by E A Chance
“I know you’re not asleep,” Julia finally said, softly. “Why won’t you talk to me? Are you mad at me? What did I do?”
Without turning to face her, her mom mumbled, “I’m not mad at you, sweetheart. I love you. I’m suffering over Hannah and all the rest of the stuff we’ve been through. I just don’t have the strength to cope. I need more time, but it has nothing to do with you.”
Nothing has anything to do with me anymore, Julia thought. It was like Hannah had been her daughter and she loved her more.
“Coop and I found the perfect truck today. It’s not very old and so much better than the one you crashed. We found gas, too, enough to get to the ranch. Coop says we’re leaving in the morning.”
“Oh, Coop says? He’s in charge now? We all have to just do what he says?”
“Someone has to be in charge.”
Riley rolled to face her. “I’m not leaving until I’m ready. I need time to grieve.”
“Coop says we’ll have time to grieve when we’re safe at the ranch. He says, for now, we have to focus on getting to our destination.”
Her mom sat up and glared at her. “Coop can do whatever he wants. We’re staying.”
Julia hopped off the bed. “I’m going. I’d rather be with Coop than you. Stay here and rot with Hannah.”
“You can’t talk to me that way! Coop is nothing to you. We didn’t even know him three weeks ago. I’m your mother. You have to do what I say.”
“Coops cares about what happens to me. You’re the one who’s nothing to me. I might as well not exist.”
Riley stood and leaned her face an inch from Julia’s. “How dare you say that after all I’ve done for you? Ungrateful little snit.”
“I should have left you by that tree. You’re so selfish, and I hate you. I should go jump in the river to get your attention. Maybe then you’ll remember I’m the one who’s your daughter, not Hannah!”
She heard herself screaming the words, but it felt like they were coming from someone else. She’d never raised her voice at her mother in her whole life. Shaking with rage, she turned and stormed out of the cabin, leaving her mother staring open-mouthed behind her.
She brushed past Coop, who was carrying a jug of water in each hand. “Julia, what’s wrong?” he asked, as she raced up the stairs to her cabin.
“Nothing. Leave me alone!” she yelled and slammed the door.
Riley stood motionless in her cabin, reminding herself to breathe. She felt like she’d jumped into the frozen river herself and had the air ripped out of her body.
Coop bounded up the steps and put down the water. He stared for several seconds before saying, “So, Julia seemed pretty upset. Did you two have an argument?”
Riley dropped on the bed and covered her face with her hands. “She said horrible things to me, Coop, but nothing I don’t deserve.”
Coop sat next to her and rubbed her back while she told what Julia said.
He whistled when she finished. “Brutal.”
“I was too self-absorbed, too consumed with my own grief and anger, to see how deeply Julia was suffering. I deserve it if she never forgives me. I’m the worst mother that ever lived.”
“You won’t be winning any Mother of the Year awards, but you’re far from the worst mother ever. I tried to warn you. Julia’s been doing her best, but it’s been rough. She needs you despite what she says.”
“You mean when she said she hates me and wishes I had died?”
“Teenagers say things. She’s distraught. Go talk to her.”
“What if she rejects me?”
Coop held out his hand and helped her to her feet. “I have clout. I’ll get you in the door.”
Riley dragged her feet as they walked the short distance to Julia’s cabin, afraid the words didn’t exist to bridge the chasm between them.
Coop knocked softly. “Can we come in, Julia? Your mom has something to say.”
“Tell her to go bang her head on a tree.”
Riley pushed past Coop and opened the door. Julia was in the sleeping bag with her head covered. The sight of Hannah’s bare side of the bed was like a knife in the gut, but Riley ignored it and inched herself onto the edge of Julia’s bed. She uncovered Julia’s head and tenderly placed her hands on her cheeks.
“Listen carefully to me, sweetheart. I will never forgive myself for what I’ve done to you. Everything you said is true. It was selfish and wrong of me to abandon you. We needed each other, but all I thought of was my own pain. I never stopped to consider yours. I have no right to ask, but I hope you will forgive me in time.”
