“They’ll want to see her.”
I stared up at the ceiling, the anger building back up inside me again. “I’ll have to explain that it’s up to a judge to decide what’s best, I guess.”
“Do you think she had been drinking when she was here?”
I considered it, then shook my head. “I didn’t smell alcohol on her, and I always could before. Her balance and speech were fine . . . She was probably sober.”
“Then you might want to consider letting the boys see her for a supervised visit.”
“Fuck that. She ditched out on them and broke their hearts. I’m not risking it.”
Meredith’s hazel eyes were filled with the warmth and softness I loved about her.
“I get that,” she said. “But Kyle, she’s their mom. That’s a powerful bond. They talk to me about her occasionally, and it’s not always bad stuff they say.”
“They’ve got good hearts. They try to see the good in everyone.”
“Children love their parents, even when their parents make horrible choices and hurt them.”
I shook my head. “She doesn’t deserve that.”
“I’m just saying . . . I know this is a curveball. She went about it the wrong way, and she was a total bitch to us. But think about it from Jordan and Eric’s perspective. You could ask one of your brothers to supervise a visit with her at the park or something. I think seeing her sober and well, and knowing she cares about them, would be good for the boys.”
I couldn’t argue with that. Every time I gave the boys coins to throw in the new fountain in Lovely’s downtown square, they wished to see their mom. It hurt me to hear their little voices yearning for something so simple. But it had been out of reach for the past year.
“She’d have to submit to a breathalyzer first,” I said. “And ground rules like no mention of you or me or the visit is over.”
She nodded. “That’s reasonable.”
The knowledge that Kim was in Lovely right now was keeping me tense and edgy. My sons would be vulnerable to Kim once again.
My phone dinged with a text from Austin.
Austin: Reed had a meeting. I got the boys. We’re at my house.
Me: Can you guys keep them there this evening? I don’t want them here if Kim comes back.
Austin: No problem. I’ll stay here just in case she comes looking.
Me: Thanks.
I looked up at Meredith. “Austin’s got the boys.”
Her shoulders relaxed with relief. “Good.”
“I need to hit the gym with Mason for a bit. Hit a heavy bag until I’m feeling less homicidal.”
She got up from the couch. “Sure, that’s a good idea.”
“No, I want you to stay. We can spend the evening together when I get back.”
She paused before responding. “I think I’m gonna go do my thing at home.”
An ominous feeling hit me right in the gut. “Why?”
“I just need some time to myself,” she said, shrugging.
She wouldn’t make eye contact with me.
“Did the things she said bother you?” I asked. “She’s vicious when she wants to be. Please don’t listen to any of that shit.”
“No, I know.” She looked down at the floor.
“Then what?” I walked over to her and tipped her chin up so I could see her eyes. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”
“I just need some time to process things, I think.”
I put my hands on her shoulders. “Listen to me. I’m about to lose my shit over her showing up in my house like that and being a bitch to you—and dragging the kids back into her fucked-up orbit. And if she’s also made you feel bad or unsure about things with us, I don’t think I can handle that. I need you to know I’m with you. Completely with you.”
The corners of her lips tilted up slightly. “Kyle, it’s not that. And who knows . . . maybe she’ll leave town tomorrow, and things can go back to the way they were.”
“The way they are. She’s not changing a goddamn thing between you and me.”
She put a palm on my chest. “I know we have crazy good sexual chemistry, but we’re more than just that, aren’t we? You’re also my friend. That’s what you need from me right now. Support, but also . . . space. So you can focus on this stuff.”
“Shouldn’t I get to decide if I need space?”
“Well, I need some, too.”
“Fucking hell. ‘Space’ is code for ‘I’m getting the hell out of here.’”
Her eyes widened seriously. “Look, you may have some serious shit to handle in the next few weeks. She could come back. You might need a restraining order. Court dates over the kids if she won’t play nice.”
I rubbed my temple, my frustration at this situation growing by the minute.
“Yeah, I know, and I need you right now.”
“You’ve got me. But the conversations you need to have with the boys—it’s not my place to be part of those. They need you fully focused on them.”
I nodded, a new sense of helplessness creeping in with the anger. Would Meredith be here at the end of the latest Kim catastrophe? I wanted to believe she would, but I couldn’t read the future.
My ex-wife was unbalanced and, apparently, on the warpath. I’d do everything I could to shield Meredith from the fallout, but would it be enough?
Kim had taken a lot from me, bleeding me dry emotionally before our divorce. There’d been times when I seriously thought getting sole custody of my boys would require an amount of money that amounted to extortion. Once we settled and she left, I’d finally reached a point where I thought she couldn’t take anything from me ever again.
But now, with her return, I knew I’d been wrong. I faced losing Meredith, the woman I’d fallen in love with. The woman my boys adored. She’d set me free in so many ways, helping me see just how much I’d been missing until the day of our first kiss.
“I don’t want to lose you,” I said to Meredith, pulling her close to me.
“Just take care of the boys and know that I’m here. I’m always here.”
I held her tight, taking in the scent of her sweet-smelling hair and the way her breasts felt against my rib cage, warm and soft. She was as close as I’d ever come to touching perfection.
