by Blue Saffire
“Did you ever meet that Danny guy,” I ask John as curiosity takes roots.
“Yup, and yes, he looked like you too. Shit’s just weird,” John chuckles.
I turn and look over at Bean as she talks animatedly with Heather and Lucy. That’s the Bean I know. The annoyed, phony look from earlier is gone. Thank fuck, that douchebag is gone.
I dare to hope for a moment that my attraction to Bean could be mutual. She is so fucking gorgeous. My eyes drop to her lips and I can’t stop the thoughts that race through my mind. I shift in my seat.
I’m annoyed with myself. I should have gone after Bean a long time ago. If I would have admitted to myself back then that I was only dating copies of the one I really want, then I would have Bean by now. At least, I would if she’d actually go for me.
“Your problem is you have been thinking too much about it. I get why you backed off when she was seventeen, but you and Bean have had this thing since before either of you knew it. Stop thinking, Bro. Just go after her. That shit with that douche isn’t serious. She would drop his ass for you in a heartbeat,” John says in my ear. “Honestly, I think she’s with him to piss you off.”
I turn to look into eyes so similar to mine. I want to take my brother’s advice. I would call things off with Aria tonight, but what if he’s wrong? I could lose Bean in more ways than one. That kid is my world; whether we are in a romantic relationship or not.
I sigh and turn back to look over at Bean’s table. Braxton comes from wherever he has been lost and goes to take a seat, until his eyes follow where I’m staring off to. I flicker my eyes over to him and see his attention locked in on Heather. He stiffens and grumbles something under his breath. I know he is heading over there, so I grab my beer from the table and follow along.
As we approach the table Bean’s eyes look up at me and her smile falls. I pull a face at the sight and circle the stools to take the seat to her right. I nudge her with my shoulder and lean into her ear.
“What the hell was that,” I ask, as she fidgets a bit away from me.
My frown deepens as I watch this new reaction to me. Bean licks her lips and flicks her hair. A telltale sign that she is nervous. I’m getting pissed by the second. Things between us have always been so easy until recently.
“Nothing,” Bean laughs nervously before her eyes dart around the bar.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I growl. “What is he coming back? You think he is going to see you talking to me? So what, you’re not allowed to have friends anymore?”
I am fuming with each word. “Noah, it’s not like that. I just don’t want to get into it with Josh. His friends are here and I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea and start feeding him thoughts,” Bean says with a frown, the annoyance back in play on her face.
“That’s some bullshit and you know it. I’ve been your friend since we were kids. If he doesn’t like it, fuck him,” I clip, trying to hold my temper, when what I really want to do is grab her pretty face and kiss the shit out of her for all of Josh’s friends to see.
“It’s always so easy for you to say what you want and how you want it to be, Noah. For once, I’m asking you to just do something I’m asking you for, not what you want,” Bean snaps back at me.
My head whips back. “Wow,” I nod my head, then finish off my beer. “Good night, Bean.”
I see the pain in her eyes when I call her by her nickname. I’m probably the only person in her life that calls her by her real name. I’m boiling with so much rage that I ignore that shit and stand to leave. We’ve been having the same fight for weeks now.
“Noah,” Bean groans.
“No, you want your space, I’ll give it to you. When that motherfucker breaks your heart, then you know how to find me. I’m not going to watch this shit anymore,” I hiss as I pull my wallet and toss out a few bills. “Enjoy the rest of your night, on me.”
“Noah,” I hear Bean call after me, but I need to get the fuck out of here, before I say some shit I don’t mean or maybe something I really do.
~B~
Bean
Noah Black has been there for me all my life. He’s been there through my parents fighting, through me losing my other best friend, through my awkward years, and even times that I didn’t know I needed him. He knows things about me no one else does. So it is killing me right now to watch him be so angry with me. He would stop the world for me, he is that much of a friend.
Shit. Just great. My life sucks right now. I hate my jobs, my boyfriend is becoming so annoying, and the one friend I have other than my cousin Heather and my best friend that’s miles away, just stormed out of this bar. Fuck, I can’t wait for Nellie to get her ass off that plane tomorrow.
