Tell Me No Lies

by Branton, Rachel

  I wanted a mother to turn to for guidance.

  Yeah, right.

  There was a gate at the end of the pasture, which bordered a wide path on the other side of the fence line. The city had built the path before selling the land beyond it to a developer, who had promptly put up a myriad of tract houses that had infuriated my mother and the other neighbors. Thus the thick row of fast-growing trees that almost hid the abomination from our sight.

  I, on the other hand, had been the one to put in the gate. I loved riding Serenity on the path that extended for several miles. I liked seeing mothers jogging behind strollers, children on bicycles, runners stopping for breath after their runs.

  Today none of that mattered. I slumped down at the base of a tree and let my head drop into my hands.

  What was I going to do?

  Lily. I was calling her cell before I’d thought twice about it.

  “Hello,” she asked, a little breathlessly.

  “It’s me,” I said.

  “Of course it’s you, or I wouldn’t have answered. I would have stayed hugging the toilet.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  “Worse than bad. On top of all this sickness and the house problems, I’m spotting, and the doctor told me I’m going to have to drop out of school to stay in bed. I don’t mind, except that means I’ll soon have to start paying on those student loans I took out. Not exactly what we need right now with the mortgage three months overdue. It’s all we can do to get food in the house at this point. If not for you, the food I get from WIC, and what Mario and the girls make, I wouldn’t know what to do.” She heaved a sigh. “The worst is all the phone calls from the mortgage company. I tell you, I will be so relieved when the house is paid for, and I can tell them to bug off. You can’t know how much you are saving our lives. Well, I guess you know exactly how much, but I will be forever grateful. You’ve always been there for me.”

  I shut my eyes for a moment. What was I going to tell my sister? I couldn’t marry Julian, but I couldn’t let her down, either.

  “Don’t worry,” Lily added, as if suddenly figuring out the reason for my silence. “I have permission from the doctor to go to your wedding—just not the rehearsal dinner. Sorry about that. At least I’ll be there for the real thing.”

  “That’s good. We’ll make sure you have a comfortable chair.”

  “Is Mom okay with us being there? I mean, I know you must have had to sacrifice a limb to get her to pay that last mortgage payment.”

  “She doesn’t have a choice. You’re my sister. I’m just really sorry things are so hard right now.”

  “We’ll make it. I’m happy, Mario and I are still crazy in love, and I want to be helping those girls. They’ve had it so hard. For some of them, this is the only place they’ve ever felt safe.” Lily sounded fierce and a little bit scared. As if to make up for that, she tried to make the next comment light. “Anyway, the hard times are almost over with. The real problem is going to be losing this weight after this baby comes. I was fat enough to begin with. So what’s up, anyway? Why did you call?”

  I hesitated, still unsure what to say. I twisted the engagement ring on my hand, which all of a sudden felt too tight. It was a beautiful ring, though in lesser circles the diamond might be considered ostentatious.

  “Tell me,” Lily urged. “Is it Julian? What’s he done now?”

  “What do you mean, now?”

  “Well, he’s always doing something.” She paused before adding, “Are you sure you should be marrying him?” She’d asked me this a dozen time in the past two months. I usually got mad. “Look, it’s not too late to call it off.”

  What about the catering, the flowers, the guests? I wanted to say. What about your house and all those girls?

  “Tessa, we both promised ourselves that we’d never have the kind of marriage our parents have. They barely talk. They live separate lives. If you aren’t sure, you can’t go through with it.”

  I had the sense she was speaking to me as if I were one of the girls she was trying to save. “I love him,” I said.

  “Do you really? Do you love him so much that you feel like you’ll die if he doesn’t love you back?”

  I imagined her holding a hand to her heart and gazing out the window as she spoke. “It certainly feels like it right now.” Yet I knew I wouldn’t die because thickly layered over the hurt was a growing coat of anger that was urging me to do something. To act. To show Julian I didn’t need him.

