by J. H. Croix
She hurried past me, ignoring the Bible and knife, but picking up the vibrator and flinging it behind her onto the bed. As if we would somehow both forget it had ever been there.
The door to her cabin was still open, and I started to step through it. Just then, her hand caught my wrist. “Lucas,” she said, her tone agitated.
With nothing more than the curl of her hand around my wrist, her touch felt like a ring of fire on my skin.
Turning back, I found her standing there, chewing on the bottom lip I wanted to kiss with her cheeks almost as red as her hair. “Yes?”
“Please don’t mention this to anyone,” she blurted out.
I shook my head. “Of course not. If your name had been on it, I wouldn’t have opened it. Just so you know.”
She nodded, her hand still around my wrist. “Right. It’s just, I know how things get around. Wade’s mother is friends with mine, and I might be twenty-five, but my parents still think I shouldn’t even kiss a man unless I’m marrying him. I know that’s weird, but I love them and …” She paused to gulp in a breath.
It was downright crazy she thought I would mention this to anyone. I might keep to myself, but I wasn’t an asshole. Not to mention, even if I told Wade, he would get a kick out of it, but he sure as hell would not tell his mother. As these thoughts passed through, Valentina kept on talking.
“You see, I don’t have a boyfriend. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend. And lately, well …” She paused here to let out a ragged sigh. “I just thought I should do something about that. I mean it’s embarrassing to be a virgin at my age, don’t you think? It’s just crazy.” This time, her pause was nearly electric. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone.”
Valentina’s light touch on my skin left my control hanging by a thread. She was so damn honest it almost hurt, and there were not very many people like that in the world. I couldn’t say I knew her well because she’d only started this job at the lodge a few months ago. Wade had mentioned in passing that she’d led a sheltered life and we should all be nice to her, or his mother would give him hell.
I wondered if he had any idea just how sheltered her life had been. So there was that, and the fact my brain was about to fucking explode with the knowledge that Valentina was a virgin. That made no sense.
I could not fucking believe she had gone through life without some man realizing just how amazing she was. She was beyond beautiful, beyond sexy, and so damn nice. No wonder my body went insane around her.
Now? My mind had jumped on the bandwagon of insanity. Because I couldn’t imagine any other man would appreciate her the way I would.
By the time she stopped talking—and I lost track once the word virgin trotted across her lips—I was just staring at her. I took in the elegant arch of her brows, the way her eyes tilted slightly at the corners, the soft curve of her cheek, that sweet dimple in her bottom lip, and her freckles. I’d never considered freckles a temptation, but on Valentina, they were unholy.
I didn’t know what she saw cross my face, but she took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. “Well, I guess maybe I’m asking too much. Please, just don’t make it a joke.”
I shook my head sharply, both in response to her question and to clear my fucking thoughts. “Valentina, you didn’t have to ask me not to tell anybody. I’m a pretty private guy, and I respect your privacy. That’s why I brought the box straight to you even though I knew it might be a bit awkward for you to get it from me.”
Her eyes widened, and before I realized what she was about to do, she launched herself at me, flinging her arms around my shoulders. “Oh, thank you! I didn’t know you were nice.”
My arms wrapped around her reflexively, and I felt her feet kick against my shins. She seemed downright overjoyed. She leaned back to look in my face, and I swear it took more discipline than I thought I had not to kiss her.
I eased her down. Then she started talking. Again. “Before you go thinking I’m wacky, I’m not. It’s just my parents are kind of religious, and they took the chastity thing a little too far.” She paused abruptly and gave her head a shake. “Anyway. Thank you.”
Before I had figured out what I was about to say, or that I even had something to say, words strolled out of my mouth. “You know …” I began, gesturing to her toy, now glowing bright pink on her cream-colored down quilt on the bed, “that’s not technically losing your virginity, right?”
Valentina rested a hand on her hip and narrowed her eyes. “Of course, I know that. I just don’t want it to be a thing. So I figured this would get the hurt part out of the way.”
I could not believe this conversation. All of a sudden, I found myself envying a fucking vibrator.
Dude, you need to get a fucking grip, my skeptical voice chimed in.
Damn straight, I needed to get a fucking grip, and that meant getting the hell out of here. Now.
There was no graceful way to end this conversation, so I held Valentina’s gaze and winked. Then I said the craziest fucking thing ever.
“Well, if you decide you need a man to help you out, let me know.”
On the heels of that absolutely insane offer, I turned and left. I had enough sense to close the door behind me. In seconds, I was striding through the trees.
I heard the door fling open again, and Valentina calling, “Lucas! What do you mean?”
I kept walking, but I turned around to see her standing on the small porch, her red hair framing her face in the setting sun with her hands on her hips. Considering that what I’d just said was downright madness, I didn’t offer more and forced my feet to keep moving.
Chapter Three
Lucas
I rolled my truck to a stop in front of my house. After Rylie’s mother died, I sold the place where we lived when Rylie was a baby and bought this place. I didn’t need memories stained with the mark Melissa left behind.