There were many unknowns in my life right now, but I was sure of one thing—losing her would break me in so many ways.
Meredith
The knock on my closed office door made me groan softly.
Really? I rarely closed my door and couldn’t believe whoever it was wouldn’t get the hint and leave me alone. I couldn’t shake the sense of melancholy I’d had since leaving Kyle’s three days earlier, and I just wanted to avoid everyone.
I got up and opened it, expecting to see one of my coworkers. But it was a uniformed deliveryman from a local flower shop.
“Meredith Hobbs?”
“That’s me.”
He handed me an enormous vase of red roses—two dozen of them mixed with greenery and baby’s breath.
“Oh . . . thanks. Um, hang on.”
I took the vase and set it on my desk, then grabbed a few dollars from my purse to tip him.
“Thanks,” he said, touching the tip of his cap before he left.
I closed the door again and went back to my desk chair. The flowers were gorgeous, and I couldn’t help smiling as I looked at them. I plucked the card from its holder and opened it.
Missing your beautiful smile.
-Kyle
It wasn’t just the message that made my heart flutter, but seeing his signature. I knew his handwriting from seeing it on notes on his refrigerator. He’d gone to the florist’s shop to send me these and had written that sweet message himself.
I ran my fingertip over the letters in his name. Just seeing it and thinking it made me a little swoony.
Kyle Lockhart had taken me completely by surprise. He had the most perfect mix of effortless charm and sex appeal imaginable. The Lockhart brothers all had the sa
me tall, dark good looks, and they were very close, but they were all different in personality.
The youngest, Justin, was ambitious and athletic. He’d gone to college on a football scholarship and was expected to have his choice of law firms to work for when he finished his post-law school internship in St. Louis.
Reed was quiet, warmhearted and easygoing. The kind of guy everyone wanted to be friends with.
Austin was happy, always laughing. He ran a successful accounting business, coached baseball, and was known as a devoted family man.
Mason was the cocky one—loaded with swagger and confidence. He was also funny and a little intense at times.
And Kyle was a natural fit as the oldest. He was intelligent, but not just in the cerebral, surgeon kind of way. He knew how to read people and was measured and fair. His devotion to those he loved ran deep, and now I knew of his commanding, sexy side. He put others first. Fierce when he needed to be, he was most often strong in a quiet way. And the tenderness he kept locked inside his heart, that few people ever got to see, made me ache with want for him.
I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent of the roses. The sadness remained, though, because it was his warm, clean scent I wanted to be near right now.
Would I have been better off if I’d never offered to help Jordan and Eric with their homework? If I’d thanked Kyle for my test results on the phone that day and gone back to my quiet, predictable life, I wouldn’t have cried myself to sleep the past three nights.
If I’d never fallen for Kyle, I wouldn’t be pained by the thought of life without him now. If I’d never gotten close to Jordan and Eric, I wouldn’t be tearing up every time I looked at pictures of them on my phone.
I’d be the same Meredith I’d always been. That lonely, independent daydreamer who ran from confrontation felt so far away now. In a month, I’d come closer to the woman I truly wanted to be than I’d ever thought possible.
And it was my feelings for Kyle, Jordan, and Eric that had brought me here. So no, I wouldn’t have traded it for anything. The pain was worth it, because I knew it was possible for me to feel right with people. So many of the feelings I’d felt in the past month—completely content, hopeful, protective, overjoyed, sexy, and confident—were new for me.
Those feelings were so good. I didn’t want to lose them. I didn’t want to lose Kyle, Jordan, and Eric.
I could never completely lose them—I knew that. In a way, they were all part of me now. The valuable, intangible milestones we’d reached together would always be real. But I sensed that things would never be the same. Kim wouldn’t let us keep this happiness we’d found.
Kyle and I had been texting and talking on the phone, but I hadn’t seen him since leaving his house three days ago, and he hadn’t pressed it. Between work, making sure the boys were safe, talking to them about their mom being in Lovely, and working out a meeting between them and her, he’d been busy.
These were the things I’d wanted to give him space for. But I missed him all the same.
I picked up my phone and smiled at the picture on my home screen. It was a selfie Kyle had taken of the two of us, his long arm able to capture it better than I could have. He was standing behind me, an arm around my waist and his head against mine. Taken last week, it made me remember the blissfulness I’d felt before his ex-wife had walked in on us banging in his kitchen.
God, the horror was still a bit fresh. I’d been moaning like a porn star, completely into the hard, passionate sex we were having. To know anyone had witnessed something so intimate between the two of us was bad enough, but his ex-wife? Ugh.
I slid my finger across the screen of my phone and texted Kyle.
Me: I got the flowers. They’re so beautiful. Thank you.
Kyle: You’re welcome. I’ll send flowers every day until I see you again. Should have sent them the past three days, too.
Me: You don’t need to do that.
Kyle: Either come see me, or clear lots of space on your desk.
Me: I miss you, you know I do. How are the boys?
Kyle: They’re good. Austin and Hannah are having Kim over to their place tonight for a visit with the boys. We got the ground rules all worked out.
