by Liwen Y. Ho
“You chose to follow in your parents’ footsteps and go to Berkeley. You want to be close to your family; I don’t. At least not for a while,” she shrugged. “We’re just different. That doesn’t mean one of us is more right.”
He’d heard enough. He always thought Lucy was immature. How could she not take family seriously? Besides God, family was the most important thing in his life. “You’re right. We are different. I appreciate my family. You take yours for granted.”
Lucy’s cheeks flushed a bright pink shade that rivaled her bikini. “How dare you say that! I lost my mom, Micah. I miss her every day. All I have left are her photos and her wedding dress. I don’t even remember her voice anymore. Part of the reason I want to go to L.A. is so I can spend more time with my grandma and my mom’s extended family. I do value family … more than you know.” She swiped away the tears falling down her face, then gathered her belongings together. “I’m going up to my room. Can you watch out for Lexi?”
He stared at her for a moment as her words sunk in. She wasn’t as selfish as he thought. Even still, she had a lot of growing up to do. Maybe being on her own would help her do that. He couldn’t protect her forever. Nodding, he placed his sunglasses back on. “Yeah, of course.”
“Thanks,” she uttered before turning to go.
A pit formed in his stomach as he sensed a shift in their relationship. For the first time, he allowed a distance to grow between them. It was time she paved her own way, including facing the consequences that came with her decisions.
* * *
Present Day (July)
Micah stood on one side of the doorway and peeked into the classroom. Although it was summer vacation, he and a group of volunteers were helping at a church-sponsored academic camp for underprivileged elementary kids. This was his third year overseeing the registration table and Lucy’s first year teaching drama, but she was already fast becoming one of the more popular teachers. He observed the boys and girls as they practiced a skit under her direction. The sound of laughter spilled out of the room, making him smile. She was a natural at teaching and acting, and as he was discovering, breaking his heart. It’d been two months since she accepted John’s proposal. He still couldn’t believe the woman he was in love with had on another man’s engagement ring.
“Did you get the headcount for today, Micah? The kitchen staff needs to know how many snacks to prepare.”
He turned around to see his mom with a clipboard in her hands. She wore the same bright yellow shirt he and all the volunteers were wearing. Her smile made the corners of his own mouth curve up; seeing her happy always made his day. There had been a time long ago when she never smiled, but those days were rare now. His parents were in a good place. He admired, even envied, their marriage.
Like his mom and dad, he and Lucy had started off as friends. They, however, were still friends. Oh, they had crossed the line once with an ill-timed kiss, but nothing more. At least not outright. Theirs was a relationship of unspoken words and unfulfilled longings. The situation was becoming clearer now, but also more troubling. How was he supposed to win her over when she was ready to marry someone else?
“Micah, are you okay?” His mom had walked up to him by now and placed a palm against his forehead. “Are you sick?”
“Mom—please, I’m not a kid anymore.” He shook his head and took a step back. The hurt in his mom’s face made him regret his response. “I’m fine, I just haven’t been sleeping well. You were asking about the headcount?” He checked his own clipboard and relayed the final number to his mom. “Do you need anything else?”
“No, that’s all, thanks.” She paused, her attention drawn to the classroom where Lucy was teaching. “The two of you have been through a lot together. How do you feel about the engagement? It’s sure to change your friendship with Lucy, if it hasn’t already.”
“To be honest, I don’t know what to think.”
“I didn’t ask what you think,” Mrs. Chan chided him, “I asked how you feel. You can talk to me, counselor to counselor.”
He cracked a small smile. He never could skirt the issue of feelings when it came to his mom. “I guess I feel concerned and frustrated. And powerless.”
“Powerless? Why?”
“Because I want to stop her from marrying the wrong man, but I can’t.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Why is John the wrong man?”