  “Maybe this is a sign. I’ve told you before that he’s not real. I can’t tell when he’s being truthful or making something up. The worst thing is that you’re not yourself when he’s around.”

  “Mom would be furious if I canceled the wedding.”

  “Then leave and come here. We’ll make it work somehow. I hope you know that I’d rather have you happy than all the houses in the world.”

  I did know that whatever the cost to her, Lily wouldn’t want me to sacrifice myself. But she was the one who needed help now, whether she admitted it or not. “Maybe it’s just pre-wedding jitters,” I said, faking a casualness I didn’t feel. “I should talk to Julian.”

  “I don’t know. That might not be a good idea. If you’re having doubts, maybe you should delay things a few weeks and decide without him around. You only have one chance to do this right the first time.”

  I didn’t know if delaying things would help. It certainly wouldn’t change his infidelity. If Lily knew about that, she’d probably hunt him down herself. She’d think I was crazy for even considering going through with the wedding. But for all the young women she’d saved, she didn’t know what it was like to protect a younger sister. I’d been doing it all my life.

  “Everything is going to be fine,” I said. “In a few months, when we’re sitting inside your mortgage-free house playing with your little baby, we’ll laugh about this.”

  “Oh, Tessa. Are you sure?” The tone in her voice told me she was smiling.

  “I’m sure. Don’t worry about a thing.”

  “I love you, Tessa.”

  “Love you, too.”

  I hung up but remained sitting in the tall weeds, my back against the tree, staring into nothingness. Serenity nuzzled my head in worry. “It’s all right, girl.”

  But it wasn’t.

  I have to think. Why couldn’t I think? I kept seeing my mother’s face drawn in disapproval and my father’s flushed with anger. Lily sick in bed, her girls sleeping in the streets. Julian’s smile—mocking. I rubbed my face with my hands, and they came away wet. I hadn’t even realized I was crying.

  The creak of the back gate signaled someone’s approach. “Tessa? Are you okay?” A man’s voice, one I recognized.

  I hurriedly dried my face with the hem of my shirt before he came into view around the trees.

  “Oh, there you are.” He was a tall, broad, scruffy-looking man with restful green eyes. I thought he was nearing forty, but it was hard to tell with the brown beard and the hair that fell to below his ears. He lived in one of the tract houses, and many times over the last year, I’d caught him petting Serenity over the fence. I didn’t mind because, except for the groom who fed her after I moved away, she didn’t have company.

  “Hi, Gage.” I knew little more than his name, though we’d talked on numerous occasions. The rumor around town said he was an ex-con, recently released from prison, though no one seemed to know what he might have been in prison for and were either too lazy or unbelieving to research it. My mother had at least checked with the local police to make sure he wasn’t on any child predator list, which he wasn’t, but she still would have taken up a petition to force him from the neighborhood, had it been possible. I was glad she’d deemed it a waste of time. Over the months of talking to him and observing his gentleness with Serenity, I doubted the rumors were true. I suspected only his shaggy appearance kept the gossip alive.

  “I saw Serenity, and she was looking kind of nervous. Thought maybe you’d had a fall.”
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  “Ah, Gage, she’s not even wearing a saddle, and I don’t ride bareback. Not usually.”

  He looked at the sorrel. “Oh, right.” He gave me a tentative smile, which didn’t have much effect on his face under all that hair. “Well, as long as you’re okay. But shouldn’t you be shopping or at the hairdresser or something? You’re still getting married Saturday, aren’t you?”

  I closed my eyes for a painful moment. I wondered if he’d heard the rumors about Julian, and if he felt sorry for me. “I don’t know.”

  An emotion I couldn’t define passed over his face. In a swift movement, he squatted down beside me. “What happened?”

  “What makes you think something happened?”

  He gestured to the grass. “Because you’re sitting in a bunch of weeds two days before your wedding, looking like you wished a hole would open up and swallow you.”

  A hole would be nice, except then how would I help Lily? My father had hundreds of applications for each job opening in his factory, and other companies were just as flooded. No one would want to pay me what I’d earned with my father, and my degree in liberal arts now seemed rather useless. Of course, I’d never thought I’d actually have to find a job outside the family business.

