‘We never could have seen this coming, not in a million years. If he was here now I’d slap his stupid face until my fingers broke! How could he die like this? Why couldn’t he have taken more care? Why couldn’t he have left well alone?’
Jude wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. She wanted to beat him off, to fight her way out of his embrace, and yet she wanted to disappear into it too, to lose her soul in his so she could forget where she ended and he began and maybe then the red-hot pain would be lost too.
‘You’re angry?’ he asked.
‘Of course I’m angry! I hate James for this. I hate what he’s putting my mum through, what he’s doing to us all, and I can’t even tell him! I have all this rage and frustration burning me up and it has nowhere to go.’
‘Maybe you could try me?’
‘What?’
‘Send it my way. If it helps then I can take it.’
‘It’s not your fault.’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘It’s too much to ask of you.’
‘Nothing you could possibly ask of me would be too much,’ he said, his voice low and earnest. ‘Whether we’re together or apart, you mean the world to me.’
‘How can I after the way I behaved?’
‘You had good reason to behave that way and I deserved everything. I should have recognised how my friendship with Harriet might have made you feel and I should have tried harder to put it right when we split up. I was too stubborn to see what a mistake I was making, what I was losing. Believe me, there’s not a day that goes by when I don’t want to punch myself in the face for being such an idiot.’
‘I would have done that for you,’ Lizzie said.
He gave a wry smile. ‘Have I convinced you yet that there’s never going to be anything more than friendship between Harriet and me? We have Artie and that will never change, but we’ve both changed as people, and what I might have once wanted is not what I want now.’
‘You wanted her.’
‘I can’t lie – I did. But now it’s you and only you. I’m not saying this because I expect you to fall back into my arms, and I know it’s probably not the time to discuss it, but I just think it’s important that you understand. And if we’re never more than friends from this point on, I’ll understand why, even though I would wish for something more. In any capacity that you feel comfortable with, I want you in my life. That’s all, Lizzie – just that.’
She looked across the pub gardens, out to the trees, the wind tearing the last of the russet leaves from their branches just beyond the boundaries, and she was suddenly taken by surprise as a lone tear fell from her eye. All these weeks she hadn’t cried once – how strange that she would start now. Jude reached across and caught it with a gentle thumb. And then she turned her face up to his and they met in a tentative kiss.
‘I’m sorry,’ Lizzie said, hastily moving from his arms.
‘It’s my fault,’ Jude said. ‘I shouldn’t have…’
From nowhere, Lizzie began to cry properly this time, fat uncontrollable tears that rolled down her face. She cried for James and she cried for her family, she cried out of guilt and she cried all the pent-up tears that had refused to fall for all the weeks since that dreadful phone call on the day they’d moved into the mill. But mostly she cried because she now knew that she’d been so wrong to cut Jude out of her life. Gracie, Florentina, her mum – they had all lost the man they’d loved and they’d had to make the best of that. But Lizzie had Jude – he’d been right there all along and she’d rejected him. She’d thrown away so readily and carelessly the one thing that any of the women who lived with her in the mill right now would have treasured. It had taken a tragedy of unimaginable magnitude for Lizzie to see the truth, and she didn’t know how to feel about that. The only thing she knew for sure now was that she never wanted to be without Jude again.
‘Oh God, Lizzie… tell me, what can I do to help?’ Jude said desperately. ‘Whatever it is I’ll do it.’
She turned a pleading face to him. ‘Just hold me. I can’t do this alone anymore.’
TWENTY-SIX
It felt like spring today, for the first time this year. During the dark months of winter, it had seemed like they’d never feel the gentle heat of a warm sun again, but today, everything was bright and full of hope. Daffodils crowded around the base of the mill, a vibrant trimming of yellow against the cream of the stone, while bluebells nodded in the shade of the newly budding pear trees where birds had begun to build their nests.
