Is he—
CHRIS
No. He's not retarded. He's just dumb, is all. He can talk and walk like the rest of us. It just means he laughs at jokes after everyone's over it and forgets people's names.
They enter CHRIS's house. DEE follows him in, attentive, watching his every move. CHRIS takes off his jacket, drops his backpack on the floor. He exits towards a kitchen. The sound of the freezer being opened.
(from offstage) Hey… I'd offer you something to eat but… Dad and I are getting groceries tonight.
He re-enters with a bag of ice.
Here. Put it here.
He places the ice on DEE's nose.
Pause.
Over there. (gesturing to the side of the house) That's my dad's garage. My dad's really good with his hands. He collects shopping carts at Emerald Isles during the day. And at night he tinkers in here until he has to sleep. His fingers are thick as sausages and they're rough and black. I help him out sometimes.
(a picture) This is me and him in Vegas last year. I won a trip with 93.5 and I couldn't think of anyone else I would go with. Man, was Anna pissed. She was even in the car with me when I dialed in and guessed Jay-Z's song. So I guess she thought she'd be going. She said it would be a waste because he wouldn't remember. I fucking hate it when she thinks he's that dumb. We had a blast, though. Some hooker wanted him to cup her tits and he was laughing like a hyena. I'll never forget how hard it was not to pee my pants. Fuck. I had a picture of her grabbing my dad's hands. Where is it? Shit. I can't find it. I'll find it and show it to you. Seriously. It's fucking hilarious.
He laughs for a bit then looks at DEE.
What?
DEE
What?
CHRIS
You think my dad's a retard.
DEE
No.
CHRIS
Seriously?
DEE
Seriously.
CHRIS
So what's on your mind? You're so quiet all the time.
Pause. CHRIS runs his finger along DEE's hairline.
I keep looking at you in class. What's going on in there?
Pause.
DEE
I should go.
CHRIS
I think your nose stopped bleeding. You can take that off now.
DEE
I really should go.
She exits.
Scene 8
Lights change. Girls' bathroom. DEE is suddenly pushed to the wall by ANNA. Her friends MARY and KAYE stand guard.
ANNA
What the fuck were you doing with Chris?
DEE
What?!
ANNA
(slams her against the wall again) WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING WITH MY BOYFRIEND?!
Pause.
Don't fuck with me! I know you were with him.
DEE
No. I wasn't.
ANNA backhands DEE's face.
ANNA
Liar! Jessica saw you. Rina saw you. Everyone saw you together, holding each other on the bus. You slut!
DEE
We were just on the bus together. That's all!
ANNA
Bullshit!
MARY
(standing by the door) Hurry up, Anna.
KAYE
Shit. Keep it quiet. Everyone can hear us outside.
DEE
That's all! I swear!
ANNA
Bullshit!
DEE
I swear to God! I didn't do anything with him.
ANNA
Everyone saw you! Saw you and Chris! Saw you walking together to his house!
She kicks DEE in the stomach and DEE falls to the ground.
MARY
Shit! Hurry up, Anna!
KAYE
You fucking slut!
ANNA
You whore!
She drags DEE to the toilet, takes a fistful of water and splashes it on DEE's face.
KAYE
You deserve it.
DEE
Please, no! Please let me go!
She attempts to get up but ANNA pushes her to the ground.
ANNA
I knew it!
DEE
He just showed me pictures of his dad.
ANNA
Give me a fucking break. You think I'd believe he was showing you photos of his fucking retarded dad?
Pause.
That's it. You bitch. You fuck with my boyfriend, you lie to me, you lie to my face.
Pause.
Kaye, give me your lighter.
KAYE
What?
ANNA
Give me your fucking lighter. I'm going to burn the shit out of her! Rule #12: Never ever steal another girl's boyfriend.
She slams DEE into the floor.
KAYE
Shit!
MARY
ANNA, no!
ANNA
Shut the fuck up, Mary! Kaye, give me your fucking lighter.
DEE
Please!
ANNA
Shut the fuck up!
MARY
This is fucked up. Kaye, don't give it to her.
ANNA
Give it to me!
KAYE
I don't have it!
DEE vomits into the toilet. Pause. MARY begins to cry like a little girl.
ANNA
Give me a fucking break! Kaye, give me your lighter.
KAYE begins to cry.
KAYE
No.
DEE begins to cry. DEE, KAYE and MARY cry in an orchestra of sad wails and whimpers.
MARY
I'm leaving. Kaye, come on.
MARY and kay leave.
DEE
(whispering, in pain) I never saw him on the bus before.
ANNA
What did you say?
DEE
I never saw him on the bus. I take that bus every day and I never saw him before. Please believe me. I never. I never did anything.