  A burst of anger blotted out the despair. How could I have been so stupid? Lily had at least tried to become independent, while I’d stayed reliant on my family. Now they controlled my life—and they wanted me to marry Julian.

  No!

  For a moment the hurt and betrayal were too great to endure. Yet I didn’t die, and after a moment the pain receded enough to breathe again, and I knew what I had to do. I arose, brushing my hands on my pants. “I’m getting married,” I said, “but not to my fiancé.”

  Gage’s eyes narrowed as he stood. “What are you talking about?” At that moment he looked hard, like a man who actually might have served time.

  “He’s a liar and a cheat, and I’m getting out, even if I have to hitchhike my way to Las Vegas and marry the first man I meet.”

  “That’s crazy.”

  “So is marrying someone who doesn’t love you.”

  “At least you know him. Don’t you think marrying some stranger in Las Vegas would be even worse?”

  “Not if it’s a business arrangement. Temporary.” Take that, Mother. I was a quick learner. I’d find a way around the trust fund requirements because I knew if my grandfather were alive, he’d be the first one to help Lily, and he certainly wouldn’t see me married to a man who would betray me. He’d been faithful to my grandmother not only for all the time they were married, but for twenty years after she was gone.

  I stuck out my hand to Gage. “It’s been nice knowing you, Gage. I hope you have a wonderful life.”

  His hand swallowed mine with a strength that made me slightly uneasy. “What about Serenity?”

  Serenity had been a constant in my life for seven years, but I couldn’t see walking down the Las Vegas strip with a horse in tow, looking for a likely marriage candidate. If managed to get the trust fund, I could move Serenity to wherever I ended up. Maybe I could buy the field next to Lily’s house. That is, if my parents didn’t sell the horse first.

  I bit my lip, tears smarting in my eyes. “She’ll be okay here for now.”

  I turned to go, but Gage’s hand shot out to grab my arm. I felt a momentary shiver of fear, and he must have seen it in my eyes because he dropped his hand instantly. “Sorry. I just—are you in trouble? Is there something I can do to help?” He was uniquely appealing at the moment, a mix of little boy and wild-looking ex-con. I hadn’t noticed how tall he was before or how broad his chest, and I wondered what he looked like under all that facial hair.

  I forced a smile. “How about a ride to Las Vegas?” My old car had been sold, and the new one, a wedding gift from Julian’s parents, wasn’t scheduled to arrive until after Julian and I returned from our honeymoon. “I’m kidding. Look, thanks for your concern, but everything is fine. I’m not the first woman to have her heart broken.”

  He arched a brow, and I noticed he had nice ones. Expressive. “You look more mad than heartbroken.”

  He was wrong. My heart did hurt. I hated knowing that I wasn’t enough for Julian, that he didn’t love me the way I loved him. Yes, I was also furious at him, and at my parents, but most of all at myself. I was the reason I was in this mess, the reason Lily was in danger. I’d trusted the wrong man.

  “Then you don’t know me very well,” I told Gage. “Good-bye. It really has been nice knowing you.”

  I could feel his eyes on me as I left. Grabbing Serenity’s mane, I pulled myself up on her bare back and let her take me to the other side of the pasture.

  “I’ll miss you more than anyone here,” I whispered, giving her the last cube of sugar in my pocket. “But I’ll be back some day. I promise.”

  CHAPTER TWO

  It took all of fifteen minutes to stuff several extra outfits in a backpack, and all my valuables—jewelry, cash, credit cards, small electronics that I could maybe pawn or sell on eBay. Most of my clothing was already at the house where I’d planned to live with Julian. I hoped I could get that later.

  Going online, I transferred every dime I had in my two savings accounts to the personal checking I had opened as an adult, the only account on which my mother wasn’t a joint signer. Two thousand dollars. Not a lot, but enough to get started. I took more time to locate important documents and to type up a contract on my laptop. I’d need to make sure I didn’t get swindled out of my entire trust fund. I didn’t e-mail Julian because the hurting part of me wanted him to find out from someone else the way I had.

