“Well, it’s Anna. Anna’s the last person we’d expect to get pregnant.” He dropped on the stairs next to her. “If I had to make a bet, my money would have been on you, not on Anna.”
She shivered. Now is a good time to tell him. “I’ve missed my period, so your wish might come true.”
“What?” The surprise on his face turned into a wide grin.
“I know. We’ve always been so careful.”
He waved her caution away and took her into his arms. “That’s wonderful news. Earlier than I would have liked, but wonderful, nonetheless. Are you sure?”
“I have to get a test done. Don’t get too excited, it could be a false alarm.”
He held the beer-can out to her. “Want some?”
“No, thanks,” she pointed to her tummy, “and I have an assignment due next week. That means more work on it over the weekend. I can’t afford a hangover.”
She picked a handful of chips from a bag on the steps and glanced over at him. They hadn’t made love for a few weeks now. Since spring, he’d been busy like hell. In six months, she’d finish university. How would they find time for each other when she worked full time, too? “I’m on placement for the next fortnight, so we won’t see much of each other for a while.”
Howard put his arm around her and pulled her closer. “I could stay the night. I must leave at the crack of dawn, though, to be in Whangarei in time for work. We could snuggle and spoon.”
She looked at him. Should she say something? Maybe he lost interest in her? Not as a friend, but as a lover? She didn’t want to sound desperate; after all, sex was only the icing on the cake. The cake was their friendship.
They’d started as friends, and then it became more. Something about Howard made her feel safe. She’d lost her parents in a boating accident when she was five years old. Ever since then she obsessed about safety. They’d promised each other to be honest and truthful. “I worry sometimes about our sex life. You don’t seem to be all that keen anymore.”
“I’m keen on you, silly. That hasn’t changed at all. I have tons of work, and these physical twelve-hour-days from six to eight o’clock, day in and day out are zapping me. Look at my biceps. I’m turning into Arnold Schwarzenegger.”
He pulled his arm out of his shirtsleeve and flexed his bicep. She clasped his arm and smiled at him. “As long as you don’t talk like him, I’m okay.”
“We should move in together, that would change things.” He looked at her with expectation. He beamed at her and nudged his nose into her long chocolate brown hair. “I love the vanilla scent of your shampoo.” He sniffed a few whiffs. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’m your sure bet. We’ve been together for so many years. Every time we get together, I’m as excited to see you as I was when we first met.”
He sat on the edge of the step. “Come here. We both must make an effort. I for one can’t wait for the flat to dissolve so we can move in together.”
“Admit it, there is too much estrogen floating around for you.” She winked at him.
“I admit nothing. But do you remember Miller’s farm we saw in Dairy Flat about three months ago?”
“Yes… didn’t we say it was too big for us?”
“I’ve thought about it and wouldn’t mind putting an offer on it. I still have the money from my grandmother’s inheritance, and I’m sure my dad will loan me the rest for a deposit. We could make a real good go of it when you get control over your trust fund once you turn twenty-five.”
Claudia laughed out loud. “I didn’t know you were still thinking about it. We could have another look at it.”
She wiggled into Howard’s chest as he nestled her into his arms. “Imagine us living in our place and spending every evening, every weekend, every night together. No having to get up in the middle of the night to go to work and enjoying our little paradise, maybe having two or three kids around?”
“Hm, sounds like heaven.” She talked into his chest and took another whiff of his woody scent. She looked up. “Is that place still on the market?”
“Yes, it hasn’t sold. The people selling it are old and can’t look after it anymore. It’s getting too much work for them. They’ve got no kids. I’m sure we’d get it for a good price.”
“How big is it? We’ll have little time for hobby farming.”
“It’s forty hectares. That’s not too much. There is quite a bit of bush, and it has a lake. If you agree I’ll make an appointment for us to have another look.”
“Forty hectares? Are you crazy? I’m a nurse, which means I work shifts. Forty hectares. Blimey! I don’t even have the time to keep the weeds out of our herb garden here.”
“You don’t have to. I have an idea and a surprise.” He leaned over to her. With his free hand, he brushed her hair aside and planted a soft kiss on her exposed neck. “Patrick showed an interest in joining me in the landscape business. With the tons of work, I’ve got on, I’ve been thinking, maybe we could go into business together.”
“Patrick? Anna’s on-and-off-I-can’t-make-up-my-mind boyfriend? You’re kidding. He wouldn’t know a farm from a hole in the ground. That’s your surprise? Let me tell you, I’m surprised all right.”
Howard put his hand over his mouth and muffled his laughter. “You’re so funny. Patrick predicted your reaction.” He cleared his throat. “He helped me on my last project for a few days. It impressed me. He’s a quick learner and a hard worker. We still have to sort out the details and how much money he needs to buy in, but I like having him as a partner.”
“The landscaping business is your baby. The decision is yours. I just never took Patrick for the serious kind. I thought he was rather flakey.” She eyed Howard with interest. There was something he wasn’t telling her. She could tell.
“Out with it. What are you sitting on?”
“Besides my bum?” He laughed like he often did when she caught him with his fingers in the proverbial honey pot.
