by Phil Stern
“Yeah, Steve. Stop fucking us!” Sophia screamed. “You’re so judgmental and cruel!”
“Yeah, listen,” I remember saying. “Maybe it’s time we put the keg away. What do you say, guys?”
But now Brooke barrels over, pointing an accusatory finger in Sophia’s face. “Oh, so now you don’t like Steve, do you Sophia?”
“Steve’s an asshole!” Sophia wailed, nearly falling down. “Why does he have to be such a jerk all the time?”
“Oh, so now he’s a jerk?” Brooke goaded. “They why are you fucking him?”
“Wow. Ladies, please.” At this point I was just trying to get everything calmed down. “Hey, this is a party, remember?”
“Yeah,” Brooke snarled, turning from Sophia back to me. “In honor of Dave’s wedding, which you obviously don’t give a shit about! Did you even congratulate him? Maybe even give him a wedding present? Did you, Steve?”
All right. Understand that the next thing I said was purely a joke. To this day I don’t know why it set everybody off the way it did.
“Giving him a wedding present?” I blathered out. “Listen, Brooke. That would be kind of gay, don’t you think?”
“Hey, fuck you Steve!” Dave, by now drunk as a skunk, yelled from a few feet away. “You’re the one who’s gay. Not me!”
“Steve, don’t even say that!” Sophia added. “Because if Dave was gay, God would have to send him to Hell, along with all the other sinners and homosexuals!”
DAVE MILLER
Up until that point it was all cool, just college bull. But when Sophia comes out with the crack on gays, Brooke basically went nuts.
“Sophia! How can you say that?” Clearly shocked, Brooke actually reached out and shook Sophia’s arm. “Shame on you!”
“What?” Clearly confused, Sophia knocked her hand away. “I was just telling Steve here what an asshole…”
“No! You said God is going to send all the gay people to Hell!” Bursting into tears, Brooke stamped her foot. “What are you, some kind of Catholic Nazi? How can you say such a thing?”
“But Brooke…” Clearly at a loss, Sophia just stood there. “I didn’t mean to say…”
“Charlie is gay!” And with that, Brooke’s finger stabs out at our heretofore heterosexual friend Charlie, who was busy trying to mollify Marauder with a piece of cheese. Shocked, he stared up at Brooke.
“Ladies. Please.” Steve now slipped into that infuriating, quasi-suave tone of his. Back in the day, Steve thought he was the master of any given situation. “No one’s going to Hell. Or Heaven, for that matter, because they don’t even really exist…”
“Are you saying Charlie is going to Hell?” Once more, Brooke lashed out at Sophia. I mean, she was really losing it. “What about my friend Harry. Or Lou! Are they going to Hell?”
“Brooke! No, I didn’t mean that.” Sophia tried to hug Brooke. “Honey, please. I didn’t…”
“AM I GOING TO HELL? YOU BITCH!” And with that, Brooke rears back and slaps Sophia as hard as she could across the face. Half-drunk already, Sophia tumbles down to the floor.
“You cheap whore! I love you so much, and this is what you give back?” Brooke screamed. “Fucking everyone you can and ignoring me? And I love you so much! How can you do that?”
It all happened so quickly. For a moment no one moved, just staring at Brooke and an utterly stunned Sophia, holding a hand to her already red cheek.
“I hate you, Sophia!” By now Brooke was just completely out of control. “You fuck Steve, and then make love to Rachel! And now you say all gays are going to Hell, when I love you so much!”
“Brooke,” Sophia wailed. “Stop it!”
“So now I’m going to Hell?” Brooke thundered. “You hypocritical bitch! You’re over for me! Do you hear me? Fucking over!”
STEVE LEVINE
So now Sophia’s laying on the floor, her cheek bright red from where she’d been decked. Brooke’s still standing over her, screaming like a banshee.
And now we learn Brooke has all kinds of bi-curious thoughts about Sophia. Which is kind of cool in a…well, you know what I mean.
And somehow, in the midst of all this, Dave implies I might be half-a-queer myself. I have no idea where that came from.
