by Phil Stern
“Oh, how wonderful!” she giggled, examining the stone. “You must be so happy!”
“Oh, yes.” Smiling, I pulled my hand back. “Just thrilled.”
I e-mailed Darren a copy of the recording, attached with the “Missing You” picture. I had all my stuff moved out by that evening.
Making matters worse, Mom immediately launched a hysterical campaign urging me to “patch things up” with Darren.
“For God’s sake, Sophia, he’s a doctor!” my mother screeched, flailing about the kitchen as I sat at the table. “Do you know how many girls would kill to marry a doctor?”
“Yeah. Nurse Easy Lay, for one.”
Mom paused, giving me a hard stare. Even amidst the sexual carnage of my broken engagement, one wasn’t supposed to say naughty things. “Sophia, you aren’t going to let that little hussy take Darren away, are you? I thought you were stronger than that!”
Carefully taking a sip of coffee, I patiently suppressed the urge to beat my mother senseless. “Mom, she’s not the issue.”
“Sophia, listen to me…”
“The fact that Darren was fucking her is the matter at hand. Clearly I can’t marry that kind of man.”
Obviously frustrated, Mom began banging pots and pans out of the dishwasher into the cupboards. “Oh, for goodness sake! These things happen. They’ll always be girls like this…this nurse around! But that doesn’t mean you have to lose Darren. Or even put off your wedding!”
Saying nothing, I stared out the window.
With a final crash, the final frying pan landed heavily on the stove. “Sophia, Darren is a doctor! He’s a good catch!”
“Not for me, he isn’t.”
“You know what I think?” Changing tacks, Mom now smiled. “This is just a sign. You know, that you two have things to work on?” Encouraged, she now sat opposite me. “And isn’t it better that this came out into the open before the wedding! I think that you two…”
“Mom, please stop it.”
“…should go down to get counseling from Father Mulroney. At St. Mary’s. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? That way you wouldn’t have to do anything rash…”
“Mom, I really think it’s time we changed the subject.”
My darling mother now closed her eyes, nearly gasping, as if overcome by great pain. Calmly watching, I took another sip of coffee.
“You know, Sophia,” she heavily began, eyes drifting open once more, hands grasping the table’s edge. “I always want what’s best for you.”
“I know that, mother.”
“So let me give you a piece of advice.” Gathering herself, the Danton matriarch then plunged on. “Men, all men, act in certain ways.”
So now my mother, who knew less about relationships and sexuality than any human being alive, was lecturing me on men. “Go on, Mom.”
“You can’t take these things personally,” she continued. “I’m sure Darren doesn’t have any feelings for this girl! He was just tempted by her, that’s all. And he gave into that temptation!”
“Mom, listen…”
“And he’s very sorry about that, I’m sure.” Brightening once more, she nodded encouragingly. “Isn’t that what you told me, dear? That Darren was very sorry about all this and still wants to marry you?”
Indeed, the good Dr. Barrington had been deluging me with e-mails and voice messages for the past ten days. I’d granted him one short phone conversation, in which he’d alternately denied cheating and earnestly “explained” that he’d “known” Nurse Easy Lay before we’d ever met. Apparently in Darren’s mind such relationships were simply grand-fathered into current events.
“But it doesn’t mean anything!” he’d wailed. “My God, Sophia, I love you more than anything!”
The exchange with my ex-fiancé bothered me very much, not the least because it made absolutely no sense.
Crossing my legs, I tried to match Mom’s lighthearted affectation. “The question isn’t whether Darren still wants to marry me. After all, I’m sure he’d love to have me as his stable, adoring wife, while romancing every other woman in Philadelphia.”
“But Sophia…”
“However, I no longer want to marry him.”
“But don’t you want to settle down?”
Sighing, I had to look away. “I have no desire to settle down simply for its own sake…”
“With a doctor? Honey, Darren makes a good living.” Not backing down, she now leaned forward, taking my hand. “Sophia, please. I know you’re disappointed. But these things happen. And you certainly don’t have to lose your husband over this! Can’t you understand that?”
“I’ve…I’ve got to go.” Yanking back my hand, I stalked out of the house, wandering for two hours in the woods out back.
