Eva reached her arm around her and held her while she let the tears fall. “I’ll be damned. You’re in love with Bash. I’m being hard on you when you’re really trying to be noble. It’s commendable, honey, but you’re still wrong. Pushing him away so soon is the wrong move.”
“So what’s the right move, in your opinion?”
“Let it be. See where things go. Be open to whatever comes of it.”
“You won’t be singing that tune when Wilkes or some media shark shoves Bash into the limelight.”
“True, but here’s a thought. Do you know how many times I’ve had movie roles as an assassin? I can make Wilkes disappear for you and I’m almost positive I’d get away with it,” she joked.
Alexandra giggled, shaking her head fiercely as she swiped away the tears from her cheeks. Sniffling, she replied, “Have you seen American prisons? On the off chance you did get caught, it would be hell. That skunk Wilkes can live. I just want him to stay the hell away from me.”
A few Wilkes-bashing comments later, the driver cruised to a halt outside of Dad’s house. Streetlights illuminated the inky black night in the quiet, beautiful neighborhood. It was late evening, and she wondered if Bash was even around.
“Let’s make this quick, Eva. I don’t want to keep Dad up too late. Are you sure you don’t mind taking the file to him?”
“Positive.”
“Okay. Thanks so much. I have a radio station appearance early tomorrow morning, so I’m not sure it’s a good idea to stay over at Bash’s place. I need to get some sleep.”
“Sleep is the last thing you need right now, Lex, but whatever.”
Eva waited in the car while Alexandra went inside. Hurrying up to the second floor, she found the file and brought it back to the car. “Here it is. Tell Dad I’ll phone him soon, okay?”
“Will do, honey.”
Alexandra walked around to the driver to let him know she needed him to pick her up to take her to the radio show. He agreed, and left with Eva. She headed over to Bash’s front door and knocked, even though she still had a key. After several loud knocks and retrying the doorbell, he didn’t answer.
Crap. I wonder where he is?
She checked her bag for the spare key, slightly worried, and didn’t notice the sound of someone coming up the front porch steps behind her.
“I didn’t think I’d see you for a while,” Bash said to her, wrapping his arms around her waist as he moved in behind her.
Alexandra’s chest tightened. Her heart pounded as Sebastian’s cologne wafted into her nostrils, along with an indulgent mix of fantasies and memories. Turning to him, she reached her hand up around his neck. “I’ve missed you,” she said without thinking.
“Well that’s the sweetest thing you’ve said to me all day, Alexandra,” he whispered to her. He pressed a kiss on her neck as he ran his hands up and down her back, sending heat through the gauzy white blouse she was wearing. “What are you doing here? I thought you said you’d be busy the next little while.”
“I am. I wanted to come by since I saw you earlier, but things were crazy. Let’s go inside.”
“Sure.” Bash reached around her and opened the front door.
They stepped inside and she lifted up on her tiptoes to kiss his lips. Suddenly the events of the day didn’t matter as much anymore, not while his skin was on hers.
When they came up for air, Bash smiled. “Just what I needed, and right on time. How did your day go?”
His attempt at small talk fell flat as their eyes met and sparks lit up between them all over again. Trying to steady her emotions and her need, she took a deep breath. Her desire was already sky high, but she sensed he had something on his mind. “It was as expected, more or less. How about you? You seemed so down earlier.”
He looked away for a moment. “Yeah. I got some not so great news from the specialist during my appointment at the clinic.”
“Oh?” She instinctively looked down at his injured knee, and back up at his face. “You should have phoned me. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Sure, but you look like you’ve been through the ringer too. Is everything okay?”
Alexandra let out a long breath. “I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“Well, I’m getting dinner ready. Why don’t you go change into something relaxing, and we can fill each other in?”
“Great idea. I’ll be right back.”
Alexandra headed upstairs to his room for the clothes she had left at his place after his surgery. Wilkes’ harsh cautionary message earlier came to mind, about Bash only being in it for the sex. It clearly wasn’t the case, yet she felt the need to defend the comment after the fact.
What the hell does Wilkes know, anyway?
After changing, taking off her makeup, and removing her wig—which was now a real pain to manage—Alexandra went back down to the kitchen.
“What’s on the menu, chef?” she asked as she walked in.
“Pan-seared white fish with vegetables. I’ll be eating super-lean for the next few months.”
“It sounds great.” She took a seat at the small eat-in kitchen table at one side of the large room. “So does this have to do with your news?”
He nodded. “Long story short, it’s going to be a long, difficult road ahead to get back to my job as a firefighter.”
“Sorry to hear that. What did they say?” He filled her in as he kept an eye on the fish and veggies. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“I’m afraid I have to go it alone. For the next few months, I’ll need to eat, breathe and sleep physical therapy and preparation for my firefighter’s physical exam.”
“God, it sounds just like what my next few months will be like. Hard, grueling and not at all fun.”
“Is that what you were upset about when you got here?”
“That and then some.”
He turned to her for a moment. “It wasn’t about Wilkes?”
So, it’s true. Sebastian and Wilkes actually met.
Holy hell.
“He came by here, didn’t he?”
“Yes. He seemed like a really nice guy.”