Grief is fucked up. I had loved Melissa. We had Rylie, and Rylie owned my heart. Whenever I thought back to that first year after Rylie was born—whether I wanted to or not, I picked it apart in my mind time and again—I recalled how differently we handled it. Rylie didn’t sleep well for over a year due to colic, but once she got past that, she was the best little sleeper in the world. Melissa never knew because she died before she could find out.
For that year, we were both tired all the damn time. Even if you don’t mind it, even if you love it because you love the reasons why, when you’re that tired, it wears on you. Don’t go thinking Melissa was getting up all night on her own. She wasn’t. In fact, it was more often me.
After Melissa died, I tore that year to pieces mentally when I found out she’d been having an affair for most of it. Her affair actually started sooner, but it was that year that bothered me the most. I honestly didn’t care about the rest.
An affair gave her something a lot more exciting than a few hours of sleep each night with a colicky baby and a husband who was run ragged between work and trying to hold his family together. That was me.
A ruptured aneurysm killed Melissa. There I was, trying to raise my little girl while grieving the loss of the woman I loved, when I came across the text messages between her and Seth a week later. I wasn’t even looking for anything because I’d trusted her. I’d idly picked up her phone as I tried to decide if I should ever turn the damn thing off.
I didn’t even know if I would’ve gone searching for the texts, but one was right there on the screen. They barely tried to cover their tracks. I couldn’t help but second-guess if she ever really loved me.
Some people might’ve said I had baggage. You try being tangled up in grief over someone you thought had loved you, only to find out they’d been having an affair with one of your friends on the side. Yeah, you might say I had trust issues.
I gave my head a hard shake. Rylie had recently turned six and would be starting first grade come autumn. The house we lived in now was tucked in the trees with a small river nearby and
about fifteen minutes away from Stolen Hearts Lodge.
Usually when I drove up, I didn’t think about anything other than seeing my little girl. Tonight, Valentina came strolling into my thoughts the moment I kicked Melissa out. I had an insane fucking train of thought, wondering how Valentina was with kids.
I climbed out of my truck, shaking that crazy train loose off the tracks in my mind. I opened the front door quietly because it was close to Rylie’s bedtime, and sometimes she fell asleep early.
Our house was a small ranch-style home built to blend into the surroundings. With cedar siding and a low-pitched roof, it faced the south to take advantage of the sun. The main entrance led into an open living room with windows running along the front and the kitchen off to the side. Jade waved from the couch with a smile, brushing her hair back from her face. My sister and I shared the same coloring—almost black hair and green eyes. Rylie was curled up beside her, tucked against Jade’s side and clearly asleep.
Slipping my shoes off, I walked over to the couch, sinking down onto the cushion on the other side of Rylie.
“Thought you might want to put her to bed,” Jade said softly.
“Always.”
Rylie stirred. Her bedtime wasn’t for another half hour. She lifted her head slowly, rubbing at her eyes with two small fists. “Hey, Daddy,” she said as she blinked up at me.
Just like Jade and me, Rylie had dark hair and green eyes. Except for her round button-nose, she was all Cole in her looks. I wondered how much of that would change as she grew up.
“Hey, sweet pea,” I said, brushing her tangled hair away from her forehead. “You ready for bed?” Although I could let her stay up for that half hour, I’d learned it was never smart. Not once she was already sleepy. Right now, she’d fall back to sleep fast, but if she stayed up, she’d get her second wind, and bedtime would become a nightmare.
For just a second, I thought she might put up a fight. But she didn’t. She nodded. “If you carry me.”
I knew there would come a day when she wouldn’t want to be carried at all, and frankly, there were plenty of times even now, so I took what I could get. I tugged her onto my lap for a minute, holding her close and pressing a kiss against her hair on the top of her head. “Of course. How’d today go with JJ?”
Ever since she could talk, Rylie had called Jade “JJ,” and the nickname just stuck.
“Good. We went for a play date at the park, and then Grammy came over, and we baked cookies, and she made lunches for you for all week,” Rylie explained, her voice sleepy.
“Did she now? I bet you were a big help,” I said as I stood with her in my arms.
Jade stood with us and leaned over to press a kiss to Rylie’s cheek. “Good night, little one. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“Night, night.” Rylie blew Jade a kiss as I turned, adjusting her in my arms.
I walked down the short hallway. There were three bedrooms—Rylie’s, mine, and another that was a playroom for her.
Jade, because she was that amazing, had already made sure Rylie changed into her pajamas. Even though I knew the answer, I still asked, “You brush your teeth?”
Rylie’s chin bobbed against my chest as she nodded.
“Wash your hands?”
Another nod, this one a little more emphatic.
“Then you’re ready for bed.”
I eased her down onto her bed, throwing the covers back with one arm as I did. Rylie wiggled into the covers as I tucked them over her. Some nights I read to her, but I could tell tonight was not a book night. Her eyes were already drooping closed as I leaned forward to give her one more kiss. “Good night, sweet pea.”
“Night, Daddy,” she mumbled.
Sometimes I wondered if my heart would ever stop squeezing when she called me daddy. By the time I reached the door to flick the light off, Rylie’s breathing had settled into the steady, even rhythm of sleep. Her butterfly nightlight cast a soft glow in the room.