I miss my other best friend. She would be the one to talk some sense into me. I’m not sure what’s going on with Joshua and me anymore. At first, I thought dating him would get my mind off of Noah. I was growing tired of watching him with Aria. She just isn’t right for him. She is all about herself.
Noah is amazing and deserves so much better. I don’t get why he is still dating her. She was nice to me in the beginning, even though I still didn’t like her then. Now, whenever she is around, she gives me dirty looks. Whatever, I’m used to it, she wouldn’t be the first.
I think my problems with Joshua are partly my fault. I thought if Noah could see me cater to my man, he would see what he’s been missing. However, I have just spoiled the hell out of Josh and he is becoming a pain in my ass.
I mean I was flattered when Josh first asked me out. He was just a guy I thought was cute, that happened to work at the gym Heather and I go to. When he stopped me one day to ask me out I said yes.
Back then Josh was charming and sweet. I didn’t see that he was totally possessive. The jealousy he did show had been sort of flattering and sweet. Then Josh just took it to a whole another level after he met Noah. Now, I can’t sneeze without it being a problem. This relationship is becoming a problem. I hate this shit.
I don’t want to fight with Noah, but I know Josh’s minions are here and they are always starting some shit. I mean I can’t fucking breathe without one of them telling Joshua that I did something suspect. Joshua has his friends hang out at the bar I work at and they are always reporting my every move to him.
I don’t flirt, I have never been a flirt, but I am nice to the customers for my tips. My money has been so thin lately. I just don’t want to deal with the arguments. Honestly, I know that’s why I am still dating Joshua. I know it is going to be a huge fight if I try to break up with him.
That can’t happen. All seven Black brothers have been like overprotective brothers since we were kids. If I don’t handle this right with Joshua they will get involved and it will not be pretty. I just want some peace in my life for once. Noah would kill Josh if he knew the crap Josh has been putting me through recently and that is something I can’t have.
I stare at the door Noah disappears through. I should go after him, but that would just cause the scene I am trying to avoid in the first place. All I wanted was to come out and have a good time with my friends. I knew Josh had to work, so I didn’t even expect him to come by tonight.
Unfortunately for me, he showed up to my place just as I was leaving for the bar. I knew right then it was going to become a problem. Joshua didn’t hear me say I was going to the bar with Heather and the guys. He heard, I would be at the bar with Noah, plain and simple.
I shake my head. I know one of Joshua’s problems is that he is a slightly shorter, a little leaner, blue eyed version of Noah. I know, I know. I did this all to myself, but hell, I have my own reasons for it. I’m secretly in love with Noah and I tend to date guys that are a lot like him.
I whip my head in Heather’s direction as I hear a slap. I turn to find a smiling Braxton with a red hand print on his face. I shake my head again and roll my eyes. These two. My mess with Noah is one thing, but these two. I just can’t.
“I’m gone,” I grumble as I g
ather my things.
“No, don’t go. Please don’t leave me with these two,” Lucy glares at Heather and rolls her eyes at Braxton.
Braxton just smirks and leans to plant a kiss to the top of Lucy’s head. I shake my head again as Lucy gives me a pleading look. I really don’t want to go home alone. I even hate my little apartment right now. I have gone as far as thinking of moving back in with mom and dad. Shit, my life is sad.
Dad is a whole lot better these days, but those two are still going to kill each other, one day. My mom loves my dad beyond words. I know that’s why she stuck with him through the bad times, but those two are something else. My mom has never just taken my dad’s shit. I really must be losing it to want to live with them again.
“Ugh, Grr…I just can’t with you,” Heather hisses at Braxton as he pulls away from her ear. Heather jumps for her bar stool and stomps off in her heavy boots and skinny jeans.
My cousin can make anything look good on her. The baggy t-shirt she has on may distract you from her real curves, but her gorgeous face distracts you from her boyish clothes, so they sort of cancelled out. I know she has been dressing butch since high school, but anything looks good on Heather. She could be a supermodel; I have no doubts of that.
