by Cindi Madsen
Eventually, they headed toward their cabins and packed them up, along with the kitchen. When the familiar Newport shore came into view, Danae concentrated on all they’d accomplished during the past week.
As they disembarked, Danae foolishly cast one last glance at the helm of the gorgeous sailboat, only to find it forlorn and empty. A tight band constricted her chest, and her feet cemented themselves to the ground for a handful of seconds.
So that she could put one foot in front of the other instead of sprinting back to find Josh and apologize, she shifted her consciousness to where she would be six months from now. Secure in her job, her financial future cemented, a handful of short-term and long-term goals crossed off on the front page of her planner.
This trip would be but a blip—one she’d fondly recall—and she’d be farther down the pathway to checking off more goals.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Nancy beamed at him from the open doorway of her and George’s boat. “Josh! When did you get home?”
“On Monday,” he said, and shame that he hadn’t come over that night catching in his throat. “But I left again shortly before sunrise on Tuesday and spent another week at sea.” In an effort to convince himself that he was happy alone on a boat—although he’d keep that tidbit to himself.
“Well, come on in.” Nancy waved him inside, and George greeted him by patting the couch cushion beside him.
“I brought you fudge from this little candy shop in Cape Cod. It’s sugar free, so safe to eat, and delicious, I hope.” Josh extended the box toward Nancy, but George intercepted it, cracked it open, and shoved one of the chocolate squares in his mouth.
The smile on Josh’s face felt strange enough that it took him a second to realize he was still capable of smiling. Laughing.
That was something he hadn’t done a whole lot of alone on his boat.
“How was your visit with your grandkids?” he asked, doing his best to keep his thoughts from straying into remorseful territory.
Nancy mentioned how fun the birthday party had been, while George grumbled about noisy teenagers. But he added that he’d enjoyed seeing his daughter and her family. “Missed the marina, though.”
See. The marina was where it was at.
Now you’re justifying your actions because George missed the marina?
Still, Josh would be George’s age one day, and he’d be living out his golden years on his boat.
His boat that had been so quiet his ears rang from the silence.
“So, tell us about who was on the trip with you,” Nancy said as she settled in her worn recliner.
Danae’s face flashed in his mind, setting off the sledgehammer that hit him square in the chest every time his brain betrayed him like that.
“Just some company on a corporate retreat.” The white design on the purple and green rug under their feet blurred and sharpened as Josh inspected it. Over the past several days, he had hyper-focused on the inane so he wouldn’t picture a blond woman with a smile that lit up his insides like the stars in the sky.
Don’t think about stars, either.
“I’m going to need more details than that, young man.” Nancy’s chair creaked as she leaned forward to grab a piece of fudge. “Come on, regale me with tales of your adventures.”
This past week’s aimless journey didn’t feel like an adventure. Something must be wrong with him, because he missed having Danae around, waving the itinerary at him. Missed her smile and laugh and doing bizarre activities like alpaca yoga.
Now that he’d experienced a trip with Danae by his side, not having her around emphasized the loneliness he’d occasionally felt before.
“I know that look,” George said, squinting at Josh. Then he gave one sharp nod. “He’s lovesick.”
“You met someone.” The words came out high-pitched and laced with excitement. Such joy shone in Nancy’s features that he hated to confess it was already over. “That’s the kind of news you start with.”
“I…There was a woman…” Josh dragged a hand over his face. “It’s a long story.”
“Well, George and I have nothing but time.” Nancy patted her husband’s knee, drawing his attention and then speaking loud enough to be heard over the TV. “Don’t we?”
At the knock on the door, they all glanced up.
Nancy stood to answer it, and as soon as she opened the door, Tinsley’s voice carried over to them. “Hello, Nancy.” Tinsley waved at George and Josh. “Hey, guys.”
“Come on in,” Nancy said. “Josh was about to tell us a story about a woman he met.”
“Ooh.” Tinsley clapped. “I love stories like this.” She skipped the few steps to the couch—making him think of Danae because every dang thing managed to—and flopped down on the cushion between him and George.
“Please tell me there’s a happy ending,” Tinsley said, and Josh opened his mouth. Then she waved her hands. “No, wait. Don’t spoil it.”
Oh, I spoiled it all right.
Suddenly he had everyone’s attention, and while he’d originally planned to beg off or make an excuse to leave, this was his marina family. Besides, he was so sick of not-talking to anyone.
Out it came, a sentence at a time. Until he reached the part of the trip where everything fell apart. His throat constricted as he forced himself to power through. “It was fun while it lasted, but we don’t want the same things. In the end, we were just too different.”
Silence coated the room, so thick and heavy that he thought maybe they’d all managed to fall asleep with their eyes open. Then Nancy and Tinsley looked at each other. They had an entire conversation without words, glances and raised eyebrows apparently enough for them to communicate.
George scooted to the edge of the couch, and Josh almost asked how he could just leave after all the gut-spilling. But then George put a hand on his shoulder, his grip firm. “Ladies, should I tell him? Or do you want to?”
“Depends on how good a job you do, dear,” Nancy replied, and trepidation crept down Josh’s spine, leaving him sitting stick-straight.