So anyway, a few days later I found myself sitting in a restaurant with Mom, Dad, my brother Michael and his wife Reny, my sister Liz, her friend Nicole, my brother Brian, and his new girlfriend Denise.
It was some “celebration,” let me tell you. Clearly everyone felt that in the grand balance sheet of life, the last two weeks left me in the red. The minor victory of publishing my first national article clearly did little to mitigate the loss of a respected prospective husband.
“So, Liz,” my mother began. She’d been almost distastefully holding a copy of my article with her fingertips, and was clearly anxious to talk of other things. “Tell Sophia all about your new job!”
“Well, sure.” My younger sister smiled brightly, leaning forward in an expensive, skimpy dress. Her friend Nicole, a dark-haired young beauty whom I’d met for the first time that evening, was similarly attired. “If it’s okay with you, Soph.”
“That’s fine, Liz.” Actually, I’d been wondering what she was up to. Having dropped out of college two years before, I hadn’t kept up with her life much. “I understand you and Nicole work together?”
“That’s right,” Liz said. “For a law firm.”
“You see, our company has a lot of overseas clients,” Nicole explained. “So we have a Client Relations department to take care of them.”
“That’s right, Sophia!” Mom beamed. “Actually, your little sister is the Client Relations Coordinator for the whole firm!” Clearly, this beat publishing a national article any day.
My college dropout, gorgeous, blonde, 22-year-old sister was the…what? Mid-wine sip, I stared at my younger sibling. Smiling sweetly, Liz actually dimpled. “Oh, Mom! It’s not that big a deal.”
“Well, I think it is!”
“So…” Michael began. “What exactly is it that you two…uh, do for these clients?”
“Our job is to entertain them.” Nicole spoke very simply, as if still trying to figure it all out herself. “Because they might get lonely and all, being here in the Unites States on business without their families. So we help them have a good time.”
“I’ll bet they do,” Reny mumbled, pointedly looking away.
“Wow.” Holding Liz’s eye I sat back, deliberately letting a moment go by. “That sounds like quite a job.”
“Oh, it is.” For her part, my little sister didn’t back down. “Actually, Nicole and I are being picked up in a limo after dinner here tonight. Some very important clients are in town.”
“Isn’t that exciting!” Mom exclaimed.
Disgusted, I glanced around the table. Dad seemed oblivious to everything, lost in the existential fog that seemed to surround him so much in those years. Reny looked furious. Michael shrugged. Nicole began boredly inspecting a long, fake nail.
As usual, my younger brother Brian radiated discomfort, staring down at his plate. I was anxious to speak with his new girlfriend Denise, an attractive, professional young black woman. Mom, however, had been pointedly ignoring Brian’s date, who now saw an opportunity to join the conversation.
“Well Liz, that sounds nice.” Denise paused. “But you know, I just graduated law school myself. The firm I’m working with doesn’t have a Client Relations Coordinator.”
“Maybe your firm isn’t as big as the one Liz works for,” Mom quickly suggested.
“Well, are your hours billable, like an attorney’s?” A sweet girl, Denise had yet to catch on. “I mean…what services do you provide for these clients?”
“All kinds.” Liz shrugged. “Within reason, of course.”
There was an awkward pause. Denise frowned. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“We go places together,” Nicole helpfully supplied. “Usually hotels. These big, expensive…”
“That’s right,” I cut in, desperately trying to steer the conversation onto safer ground. “What Nicole is saying, I’m sure, is that they drive by hotels and other historical landmarks. Just to see what they, uh, look like.”
“Yeah,” Liz laughed. “We see all the sights! Everything there is to see!”
“Oh, how wonderful!” Mom exclaimed, laying a hand on Dad’s arm for added emphasis. “You mean, like the Statue of Liberty?”
“Sure, Mom.” Grinning, Liz tried not to giggle. “All these guys want to see the Statue Of Liberty with us!”
“And Broadway shows!” Clearly, Mom was entranced by the thought of Liz as tour guide. “I bet they all want to see the latest shows!”
