by Shandi Boyes
But since I no longer have the strength to fight or argue, I just nod my head. I am still riddled with what I know now is morning sickness and I feel overwhelmed by fatigue.
“Your flight leaves in an hour” she informs as she hands me a printed out voucher for a prepaid flight. When I look down at the date, I notice that the ticket was printed even before I found Nick kissing another girl.
“A taxi has been organised to drive you to the airport” she continues before she runs her eyes briefly over my face and steps out of my car.
Not long later, a taxi arrives at the front of my parent’s property. I hop out of my car and collect the suitcase I placed into my boot earlier. The taxi driver moves towards me and assists with my overstuffed baggage. Just as I am about to step in the back of the taxi, I turn my eyes to look back towards my house, where I notice the figure of my dad standing in his office window. I love my dad, but I am too hurt for being lied to for years to even say goodbye to him right now.
The instant I arrive at the airport; my phone starts to be inundated with calls from Nick. I continue to hit decline on his calls, until I eventually shut down my phone and board my flight.
****
Call me a sucker for punishment, but the instant I dis-board the plane in New York, I turn my phone back on. It advises that I had missed several calls from Nick, but I am surprised to notice that I only have one voicemail message.
“Hey baby, I hope you are feeling better today. Give me a call if you are well enough and you want to go out. Actually, just call me” he chuckles.
“I love you Jen” he continues nervously before he disconnects the call. My heart soars when I hear Nick telling me that he loves me, and my stomach swirls that I go bolting towards the bathrooms.
****
Miserable. That is the only word I can describe how I am feeling right now. I left home two days ago and I haven’t heard or seen anything from Nick that whole time. I had started to wonder if he realised why I was sick on Thursday. I guess when you start placing all the pieces of the puzzle together it isn’t that hard to workout. I hate to admit it, but I think what my mom said was true. The instant Nick had an inkling I was pregnant, he ran. To start with I couldn’t stop crying. I just cried and slept all day Saturday. By Sunday, I was so angry. I wanted to yell at Nick and tell him to grow up. I hadn’t planned on having a baby so young either, but I don’t have the option of running like he did.
By Monday, denial hit. I figured it was easier to not think about anything. Baby, what baby? Nick? Nick who? That was my motto for the day. I went about my day as if it was any other normal Monday. I had brunch at the corner café, I went grocery shopping and I worked on the design for Emily’s wedding dress. She had given me a few pointers, but I had free reign with the overall design. I had become that emerged in drawing up different styles that I had completely forgotten all the dilemmas of the weekend when I heard someone knocking on my door.
I jumped up from my drawing desk and quickly made my way to the entrance of my apartment. My head only getting slightly dizzy from my sudden movements. When I opened the door, Christian was standing behind it smiling brightly while waggling his eyebrows, holding several paper bags in his arms.
“I heard you were back in town early” he informs as he walks in and heads straight to my kitchen.
I don’t know who would have informed him I was home early? I closed my front door and followed after him.
“Curry chicken or sweet and sour?” he questions as he starts pulling grocery items out of the bag.
As soon as he mentioned chicken, my stomach swirls. I have been living off gram crackers and lemonade the past few days as it is the only thing that stays down. When he notices that I remain silent, he turns to face me.
“Have you already eaten?” he questions as his eyes flick to the clock on the wall that displays it is only five pm.
When I shake my head, he questions me again. I end up saying curry chicken with a hope that I will be able to handle eating the plain rice on the side. He smiles and starts preparing everything as I move back towards my drawing board to pack away my pencils and sketches. I currently have three designs that are nearly ready to show Emily. With her body type she could easily wear any type of dress, but I want to give her a good selection. She is only going to get married once and I want her to have a dress that I know she will love.
When the smell of curry filters into the room, I am surprised that my stomach doesn’t protest about the smell. It actually grumbles. I follow the delicious aromas into the kitchen and watch as Christian moves around my small kitchen with ease. It is funny seeing all the different sides of Christian that no one else gets to see. He is actually pretty funny and he is a good cook. He cares deeply for his friends and will always have your back if you need him. He is just one of the world’s biggest players. He thinks it is his duty to pleasure as many women as possible with his ‘gift’. No, I am not the one that thinks that. He has quoted that exact phrase to me many times before.
He turns to face me and chuckles softly. My eyebrows pull together tightly and my eyes dart down to look at what he could be possibly laughing at. I am wearing a button up cotton dress and a pair of boots. All my buttons are done up, I don’t have anything spilled down the front of me, so I have no clue what he could find so funny. When my confused eyes lift to look back at him, he is still smiling brightly while lightly shaking his head. He walks over towards me and runs his thumb over my nose.
“You have charcoal smeared all over you face” he chuckles as he continues wiping my face gently. I had got a little excited with my designs that I sketched Noah standing next to Emily in a black suit. I wanted to ensure she was able to see the complete picture. It was nice to focus on something other than my broken heart.
“There you go, perfect.” he whispers as his hazel eyes stare into mine.