I left the door open a crack and returned to the front of the house. Jade was rinsing dishes and putting them in the dishwasher. “You know you don’t have to do that,” I said, leaning my elbows on the counter.
Jade closed the dishwasher and turned to face me as she rolled her eyes. “Lucas, you know me. I’m not gonna twiddle my thumbs. I like taking care of stuff. That took me maybe two minutes, tops.”
“I know. But you do so much for me,” I said as I ran a hand through my hair.
“And you pay me for it. Quite well,” she said. “Not that that’s entirely necessary, I might add.”
“Jade, you gave up a full-time job to help me with Rylie. Of course, I’m gonna pay you. If it weren’t for you and Mom, I don’t know what I’d do.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love that little girl. Don’t start with this now, you hear me?” Jade’s eyes narrowed.
“Fine, fine. Thank you,” I said for probably the thousandth time. Years of her helping me out gave me many chances to thank her.
“Mom will be here tomorrow, okay?”
“I know. Thanks, sis.”
Jade picked up her purse off the counter and leaned up to press a kiss to my cheek, squeezing my shoulder as she passed by.
She stopped when she reached the front door. “What?” I asked as she looked at me, her gaze considering.
“Do me a favor,” she said.
“Anything,” I replied without hesitation.
The moment I saw the gleam in her eyes, I knew I had walked right into that one.
“Stop planning to spend the rest your life alone. You’re a good man. You should give some woman a shot.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Jade. I don’t have time for romance.”
“I’m not asking you to find time. I’m asking you to be open to the possibility. I’m not deaf, you know. We live in a small town, and people talk. I know you get your needs met, and you manage to find time for that. I guess what I’m saying is I hate seeing you alone. You’re one of the best men I know. I know what Melissa did sucked, but it doesn’t mean you should block out other options.”
She didn’t even give me a chance to reply. With a wink and a warm smile, my sister spun away and left, closing the door quietly behind her.
The moment she left, Valentina entered my mind. But I barely knew Valentina. Shaking my head, I forced those thoughts away.
I had one priority. Rylie.
Chapter Four
Valentina
The day of the vibrator incident became known in my mind as Lucas-might-want-me Day.
After spending days mulling over our surreal encounter, I was still pretty mortified. I wasn’t particularly a prude, but I did have some sense of privacy. Not only was it bad enough that he knew I had ordered a sex toy for myself, but then I also had to blabber on about why. I had a big mouth when I was nervous. It was like verbal diarrhea.
I didn’t see him again, but that wasn’t unusual because working at the lodge kept me busy. Even though I loved my primary job as the accountant and bookkeeper, I also covered shifts at the restaurant when needed. Once a working farm, Stolen Hearts Lodge had morphed into a high-end adventure resort where guests could trek out on various outdoor adventures in the Blue Ridge Mountains while staying here. The lodge also ran a rescue program for animals in the old portion of the farm with a veterinary clinic on site.
Although I had a sheltered childhood, my parents encouraged me to get a college education. We lived close to one of the state colleges, so I was able to live at home while I attended. My love for numbers led to a degree in accounting, and then I was fortunate enough to have Wade Ellis’s mother hook me up with this job. I sensed she was worried about me living at home after graduation. I’d been worried about it too.
I loved my parents, but sometimes they drove me nuts. They were hardcore into Jesus. I believed in God, but I just didn’t think God wanted life to be boring. My mother had been wild when she was a teenager, and somewhere along the way, she met my birth father.
Everything I knew about him was that he was a rather bumbling and sweet guy. He also liked to party. Hard.
He died in a car accident when he was drunk while my mom was pregnant with me. There my mother was, pregnant with no college degree and no real way to support herself as a single mother.
She made up for her youthful indiscretions by becoming a polite, kind-hearted pastor’s wife. The pastor in question adopted me when I was only one year old. I loved my parents dearly even if I chafed against their worries. My mother had been determined not to let history repeat itself.
I wasn’t even allowed to date in high school. In fact, I was quite certain if my mother could have her way, I would get married and have a family somehow without ever having sex. My mother even hoped I’d read the freaking Bible she sent me in my spare time. Not that there was anything wrong with the Bible, but I’d already read it cover to cover several times in Bible study.
After the poor Bible ended up on the floor beside my vibrator that fateful afternoon with Lucas, I’d made sure to tuck it away in the bottom drawer of my dresser, safe from accidentally inappropriate moments. Sigh. My life was sometimes ridiculous.
I might be naïve when it came to things like men and sex. However, I was anything but naïve in other ways. With a funny mix of devout and free love in their approach to religion, my parents were about the least judgmental people I knew. They had a variety of people coming in and out of the house—the homeless, criminals, addicts, and more. Once I got older and understood life a bit better, sometimes I wanted to laugh.
They gave everyone a chance even after they’d been burned. My little sister Faith and I had grown up quite savvy. Case in point, we accidentally learned how to cut pills for drug dealing from one visitor to our home. Not that I ever planned to deal drugs.
After college, I started to feel stuck because I had no interest in marrying a pastor or anything like that. I wanted to move on with life.