George nodded at his wife, and then twisted toward Josh. “Son, that’s the most pathetic story I’ve ever heard.”
“Because it didn’t have a happy ending,” Tinsley helpfully provided. “Don’t worry, though. We’ll work on that.”
Work on it? It wasn’t some story he could edit, or yeah, he would’ve made it end happier. This was real life.
“What you’re saying is that you met an amazing woman, one you care a lot about”—the wrinkles in George’s forehead grew more pronounced—“and you’re scared to try again?”
Offense twisted Josh’s gut. “Not scared. I never said I was scared.”
Nancy peered down her nose at him. “We read between the lines.”
“Didn’t you hear the part about how Danae and I want different things? She wants me to settle down.”
“But you’re scared.” Tinsley swept her long locks over her shoulder, the beaded bracelets lining her arm rattling with the motion. “I get it. After my last relationship, I was afraid, too. But I’ve opened my heart to love again.”
“Right. Sergio.”
“Oh, no. He’s not the one, so we broke up. I haven’t found the right man—yet. But I will. Because I’ve opened my heart.” Tinsley formed a heart with her thumbs and forefingers, her neon pink nails emphasizing the motion as she then mimed that “heart” opening.
Was Josh seriously going to take advice from someone who decorated with fairy lights, made jewelry, and was…happy? Tinsley always had a giant smile and used her boundless enthusiasm to cheer up others. She hosted parties so that everyone in the marina could get acquainted. She also came over and painted Nancy’s toenails, since it was hard for her to bend that way anymore.
During the past several days, he’d missed happiness, his own smile, and the pe
ople he’d met—Danae in particular. He’d missed her kindness and sunshiny attitude, how much she cared about her team, and how she got all squeaky over cute animals.
“And like this woman you met,” Tinsley continued, “I don’t see the point in wasting my time if a guy doesn’t see how fabulous I am.”
“I think Danae’s amazing, and smart and beautiful and fabulous—not that I usually use that term. I just…” How to put it into words?
“Didn’t want to get hurt again, so you got scared and messed it up,” Nancy said. “Yeah, we know.”
If they mentioned the word “scared” one more time! But as he slumped back and truly let himself consider the possibility…
The truth was, he’d dragged his feet from the beginning. Told himself not to let himself get sucked in by Danae’s charms or her smile or her absurd planner. He’d declared that he was never settling down. He could only imagine how that sounded to Danae. And instead of trying to find a solution, he’d basically given her an ultimatum and shoved her toward her ex-boyfriend.
He dropped his head in his hands and plowed his fingers through his hair. “I’m an idiot.”
While the pat on his back felt a bit condescending, he realized Tinsley didn’t mean it that way. Especially since she added, “The good thing about having friends like us at the marina is that we can help you figure out how to fix it.”
His phone chimed, and he frowned. That wasn’t the usual sound it made when he received a text or a call. As he pulled it out of his pocket, he saw a reminder alert. One he hadn’t set.
Just like that, a lightbulb over his head clicked on, glinting with an idea that probably edged a smidge too close to crazy.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Just as she had the day she’d received the email with the Evite, Danae stared at it until the image swam in two.
You’re invited!
Please join us for the official boat-christening ceremony.
Josh Wheeler, Bayside Marina, Slip 7
Danae was fairly certain this was the longest she’d gone without blinking, and despite her watering eyes, she kept her lids plastered open. As illogical as it was, she worried if she blinked, the Evite with Josh’s name on it would disappear.
While also hoping that it would magically morph into a different message, because seeing his name picked at a wound that hadn’t begun to heal.
She’d ended up opening and gawking at the invitation every day since Monday, when it had first hit her inbox. She had told herself that on Friday afternoon, she was going to find her own sense of closure by deleting it.
Which meant she got to torture herself with it for one more hour.
Seriously, though, how ironic was it that before their trip, she’d been so annoyed that Josh wouldn’t email her. Now she was insanely exasperated that he had.
Why did he decide to go ahead with the ceremony? Did I get in his head like he embedded himself in mine?
Or is he proving a point—that he plans on living on his boat forever and ever?
“Hey,” Mark said, and she jumped. She clicked to minimize the window but made it bigger instead—on par with her crummy day, really—and guilt curdled in her gut.
There was no way Mark could miss the giant invitation onscreen. Not with the bright blue and yellow and red. Colors that represented stability and cheeriness and passion. It also had a cartoon anchor and the word “ahoy” across the top, and she couldn’t imagine Josh picking it out.
Then again, she was probably overthinking, the way she tended to do.
Finally, Danae managed to exit her email, her pulse racing as quickly as her fingers had. With the Evite out of view, she inhaled a fortifying breath and swiveled in her chair to face her ex. “What’s up?”
Even though she’d closed the image, Mark’s eyes remained fixed on her computer screen. He pressed his mouth into a tight line, and the stack of papers in his hand rustled as he extended them her way. “I brought you some of last year’s financials so that we can complete the comparison report.”
Phew. It’s not about him and me. With every passing day that she couldn’t stop thinking about Josh, she grew more certain that she couldn’t simply resume dating Mark.