He keeps his hand cupped around my cheek, his eyes slowly roaming over my face. My eyes dart between his, confused and another feeling I can’t quiet work out. When he lowers down his mouth and places his warm lips against mine, I freeze. His tongue licks the seam of my stern lips and I am surprised with myself when my mouth involuntarily opens to accept his kiss. The instant my lips part, his kiss becomes needier and quicker paced. He runs his fingers through my hair, before grabbing it tightly to pull me in closer to his mouth. The minty freshness of his breath eases the swirling protest of my stomach.
Flashes of Nick kissing and caressing me starts to play in my mind. I can’t do this, even though I am hurting right now. Two wrongs won’t make a right. I attempt to pull away from Christian’s embrace when the sound of something smashing echoes through my apartment.
When Christian hastily removes his lips from mine, the first thing I notice is that the vase and flowers that are normally on my entrance table are scattered and smashed all over the floor. When I turn towards the entrance of my apartment, I spot the furious face of Nick. His jaw is ticking in anger and he has his fists clenched. Nick looks prepared to charge, that I quickly move off the bar stool and place myself between Christian and Nick. When Nick notices that I have moved myself in a position to protect Christian, he shakes his head angrily while his hurt eyes stare directly at me.
“I’m sorry” I whisper as my eyes burn from the fast rush of moisture to them. Nick storms out of my apartment, slamming the door that hard the photo frames on my mantel toppled over.
Christian steps in front of me, his eyes slowly roaming over my face, before he lifts his hand to rub away the tears that are streaming down.
“Please go” I request, moving away from his touch.
“Jen” He whispers tormentedly.
“Leave Christian” I instruct firmly as I make my way into the kitchen and angrily scrap all of the half cooked food into the waste bin. Dumping the saucepans noisily into the kitchen sink, not even concerned that I broke a glass.
I should be happy that Nick got to experience the feeling I felt three days ago. But I don’t
feel happy, I feel terrible and spiteful. The look on his face is going to haunt me forever.
Chapter 30
Nick
Don’t ever fall in love. If you do, you heart will be ripped out your chest and fucking stomped on. The pain isn’t worth it. I would rather stay alone for the rest of my life than feel what I felt when I saw Jenni kissing Christian ever again. The first thing I did when I was finally granted bail was catch the first plane to New York. The smell of curry was filtering through the air when I walked into her apartment. My first thought was that I was glad Jenni was well enough to be able to eat real food again.
I rounded the corner and noticed Christian leaning in to Jenni, pressing his lips against hers. I froze, waiting for her to pull away. When I saw that she accepted his kiss, my heart broke. I grabbed the first thing I could get a hold off and sent it hurtling across the room. The vase shattered on impact as it hit the wall just to the side of Christian’s head.
Jenni appeared surprised to see me standing in her entrance way. Christian smirked and arrogantly winked like he was pleased about what I had just witnessed, forcing my anger to reach breaking point. Just as I was about to charge towards Christian, Jenni placed herself in front of him, like she was protecting him. If she should be protecting anyone it should be me. My eyes roamed over her beautiful face, making sure every detail was memorised correctly.
When she apologized through tear filled eyes, I stormed out of her apartment, slamming the door behind me. The elevator was taking too long that I ended up running down the stairwell. It was only once I reached the foyer did the anger of what I just seen start to become unleashed. I threw punch after punch against the concrete wall in the stairwell. My knuckles bleeding and swollen by the time I had finished my angry outburst. I walked into the foyer and took a taxi straight to the closest bar. I didn’t plan on just drowning my sorrows, I planned on finding the first girl I could to make me forgot about the little blonde firecracker that just tore my heart in two.
Now, four weeks later, I have to spend the weekend with the girl that brought me to my knees. After my outburst in the band meeting four weeks ago, Noah had continually questioned me about who I was in love with. It was getting that bad, I wanted to scream at him to leave me the fuck alone. I tried giving every pathetic excuse I could find to get out of going to this stupid band event, but Noah wouldn’t buy any of them. He said it was the last hurrah before things got crazy busy. A chance for us all to have a little down time. For the band to form a closer bond before we are thrown into the spotlight. I more saw it as a weekend that is going to crack my heart more, to shatter my soul and to make me wish I had never fallen in love.
Jenni had called me earlier today. She heard our song ‘Hollow’ being played over the radio for the first time. She told me she was proud of me and that she knew we would always achieve the success we were aiming for. I remained quiet and didn’t respond. Her kind words felt like she was pushing the knife further into my chest. I nearly crumbled when I heard her sobs coming down the line, but I was too angry that I remained quiet until she eventually disconnected the call.
I asked Noah if he could drive my truck to the cabin as I have every intention of being drunk the entire weekend. My composure was calm and confident, until I spotted Jenni’s blue car pulling into the carpark. I quickly grabbed the case of beer out of the back of my truck and bolted into the large wooden cabin Noah had hired for the weekend.
