quite yet as I still had some planning to do on the next one first. Plus, I just wasn't feeling it today. Not that I would let myself get by with that excuse normally, but for the next few days—or as long as it took—my main priority was finding a suitable nanny. As I still had some time to kill before the therapist got there, I decided to follow up on my close second priority and rang the sheriff's office.
"Travis County Sheriff, how may I direct your call?"
"Is Sheriff Green available? This is Colin Shepard calling."
The line went to that cheesy elevator music and then Gabe picked up. "Sheriff Green speaking."
"Hey, Gabe, it's Colin. I wanted to thank you again for being so helpful Friday," I paused. "But that’s not the real reason for my call."
"Your sister's case." He didn't frame it as a question. "I figured I'd be hearing from you soon about that. And actually, I'd like to pick your brain about it too. Maybe you can give us a clue as to what we might have missed. I understand the two of you were very close."
"As close as two people could be, Sheriff. I didn't have to search for my soulmate, I was born with one."
"Losing any family member is hard, but I can't even imagine how hard it would be to lose a twin. I wish I could tell you that we'd made big strides with finding Rebecca, but the truth is we haven't seen any progress at all."
"I'm busy this afternoon, well every afternoon if I can get the physical therapist to agree to upgrade my schedule, but my mornings are free. Are you available tomorrow? And would you want me to come in or would you feel more comfortable coming here?"
There was silence for a minute, and I could hear low talking in the background. "Yeah, I can have a deputy take over my schedule tomorrow and I'll come over there. I'm hoping maybe something in the house will clue us in. Something we missed before." Silence for a few beats. "That is if you don't mind me looking. It's not like I want to get a warrant or anything."
"You can search my underwear drawer if it'll help you find Becca. No secrets here, Gabe. I just want to bring her home." At his silence, I went on. "And no, I don't think she's alive, Sheriff. In fact, I know she isn't. It's a twin thing." What I didn't say was that Becca died while I was free falling from an airplane. I've wondered ever since if maybe we were supposed to go to the pearly gates together. If so, somehow, I cheated my fate.
We set it up for him to come over around eight after Josh and Zane had left for the day. He agreed to bring the case files for me to look over while he went through the house one more time. I was glad that Josh had been too preoccupied over the weekend to start packing up Becca's things. Her room still looked pretty much the same as she had left it.
I hated to admit it, but I was equally glad that the Sheriff would be able to see that Joshua and I weren't sharing a bedroom. I'm not exactly sure why that thought relieved me, but it did.
My physical therapy session wasn't pleasant, but when I was finished at least I felt a little more mobile. And sore. He'd only agreed to one additional day per week, stating that my body needed a day in between to rest and heal. My schedule was going to be Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. I'd take anything I could get. I figured I could always take a short walk or two on the off day.
Josh and Zane weren't due home until six, so I decided to add to my cool down by walking to the small corner grocery store a block away. I grabbed my list and my cane and off I went. There would be a limit as to how much I could buy, as I’d have to carry it home, but at least I could get the fixings to grill steaks and some veggies for the night's meal.
I really didn't want to get a mobility cart when I'd only need it for a few months. The thought of getting dependent on it worried me. And I also didn't want to get into the habit of driving to a store that was only a block's walk away. There lies the path of laziness and obesity.
It didn't take me long to pick up the few items I wanted and there was only one person in line ahead of me. Molly was running the register today. When I reached her, she gave me a b
ig smile.
"Hey, Mr. Shepard, welcome home. We missed ya." Then her smile faded. "I was so sorry to hear about Becca. Have they found out anything about what happened to her yet?"
"Not yet, but I know the Sheriff is doing his best. And thanks for the welcome home," I said, "It is good to be back." She rang up my few items and still no one was behind me in line.
"How have things been going for you?" I asked.
She shrugged, face solemn. "Same old, same old. Crazy roommates and not enough money for a place of my own." She gave me a small smile. "Don't suppose you know anyone with a room to rent, do you? Or needing a roommate?"
"Afraid not. I haven't been back long enough to plug into the neighborhood's pipeline. If I hear of anything, though, I'll let you know."
"Thanks, Mr. Shepard," she eyed my cane as someone stepped up behind me and started placing items on the counter. "You gonna be okay getting home?"
I nodded. "Getting stronger every day."
She gave me another one of her bright smiles and turned to the next person. Molly was a great kid that had had a rough time of it. Her parents had died when she was a teenager and she had been shuffled from one foster care home to another. Once she turned eighteen, the system kicked her out.
She hadn't been able to keep up with her school and work steady enough to pay her own way, so she wasn't able to graduate with the rest of her class. The store had hired her without a diploma, but no place else would. And minimum wage register work wasn't enough to get by on.
Molly had babysat with Zane for me and Becca a few times. They hit it off big time. Zane was crazy about her.
I hate to admit to being so slow, but I didn't put two and two together until we were eating dinner that night. Josh asked about my day and I thought to ask him if he knew anyone that would rent a room to a good kid.
Even then it wasn't me that came up with the answer. It was Zane.
He cocked his little blond-haired head at me. "Isn't a nanny kind of like a babysitter? And they live with you, right?"
All About Zane (Travis County Legal Book 1) Page 4