Me: I’m so glad to hear that. The boys must be excited.
Kyle: They are. She’ll have some tough questions to answer, though.
Me: J & E deserve to ask those questions.
Kyle: Come over tonight. I need to see you.
Part of me wanted to. I missed him badly. But things were emotionally intense right now, and I foresaw us having sex. It would either be the dirtiest, most gratifying sex ever or the kind of slow, sensual sex that would leave me bawling and professing my undying love for him.
It didn’t feel right to be doing that while Jordan and Eric were doing something so big and important. Something that could leave them feeling confused and hurt if Kim didn’t handle it well.
Me: I can’t.
Kyle: I’m going fucking crazy from not seeing you.
Me: No. We’d end up having sex.
Kyle: And that’s a bad thing? Are we not doing that anymore???
Me: Not tonight. I’ll be thinking about the boys. If it goes badly, they could come home early. And you need to be fully clothed and ready to comfort them.
Kyle: Okay, I agree. So no sex, then. I’ll make dinner and we’ll talk.
Me: Not tonight. The kids need just their dad tonight.
Kyle: Then, when?
Me: Soon.
Kyle: Do you not want to be with me anymore?
Me: Stop jumping to conclusions. I’m crazy about you, and you know it.
Kyle: I’m meeting with Reed, Kim, and Kim’s attorney on Friday. I’ll know a lot more after that.
Me: Good. Let me know how it goes.
Kyle: I have to go, I’m at work. But I need you to take a pic of yourself right now and send it to me.
Me: Why??
Kyle: Just do it. Please.
I snapped a quick selfie and sent it, my expression awkward because smiling felt wrong.
Kyle: Got it. Thanks.
Me: What was that about?
Kyle: Needed to see if you were still wearing the necklace. Talk later.
I set my phone on the desk and reached for the silver “M” pendant hanging around my neck. Of course I was still wearing it.
There was another knock at my door, and I got up to answer it, hoping it would be one of my less chatty coworkers.
But when I opened the door, it wasn’t one of my coworkers standing there. It was Ivy Lockhart.
“Hi,” she said with a slight smile. “Do you have a minute? If not, I can come back.”
It took me a few seconds to recover enough from the surprise to answer. “No, come in. Of course. Come on in.”
She smiled again and stepped inside.
Ivy was beautiful in a very rare way. She had perfect, fair skin, bright blue eyes, and auburn hair that fell just past her shoulders. There was a warmth and grace about her, though, that set her apart from the crowd.
“I feel bad that we’ve not officially met,” she said, sitting down in the chair across from my desk. “I’m glad we can talk for a little bit, finally.”
“Me too.” I walked around to my side of the desk and sat in my chair. “Would you like a drink? I’ve got a mini fridge.”
“I’m good, thanks.” She set her bag down beside the chair and rested a hand on her belly.
She was pregnant. I sensed it immediately, but I made sure not to show any reaction.
“Can we just decide here and now that things aren’t going to be awkward between us?” she said. “I don’t want that.”
“No, I don’t either. I really appreciate you coming to see me.”
“I have a feeling you and I will get along well. I’m not the sort of woman who resents the relationships Reed had before we even met. I’m secure in my marriage, you know?”
I loved her. It wasn’t just the realization that she and
I weren’t going to hate each other, but genuine warmth and admiration.
“You should feel that way. Reed is head over heels for you. You know, I ran into him at the grocery store once right after you guys got engaged, and I told him how happy I was for you both. I wish I’d told you, too. I just didn’t know if you’d want to hear it from me.”
“I understand.”
“I’ll say it now. I’m thrilled for you.”
She smiled. “Thanks.” She gestured at the enormous vase of flowers on the corner of my desk. “From Kyle?”
I flushed a little. “Yes.”
“So pretty. It does my heart so good to see him feeling this way about you.”
Though I wanted to say something, nothing felt right. I just looked at Ivy helplessly instead.
“I know,” she said, nodding. “Things must be tough for you right now.”
“Not as tough as they are for him and the boys.”
“They’ll get through it. I’ve seen them pull together to get through worse, you know. When Kim left . . .” She shook her head. “It was hard. Kyle was a workaholic back then. He left most of the parenting to Kim and didn’t want to see what everyone else was seeing when her drinking took a turn for the worse.”
“So his whole life changed when she left.”
“For the better,” Ivy said. “It was tough to watch the three of them trying to find a new normal, but that normal is much healthier and happier for all of them. Kyle rose to the occasion and became the father he was meant to be.”
Tears clouded my vision as I imagined him finding the strength to cut back on work and be the one person in the world who would never let Jordan and Eric down.
“Grace tried to step in,” Ivy said. “She told Kyle she’d take care of the boys and the house for him. Actually, she insisted on it. Grace can be a little . . . much on occasion, between you and me.”
I smiled and forced myself not to laugh. “Um . . . I won’t argue with that.”
“But Kyle refused. He wanted to do it all himself. And when he figured it out . . .” Her expression softened. “It was something special to see. I used to be a single mom, and I’ve got a soft spot for Kyle.”
Drawn Deeper Page 17