I stifle a giggle as Braxton follows right on her heels. I know she didn’t think it would be that easy to get rid of him. Only time Braxton is easy to get rid of, is when he is using another girl to taunt Heather. I roll my eyes at them again. I’m not in the mood to try to figure out what is really going on there. I have my own shit to figure out.
“You’re going to have to make a decision sooner or later,” Lucy says bringing me out of my own head.
I turn to look at her with furrowed brows. “What’s that,” I ask.
“It’s not right. To string people along when you have feelings for someone else,” Lucy replies looking deep into my eyes. “It hurts. To watch the one, you want and care about, want and care about someone else. You should make a choice.”
I shift in my seat feeling self-conscious. “I don’t think that is the problem with Noah and me,” I say as I smooth out the napkin in front of me.
Lucy bursts into laughter and throws her head back. “I was not talking about Noah. I have eyes, Bean. You are head over heels for Noah. Hell, Joshua has eyes too. Why do you think he gets so crazy? Why even bother with Josh when you know you want Noah?”
I just stare at Lucy for a bit. Heather and Lucy have been in a relationship off and on for years. Heather may bring other girls around, but she always comes back to Lucy. I stopped trying to figure my cousin and her love life out a long time ago.
I mean she has dated Lucy for years, but if you ever watch her around Braxton…. it’s just…it’s crazy. They have this chemistry that you can see, literally. If Heather weren’t gay, I think they would make the perfect couple. I don’t blame Braxton for always giving her shit. Their attraction is undeniable.
“What makes you stay with Heather,” I blurt out, not meaning to pry, but I have always wondered.
Lucy’s eyes drop to the table. I watch her look up and find Heather on the other side of the bar in a heated conversation with Braxton. Lucy wipes the corner for her eye. It is so quick that if I weren’t watching her closely I would have missed it.
Lucy shrugs. “We all have to make decisions. I know I’m not what she wants, but I can’t help hoping that one day she’ll wake up and change her mind. Right now, my decision is to keep living in the bubble. Either she is going to pop it for me or I’ll wake up and burst it myself,” Lucy says sadly.
Again, I stare at her trying to let her words sink in. Lucy has always been cool with me. We’ve just never talked about her relationship with my cousin. I’ve always been under the impression that it was Lucy that had commitment issues. Usually when she and Heather break up, it’s so Lucy can date someone else. I have always found it weird that they remain friends during the break ups. I just thought they had some weird threesome thing going on.
I go to ask Lucy more, but my cell phone goes off. I look down to see that it is Joshua. I roll my eyes, but pick up the phone to answer. I slide the phone open and hold up a finger to Lucy, to let her know I’m going to take this outside really quickly.
“Hold on, Babe,” I call into the phone.
“Hurry up,” Joshua barks into the phone, causing me to frown.
“What’s wrong with you,” I ask as I step out of the bar while rolling my eyes at my phone.
“What’s wrong with me is the fact that you have no respect for me or what I say to you,” Joshua snarls into the phone.
I groan inwardly and stomp my feet. I pull my phone from my ear and mouth, Bitch, at it. I knew that incident with Noah was going to be an issue. I’m so sick of this. I shouldn’t have to go through this. I have never done anything to make Josh act like this.
“Josh, I’m going home. If you want to call me after work to make sure I’m there, you are welcome to. I’m tired and this is not the fun night I thought it would be,” I sigh and rub my forehead.
“I’ll call Dean. I want him to drive you home. I’ll come by after work. This isn’t over,” Joshua bites out and hangs up.
I know this only went so smoothly because he should be working his late night shift as a bouncer. Again, I question why am I still in this relationship. Something has to change.
CHAPTER SIX
The Wrong One
Noah
I didn’t get much sleep last night. I hate the way things ended with Bean, but I really can’t do this shit anymore. As long as she is dating that douchebag, I’m ghost. I’ve ended relationship after relationship because I have never been willing to give Bean up for a jealous girlfriend. Aria and I have been at odds over this very thing. I can’t believe Bean is so willing to give up on me.