Because he’s not me, he wanted to answer. But before he could say anything, the school bell rang to signal the end of class. The students began piling out of the room, their voices blending together in an animated chorus. Micah and his mom stepped to the side to let them pass. A sea of heads barely waist-high glanced up at him as they walked by.
One girl with black braids stopped in front of him with a curious expression. She looked him up and down before asking, “Are you the man Ms. Choi is going to marry?”
“What?”
“She showed us her diamond ring and she said she’s marrying someone tall and handsome.” With her arms crossed against her chest, the third or fourth grader craned her neck to study him. “You’re tall and handsome.”
“Uh ...”
“He is, isn’t he?” Micah’s mom jumped. “I’m his mom.”
The girl’s mouth formed a big O as she looked from Micah to his mom and back again. “Cool. If he marries Ms. Choi, then you’ll be her mom, too.”
“I would be her mother-in-law, yes. That would be interesting, wouldn’t it?” She seemed to direct her answer at Micah, but her next statement was meant for the little girl. “You should get going to your next class, sweetie. You don’t want to be late.”
“Oh yeah! Bye!”
“Bye,” Micah managed to call out to the girl’s back as she ran to catch up with her friends.
“That was precious,” his mom grinned. “You seem to have made an impression on her.”
Shaking his head, he chuckled, “I don’t know what just happened.”
“I’d call it a reality check. Kids are good at speaking their minds. The important part is being able to hear their nuggets of wisdom. So, back to my question. Why isn’t John the right man for Lucy? Or better yet, who do you think is the right man for her?”
“Uh …” He hated being on the receiving end of such probing questions; this was the reason why he was the counselor and not the counselee. “I just think she should be with someone who knows her well.”
She nodded thoughtfully. “As well as you do?”
Micah swallowed hard, all the while trying to keep a straight face. He knew his mom was a good therapist, but come on, she was practically reading his mind. If there was ever a time to implement the defense mechanism of avoidance, it was now. “Don’t you need to give the headcount to the kitchen crew so they can prepare the snacks?”
“Oh yes, right. I better go,” she said as she checked her watch. “We’ll continue this conversation later, okay?” She gave him a sly smile and walked away.
What was that all about? He appreciated his mom’s concern, but he was thankful to not be discussing this issue further. There were some things a grown man did not need to tell his mother … even though she seemed to know too much already. And that young girl—she was something else. He was still pondering her words when Lucy stuck her head out of the classroom door.
“Hey, Mikey, you’re just the man I need.”
“Huh?” He was? What about John?
She walked out with a couple of plastic containers full of costumes and props. “Can you help me carry this stuff to my car? I’m done for the day.”
“Yeah, of course.” He blinked and returned to reality as he took the bins from her. Micah to the rescue, as always. If only someone else could help him out of this mess he was in. He waited for Lucy to lock up the room before following her to the parking lot. “How was class? Is it different from teaching high schoolers?”
“Totally. The younger ones have an easier time expressing their emotions. They don’t hold back as
much since they’re not as concerned about what other people think.”
He nodded. “That makes sense. Peer pressure doesn’t play as big a factor until one nears adolescence.”
“Spoken like a true counselor.” She shifted the container in her hand to her hip as she opened the trunk of her sedan. “These kids also do improv really well. They got the ‘Yes, And’ rule right away.”
He set the bins down and closed the trunk shut. “Yeah, I saw that part of your class today. They were really funny and clever with the ideas they suggested.”
“Yeah, they’re hilarious.”
She grinned, and he found himself mesmerized by it. He’d always thought Lucy was pretty, but in that moment, she stole his breath away. The long lashes framing her hazel eyes, her high cheekbones and those full, pink lips he longed to kiss again—he could stare at her all day. But it was more than that. He saw the beauty of her heart, the care she took in drawing her students out of their shells and the adventurous spirit that fueled her passion for acting and now for teaching. She was so full of life. He even felt more alive when he was around her. So much so that he thought of the craziest plan to reveal his feelings. “You know what, I’d like to try an improv right now. Do you mind?”