Lizzie was standing in the garden looking up at the mill. Everyone was gathered for the big moment – Gracie, Gwendolyn, Florentina, Charlie and Jude (they’d even brought the doddering George the dog for a rare trip out to join in), Harriet and Artie. Even Derek and Caroline had rolled up in their 4x4 minutes earlier after Lizzie had seen them in the village that morning and told them the mill was almost ready to start working again. They all waited, breath held, and then the old sails of Magnolia Mill creaked and groaned and began to turn for the first time in decades. Lizzie squealed and threw herself into Jude’s arms.
‘They’re going, they’re going!’
‘I can see they’re going,’ he said with a broad grin. He turned to Charlie, who had George sitting patiently by his side on a slack leash, looking quite bored with the windmill and more interested in when his next nap might be. ‘What do you think? Pretty cool, huh?’
‘Amazing!’ Charlie breathed, staring up as if he’d never seen anything more amazing in his life.
Lizzie gazed up again and decided quickly that she hadn’t seen anything more amazing in her life either. ‘I wish Dad could have seen this.’
‘He’d be so proud of you,’ Gwendolyn said. Lizzie turned to see her smiling with quiet pride. It was four months since James’s funeral, and while they’d had a tough Christmas, it seemed Lizzie’s mum was coming through the worst of her grief now. She was often quiet and reflective, and Lizzie knew she was probably thinking of James, but she had allowed herself to look to the future a little more. They all had. ‘We all thought you were mad,’ her mother continued, ‘but your dad would have had faith from the start, and he would have been right to.’
Florentina nodded agreement, but she kept whatever thoughts she had on the matter to herself.
The specialist who’d seen the mill back to its former glory emerged from the front door, beaming. ‘Not bad, eh?’ he called, walking across the grounds to join them. Hands in his pockets, he stood and watched for a moment with the rest of them.
‘It’s amazing!’ Lizzie squeaked, and if her voice got any higher it might only be stray dogs that would answer it. ‘I can’t believe it!’
‘Ready to get making some flour?’
‘Absolutely!’
‘We are not quite ready yet,’ Florentina said, her face wrinkled in a good-natured warning. ‘I think we might need grain…? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.’
Lizzie grinned. ‘Yes, boss! It’s a good job I have you keeping me on the straight and narrow.’
‘It has nothing to do with straight and narrow; I have money tied up in this.’
‘Me too,’ Gracie said.
Lizzie laughed. ‘You don’t have money tied up in it.’
‘Well, then I have emotional investment. And I for one am glad Florentina is keeping you in line.’
‘Well, she’ll be keeping you in line too when you start working here,’ Lizzie said.
‘Steady on,’ Gracie replied with a laugh herself now. ‘Let me have my baby first before we start talking about working.’
‘Can I still work here?’ Charlie asked. Lizzie gave him a warm smile.
‘You’ll be my number one, right-hand man.’
Charlie looked uncertainly at Jude, who laughed. ‘She means of course you’ll be working here.’
‘Selling the bread?’ Charlie asked. ‘I’m good at selling bread.’
‘Since when have you ever sold bread?’ Jude threw his
brother a sideways look.
‘Shut up,’ Lizzie said, digging Jude in the ribs with her elbow. ‘Charlie will be my top bread salesman – you’ll see.’
‘Oh, and what will I do?’ Jude asked.
‘You can be the tea boy.’
Charlie giggled and Jude gave a mock stern look, which only made Charlie giggle harder. Lizzie smiled. She couldn’t recall a time when life had looked quite this rosy, but it felt like it had been a long time coming. But then her gaze fell on Harriet, who was watching the sails as they travelled on their graceful, sweeping arc with Artie on her hip, pensive and silent and looking for all the world like someone who felt like an outsider.
Over the months since James’s death and Lizzie’s reconciliation with Jude, there had been some progress on the relationship between her and Harriet too, but it was still new and awkward at times. Harriet seemed to have finally accepted that something had changed between her and Jude, and she accepted the importance of Lizzie in his life, and she’d certainly been more considerate and respectful of how her own behaviour might impact that relationship.