But in any event, I jumped up and got in between Sophia and Brooke.
“Hey, knock it off!” I yelled, pushing Brooke back. “What the hell’s gotten into you!”
“Shut up Steve, you fucking prick!” Rearing back, Brooke looked as if she wanted to swing at me. “You’ve ruined the most wonderful person in the world!”
“Brooke, get control of yourself!” Look, in her saner moments Brooke was fine, but when she went off the rails it was something else. “You’re being crazy!”
“Brooke, stop it!” Sophia screeched from the floor. “How can you do this? I’m not over…”
“Yes you are! You’re over for me, Sophia. Completely, fucking over!”
So now Sophia’s bawling her eyes out on the floor, Brooke’s become completely unglued, and guess what Dave does?
Now completely drunk, he pushes Brooke aside and gets right in my face. “We can all believe in whatever God we want to, Steve! And I’ll marry anybody I want to! All right? Fuck you, Steve. You don’t like Jen? Well, she’s my wife now. She’s having my child! Deal with it!”
“Buddy.” Holding up a placating hand, I looked right in his eyes. “I really think you need to take it easy…”
And with that, Dave punches me right in the jaw.
SOPHIA DANTON
So now, after attacking gay people and setting off Brooke, Steve picks a fight with Dave. I didn’t see exactly what happened, but a moment later Steve goes crashing back over me, catching me in the ribs with his foot and landing back on the couch. In severe pain, I rolled over to the wall, holding my side.
DAVE MILLER
Look, I was simply stepping in between Steve and Brooke, who were screaming at one another, trying to help the situation. So I just gave Steve a little shove just to clear some space. But he stumbles back, trips over Sophia, and lands on the couch.
And then he goes completely ape shit.
“You fucking motherfucker!” he yells, struggling to sit up. “You crazy son of a bitch! Who the fuck are you to hit me!”
“Hit you?” I replied. “Steve, you tripped over Sophia!”
“Fuck you!” Leaping up, Steve tries to go after me, but Ed, Charlie, and another guy got in between us. Crying her eyes out, Sophia crawls over to the wall, calling for Marauder.
SOPHIA DANTON
I don’t know what would have happened next but for Marauder. I’m up against the wall, and that wonderful, huge black cat lets out this great yowl and leaps on top of the keg. He then raised this big baseball-mitt paw into a striking pose, as if to say whoever got out of line next was going to have to deal with him. All the guys stopped fighting, just staring down at him. For a split-second no one said anything.
So I seized the moment. Grabbing Marauder off the keg so he wouldn’t get hurt, I ran toward the stairway leading down to the front door, knocking into Steve as I passed. He fell face-first into the keg, then crashed to the floor. And then he just laid there, like he was dead or something.
“Help me!” Whirling around I dropped the cat, suddenly very afraid. What if Steve was really hurt? “Brooke, Dave. Help!”
But Brooke just gives me this crazy, disgusted look, takes Dave and Rachel by the hand, and leads them off into Dave’s bedroom.
DAVE MILLER
I can’t explain how things got so out of control with Steve. I was really drunk, but that’s not an excuse.
It’s more like I was just so angry at everything. I didn’t want to leave Buffalo. I didn’t really want to go live with Jen in a home owned by her parents, working jobs arranged by her father. Inside I was furious at everything, utterly alienated from my own emotions, and everything just came bursting out. But not in a good way. In retrospect that night was the beginni
ng of what turned out to be a five-year depression.
And despite it all, I so wanted Steve to respect what I was doing, not abandoning Jen the way my father had left my mother and me. But he didn’t. And he was right, which made it all even worse.
So then Sophia begins screaming and yelling that Steve is dead (which he could have been, I suppose). I started a few steps toward him, but then Brooke grabs my hand.
“Come on, Dave,” she purred, her face close to mine, nipple pressing into my chest. “These people are over. Utterly, fucking over.”
“But Steve,” I mumbled, trying to pull away. “He might be hurt…”
“Now Dave,” she continued, pulling me around. “You’re a bigger man than Steve any day. Let me show you what a man you are.” And with that, she kissed me fully on the lips. I immediately became aroused.