“Really?”
“No,” he said, smiling. “Isn’t that what you’d want me to say?”
“Where would you get that idea?”
“Never mind. It was my attempt at humor. Wilkes is a jerk…the jerk who hurt you, and he’s way too slick for his own good. Did he find you? He seemed to be on a mission.”
She filled him in on everything, from Dad’s release, to the label’s new demands, to Wilkes’ stunt at the hotel.
“He’s persistent. I’ll give him that.” Looking at the food again, Bash turned off the stove top and covered each saucepan.
“You’re not upset?”
“Why would I be upset?”
“For starters, we may be waking up tomorrow to coverage of his proposal and pictures of him down on one knee.”
“I barely watch the news. It doesn’t matter, unless you’re considering it.”
“Of course I’m not considering it. It’s over with Wilkes. He just hasn’t accepted it yet.”
“Then I’m not upset…Listen for a second. Let’s set aside the Wilkes topic for a second. Your label is going to make you really busy, right?”
“Yes.”
“Well, getting back to normal after the surgery will make me busy too. Maybe it’s a good thing.”
“How do you mean?”
“I’m going to be right here, Alexandra. I’m not going anywhere. When you go back to Los Angeles, don’t worry about me. You can always fly in for a visit here and there.”
“What are you saying, Bash?”
Bash moved to her. Taking her hand, he pulled her to stand. She rushed into his arms. Bash wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight into his chest.
“I’m saying, I really like spending time with you, and for the next little while, it won’t be possible, but that doesn’t mean we have to let things go.”
He leaned forward and kissed her hair. “I’m saying I can wait. We can talk on the phone, and you can come see me whenever you get time. I think that’s the most either of us can expect, realistically.”
She didn’t want him to let go. Ever.
Alexandra nodded when Sebastian pulled out of the embrace, not really sure what to say as she looked up at him.
I think Sebastian Sullivan just admitted he may be in love with me.
This is too damn good to last.
Chapter 49
SEBASTIAN looked down into Alexandra’s eyes. “Think you can get back here soon?” he asked.
Her limo was waiting at the curb. It would take her to the airport for her trip back to Los Angeles any minute now.
“I’m not sure, but I’ll find a way. How about you? Any chance you can come my way sometime?”
He raised the two crutches he walked on out to the side. “As soon as I lose these, get past my physical therapy and have an idea about when I can return to work, I’ll be there…for at least a weekend.”
“Sounds like the best we can do.”
“Yup.”
“I feel bad leaving you like this,” she said, eyeing each crutch. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”
“Positive. My aunt’s already cleared her schedule. She’ll take me to my appointments and probably baby me a bit with meals and laundry.”
“Good.”
She buried her head in his chest, and Sebastian kissed the top of her head, just before Alexandra looked up at him again.
“You should go,” he told her. “Before I keep you here.”
She smiled and he took in her sunny eyes, her lips that looked like they needed one last kiss before she tore away. “I’ll miss you so much, Bash.” Her voice cracked as she said it.
Cupping her face, he met her lips with his. A brief kiss. “Me too.”
Alex backed away from him with a shaky exhale. “Call me. Anytime okay?”
“I will.”
He watched her step into the limo, and waited for it to drive away.
Now comes the hard part.
ALEXANDRA clung to images of Bash as her private plane took off from Tucson. She wished there could be some other way for them to keep seeing each other. Sadly, that fantasy wasn’t in the cards right now. Bash needed to complete his physical therapy here in Tucson, and it was time for her to go back to the life waiting for her in Los Angeles.
Her last four days in town had been like riding a roller coaster. Bash supplied the highs while her label, Wilkes and the media had wholeheartedly provided the lows. The Blaze Entertainment A&R team kept her days busy with image planning for her album release. Wilkes saw it fit to agree to several interviews about his proposal to Alexandra, capitalizing on the horrendously drama-filled clip where he got down on one knee at the hotel. Bash had taken it all in stride, and the only other saving grace was that somehow, his name never entered the fray.
On the plane, her headphones blasted Southern Indie rock in her ears, with haunting harmonies and raw vocals that blended flawlessly with the scrape of her heart just getting by, beat by beat. It was someone else’s music, but the boys in the Tennessee band seemed to be singing the story of her life—a sad refrain with deep bass notes and clashing cymbals.
After stretching out in the spacious airplane seats that fully reclined, Alexandra wanted to wrap herself in the quilt her mother had given her before she passed away. It was waiting for her in Los Angeles, a fixture on her bed that had become a security blanket of sorts. Now she was going back to it, the only thing in Los Angeles that felt like home. She wondered what things would be like if life had taken a different track.
Would Sebastian have told me years ago I was his high school crush?
She closed her eyes and imagined they might’ve dated a handful of months and realized they were all wrong for each other. Maybe they would have remained friends. Another possibility was they might’ve fallen madly in love, gotten married by now, and even had children. She could almost see both sides of the coin toss, both pleasant. Either way, they could have gotten to know each other back then, and would have been better for having done so. The idea of a normal life had its appeal, but at the moment, it didn’t feel like a luxury she could have.
I don’t know what would’ve happened if things had been different.