  I should let Sadie know I was coming, but there wasn’t time for that because her phone was busy, and I had to get away before my mother returned from wherever she had gone. She’d stop me from leaving and call Julian and my father. My bid for freedom would be over.

  The last thing I did was to remove my engagement ring and set it on my desk where I knew my mother would see it. Pawning it might be wiser, but I couldn’t resist the message it would send to Julian—and to my parents. I would not settle for half a marriage.

  The house was quiet as I slipped outside and headed for the road. Already, I could tell it was going to be a long, long walk. With each step, the pack grew heavier. I could only pray my mother wouldn’t drive down the road and see me. My thumb went automatically to the place on my third finger where I’d worn the ring, finding nothing but bare skin.

  I hadn’t walked a mile when I realized I was being followed by a motorcycle. Fear tingled at the base of my spine, and I forced myself to walk faster. Another two miles or so and I’d be at Sadie’s, and I was hoping she would lend me a car. After that, I didn’t know. I needed to find someone to help me get my trust fund, a temporary husband who wouldn’t mind making a fast buck. I ran over candidates in my mind, discarding one after the other. Either they were married, seeing someone one, employees of my father, or friends of Julian. Maybe one of my college friends could help. Unfortunately, I’d been so wrapped up in Julian these past months that I hadn’t kept in contact beyond the occasional text message.

  The motorcycle moved closer, and I didn’t relax when I saw who was on it. I came to a full stop and turned to face Gage. “Why are you following me?” Maybe there was more to the ex-con rumor than I’d thought.

  “Are you really planning to walk to Vegas?”

  “Of course not. I’m going to a friend’s to borrow her car.”

  “And then you’re going to marry a stranger.”

  “Unless I can find someone I know to marry me instead.”

  He stared at me flatly without speaking.

  “Look, it’s complicated,” I said, “but once I have access to my trust fund, everything will be fine.”

  “To do that you have to be married?”

  “Yes.”

  “I see.”

  His eyes were greener than I’d ever realized, and I liked the way they crinkled at the sides,
but it was hard to look past the scruffy exterior. I couldn’t imagine kissing someone with all that hair—not that I wanted to kiss him. My face flushed at the thought. Hopefully, he’d think it was the heat. Late September was better for walking than August, but not much.

  “Get on,” he said. “I’ll give you a ride.”

  I hesitated.

  “Come on. That pack looks heavy. You can put it in here.” He opened the hard compartment on the back of his motorcycle.

  Sighing, I handed it over, and he placed it next to small black duffel already inside. With a little moving around, it all fit.

  “What you carrying in there—rocks?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Can we just go?”

  He grinned, and again I wondered what he looked like under the facial hair. “Wait a minute. Isn’t that your mother’s car?”

  I glanced up the road at the approaching blue sedan. Instantly, I squatted down by the motorcycle, ducking my head.

  Gage laughed, a deep, resonate sound. “I take it you don’t want her to see you.”

  “Just looking for more rocks to put in my pack.”

  He laughed again, and something warm grew inside me. I laughed with him, straightening once the car passed. As soon as she found out I was missing, she’d call in the troops, but for the moment I was safe. Only an hour ago, I doubted I’d ever laugh again, but here I was, already laughing with Gage.

  “This will hide your hair,” he said, handing me a helmet, “and it can’t possibly make it look worse. Did you even comb it today?”

  He had some nerve, though now that I thought about it, I hadn’t washed or combed it. I’d been about to jump in the shower when Sadie arrived. I didn’t have makeup on, either. Not a good way to start a search for a husband, even if it was only a business arrangement.

  I silenced him with a hard look, but after I climbed onto the back of the bike, I found myself smiling again. My mother would be mortified to see me out and about with Gage. As for me, who did I have to impress? Julian was the only one, and I was running from him.