“Oh, my,” she now giggled, hands on my crotch. “We’ll show them, the three of us, won’t we Dave? We’ll show Steve and Sophia they can’t fuck with us anymore!”
“Three of us?” I blathered. Boy, was I smashed. “I don’t understand…”
“I’m talking about Rachel,” she whispered. “Sophia wanted to give Rachel to Steve. But we’ll have her first. Won’t that be fun?”
And to be honest, that did sound like fun. And empowering, in a drunk, confused way. Without another word Brooke led Rachel and myself into my bedroom, firmly closing the door behind us.
STEVE LEVINE
So I wake up next to the overturned keg, covered in beer, my head pounding, Marauder’s tongue licking my eyes open. Sophia is sitting against the far wall, legs pulled up to her chest, crying her eyes out.
Charlie, alleged moments before to lust after young men as eagerly as any Socratic philosopher-king, is trying to help her up.
“Go away,” Sophia sobbed, swatting at Charlie’s hand. “Oh my God, Steve’s dead! And Brooke’s gone!”
“Sophia,” Charlie urgently implored. “You’ve got to believe me! I’m not gay!”
“Go away, Charlie! I don’t give a fuck right now!”
By now several other people were milling around. Ed roughly yanked my head up, appraising me in drunken fury. “Serves you right, Steve, telling Sophia she can’t believe in God!”
By now I’d had enough. Reaching up, I yanked Ed over onto the keg. Hitting his own head with a dull thump, Ed remained still. Struggling to my feet, I then tottered over to where Charlie was pawing an obviously unwilling Sophia.
“Come on, Sophia,” he said. “I’ll do you right now! I’ll show you…”
“Go away!” she screeched, ineffectually slapping him on the cheek. “Charlie, get your hands off me!”
“Oh, so I’m not good enough? I’m just some fag, huh?” Now looking more confused than amorous, Charlie begins unbuttoning Sophia’s shirt.
By now I’d stumbled over to them, heaving Charlie up and back. “Get off of her!”
“Fuck you, Steve!” he yelled, pushing back at me. We then grappled with one another several seconds, teetering over to the top of the flight of stairs leading down to the front door.
“God damn it, Steve!” was the last thing I heard Sophia screech before we went over the edge. “I can’t be with a fucking atheist anymore!”
SOPHIA DANTON
Okay, let’s just stipulate, for the record, that I’m not at all proud of how I acted that night. But even I have trouble believing what happened next.
Holding my hands over my face, I peeked out just in time to see Steve and Charlie tumble down the stairs with loud thumps and a long rumble. The music was still going and several other girls were crying and yelling, so I don’t know if anybody else even noticed.
Jumping up, I ran over to the stairs, seeing Steve and Charlie lying on the small landing below in front of our closed front door. Instead of going down to help them, I turned back toward the short hallway leading to the bedrooms and kitchen with the vague idea of calling for an ambulance.
Only now Ed charged past me, holding his head. Diving into the bathroom, he promptly puked his guts up. Once more I was knocked down, right in front of Dave’s door.
Inside Dave’s room I now heard giggling and laughing, both male and female. In a moment I recognized Brooke lovely voice, caught in a moment of ecstacy.
Terrified at what was transpiring within that closed sanctum, I jumped up and burst through the door.
STEVE LEVINE
So I wake up on the downstairs landing, my head pounding anew. Several people were running out the now open door, yelling and sobbing. Charlie was nowhere to be seen.
So I painfully stood up, wandering out onto our large porch. At the curb was a Buffalo police car, lights flashing garishly in the darkness. Two cops sauntered up to the foot of the porch stairs, shining flashlights on my face for no particular reason.
“Do you live here?” one demanded.
“Yeah,” I sighed, crashing down on a wooden chair. “Unfortunately, I do.”
The other cop now turned about, shining his light on the six or so crying, yelling college students on the front lawn, centered by Charlie screaming that he wasn’t gay. “What the hell’s going on?” the officer asked.