“Ha, ha, ha.” She knitted her eyebrows to a frown.
“I went with Patrick to the farm to get his opinion and to show him what he’s investing money in.” He swallowed hard.
“And you didn’t care to fill me in?”
“I know he’s not your favorite, I wanted to see if it interested him before I got you on board.”
He squirmed like a hooked worm and she almost felt sorry for him. Almost. “Now would be good wouldn’t it?”
“Let’s have another look at it this weekend. The farm is on two titles, one with the house and a bit of land surrounding it, which we could buy, the other is the farmland and the bit of forest alongside the road, of which Patrick could be the part-owner. We could use most of the farmland for planting New Zealand native trees and plants. That would make us independent from nurseries. There is even a spot behind the lake where he could put a cottage for himself.”
Claudia rose and leaned against the porch post. “Wow. You’ve given it a lot of thought. What does he say to these ideas?” She looked down at him. He’s been making plans about their future without her. She hated it and the tone in her voice told him so.
“Sweetheart, you are getting it all wrong. Patrick and I only looked at the place. We still have to figure out how to work together, make a business plan, and speak to the bank.” He paused and for a moment he looked defeated. “I wanted to surprise you. Having found a way for us to purchase a farm now rather than waiting five more years, sounded like a brilliant surprise. It never occurred to me that it could offend you.”
She shook her head in disbelief. Are all guys so… so… dim-witted? He’d never showed a tendency to be a complete moron. But he must be. He’d planned their future with his friend. Involving her? Oh, no, that would’ve been too simple. “You don’t get it, do you?”
“No, I don’t. I have bought nothing or signed anything. I’m dumbfounded my grand surprise, my eureka moment is turning to dust.”
“Howie, dear, dear Howie. We are talking about our future home and life togeth
er. Planning my future with your friend is not a surprise it’s a disaster. To take me to a romantic restaurant is a surprise, or to book a weekend away in Queenstown.”
By the time she’d finished, disappointment was rising inside her, like a monster emerging from a lake, threatening to choke the love out of her heart.
He stared at her; bewilderment written all over his face. “I’m so sorry. Hurting you is the last thing I wanted to do. Claudia, sweetheart. Please, stop crying.”
“I’m not crying.” Annoyed, she wiped her watering eyes.
“Let’s have a look at the farm tomorrow and if you don’t like it, you and I keep looking. I can operate the landscaping business from anywhere. Come.” He tried to pull her into his arms, but she stiffened. If he thought she’d cave in after that joke of an apology, he’d have a rough awakening. Whenever they talked about their future, it was Howard, her, and later a couple of children. Not Howard, her, a couple of children and Patrick, the deadbeat.
What an inconvenient time to lose faith in him. Her hands dropped and cradled her tummy. If her hunch turned out to be true, it was no longer just her to think of.
Chapter Thirteen
Her father’s frosty glare hit Anna like an arctic blast. That’s how it must feel to step out of the main building at Scott Base without a thermal winter jacket. Surprised and chilled to the bones she took a step back.
But she wasn’t in Antarctica; she stood in her father’s library, shuddering under the disdain flashing in his eyes before he buried himself again in the stack of essays he’d been leafing through.
A glance over to her mother told her not to expect support from that quarter. With one hand propped up on her husband’s enormous writing desk, Eleanor King swayed, her right hand hung in the air as if she couldn’t decide whether to clutch it to her chest or her mouth. Her eyes widened in disbelief. She looked like a possum caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.
Her mother was everything Anna swore never to become. Like a relic from the nineteenth century, she followed her husband’s spoken and unspoken demands. Without a mind of her own, at least that’s how it appeared, her mother had always been an extension of her father, an ornament one puts on the mantel of the fireplace to show off to the occasional dinner guest.
With a voice that couldn’t be any more menacing, her father spoke, “Did I hear you right, you are pregnant?”
Anna wanted to run… no, have someone beam her out of this freezing dungeon. Where was Beam-me-up-Scottie when you needed him? For as long as she could recall, her father’s library had been the most fearsome place in the world. He’d never hit her. Often, she hoped he would. In anger, he would at least acknowledge her. That would still be better than his icy contempt, which, she knew from experience, would lead to months of her being completely invisible to him.
“Yes, I am. I’m four months pregnant.”
She prayed for a warm glimmer in her mother’s eyes, but it seemed God had more important things to do than listen to a young woman who craved her mother’s love.
“And you are telling us that, because…” He spoke without even lifting his head.
“I’m telling you because that’s what people do. It’s custom to inform one’s parents they will become grandparents, so they can anticipate and enjoy the prospect of having a baby in their midst.”
He lifted his head and studied her as if she had spoken in some wacky African bushman dialect. It seemed anticipation and enjoyment would not become part of her parent’s vocabulary soon.
“Are you getting married to the father?” Her mother, now recovered from the shock, spoke with a soft voice Anna had trouble hearing.
“No, I’m not.” She was about to explain the circumstances when her father, at last, looked up with a frown. “I thought we made our position clear when we explained to you the facts of life and the consequences of unprotected, premarital intercourse. Or was anything about do not come running to us when you find yourself pregnant before wedlock in any way ambiguous?”