Julia sat motionless, watching her with tears dripping down her face. Riley searched her eyes and was amazed to still find love there.
“You are my world,” she continued. “I love you more than my own life. Losing Hannah was almost more than I could bear, but losing you would kill me. It terrified me when you talked about jumping in the river. Stay with me, sweetheart. We’ll help each other get back to Emily and Jared together, and we’ll be the family we used to be.”
Julia threw her arms around Riley’s neck and sobbed on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, too, Mom. I love you. I didn’t mean it when I said I wished you died. That was awful. I just felt rejected and thought you loved Hannah more than me. I promise I’d never jump in the river or do anything like that. Let’s forget this place and get to the ranch. I want to be with Uncle Mitch’s family. Can we leave in the morning?”
Riley kissed her cheek. “Absolutely. I’m as ready as you to put this camp far behind us. Thank you for understanding and being the better person. I have so much to learn from you.”
Coop wiped a tear off his cheek and did a fist bump before wrapping his arms around them. “We’ll be the Three Musketeers, back on the road. We leave at sun-up.”
Riley cupped the metal canteen lid in her gloved hands, letting the delicious hot liquid warm her numb fingers. She couldn’t remember a time when she wasn’t cold. Memories of her luxurious bed at the hotel felt like something out of a dream. She squeezed her eyelids and tried to count how many days had passed since the CME but gave up after a few seconds. The effort consumed too much of her dwindling energy. Logic told her it could be no more than two weeks, but it felt more like a lifetime.
She opened her eyes and watched the fire dance in the pit, wondering if her life would ever be so carefree again. Was the rift she’d caused with Julia truly healed? Would the day come when she, Julia, and Coop would be safe and warm? Would she ever see Emily and Jared again?
She heard Coop’s boots crunch on the path. He walked up and took the rock next to her.
Putting his arms around her shoulder, he said, “Do you mind if I do that?” She snuggled closer to him in answer. “You looked a million miles away. Thinking about Julia?”
She shook her head. “Actually, I was trying to imagine what our future will be. I couldn’t do it. Too many uncertainties. I’m afraid to hope we’ll make it to Wytheville.”
Coop turned her to face him. “We’ll make it, but only if we work together and fight for it. I can’t have you doubting our survival every step of the way.”
She wrapped her arms around him and tucked her head against his shoulder. “I’ll have to lean on your strength, then.”
“You have my permission. Thank you for agreeing to go in the morning. You’ll feel better once we’re on the road.” They watched the fire in silence for a few moments until he said, “I want to ask you something, but I’m afraid you’ll freak out on me.”
She sat up and looked into his eyes. “I don’t ever want you to be afraid to ask me anything. What is it?”
“I’m trying to understand why Hannah’s death pushed you so far that you were willing to risk Julia’s safety. Losing Hannah was a tragic blow for all of us, and I can’t believe how much I miss her, but we’d only known her for two weeks, but you reacted like it was Julia who died. Was it your PTSD? Did you reach your trauma saturation point? I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I
was only seconds from reaching mine. If I hadn’t had to treat your injuries, I might have lost it.”
Riley nodded in understanding and searched her mind for the words to explain. “If I tell you, promise not to make fun of me. It’s a little nuts.”
“I already think you’re nuts, so you have nothing to lose,” he said and gave her a half-grin.
“Not sure if you’re joking, but I’ll pretend you are. At some point, I’m not sure when, the idea formed in the back of my mind that if I kept Hannah alive, it meant Emily was alive. When Hannah died, it was like I’d lost her and Emily. I’d failed them both. That makes no logical sense, but that’s how it felt.”
Coop stroked his chin before responding. The hesitation made her nervous. Finally, he said, “You know better than I do that in a crisis, our minds play tricks as a defense mechanism. That’s all this is. What do you believe now? You do know that Hannah’s death has no effect on Emily, right?”