“It’s a long story,” I managed to croak, now barfing all over the porch floor.
DAVE MILLER
So look, here’s the deal. I was laying on my back, Rachel straddling me, Brooke sitting just behind her, on my upper legs. Brooke had her arms around Rachel from behind, helping her rock up and down on my shaft. Everyone was yelling and moaning. It was quite a scene.
But just as I was shooting my load up into Rachel, Sophia bursts through the door. She skids to a halt, staring at us in almost comical horror.
“Damn it, Brooke!” she yelled out. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Get out of here, Sophia! You’re over for me!”
I’d like to say I gave a shit at that moment, but my own orgasm was still exploding throughout my crotch and now half-asleep legs. In response to me, Rachel now came, groaning and falling down on my chest. Over her shoulder I could still see an utterly disheveled, distraught Sophia staring at Brooke.
“Brooke! I’m not over! I love you!”
“Fuck you, Sophia!” Brooke goaded. “You want Steve more than me? You wanted to have Rachel with Steve? Well, look what I’ve done!”
SOPHIA DANTON
Okay, let me stipulate something else here. Walking into that room and finding Brooke, naked but for a pair of panties, holding Rachel up as she fucked Dave, was just a little disconcerting. But I’d seen similar things in Europe. Hell, I might of even participated in a few orgies myself. It wasn’t that big of a deal.
But I was still out of my mind. I couldn’t believe Brooke was ejecting me from her life, without warning or trial, as she had so many others.
So I did what seemed to make sense. Grabbing Brooke by the hair, I yanked her off of Dave and down to the floor. “You bitch!” I might have screamed. “Whore! Stop that!”
Leaping up, Brooke then shoves me against the wall. “FUCK YOU, Sophia! You’re over!” And with that she raced from the room.
STEVE LEVINE
So there I am, sitting on the porch, feeling much better after my barf, watching the two cops trying to separate everyone on the front lawn. By this point Marauder had wandered down the stairs to join me. Just as he was settling on my lap, Brooke comes streaking out the front door, just about naked but for a pair of panties.
Careening to a halt at the bottom of the porch stairs, she turns back to scream at the house. “Fuck you, Sophia! Go away.”
Right on cue, an utterly wrecked Sophia, weird red-streaked hair flying everywhere, bursts out the front door, leaping down to confront Brooke face to face. “Damn it, Brooke!” she yelled, grabbing her arm. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because I hate you!” Brooke screeched back, now fixated on Sophia’s eyes. “You’ve never cared. You’ve never cared at all!”
So now everyone just stops and stares a
t those two maniacs, bathed in the flashing red lights from the police car. It wasn’t hard to see that some bizarre lesbo tension was bursting out, and no one wanted to miss a thing. Sighing, Marauder pushed at my hand for attention. He’d had enough of all of us.
Now Sophia leans down slightly and kisses Brooke, long and deep, her hand coming up to Brooke’s naked breast.
DAVE MILLER
Once Brooke and Sophia raced from the room I was left with Rachel laying on my chest, wonderful sensations still coursing through my body, not the least of which was the blood returning to my legs and feet.
But a second later I was suffused with utter terror. What if I’d gotten Rachel pregnant as well? Believe me, no one had given a thought to birth control. Pushing Rachel over onto her side, next to me, I tried to wake her up.
“Rachel,” I mumbled. “Rachel!”
“What? Who? What are we doing?” Clearly disoriented, she opened her eyes a crack.
“Are you on the pill?”
“What?”
“The pill! You know, so you don’t get pregnant?”
“Huh?” Partially regaining her senses, Rachel seemed surprised at her own nudity. “Dave? What the hell’s going on?”
“What’s going on?” I stupidly repeated. “We just had sex, that’s what going on!”
“We did?” Rolling her eyes, she tried to sit up. Even at that moment, with all that was going on, I remember thinking she was a dead ringer for Wonder Woman. “I thought you just got married?”
“Yeah,” I tensely confirmed. “That’s why I need to know. Are you on the pill or not?”
“Of course not,” she groaned. “What do you take me for? Some kind of whore?”
