“What are you doing?”
I looked up at Carter who was staring down at me with a look of pure bafflement. His gaze then moved around the room and his forehead creased with a number of puzzled lines. “Alice? Where are we?”
“In my hotel room, Carter,” I groaned as I tried to take his weight and direct him towards the bathroom. “I would really appreciate some help here.”
He stared at me once more and I had to clench my fists to stop them from homing in on his irritating confused expression. “Carter!”
As if finally understanding my motives he chuckled, shaking his head and hobbling alongside me towards the bathroom. He stumbled slightly and I lunged forwards to catch him.
“Holy mother of bloody God!” I yelled when my toe stubbed on the foot-stand of the bed and I skipped forwards. “Shit! Christ! Bloody… God!” I cried out as I hopped on one leg and clamped my fingers around my throbbing little toe. Pain tore through my foot and I winced as I tried to hold on to the tears that instinctively came. “Ow!”
“Are you okay?” I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was supressing his laughter and a fire tore through my chest.
Spinning round, I glared at him. “Do I bloody look okay, you stupid… stupid…” My brain wouldn’t work because of the pain it was focussing on, and struggling to find a word that wasn’t crude, I suddenly spat, “…twit!”
His eyes shot wide and round and he stilled. The corner of his lips twitched and he swallowed profoundly. “Twit?”
“Twit!” I confirmed as if it was the most obscene word in the English dictionary, my glare spitting much more offense than my chosen word.
“Oh, come on, Alice. I’m sure you can come up with better than that!”
My foot throbbed, my head was trying to cope with the pain of a swelling black toe, and my mortification hit new levels as my etiquette once more embarrassed me. My jaw trembled and I hobbled into the bathroom and dropped down on the toilet seat. Covering my face with my hands, I allowed the tears to come and pretended Carter wasn’t just right outside the door listening to me.
A light tap on the door made me swing my legs sideways and look at the shower cubicle, abruptly turning away from the joker.
“All you have to do is change one letter, and I promise you’ll feel so much better,” he whispered. I could see him poke his head around the door through the corner of my eye.
“Go away.”
“Go on, Alice. I dare you. Change the I to an A. Go on.”
“No.”
“Be naughty, Alice. Say a curse word.” His voice was slurred and when he tried to talk softly he ended up sounding like a toy running out of batteries. I bit into my lip to stop myself from laughing. He couldn’t win this; I wouldn’t let him.
“No.”
“Twat,” he encouraged me to say, but long and drawn out it sounded like ‘twaart’ spoken in a Yorkshire accent.
“Twaart?” I mocked. “I can manage that.” I grinned at him when he scowled and moved around the door. “Twaart.”
“T.W.A.T.” He spelled it out like I was a pre-schooler, but even then he sounded like a retired Christmas decoration that had been out in the frost too long.
I giggled louder and pushed at the door with the bottom of my good foot. I only meant to push him back a little but he was so unsteady that he suddenly disappeared and a heavy thud told me he’d fallen on his ass.
I peered around the door, my own arse still on the toilet seat. Carter was sat on the floor with his hands behind him for support and his knees wide open, each leg flopped at a funny angle beside him. The pose made his soft penis swing between his legs, and his balls rested against the join of his buttocks. Quickly slapping my hand over my mouth to stop the bark of laughter, I ended up snorting like a pig and disappearing back behind the door.
“You find this funny?”
I opened my eyes and saw just Carter’s eyes peering around the edge of the door near the floor, his eyebrows waggling wildly in question. Hilarity took control and suddenly I was holding my stomach with the heaves of laughter. Carter, also seeing the funny side was laughing alongside me, the back of his head flat on the bathroom floor and the rest of his body in the sleeping area of my room.
“All this because you wouldn’t say twat!” He snickered.
“No, all this because you were too pissed to get in the shower yourself.” I had meant it in humour but the seriousness of the situation swiftly stopped our laughter and brought an uncomfortable silence.
Carter nodded from where he remained on the floor but he turned his face away from me. I heard his long swallow and my stomach twisted with the potency of the pain in it.
“Why?” I whispered, hating that we were once again back to reality.
As if I had physically hit him, he turned onto his side and tucked up his knees, his arms curling around himself as he buried his face into his own chest.
“Carter?” I dropped onto the floor beside him. “Let me help you. Tell me what’s wrong.”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hold him, scream at him, beat him, or just slide in behind him and rock him until it all went away. Yet all I could do was lay my hand on his back and hope he could feel the amount of strength and comfort I tried to pour into him. I couldn’t help him and we both knew it, yet it wouldn’t stop me trying.
“Please,” I begged.
Just when I thought he wasn’t going to open up, he choked out a name and I frowned. “Cary.”
“The man on the phone?”
He nodded. “Yes, the man on the phone.” He paused then rotated his body until he was facing me. “The man on the phone. The man who was sleeping with my wife. The man who was the father to the baby my wife was carrying. The man who begged my wife to leave me.” Another pause. A tear left his eye and my gaze followed it as it rolled down the side of his face. “And the man who shares my blood. My brother.”