Lizzie wondered if perhaps Jude had spoken frankly to her about it or whether Harriet had simply come to realise herself that she had to change if she was going to keep Jude’s friendship, and – more importantly – his good-natured co-parenting of Artie.
Lizzie wanted to say something reassuring now, to let Harriet know that she’d never be excluded from life at the mill, especially now that Jude was set to move up there, but she couldn’t find the words. She didn’t want Harriet to think that she was losing Jude’s friendship, or that Artie would be losing his father. It almost felt like a complete reversal of their fortunes, and Lizzie recalled how hard it had been feeling like the outsider. Later, she decided, she’d try to talk to her and put things right.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Caroline tapping her on the arm. She turned to see her and Derek smiling broadly.
‘Congratulations,’ she said. ‘I don’t mind telling you I doubted your sanity, but you’ve done it.’
‘You thought there was a new mad lady at Mad Lady Mill?’ Lizzie said with a smile.
‘You might have just turned Piriwick’s fortunes around by getting this up and running again,’ Derek put in.
‘Really?’ Lizzie asked.
‘There’ll be tourists bringing money into the village now.’
‘Not that many, surely? Not just to see my little mill.’
Derek shrugged. ‘Time will tell.’
Lizzie frowned. She’d never really considered what impact Magnolia Mill might have on the surrounding area once she’d restored it. She hoped, if Piriwick’s fortunes were to change with those of her mill, Piriwick wouldn’t mind too much.
‘I’m sure the extra visitors will be welcome,’ Caroline said, seeming to read Lizzie’s thoughts. ‘Nobody in their right mind would turn their noses up at a little extra trade.’ She reached to kiss Lizzie on the cheek. ‘We’ll be off. Thank you for letting us see your big switch on.’
‘You mean my big lever pull,’ Lizzie said with a little laugh. ‘Thank you for coming.’
As Derek and Caroline bid their goodbyes and started to walk back to their car, Florentina looked at her watch. ‘I really ought to be driving back too.’
‘It’ll be dark soon,’ Lizzie said. ‘You’re welcome to stay over tonight if you’d rather – your old room is still made up.’
Florentina shook her head. ‘Thanks, but I’ve waited long enough to get my little house back so I’m all for making the most of it now.’ She turned to Lizzie’s mum. ‘Are you heading home soon too? I could give you a lift.’
‘That would be good, thank you,’ Gwendolyn said. ‘Leave the young ones to it.’
‘Oh yes,’ Lizzie said, ‘leave the young ones to their debauched, rock-and-roll milling lifestyle.’
‘You might laugh but I think it’s quite bohemian,’ Gracie said. ‘Who else around here is milling wheat?’
Lizzie chuckled. ‘Who else around here wants to? But I appreciate the sentiment. I suppose it is going to be a bit of an alternative lifestyle in some people’s eyes. To me it just seems normal.’
‘Trust me, it’s not normal,’ Gwendolyn said with a smile. ‘But we wouldn’t have you any other way.’
The restorer took off his thick gloves and spoke. Everyone turned to him, having quite forgotten he was there in their playful bickering. ‘I’ll leave you to it. You’ve got my card if you need any help.’
Lizzie nodded. ‘Thank you so much for everything.’
‘Thank you for giving me the opportunity of working on her – she’s quite a beauty.’
‘She is,’ Lizzie agreed. ‘Although I’d never really thought of Magnolia Mill as a girl before.’
‘Don’t you think she feels like a girl?’ Gracie said.
‘Do you?’
‘Now that you come to mention it, yes.’
‘Well, if you’re happy with that then so am I.’
Lizzie took a moment to walk the restorer back to his van. They exchanged a few more pleasantries on the perfection of Magnolia Mill and what her plans were now that it was ready to start working again, and then she made her way back to the little crowd gathered in the grounds, still watching the sails sweep through a blue sky.
‘We think we ought to have a party,’ Gracie said.
‘You think we ought to have a party,’ Florentina said.
Lizzie arched an eyebrow at her sister. ‘You always think we ought to have a party.’