“Huh? Micah Chan wants to do some acting? Who are you and what did you do with my brother?”
He winced and vowed to put an end to this sibling talk. That’s exactly why he came up with this crazy idea. Him act? That was about as likely as him playing hooky from work. But he would do it if it meant getting Lucy to think about him as more than a brother. “I’m right here. You always said I should try new things and be more open-minded. Here’s my attempt at doing just that. Humor me, will you?”
Squinting against the sunlight, she looked up at him and asked, “All right. Do you want to go first, or should I?”
“I can.” He rubbed his palms together and cleared his throat. His mind suddenly went blank. “Uh, I don’t know where to start.”
“Just pick a topic and make a statement about it. It can be about anything. How big a tree is, what you had for breakfast or”—she glanced down—“how much you love your shorts.”
“My shorts?” There was nothing particularly interesting about his faded cargo shorts.
Chuckling, she offered another idea. “Okay, no shorts. How about using the one I gave the kids today: The ocean is full of fish.”
Fish? Hm, he could work with that. “Yes, and some of them are handsome.”
“Handsome fish?” She shook her head in dismay. “Colorful maybe, but handsome?”
“Come on, go with it. You’re supposed to say yes, and …”
“Now you sound like the teacher,” she smirked. “Yes, and … one of them”—she pointed dramatically to the far end of the lot—“is swimming toward us.”
“Yes, and he’s holding up a sign.”
“Yes, and he’s excited to tell us something.”
“Yes, and he’s turning into a man.”
She gasped and placed her hands on her cheeks. “Yes, and he throws away the sign because he can talk.”
Good one. Micah liked the direction they were going. “Yes, and he has a secret he wants to reveal.”
“Yes, and he’s going to tell us before he turns back into a merman.”
He took a deep breath, ready to share all that was on his heart and mind. He said a quick and earnest prayer for God to go before him in this conversation. “Yes, and he hopes you will listen to him with an open mind.”
His solemn tone must have caught her attention. She took a step forward to close the gap between them. “This is real. Is there something you want to tell me?”
“Yes. I probably should have said something before, but part of me didn’t even realize what was going on until recently.”
“Okay, well, you know you can tell me anything. We’re family.”
“Family—right.” That was part of the problem. Was it too late? Could Lucy ever see him as anything more than the older brother he’d been for the past fifteen years? Beads of sweat gathered on his forehead, whether from nerves or the midday sun, he wasn’t sure. “The thing is … I can’t let you marry John.”
“You can’t let me marry John,” she repeated as a statement instead of a question. “That’s the big secret you wanted to tell me?”
“Yes.”
“I see.”
Her calm demeanor confused him. “Why aren’t you disagreeing with me? You hate it when I tell you what to do.”
“I’ve learned the benefit of listening to others, especially to you. You’ve always had my best interests at heart. Even my dad wants what’s best for me, although the way he says things can sometimes come across as controlling. I do appreciate both of you looking out for me.”
What a relief. He had been expecting an all-out war with Lucy, but she was taking his advice in stride. She had matured from the young stubborn girl he knew years ago. “Great. So, you’re not going to marry John. That’s a relief.”
“I didn’t say I wouldn’t, but why are you so opposed to the idea?”
“It’s too fast for one thing. You’ve known each other for what—six months?” He’d known Lucy for fifteen years, and he only recently realized his feelings for her. How could she or John be so sure already? “How do you know he’s the right guy? We’re talking about a lifetime commitment here.”
“I’m not marrying him tomorrow, Mikey. I told him I preferred a long engagement. He’s fine with that.”
“Oh. Then why the rush to get engaged?”
“Well, his mom’s health isn’t well. She wants to see him settle down before she …,” she winced, “isn’t here to witness it.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Did you guys plan this for her?”