“Absolutely!” Deliberately matching Mom’s misplaced enthusiasm, Liz flashed me her best naughty younger sister smile. “The Lion King is their favorite. And Cats! All these rich businessmen can’t wait to go out with us and see performers hopping around in cat suits! It’s the highlight of their trip!”
“I’ll bet!” Clearly, Mom couldn’t have been prouder of her youngest child. “Sophia, isn’t that amazing?”
So here I am, attending a dinner party supposedly being given in my honor, listening to my sister openly talk of her job as a whore. And my mother, who understood less about sexual relations than any other human being who ever lived, was more excited by it than my own professional achievements.
“Yeah, Mom, it’s super.” I then pointedly turned to my silent father. “So Dad, what’s new in your life?”
“Not much.” Buttering a piece of bread, Dad now looked up at Liz and her co-worker. “I do think Nicole is a beautiful young woman. So pure and good.” Speaking matter-of-factly, he paused to take a bite. “Nicole manages to be attractive to men, yet remains holy and innocent. I wish there were more girls like her these days.”
Well, that was a conversation stopper. Visibly stiffening, Mom took a gulp of wine. Eyes going wide, Denise glanced at Brian, who was still staring at his empty bread plate. Michael glared at Dad, then at Nicole, while Reny once more began angrily mumbling to herself. Amazed, Liz gaped at our father.
For her part Nicole simply shrugged. “Why, thank you, Mr. Danton. I think you’re very handsome yourself.” She flashed my father a plastic smile, then fell back on standard whore-talk. “I can’t believe a man as accomplished as yourself still finds the time to keep in such great shape.”
“Well, that’s my Dad!” Smiling broadly, I pointedly looked at Brian’s date. “So Denise, what kind of law do you practice?”
“Well, my firm specializes in…”
“What a minute.” Cutting the other girl off, Liz’s gaze bored in on my father. “Dad, I’m curious. How is Nicole attractive in a…a holy manner?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Sighing contentedly, Dad focused on the cheap girl in the plunging dress sitting opposite him. “I could easily imagine Nicole with a family of her own, sitting in the front pew at St. Mary’s on a Sunday. Can’t you?”
For her part, Reny was about to explode with indignation. Michael rubbed his forehead. “Dad, maybe you shouldn’t embarrass Nicole…”
“I don’t mind,” Nicole said. “Guys say weird things all the time. They don’t talk about church much, though.”
“Look, why don’t we…” I began.
“Well, they should.” Dad drew himself up. “You, young lady, are a very holy young woman.”
“Absolutely!” Mimicking my mother’s excited tone of a moment before, Liz again giggled. “That’s what all the guys say about her!”
“All right, that’s enough church talk.” I quickly turned to my younger brother. “So, Brian, how’s the new job…”
“There’s nothing wrong with talking about church!” my now agitated mother interjected, half-spilling her water goblet over the table. “Sophia, you should know that!”
“Of course, Mom.” Sighing, I began again. “Brian, how’s the new job going?”
“Fine,” he replied. “I like being a doorman.”
“Yeah,” my sister laughed. “It’s a promotion from simply being a doormat!”
“Liz!” Smiling tightly, I deliberately caught her eye. “Don’t say such inappropriate things.”
“What are you talking about, Soph?” Now my infuriating sibling made a great show of putting a thoughtful finger to her chin. “Oh, that’s right. You always say and do the appropriate thing! I almost forgot.” Liz now sat back. “Well, almost all the time, right Soph? Of course, there was that college trip to Europe with that Swedish guy? And then Las Vegas. What were you, a show girl or something? And oh, I almost forgot…”
“Liz!” I lightly banged my fist on the table. “Stop it! This is neither the time nor the place for this!”
“Really?” Liz purred. “Since you’re so perfect, I guess you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?”
“Well,” I somewhat-calmly continued. “At least I never worked as an entertainment girl for visiting businessmen!”
“Maybe you should try it!” Liz shot back. “I bet it pays better than journalism!”
“Now girls,” my poor mother mumbled. “Let’s not squabble.”
“We’re not squabbling, Mom,” I said, my gaze never leaving Liz’s. “Just getting a few things straight, that’s all.”