“No father, it was not.”
She should have known they wouldn’t change. Thea’s parents had been over the moon when she announced her pregnancy. But her parents were a unique breed altogether. She shouldn’t have come. Well, she should have, because they deserved to know.
“You won’t get any money from us. You make your bed and you lay in it.” Her mother moved even closer to her husband and folded her arms in front of her chest.
A smile of pity pulled at the corners of Anna’s mouth. “I didn’t come running to you for help or money. I thought informing you in time was the right thing to do.”
Her father’s head shot up as if his daughter’s calmness annoyed him and negated her argument with a flick of his hand. “Go away, give birth, and put it up for adoption. I will give you the money if that’s the reason you came.” He put his pen aside and squinted at her as if to assess whether he was making a profitable investment.
“An abortion is out of the question and I will not give my child up for adoption,” Anna said. “I’m raising it by myself and I will be a great parent. I’ll love and cherish my child, as any decent parent would do.” It took all her self-control not to shake her parents and tell them how awful and mean they acted. “It’s time to go now. I’ve told you and there is nothing more to say.”
She turned around and walked toward the door. She had to get out of this room as fast as possible. The hollow emptiness that spread in her heart like a disease choked her to the core. She gulped past the lump stuck in her throat. There would be no tears flowing in front of her parents, not in a million years.
“Anna?”
Her father’s voice stopped her cold. She turned around. A glimmer of hope ran fleetingly through her and disappeared as he pierced her with a hard stare. She dipped her head and raised her eyebrows.
“You will not make me a laughingstock in front of my colleagues and friends. If you become one of these unwed solo mothers, living off the mercy of the taxpayer, you’ll be dead to us.”
She dropped her head further and took a deep breath. The banishment cut through her. Her first instinct was to shout her anguish at her parents, list the many acts of cruelty they’d perpetrated on her, and point out their heartlessness, but her lips stayed closed.
She looked up, let her glance wander from her father to her mother, and nodded her understanding. Then she straightened her back and with her head held up high, she whispered “Goodbye, and Merry Christmas,” opened the door, and closed it behind her.
There was nothing here for her anymore. A strange thought hit her. They turned her away on the Eve of Christmas, just like Mary and Joseph found nothing but closed doors. At least she had her friends. She stepped into the glaring daylight. It was like stepping from a dark wintery place onto the shores of a tropical island. She looked up to let the scorching sun dry the stray tears that had escaped, and without turning back she opened the high-walled garden gate and crossed the footpath to Christine who’d waited for her in the car.
“How did it go?” Worried, Christine leaned over and opened the passenger door for Anna.
“Sometimes I think it’s better to lose your parents, like Claudia than to cope with emotionally barren people like my parents.”
Christine put her arm around Anna and pulled her over as much as the middle console and the steering wheel allowed.
“That bad?” Christine put her head next to Anna’s. “We don’t need them. You managed without them for such a long time. There was never a genuine chance they’d become as excited as Thea’s parents had been when she carried Barbara.”
Anna pushed back from Christine’s embrace and let her head fall back against her headrest.
“I know. I know how they are, how they’ve always been. I shouldn’t have expected a different response. I must have held a smidgen of hope. Not for me, but the child. Their response shattered me.” She stared out of the window.
“If I recall the human development lectures I ha
ven’t slept through, we keep hoping until we die that our parents will one day turn around, slap their forehead, and say why didn’t I see earlier how wonderful you are. I love you. It’s the human condition. Has something to do with the hard-wired attachment thingy. It’s more biology than psychology.”
Anna let out a giggle that turned in no time into a full-out whooping, infecting Christine too. Soon both bent over in stitches.
“What are we laughing about?” Christine tried to catch her breath between laughing and wiping the tears off her face.
“I imagined my father saying he loves me, and the image was….” She burst into another laughing bout.
“I’d say your parents are not normal. There is something wrong with both. They lack the parental gene for once, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they had some autistic features or narcissistic traits.”
“I don’t know about that. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt. I think they never recovered from my baby brother’s death. By the time I came along, their hearts were already barren like a wasteland.”
Christine looked at Anna with a frown. “That’s an explanation, but not an excuse. People incapable of loving children should get sterilized, so they don’t produce future dysfunctional adults.”
“Are you saying I’m dysfunctional?”
She laughed. “No, silly, you turned out all right, thanks to the Famous Four, I might add.” She grinned as if she waited for a retort. But because Anna agreed with her, she didn’t get an objection.
“Well, that’s that. Buckle up, we need to hurry, I promised Thea I’d pick her up from her parents.”
Anna sat in silence and stared out of the window as they drove through the suburbs to West Auckland.
“Is something bothering you?”
“Nothing we haven’t already discussed.”
Christine felt sorry for her friend. The best plan of action was a distraction. She put the old Toyota into second gear and slowed down on approaching the roundabout. When they stopped in front of Thea’s parents’ house, Thea was waiting for them at the front door.
Falling in Love Page 6