The school bell rings.
ANNA
Rule #8.
Never be the third anything.
Good things come in twos.
Bad things happen in threes.
Especially when you're the other girl.
And when the shit hits the fan, never be the third man in to break up the fight.
Or watch a fight unless you've been invited.
But a scream from the washroom,
A bleeding nose,
A slammed locker,
Is not an invitation.
You walk,
Keep walking,
You heard nothing,
You know nothing,
You tell no one.
ANNA runs for cover.
Scene 9
Lights change. DEE's bedroom.
Bent over and in pain she crawls into her bed and puts a cover over herself.
ROSE
(from offstage) DEE?
Silence.
DEE? Are you all right?
DEE
(to ROSE) Yes. (under her breath) Go away.
ROSE
Dee? Please open the door. Teresacalled and asked about you.
DEE
(under her breath) God, why did that happen to me? They pushed me into a washroom and beat me up.
ROSE
Dee? Come out now.
DEE
(under her breath) They almost set me on fire. They almost set me on fire.
ROSE
Do you want to talk? Why don't you open the door? I want to see you.
&
nbsp; DEE
(under her breath) I'm okay now. I'm okay. God, please don't let that happen to me. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm a good person. I know I shouldn't have thought about those things. I've learned my lesson. I won't imagine those things again. I promise. Please don't let that happen ever again.
ROSE
What did you say? Dee?
DEE
(to ROSE) I'm okay, Mom.
ROSE
Okay. Come downstairs. Okay?
DEE
(under her breath) I'm not going. I'm not going anywhere.
Scene 10
A sting of music. SISTER GRACE enters. She looks at the audience, disgusted; sees lust everywhere.
Family Life class. SISTER GRACE places a transparency on a projector. We see a flow chart titled "Excuses Your Boyfriend May Give You for Having Sex and Arguments Against It." Several caricatures illustrate a horny teenage boy and a wholesome young girl.
SISTER GRACE
"Excuses Your Boyfriend May Give You for Having Sex and Arguments Against It."
#1: "Baby, let's get it on. I heard it's really great exercise." But in actual fact, sexual penetration only burns one hundred calories.
Suppressed laughter among the STUDENTS.
STUDENT #I
Sister Grace, I don't get it.
SISTER GRACE
What don't you get?
STUDENT #I
I mean… you burn one hundred calories just with penetration?
SISTER GRACE
Yes.
STUDENT #I
What about everything else?
SISTER GRACE
What else?
STUDENT #I
Like the kissing and touching beforehand. What kind of sex only burns one hundred calories?
SISTER GRACE
The kind of sex that creates a child.
Another sting of music.
Scene 11
Lights change. The bus stop. CHRIS enters fast and furious and heads straight to DEE.
CHRIS
Hey!
The bus approaches. DEE sees him and panics. She runs onto the bus, trying to get away from him. CHRIS gets onto the bus and DEE tries to escape him among the crowd.
DEE! Where are you going? I finally found the picture of my dad and the hooker.
DEE
Get away from me.
She rings the bell before the bus even leaves the current stop.
CHRIS
Don't worry. She's got her clothes on! (He laughs.)
DEE
This is my stop. Please. (She rings the bell furiously.) Let me off! Please.
CHRIS
Dee! What's up? What's wrong?
DEE gets off the bus and begins to walk away from him.
DEE
Go away! (CHRIS catches up to her and grabs her arm.) Ow!
He sees her bruised face.
CHRIS
What the fuck?
Pause.
Who did this to you?
DEE
No one. Go away. Please. I'm going to get into a lot of trouble.
Pause.
CHRIS
I'm going to kill her. I can't believe this.
DEE
No. Don't do anything. She's going to—please. Just go away. Please.
CHRIS
I'm going to kill her.
DEE
No! Please!
CHRIS
Look at me. Look at me. She's not going to do that to you ever again.
DEE
Yes she is. She will if you keep talking to me.
She escapes his grip and runs away crying.
Scene 12
ANNA's house, night. ANNA sits in her robe watching a talk show. CHRIS enters.
ANNA
My dad's got his night shift tonight.
She takes off her robe to reveal a cotton nightgown. She gets a can of cola and starts to drink it while watching the TV show.
CHRIS
What did you do to her?
ANNA
So you can stay if you like.
CHRIS
What did you do to her?
ANNA
What did I do to who?
Long pause. CHRIS suddenly lashes out at ANNA and pins her to the couch.
What the fuck!
CHRIS
I said: What did you do to her?
ANNA
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
CHRIS
Everyone knows, Anna. I couldn't believe it. Then I saw her face. I saw what you did to Dee. Her face was fucked up, man. You fucking… how could you do that to her?