“I also wanted to talk to you,” he said. “About us.”
Ah, hope. So fleeting. How hadn’t she learned that lesson by now?
Mark tugged on his ear, the corner of his mouth lifting in a bittersweet half-smile. “I’ve been trying to be patient while we finalized the new campaign with Mr. Barton. It’s taken up a lot of extra brainpower and time, and I know how you get when your focus is on a project. But we wrapped up that part of the process yesterday, and still, nothing.”
“I’m so sorry, Mark. I’ve been so mixed up with work and everything else on my brain. I’ve been meaning to talk to you but not wanting to cross boundaries at work, so I kept putting it off.”
“Looks like we’ve switched places. I’m trying to figure out what’s going on in our relationship and you’re talking boundaries.” His huffed laugh was a smidgeon on the mirthless side. “The longer it took for you to give me an answer, the more I assumed it wasn’t going to be what I wanted to hear.”
Danae opened her mouth to defend herself, but he perched on the edge of her desk and sighed.
“I should’ve known.”
Thanks to her jittery nerves, her face heated, and she pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. “Should’ve known…?”
“That you’re hung up on Josh. I could see there was some interest there, and it’s my fault for acting too late. That sailor swooped in before I could get my act together and ask you out.”
“I…” No use in denying it, she supposed. Not when her heart beat faster and harder, and if it could speak, she knew it would be shouting Josh’s name. Foolish, silly heart. “Yeah, I’m afraid I fell for him, regardless of telling myself it wasn’t a good idea.”
“No reason for you to be afraid. I saw it written across his face—he’s definitely into you.”
“Maybe he was. Interested, anyway. But it doesn’t matter. It’s…complicated.” An annoying phrase, but one that came in handy for times like now, when she didn’t want to get into it. “I’m so glad that you and I have been able to move past our breakup, and I don’t want to undo all our goodwill. But I also don’t want to lead you on or date you when I can’t stop thinking about someone else.”
A couple of seconds passed before Mark slowly nodded, a resigned expression settling over his features. “I think seeing you with him made me remember the beginning stage of our relationship, when things were so fun and simple. It made me think we should try again. But since we’ve returned, you haven’t been yourself. I figured you were stressed about the campaign, but after seeing the longing on your face when you had that Evite up onscreen, I recognize it for what it is—heartbreak.”
The sorrow she’d attempted to hold back for almost two weeks rushed forward at once and demanded to be felt. In theory, she’d chosen the safer option—one that would provide her with a secure future—but all she’d felt since stepping off the ship without even saying goodbye to Josh was unsettled and raw.
Her brain had insisted she had to be true to herself, but now she worried that listening to it in favor of her heart had been a huge mistake. Yes, they were different in a lot of ways. Surely there was some way to make things work with Josh, though.
Rehashing this again and again is only going to hurt. Why do you keep doing this to yourself?
“I’m going to head back to my desk, but if you need anything, I’m here.” Mark straightened from his perch on the edge of her desk, and they shared a smile.
Right then and there, they seemed to both realize that while they had loved one another in the past, and they were still fond of each other, they weren’t in love. And while Mark’s dumping her had stung her ego, it hadn’t hurt d
own to her very soul like this.
Maybe a relationship with someone like Mark would be safer, but after experiencing the roller coaster of emotions with Josh—and the way her entire being crackled and hummed around him—mild attraction and affection would never cut it again.
With each passing day, she had hoped that missing Josh would ease up.
Then she’d go through her planner and see her stickers. Recall his joke about gold stars. In a lot of ways, her planner moonlighted as a bullet journal. As if she were no longer in charge of her fingers, they flipped back to the day they’d done alpaca yoga. To the cartoon llama sticker with its legs crossed, hooves smashed together in prayer pose. Across the top, it read llamaste.
Josh had looked so out of place as he’d attempted the poses in his jeans. Then Chewpacca had sniffed him and nudged him. If Danae closed her eyes, she could smell the animals and the grass and the grain that had been sprinkled around their mats. Then she relived tipping too far as she’d laughed, and Josh trying to catch her before they tumbled to the ground together.
Ugh. Every subject somehow led her back to Josh, and how was that even possible when she’d only been around him at sea?
Since she’d stared off into space, she shook herself awake, shoved her planner aside and flipped through the reports Mark had brought her. Nothing sank in, but she’d take them home and study them later. Not like she had anything better to do this weekend.
Nope, she’d be pounding a pint of ice cream by herself tomorrow evening while the rest of her team were at Josh’s boat-christening ceremony.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Okay, what next?” Josh muttered, half to himself and half to Jane, Nathan, Tinsley, and Nancy.
George was in the vicinity, but he’d appointed himself official taste tester of the appetizers. Judging from the stack of toothpicks, he’d eaten several of the barbecue meatballs Nancy had made—at least she’d prepared enough for a small army. Meanwhile Mom and Dad were supposed to be arriving any minute. Another alert he hadn’t set in his phone went off, marking thirty minutes till go time. Danae had definitely gone overboard on the alerts, but on top of being sort of useful, they’d served as a reminder of what he was doing all this for.