After I had finished placing all of the beers into the fridge, Jenni rounded the corner. She stops frozen in place as her eyes slowly roam over my body. She is still gorgeous, although she looks like she has lost a few pounds from her already petite frame. Her cheeks get a slight pink hue, before she darts towards the kitchen sink. She picks up a glass from the kitchen rack and fills it with water. I noticed that her hands shake as she takes large gulps out of the glass.
“Are you okay?” I question roughly, concerned she seems so rattled.
Her head turns from the sink and she looks at me. While giving me a sad smile, she quickly nods her head.
“Alright” I mumble. I grab a bottle of warm beer out of the fridge and make my way to the large covered entertaining area near the infinity pool. The warm beer tastes like shit as it slides down my throat, but it is the only alcoholic drink I had brought with me, so it will have to do.
Not long later, Slater, Marcus and Nicole arrive. I nearly fall over backwards when Slater introduces me to a girl named Kylie. It wasn’t the fact that he brought a date for our weekend getaway that had me stumbling, it was the fact that he called her his girlfriend. This is the first girlfriend Slater has had since Nikki.
“Nice to meet you” I reply, while accepting her hand to shake. I give her my normal trademark smirk that normally gets the girls all flustered and I’m pleased to see she doesn’t even notice it.
When I turn away from Kylie, I notice Jenni standing to my side. She had seen me smiling at Kylie and she looks pissed. Welcome to my life kiddo, heart break and jealously. It’s a cruel fucking world. Jenni keeps her distance from me the rest of the afternoon and as my beers start to chill, I start to enjoy them more regularly. By the time we all sit around the table to eat Noah’s half burnt burgers and hotdogs, I have quite a few beers already under my belt.
I continued chugging down my beer while trying my hardest to participate in the conversation that is being held around the table. But no matter how much I try not to, my eyes continually flick to look at Jenni. She has hardly eaten anything on her plate and only sipped on a glass of lemonade, denying Kylie and Nicole’s offers of a glass of wine. She looks pale and her eyes don’t shine as bright as normal. When she notices that I am watching her, she lifts her sad eyes and offers me a small smile. I pass her my plate of fries that I hadn’t touched. Anytime we had ever eaten out she would always devour them before anything else. She smiles as she accepts my plate and I can’t help but smile back when she demolishes the entire serve.
A short time later, I was talking to Marcus when I noticed in the corner of my eye Jenni darting inside the cabin. She is as white as a ghost and had her hand covering her mouth. I excused myself from the table while quickly making my way inside. I end up finding Jenni in the main bathroom. Her back bending harshly as she vomits into the toilet bowl. I flick on the bathroom light and exhaust fan as I move towards the sink to wet a washer for her.
“I’m fine, just leave me” she whispers weakly, before she continues to vomit. She may have ripped my heart out, but I can’t walk away from her while she is sick. I move towards her and gently rub her back in a circular motion, noticing a small gathering of goose bumps forms on the back of her neck from my touch.
“Is it still the same bug or a new one?” I question concerned. She was sick like this last month and if it is the same sickness, I think she needs to seek medical attention.
Jenni’s head darts up from the toilet bowl, her eyes staring at mine confused.
“You don’t know” she whispers roughly.
“Know what?” I reply as I move towards her and use the wash cloth to remove a small section of vomit she has on her chin. Her eyes watch my every movement and slowly fill with tears. My eyes stare into hers trying to work out what she thought I knew.
Oh my god. Oh. My. Fucking. God. I stumble backwards until my back hits the bathroom sink.
“Your pregnant?” I half question, half inform. My heart is racing and my own stomach is swirling in protest. Jenni gently nods her head as small tears drip down her face.
“Is it mine?” I ask dazed. Her eyes narrow and her lips thin. She jumps up off the floor and appears to be overcome with dizziness as she stumbles her way out of the bathroom. I let out a groan of frustration before I angrily make my way after her. I find her in one of the rooms at the back of the house, stuffing her clothes into a small overnight bag.
“Is it mine?” I question again angrily. Her hands freeze and she slowly turns to face me. The hurt and anger clearly marked all over her fac
e.
“Who else would it belong too?” she answers through gritted teeth.
“Christian” I instantly reply. I have to dart to the side to miss the shoe Jenni threw at my head. When she notices the first one missed its mark, she throws another one hitting me in the shoulder.
“You’re an asshole” she mumbles angrily while the tears continue to stream down her face.
“I saw you fucking kissing him, yet I’m the asshole” I yell in frustration, before making my way towards her.
She continues to move throughout the room, grabbing her belongings and placing them into her bag. I don’t know what hurts more, the fact that she kissed Christian or that I may never see her again when she leaves this room. When she moves past me, I grab a hold of her wrist gently, halting her hasty movements. Her tear stained face turns to look at me.
“There wasn’t supposed to be anyone else, it was supposed to be just you and me” I whisper angrily.
“I know that” she declares shakily. “I’m sorry” she chokes as her beautiful sad eyes stare directly at me, drawing me back in, forcing my heart to overrule my head. I still love her, even after everything she did.