That shit hurts more than I’m willing to admit. I was happy to get a call from my dad to run down a bounty early this morning. I don’t know if the office is busy this morning, but I would rather be out by myself with my thoughts than in the office around my brothers and their banter. I just need some time to think.
Shit, I even thought about calling Aria and seeing if we can work things out. Make up sex would be just what I need to blow off some steam. In the end, I decided that I’m tired of substituting for what I really want. If I can’t have Rebecca, I’d just rather be alone right now. I’m twenty-nine, I’m getting tired of relationships that I know aren’t going anywhere. It is one thing to lie to others, but I’m tired of lying to myself. I know what I want. I need to break this off with Aria once and for all. This last argument we had was the nail in the coffin. I’m done.
“This is bullshit,” I grumble to myself as I pull into the parking garage of Black and Lock, the high end private investigation and Bounty hunting firm my family owns.
I processed the idiot I picked up this morning. People like to underestimate me because I’m big as fuck. They think I’m slow and can’t run. I clocked five point two in a forty-yard dash in high school. That fucker wasn’t getting away from me.
I would usually be talking to Bean as I drive into the office after finishing up paperwork. Sometimes, I even stop by her place for breakfast. My whole day just feels off without our morning routine.
I see Wyatt heading for his truck and I jump out of my Hummer. I stroll over to Wyatt and pull him into a bear hug. I love my big brother. I’d do anything for him, but right now I need the familiarity of his hug more than he knows. Wyatt and I are close; we are the oldest of seven boys. The two of us are only ten months apart. People used to think we were twins.
We still look a lot alike. If it weren’t for the weight and height, me being three-fifty at six-five and Wyatt being about two-fifty at six-three, our biggest difference would be in the way we wear our hair. I wear my long mass of waves in a man bun most days and I almost always have a neatly trimmed beard on my face. Wyatt keeps his face clean shaven and his hair has this wave thing going on in the front, a big difference for
the near buzz cut he used to sport.
“Where you headed,” I grumble as I release Wyatt and take a step back.
“Actually, what are you up to? I’m headed to the airport to pick up Rob’s niece. You know her don’t you?” Wyatt asks, looking up at me hopefully.
I smile and nod as I think of Nellie. I almost forgot she was coming into town. Bean has been excited since Nellie has been talking about coming for a visit. I love that kid and miss her. “Sure, I’ll come with you. I forget you don’t really know Nellie like the rest of us. Rebecca misses the hell out of that girl,” I say and start to round Wyatt’s truck to get in.
“So she and Bean were close?” Wyatt asks as he hops in and pull out of the parking spot.
“Almost as close as Bean and I are. I almost forgot she was coming. Things have been crazy,” I sigh as I think of the state of my relationship with Bean.
“What’s going on?” Wyatt asks, sounding concerned.
I shrug, not really wanting to get into this right now. I just need a break from my thoughts of Bean. “Bean shit,” I huff.
“Yeah, I noticed you two haven’t been attached at the hip lately,” Wyatt says reflectively.
I don’t respond, hoping that Wyatt will just let it go. Yeah, it was damn out of character for Bean not to sit and drink with us last night. It has been a week since she and I have hung out. Bean and I have never spent this much time apart while being in the same state.
I should know that my brother isn’t going to just let this go. When I don’t reply, he pushes a little. “What’s up with that?” Wyatt asks.
I huff and shift in my seat. This is uncomfortable for me to talk about. As far as my family is concerned, I am still denying my feelings for Bean.
“She has a boyfriend. I don’t like him, so we haven’t been talking,” I finally relent and run a hand through the front of my hair.
“That sucks,” Wyatt mumbles.
I’m happy when Wyatt falls silent in his own thoughts. I really don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’ve been thinking about taking off for a while. I haven’t taken a vacation in forever. I mean I love my job, so I haven’t really thought to take time off until now. I need a break from it all.