ANNA
She deserved it. You feel sorry for her? You feel sorry for that slut?
CHRIS
Shut the fuck up!
ANNA
You want her? You want that bitch?
CHRIS
Shut the fuck up!
CHRIS loosens his grip on her.
ANNA
Everyone saw you talking to her.
CHRIS
You listen to me. You lay one finger on her and I will burn you myself. do you hear me!?
She begins to sob, deep and uncontrolled.
ANNA
I'm sorry.
CHRIS
Don't touch me. I'm leaving.
He moves to the door.
ANNA
No! Come back! Chris! Come back! I love you so much. I love you. Please. I'm nothing without you. Please. Please. Please come back. I love you.
She manages to grab hold of him and whispers into his face.
Remember when we went to Wonderland last summer for Canada Day? The fireworks were going off right above our heads. And I meant it, what I said. I'm yours. All of me.
She puts his hands around her waist. He moves away. She hangs onto his legs as he exits.
Please. Please. Please come back. I need you. I love you. I can't live without you.
CHRIS
Get off of me.
ANNA
CHRIS, feel me here.
She fumbles with her bra and awkwardly stuffs his hands inside the cup.
Touch me. You love me. You want me. I can feel it in your hands.
Long pause.
CHRIS
You're pathetic, you know that? I can't look at you.
He exits.
Scene 13
Lights change. The side of a road. JON, CHRIS's friend, enters with booster cables.
JON
Wake up, loser.
JON tosses the cables at CHRIS.
This ain't the way to live, bro.
CHRIS
Yeah.
CHRIS begins to hook up a car to their tow truck.
JON
I fucking hate it when they come back for their cars. "I didn't see the sign. I don't know why you towed it." What is forty dollars to them? Really? Watch the hitch, dude. Anyway… this isn't going to last forever. I was talking to Ben the other day and we have it all lined up.
Pause.
Chris?
CHRIS
Yup, of course.
JON
I said, we have it all lined up.
CHRIS
I know.
JON
Anyway… We're going to start a business. I wanna call it Noyzy Naybahz.
CHRIS
Noisy what?
JON
Noyzy… but spelled n-o-y… you know… like a gangsta would spell it.
CHRIS
Okay.
JON
We would make million
s off of those homies who want noisy cars. You know, like over at Malvern? They're always in the parking lot of the Town Centre revving their engines. Ben tells me it's just a few holes in their muffler and those fucking homeboys are all over it. That's where the money is at. Not towing. Not in shopping-cart collecting like your dad.
CHRIS
Back off.
JON
Just joking, you pussy. Now let's tow this mofo and get going.
CHRIS
Where?
JON
It's Friday, dude. Everywhere. We're gonna be everywhere.
Pause.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
CHRIS
I'd better go—
JON
Go where? Home? To Anna? She's got you on a fucking leash, doesn't she?
CHRIS
No.
JON
No?
CHRIS
No!
JON
You gotta stop looking at her tits and wear the pants, dude. Otherwise they think they can control you. Seriously. How do you think I got Sarah to stop her whining?
Pause.
You know what she loves? She loves it when we argue. There's nothing like a hot woman shouting at you. Next thing she knows, I'm slamming her against the wall. It's like we're angry and horny at the same time. Nothing like it.
CHRIS
I still have to go.
JON
Listen, faggot. You gotta live a little. I already told Gord and Barry that you were coming. You're not going to pussy out on me, are you?
CHRIS
I don't have my—
JON
I'll get you in. They won't even notice you're just a kid when you're around us guys. Not like they even care. Stop frowning, for God's sake. Now, you're not going to let me down, are you?
CHRIS
No, no—
JON
Then get in the fucking truck. Let's go.
Lights change. A strip club. Everyone and everything is moving in slow motion. Sexy, dirty, wrong. JON slowly untucks his shirt until it goes below his hips. He is in a candy store. CHRIS is uneasy, disoriented, turned on, turned off. There are bums, breasts, legs everywhere. Two strippers do a mock boxing match in bikinis.
I think she likes you.
CHRIS
I don't have any money—
JON
Jesus! Don't say that until they've felt you up. Stop frowning. God.
CHRIS
Okay. Okay.
A stripper in a kilt enters. CHRIS's interest is piqued.
ANNOUNCER
Gentlemen, give a warm welcome to Little Lolita.
Applause.
LOLITA begins to dance seductively, focusing on CHRIS, seeing a big fat tip in the works. He is transfixed. She begins to take off her tie, then her shirt. She throws them at CHRIS. She begins to take off her kilt, readying herself for a lap dance.
Kilt Pins Page 3