Every fibre of me recoiled in horror as the big strong man in front of me broke into a million agonising pieces. The long wail that left him stopped the beat of my heart with its force and I struggled to contain the bile that filled my mouth.
Carter crawled over to me, pulled me down to the floor with him, and drew me against his heaving body. He held on to me for dear life as his devastation let rip.
“Oh dear God,” I whispered in his ear as I softly peppered kisses over the top of his head. “Shh, please don’t…” His agony tortured me. It was so potent that I physically felt it in my heart. His pain, his suffering, his grief - all of it swirled around inside me and threatened to take me into his hell right along with him.
“Why are you letting him win, Carter? Why have you allowed him to give you the reason to hurt yourself?”
“Hurt myself?” He scrambled up to a sitting position, his eyes blazing with anger at me. “This is the only time it doesn’t fucking hurt.”
“You’re wrong.” I shook my head.
“No! No I’m not! This pain, it never goes away. You think I haven’t tried, Alice? You think I want to carry it around with me?”
“No,” I replied quietly. He was right, and I was a hypocrite. But all I wanted to do was make it better, ease his pain.
I fought for breath when his fingers curled around my upper arms and he yanked me towards him. “I threw her out. I was so cruel.” His face paled and I was worried he was going to pass out with the mix of sorrow and anger tormenting him. “She found the courage to tell me, and what did I do? I physically threw her onto the street, Alice.”
More tears burst from him. I wanted to squeeze my eyes closed so I couldn’t witness him shattering in front of me, yet I couldn’t tear my eyes away as his tragic story vomited from him in waves of horrifying truths.
“She begged me to understand, to forgive her. She fell to her fucking knees and begged me, Alice.”
“Carter…”
“I told her I hated her.” A sob ripped up his throat and the sound of it made my chest tighten. He squeezed his eyes clo
sed and lowered his face, his voice dropping to a choked whisper. “The last thing I ever said to her was that I hoped she and her baby died.”
I gasped, my mouth falling open as I stared at him. Horror, shame, guilt - they all stared back at me from the depths of his wounded eyes.
“I didn’t mean it. God, I swear, Alice. I would never…” He was shaking me, holding me tight as he tried to make me listen. “I’d rather it had been me. I was just angry…”
I nodded, quickly calming him. “I know. I know.”
“But do you? Do you? I never saw her again. I wished her dead and… and then…”
“Carter, you weren’t to know. You can’t carry that guilt around with you for the rest of your life. It will end up suffocating you.”
“Like the guilt you lug around with you?”
My mouth dried, and sighing, I nodded my head. “Yeah. Don’t end up like me, Carter. Don’t look for a way out every second of every day. There’s only one way out, and if anyone knows that, I do. But I have vengeance to carry me to that point.”
He tipped his head and frowned. “And what is the way out?”
Shaking my head, I lifted myself off the ground, ignoring his question. “Come on. You stink. Get yourself in the shower.”
He blinked at me, aware that I’d directed the conversation away. “What are you scared of, Alice?”
I paused with my hand on the door handle as I was about to pull it closed and leave him alone to shower. Turning, I caught his gaze and swallowed. “Taking another breath.”
Then I closed the door.
I WAS STANDING by the window, staring out over Newquay’s busy nightlife, when Carter emerged from the bathroom. Turning to look at him, my heart skipped a beat and my mouth watered. He wore just a towel around his hips, and his impressive torso was glistening with water from his shower. His hips bones provided a perfect route for my stare to follow and I had to clear my throat when I caught a glimpse of wet pubic hair travelling up to just under his navel.
He gave me a small smile but I almost missed it when my eyes glued to the delicious view.
“Better?” I winced at the high pitch in my voice
Carter smirked. He knew damn well what walking out of the bathroom looking like a goddamn Greek god would do to me and my lady parts. “Much.”
I nodded and leaned back against the window frame. “So are you going to tell me why your brother has all of a sudden popped back up again?”
I thought he would have clammed up at my question, but instead he walked over to the bed and sat down slowly. “I don’t know.”
I frowned at him. “You don’t know?”
Shaking his head, he sighed. “I haven’t answered any of his attempts to contact me. I don’t want to talk to him or see him.” Carter looked at me when I remained silent. “What, Alice?”
Holding up my hands, I shook my head. “Nothing.”
He lifted both eyebrows and stared at me expectantly. “Silence, from you, scares the living shit out of me.”
I gawped at him, not sure if I was offended or surprised. “And what does that mean?”
He chuckled and I only just held on to the moan that rumbled in my chest when he leaned back on to the bed and smirked at me. “It means that even you’re embarrassed by the randomness that comes out of your mouth sometimes.”
I chewed on my bottom lip and stared at the wall. His towel had slipped open and my knees shook when I saw the dark pink head of his cock. “Can you put on some clothes?”
He looked surprised for a moment, his brows elevating slightly before he scanned the area around him. “Clothes? They’re covered in puke, Alice. It’s kind of defeating the object of a shower if I put them back on.”
I stilled, realising he was right. “Shit. I don’t think I have anything that will fit you.”
His grin made me prepare for his comeback. “Why don’t you take off that dress?” He shrugged. “I’m more than willing to give it a shot.”