“It took time to get there, but yes, I do know. That hasn’t changed the fact that I blame myself for Hannah’s death. I’m ultimately responsible.”
“How did you come to that insane conclusion? It was nothing more than a tragic accident.”
She pulled away from him and looked him the eye. “No, I was the one who crashed the truck and broke your ribs. I elbowed you and punctured your lung, so we couldn’t make it to Charlottesville and had to come here. You weren’t able to collect water from the river, so the girls had to do it, and Hannah drowned. All my fault.”
“That’s the most irrational chain of logic I’ve ever heard! You didn’t crash the truck on purpose or out of negligence. It was just as much an accident. If I follow your reasoning, it’s my fault Hannah died because I made us leave the hotel. Why aren’t you blaming me? Claiming you’re responsible is just as absurd.”
“Leaving the hotel isn’t the same. We were in danger and were forced to go. I told you my reasoning was nuts. I just need more time to work through it.”
“I hate seeing you punishing yourself for nothing, but I’ll back off and let you figure it out. In the meantime, we pull up stakes and leap once more into the unknown. Tomorrow offers a clean slate, a fresh start.”
Riley gave him a half-hearted smile. “How poetic.” She stood and rubbed her stiff thigh muscles. “Julia told me about your shiny new truck. If we’re leaving at sunrise, we’d better pack. You coming?”
Riley thought she was dreaming about the hand covering her mouth, but she forced her eyes open and realized it was real. She tried to suck in a breath and scream, but Coop put his lips to her ear and whispered, “Riley, don’t make a sound. Someone’s in the camp.”
When she nodded, he slowly removed his hand. She listened to the sound of boots and male voices drifting in from the direction of the fire-pit. Through the haze of sleep and panic, her only thought was to get to her daughter.
She sat up and whispered, “Julia.”
“Get your boots. We’ll climb out the window and go around back.”
While she silently laced her boots, Coop slid the window open a fraction of an inch at a time. When the opening was big enough for them to climb through, he tugged on the screen, but it was nailed to the frame.
“I need my knife. It’s under the left side of my bed,” he whispered, just loud enough for her to hear.
She lay across his bed and searched for the knife with her hand. Just as her fingers brushed against it, Julia let out a piercing scream. Riley grabbed the knife and climbed over the bed to get to the door.
“Riley, no!” Coop shouted.
She stared at him for an instant before racing down the cabin steps, ignoring the threat she faced from the intruders. All that mattered was Julia.
By the light of the fire, she saw two men dragging Julia toward the fire-pit by her arms. Julia cried out and struggled to break free, but she was no match for them. Two other men walked behind them. They were all at least six-foot with large builds.
Dreading what they had planned for Julia, Riley rushed them, grabbing a piece of firewood as she went. She gripped it with both hands like a baseball bat and aimed it at the back of one of their heads but missed. The target swung on her and pushed her to the ground. She scrambled to her knees, but he leveled his gun at her. She froze and slowly raised her hands.
“Stay still, and we won’t hurt you,” he said.
His partner had Julia pinned face down in the dirt with her arms twisted behind her back. The other two were forcing Coop to his knees five feet from Riley. There was no hope of escaping or overpowering them.
“Please, let her go,” Riley begged. “She won’t run. Right, Julia?”
“Mom, Coop, help me,” she cried. “He’s breaking my arm.”
“Can he loosen his grip?” Coop asked the man holding the gun on Riley. “She’s no threat to him.”
He cocked his head at the one holding Julia. He moved off and jerked her to her knees. When he let go of her arm, she cradled it against her ribs with her other hand. One of the men with Coop got up and threw wood on the coals glowing in the fire-pit.
Riley caught Julia’s eye and gave a weak smile to reassure her. “You all right, sweetheart?”
Julia straightened and nodded. In the moment of silence that followed, Riley assessed their situation, wondering if the men were part of Crawford’s crew. Days had passed since the altercation with them, but they hadn’t put much distance between themselves and Crawford’s territory. What mattered more was what the men wanted with them. Riley was willing to give up all their possessions in exchange for Julia.