‘Life’s short and sad enough – why not party when you can?’ Gracie folded her arms emphatically across her now huge belly, as if it were the simplest, most obvious wisdom in the world. When Lizzie thought about it, perhaps it was.
‘Amen to that,’ Jude said with a grin.
Lizzie let out a sigh. ‘OK, when are we having this party?’
‘There’s no time like the present,’ Gracie said.
‘But Florentina and Mum are going home and Derek and Caroline have already gone.’
Gracie turned to her mum. ‘You could stay for a little longer after all? Or stay over until tomorrow?’
‘I suppose we could,’ Florentina said uncertainly, looking to Gwendolyn for agreement.
‘Oh, please say yes, Mum!’ Gracie begged.
‘Surely you don’t want to be on your feet catering, the size you are now,’ Gwendolyn replied.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Gracie asked, her smile turning into a scowl. ‘I’m not fat!’
Lizzie giggled. ‘I’m not sure that came out in a very complimentary way, Mum.’
‘I only mean you’re very pregnant to be rushing around hostessing parties,’ Gwendolyn said patiently.
‘I’ve got three weeks yet.’
‘You have got a big belly,’ Charlie said.
‘Charlie!’ Jude admonished.
‘I bet you were as big as this when you were pregnant with Artie,’ Gracie said, looking to Harriet now as an ally. ‘And I bet you still got on with things.’
‘Well,’ Harriet said uncertainly, ‘I didn’t really throw parties…’
‘But you could have if you’d wanted to.’
‘I suppose so.’
‘There you go.’ Gracie looked at her mum with a triumphant expression.
‘If you insist, then I suppose I’ll have to stay,’ Gwendolyn said. ‘But if it sends you into early labour, don’t come crying to me.’
‘Of course it won’t—’ Gracie began, but then she stopped dead and looked down. ‘Oh.’
‘Bloody hell!’ Lizzie said under her breath.
‘I don’t think baby wanted to miss the party,’ Jude added as they watched the water run down Gracie’s leg.
‘Yep,’ Lizzie replied, ‘that would be Gracie’s baby then.’
‘Does this mean we can’t have the party now?’ Charlie asked.
‘I think I’ve probably got hours,’ Gracie reassured him. ‘I’m sure we could manage a little n
ibble and a drink.’
Lizzie stared at her. ‘You’re actually kidding – right?’
‘It says on that pregnancy blog that just because your waters have broken, doesn’t mean the baby will come straight away.’
‘I don’t think we ought to be taking that risk,’ Jude put in gently.
‘And he should know because he was there when Artie was born,’ Lizzie said. She looked at Harriet for agreement, who nodded.
‘But what about the mill?’ Gracie asked.
‘Never mind the mill now,’ Lizzie said. ‘Sod the mill!’
‘But, Lizzie—’
Gwendolyn clapped her hands for attention, and Lizzie looked up to see a light in her mum’s eyes that hadn’t been there for a long time. It was purpose and usefulness, and it made Lizzie’s heart soar to see it.
‘Don’t just stand there everyone!’ she cried. ‘We’ve got a baby coming!’
TWENTY-SEVEN
It had been a long night of waiting, but at 5.14 the following morning, Alexander James Lovell took his first breaths, weighing a satisfying eight pounds on the nose. Mum and baby had both been sleeping by the time Florentina had taken Gwendolyn home to freshen up so they could come back later for official visiting hours. Harriet had taken Charlie and George the dog home while Lizzie and Jude waited for the birth, aware that neither Charlie nor Artie would make it through the night without falling asleep. Now, Lizzie was dozing on a hospital chair in the corridor next to Gracie’s room. She awoke to a gentle nudge from Jude.
‘You fell asleep too?’ he asked, stretching out.
‘Oh, we’re just great bodyguards, aren’t we?’ she replied with a tired smile.
‘Maybe we ought to head back to the mill for a rest. We’re clearly fit for nothing here and I’m sure Gracie and Alexander will be able to manage without us for an hour.’
The Mill on Magnolia Lane: A gorgeous feel-good romantic comedy Page 29