Heat flushed my cheeks and Carter laughed.
“Honestly? You’re blushing. I’ve been close up to your tight little body, Alice. Very close. And now, now, you’re blushing!”
The deep throb in my belly had me nearly ripping my stupid dress off, but something deep in my chest got me angry. “Why do you have to play with me? What do you want from me?”
He flinched with my tone and I took a step towards him.
“You were all over me, then when you finally got me into bed, you ran. Far and fast.”
He watched me warily as I grew angrier, my face flushed with more than embarrassment.
“I know, and I’ve apologised for that. I was just…”
“I was happy just being friends,” I butted in with another step towards him. “Yet you wanted to take it further. Not me!”
This time he gawped at me and stood upright. “So you didn’t do anything, Alice? You didn’t reciprocate? You just laid there and did nothing, huh?”
I braced myself when he came to stand before me. “I’m not saying that…”
“Damn fucking right you’re not!” he growled and I took a step backwards. “You didn’t cry out my name when I sank inside that hot little body of yours, eh? You didn’t come all over my cock and cling to my back so hard that I had the imprint of your nails on my skin for a week?”
“Well…”
“You didn’t climb my body like you couldn’t get close enough?”
My back pressed against the wall and I didn’t dare breathe as his face closed in on mine.
“Tell me you didn’t want me just as much as I wanted you, Alice. Tell me your pink little pussy isn’t already wet for me right now!”
I swallowed, clenching my thighs together just in case he could smell the proof of his presumption.
“Tell me your clit isn’t swollen and ready for my tongue to torment and tease? Tell me. Tell me!”
I shook my head, staring up at him as he towered above me. His cheeks were as red as mine but I knew it wasn’t because of the heat in the room. “I…”
His mouth pressed against mine and I moaned into him, devouring him as he forced his tongue between my lips. The force he kissed me with left my lips tingling as much as my body. It was like he couldn’t get near enough to me. His hands were in my hair, holding me firmly for his total consumption. I didn’t have a choice but to allow him to control me. I clawed back just as passionately, his soft damp hair in my fingers giving my senses more to cope with. My belly was on fire, the heat scorching the flesh between my legs as his kiss grew frenzied and more heated.
I gasped into his mouth when his hands left my hair and his fingers tore at the fastening of my dress, leaving it to gape open and fall down my back, allowing him access to my breasts. He snapped the fastening of my bra and I wiggled it from my body. His touch was hot and hard as his large hands completely cupped my boobs and toyed with the flesh. My nipples pressed into his palms and the friction poured liquid heat into my veins.
Grabbing his shoulders, I forced myself up his body, linking my legs behind him in an effort to get closer. Foreplay was tossed aside and my back was slammed into the wall when Carter tore my knickers to the side and thrust into me with a need that brought a loud growl of pleasure from both of us.
“Fuck. You feel like fucking heaven around me.”
I nodded; there wasn’t anything to say. Not that I could talk right then anyway. His drives in and out of me were so hard and deep that my pussy felt like it was on fire, each of his movements inside me both igniting a fire and making me surrender to the pleasure.
“Harder. I need more of you,” I begged as I clamped hold of his hair and brought his mouth back to my own.
He devoted every bit of himself to my pleasure, powering into me like a wild animal as each long, brutal drive propelled me higher and nearer my climax. My back bounced against the wall with each of his thrusts, the pain only enhancing the bliss that was carrying me somewhere surreal. His teeth flanked my bottom lip and when the shar
p nip produced the stimulating taste of copper, I held on to him harder and came with a loud cry.
“Take it all, Alice,” he growled as he forced himself deep into me when I screamed his name like he was the only man alive on this rotten earth. He felt like a god to me right then, his dedication to making me feel good the only thing I could see and feel when he buried his face into my neck and gave in to his own orgasm, my name coming from him with a hoarse cry.
We both remained still as we tried to catch up with the frantic rhythm of our breathing. I was still clung to Carter when he turned abruptly and lowered me onto the bed. I tensed, waiting for him to give me the guilty look and then disappear. What I didn’t expect was for him to climb into bed behind me. One arm slid underneath my shoulders and curved around my chest, and pulling me back against him, he whispered in my ear. “I hope you don’t want to chat. I’m knackered.”
I lay in shock when the heavy sounds of him snoring filled the quiet room. “What the…?”
I wasn’t upset that he’d gone straight to sleep, I was more stunned by how easily and quickly he went. His chest pressed into my back with each of his deep breaths but his hold on me remained steadfast, his strong arm locking me against him in a fierce grip like he thought I would escape while he slept.
Unable to hold back the smile, I covered his arm with my own and relaxed against him. It felt so right that it suddenly it felt wrong. Carter couldn’t give me anything. I wasn’t naïve; I knew he would never grant me much of himself, because he kept that part of him secured in the past with a ghost that refused to grant him peace. Much like myself, really. But whereas Carter’s heart was completely devoted to his dead wife, mine was held by the souls of my dead family.
Carter smiled down at me when he woke, his eyes full of sleep and desire. “Good morning, Miss Bird.” His voice was thick with exhilaration as I stroked his morning erection with my tongue.
Night Fires Page 11