“Actually, I had no idea he was going to propose. My mind was so wrapped up in the last play we had before school let out that I didn’t question why he asked for my ring size.” She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter though. I mean, we’d get engaged eventually. The timeline just moved up.”
Micah had trouble getting the words out, but he had to ask. “So, you love him?”
Lucy’s brow quirked. She stuck her hands into the back pockets of her jean skirt and chewed on her lower lip. Her expression turned bashful. “I haven’t told him I love him, if that’s what you’re asking. I’ve never told anyone that before. But I do like him a lot. And he loves me. It’s just a matter of time before I feel the same.”
A matter of time? He didn’t need to hear Lucy’s matter-of-fact tone to know how unromantic—even pathetic—this sounded. “Why are you doing this, Lucy? Why did you say yes?”
“I …” Her gaze fell to the ground. “We were standing in front of half the school, Mikey. I couldn’t turn him down. All the kids were watching us and he was so excited when he pulled the ring out. I know all too well what it feels like to be rejected. I couldn’t do that to John, especially not in public.”
He sucked in a breath, feeling like he’d been punched in the gut. That was the last reason he expected her to give. The compassion in Lucy’s eyes softened his heart. He didn’t think he could love her more, but his heart swelled with pride. “I don’t know what to say. That was very kind and selfless of you. But you can’t marry him because you feel sorry for him. What kind of marriage would that be?”
“Isn’t that what love is? Giving of yourself for someone else’s sake? I’m making John and his mom happy. Marrying him is the right thing to do.”
“Lucy, it’s not your job to make anyone happy. We’re all responsible for ourselves. What about you? Would you be happy if you married him?”
She paused. “I wouldn’t be unhappy. Anyways, it’s not just about me. I’m trying to think of other people. For once in my life, I want to do the mature thing. I want to do what you do, watch out for other people and take care of them.”
That is what he strove to do in life, but never to this extreme. “I appreciate your sacrificial spirit, but this is a bad idea.
Do you know what happens when you keep on giving and giving? You burn out. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership. It’s a mutual give and take.”
“It will be in time.” Blinking back tears, she offered a quivering smile. “Don’t make it harder for me than it already is. I need your support, Mikey. Please.”
He wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her, instead he stepped back. How could he say no to her? He sighed, regretting his next word as soon as it left his lips: “Fine.”
Confrontation
October, 2 years ago
Lucy
“I can’t make it tonight for dinner, Mom. Something came up.” Lucy cringed, knowing how sad her excuse sounded. She leaned against the doorframe of her parents’ study where her mom was painting by the window. “I, uh, need to buy a pair of slacks in case I have an interview next week.”
Her mom lifted her paintbrush from the canvas and turned around with a pained expression. “Lucy, you can’t avoid Micah forever. You came back from L.A. almost a month ago. It’s time you saw him.”
“But Mom, he hates me. We haven’t spoken since my graduation. That was a year and a half ago. He clearly doesn’t want to see me or talk to me. It would just make dinner weird if I went.”
“What’s weird is the two of you pretending you don’t care about each other. He does care, that’s why he reacted so strongly when you didn’t move back after college. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed. Old friends can pick up right where they left off. It was like that with your dad and me when we bumped into each other after high school,” she mused with a fond smile. “Tonight will be the perfect chance for you guys to catch up.”
“If he wanted to catch up, he would’ve called or texted me. I still have the same number. And it’s not like he doesn’t know where I am. His parents live next door. I see his car in their driveway every Friday night.” She made it a point to leave the house as soon as he arrived and not return until after he’d left. Okay, maybe she wasn’t giving him a chance to find her. But he’d hurt her with his silence. In all the years she’d been in Southern California, he’d only texted her on her birthday. The times she contacted him, their conversations were brief and superficial. After a while, she’d given up on keeping in touch, especially after her acting career—brief as it was—took off. Even then there had been no congratulatory email or Facebook post to show that he cared. Despite their history and what her mom said, she doubted he wanted anything to do with her.