“Come on Liz, don’t be stupid.” Perspiring in the cool restaurant, Michael patted Reny’s hand. “This is a family gathering.”
“Oh, excuse me!” Now thoroughly delighted, Liz looked over at our older brother. “Look who’s talking family values!”
“Why shouldn’t Michael talk about family values?” Mom weakly asked. Clearly, the evening was telling on her.
“Oh, I don’t know!” Liz made a great show of holding up her hands and appearing perplexed. “What do you think, Mom?”
“In a white dress,” Dad interjected, staring in wonder at my sister’s whore-in-arms. “I think Nicole should go sit in the front pew at St. Mary’s in a white dress.”
“Dad!” Reaching across Mom, I shook his arm. “Stop it!”
“Oh, this is disgusting,” Reny snapped. “You talk of this…this girl in church? That is awful.”
“What do you care?” Liz volleyed back. “You’re not even Christian.”
“Apparently neither are you!”
“Mom!” Pointedly tapping my mother’s hand, I almost pointed over at Denise. “Mom, Brian has brought his new girlfriend to dinner. Why don’t you talk to her?”
“Oh. All right, Sophia.” Mom looked across the table. “So Denise. What part of Africa are you from?”
“What!” Michael nearly spit out a mouthful of wine. “Mom, don’t say that!”
Covering her face with a menu, Liz silently dissolving into laughter.
As for Denise, the poor girl’s smile noticeably dimmed, her napkin now wrung in her lap. “Uh, well, Mrs. Danton, actually my family is from Atlanta.”
“Oh, how nice!” Underneath the table, I grabbed my mother’s hand in an iron grip. “And where’d you go to law school?”
“In…in Albany.” Fearfully she looked over at Brian, who was still busy studying the tablecloth.
“Oh, it gets cold in upstate New York!” Giving Denise my warmest smile, I nodded approvingly. “By the way, Denise, in case we haven’t said so yet, I want you to know how happy we are you’re dating my brother. I think it’s wonderful to have a young attorney in the family.”
At this, Dad gave me a puzzled frown. �
��Well, I’d hardly say she’s in the family, Sophia.”
“Close enough,” I hissed.
“Boy, it sure is taking them a long time to bring out the food,” Michael said, looking back at the kitchen.
“Did I saw something wrong?” Mom demanded.
“Not at all, Mom!” Her face now a bright red, my darling sister rejoined the conversation. “How could you even think such a thing?”
“That’s what I thought.” Indignant, Mom pulled her hand from mine. “Really Sophia, I’m just making conversation with this young lady. What’s wrong with asking her where she’s from?”
“Nothing.” Rubbing my forehead, I fervently wished to be transported anywhere else on earth, as far away from my family as possible. “As long as we’re talking cities, and not continents.”
“Sophia. Please! Obviously Denise’s family is from Africa!” Clearly, Mom wasn’t taking any more of my bullshit. “That’s why she’s black! Don’t you understand that?”
Just then I felt a tap on my shoulder, my former fiancé’s voice somehow next to my ear. “Hey, beautiful. Mind if I draw up a chair?”
Stunned, I turned about to see Darren Barrington, the classic All-American six-foot meta-sexual model-handsome physician, standing behind me in an expensive suit with a bouquet of flowers. “Now that’s what I’m talking about,” I vaguely remember my sister whispering from across the table.
“Oh, look Sophia!” Mom gasped, grabbing my hand. “Here’s Darren to share in our family dinner!”
“What,” I snarled, “are you doing here?”
“Why Sophia! Well, obviously Darren had no real interest in that hussy nurse…” I swear to you, this is what my mother said, out loud, in front of a restaurant full of people. “…so I invited him here to celebrate with his future wife. Isn’t that wonderful!”
I’ll spare you the details, but suffice it to say two minutes later Darren and I were standing out in the parking lot, having the mother of all fights.
“You fucking asshole!” I screamed, swatting the flowers from his hand. “How could you fucking do this to me?”
“But Sophia, it doesn’t mean anything…”
“Doesn’t mean anything!” I screeched. “You fucking, cheating prick! How could you possibly think I was the kind of woman who would put up with that shit?”