I’ll never know.
Before she had learned of Dad’s illness and left Los Angeles, Alexandra had high hopes for what she would find in Tucson. She had been so sure the answers she needed would be there. She was disillusioned after years of playing industry games and dancing to the beat of everybody else’s drum, and this trip was supposed to help her clear her mind and figure out what she wanted. Instead, she was returning to Los Angeles feeling even more conflicted.
The reality is, I belong to the label.
Until my contract expires, I’m owned.
In her last few minutes in bed with Bash before her flight, he had told her she was the fire he couldn’t put out, and damn, every time she closed her eyes, she saw the look on his face when he had said it. Christ, with words like that, Bash gave her hope anything was possible—except she still couldn’t shake the feeling that anytime now, her life would collide with his in the public eye, and all hell would break loose.
I wish I knew how to stop that from happening.
It feels so damned inevitable.
I’m going to fuck up Sebastian’s life. I just know it.
Setting aside the sinking feeling that the other shoe was about to drop, she sat up and reached for her smartphone to look at the latest emails from Rick.
“Crap.”
“What?” Eva asked from the seat on the other side of the aisle near Alexandra. She had hitched a ride back to Los Angeles, and like the perfect bestie who understood her moods, had left Alexandra to her thoughts up until then.
“Rick, that’s what.”
“What did he do now?”
“He scheduled me to interview and perform on Sammy P. Higgins Live.”
“That’s not so bad.”
“Yes, it is. It’s for tomorrow night.”
“Oh. Well, think of it as jumping back in with both feet, honey. Maybe that’s what you need after such a long break without your music.”
Alexandra put the smartphone away. “Hmmm. You know what? Maybe it’ll be good for something else too.”
Eva removed her blackout sleeping mask and looked over at Alexandra. “Uh oh. You look like you have something brewing over there. I hope it doesn’t end up like your Alex Roberts idea.”
Alexandra smirked. “I think it will be memorable.”
“Good God,” Eva answered, and put the mask back on.
Finally home in Los Angeles and up in her room, Alexandra snatched off the headphones. She tossed them aside with a desolate growl, dragging out a notebook before picking up her guitar. God, she missed it. That was something to give her a bit of solace now that she was back in town. It was the longest she had gone without touching it—ever.
The first chords she strummed slid under her fingers and became the opening riff of what right away felt like more honesty than she’d known in years. She jotted down a few phrases that could eventually become the chorus, then the verse. It all came so naturally. The music flowed into her, and she closed her eyes, remembering what she just left behind in Tucson, with a wish to the heavens she could have it back again.
Her mind wandered to everyone else one by one. Eva was probably already home asleep. Wilkes was probably still working the angles with the media and this horrid proposal scandal, but at least he was far away. Dad was so much better, and with Rosa by his side, he was happier than ever. As she plucked on the guitar strings, she had no doubt. Her music made her feel more whole. Her music wasn’t the problem. It was the career layered around her music that didn’t make sense anymore. The co-dependency on the media, the cameras, the constant spin and image-making that sucked away at who she was, not to mention being forced to tolerate
the tabloids, blogs, and gossip in order to restore Lexxi Rock’s image.
What would make for the perfect combination was her guitar, her songwriting, performing live, living in Tucson and being with Bash—not necessarily in that order. Bash’s final words before she left Tucson had blazed a fire through her. He wanted to keep her there, and that’s where she wanted to be. Now, she was back to the empty mansion in Beverly Hills, and strumming on this guitar was the only way she knew to keep the memories alive. She wrote, sang and played the song that told the real story, the one that would never make it to press. It was the story of what really happened the summer Lexxi Rock forgot who she was supposed to be, and got a chance to be her true self for a while, the story of Sebastian Sullivan and the purple blaze that spread out around her heart.
Tortured by the words, her voice faded to silence and she realized she had stopped playing the guitar, lost in reflection. It was late evening now. Getting some sleep was a good idea anyway. She set aside the half-written lyrics, padded into her master bathroom and got ready for bed. After brushing her teeth, changing into comfy pajamas and sinking back into the luxurious bedding, it took only a handful of minutes to drift off to dreams.
Sebastian appeared. The shifting shadows around them stabilized and became the familiar guest room of his house. He didn’t say a word. He only stared at her with wistful longing, even as his name repeated over her lips, trying to get him to say something so she could hear his deep, soothing voice again. Bash’s figure flickered like static on a TV channel with a weak signal, and Alexandra reached out a hand that pushed right through him as though he were a holograph. Her hand met nothing but air.
Behind her, laughter echoed. It was her manager, Rick. He cackled out, “You’re the best, Lexxi!”
The flash of a camera blinded her as she turned to try and find the real Bash. With the certain knowledge that came with dreams, she was sure he had to be somewhere close. All she needed to do was find him. Swatting at the unseen paparazzi, she took a step in Sebastian’s guestroom, and around her transformed into a red carpet leading into an awards ceremony. Bash was walking far ahead of her, with a hundred flashing cameras dotting the dreamscape like stars coming to life and dying. Her hands flung to her face to cover her stinging eyes as a lump formed in her throat.
Hollywood Undercover Page 32