“You want our supplies?” Coop asked. “You’re welcome to them. All you had to do was ask.”
The man holding Coop said, “We’ve found out the hard way that asking politely doesn’t work too well these days.”
“Take what you want and leave us in peace,” Riley said.
The man with Julia opened his mouth to speak, but a log popped in the fire-pit and shot out a spark that landed on his pant leg. When he reached out his to flick it off, Julia got to her feet and ran for the woods. Without hesitating, he unholstered his gun and fired two shots in her direction. Julia spun, then collapsed in a heap. She thrashed on the ground like she was the one on fire.
Riley froze. It had happened in a flash and her brain was slow to catch up. Had that monster just shot her baby?
The man guarding Riley turned toward the shooter. “Jepson, you jackass,” he yelled. “Why’d you do that? After what you did at that church, the Director’s going to have your head for this.”
Riley came to her senses and slammed her elbow in her captor’s crotch while he was distracted. When he doubled over, she stood and rushed to Julia’s side. There was just enough light for her to see the dark stain of blood spreading under her upper leg.
She gently caressed Julia’s forehead to calm her. “It’s Mommy, sweetheart,” she said in soothing tones. “I know you’re in pain, but I need you to lie still so I can see what’s wrong.”
“That man shot me!” she shrieked. “It hurts, mommy! Help me!”
“I know,” Riley said as she scooted to Julia’s leg. “I’m going to fix you good as new.” She ripped the leg of her sweatpants open where the bullet had pierced the fabric. Blood poured from the gunshot wound in her thigh. Riley stripped off her sweatshirt and pressed it to Julia’s thigh. In the commotion, Coop broke free from the man holding him and dropped to his knees next to Riley.
Jepson ran after Coop and pointed his gun at Julia. “What are you two doing? Get away from her and back to the fire.”
Coop ignored him and turned to Riley. “What’s the damage?”
“The bullet may have nicked the femoral artery. From the angle of the wound, I’m almost certain it hit the femur. Do we have a clamp in the med-pack? If not, we have to find something else to clamp that artery, or we’ll lose her.”
When Coop got up and headed for the cabin, Jepson stepped in front of him, but one of the other men shoved him out of the
way.
Jepson shoved back, and said, “What are you doing, Brooks? Get out of my way.”
“You ordering me around now, Jepson? Don’t forget who’s in charge.” When Jepson backed off, Brooks said, “I think they’re doctors, you idiot. If we bring two doctors to camp, that’ll be quite the prize. If she saves the girl, the Director might just let you live, so it’s in your best interest to get out of the way and let them work.”
Coop came back with the med-kit and started digging through it. Jepson didn’t try to stop him, but he didn’t lower his gun either.
Julia squirmed and wailed while Coop pulled three clamps out of the bag and held them up for Riley to inspect.
She picked the middle one. “It might be too big, but the others are too small and could cause more damage. We need gloves.”
Coop grabbed the pack of gloves from the kit. Riley had to work fast before Julia bled out. She’d have to cut into the tissue to reach the artery and felt sick at knowing the intense pain she was about to inflict on her daughter, but there was no time to hesitate.
She pulled Coop’s knife from her back pocket, and he handed her a sterile wipe to scrub the blade before dousing it with alcohol. The blade was thick and not as sharp as she wanted, but they were out of scalpels and had nothing sharper.
Coop cut off the leg of Julia’s sweatpants and sanitized her skin with alcohol wipes. If Julia survived the blood loss and didn’t develop clots, the next most serious threat was infection. They were as far from doing surgery in a sterile OR as they could get.
Once the knife was as clean as Riley could get it, she looked up at the men who had formed a half-circle around them. She pointed to one and said, “Shine a flashlight where I tell you.” Brooks took out a heavy-duty flashlight like the one Zach used to carry. Riley indicated where she needed the beam. With the field lit, she pointed at the two standing behind the shooter. “You two get down here and help Coop hold her still. This is going to hurt.”
