Without a Mother's Love

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Without a Mother's Love Page 31

by Catherine King

‘That’s better,’ he said. ‘I thought you would squeeze the breath out of me.’

  ‘I prefer to ride in a cart.’

  ‘Well, you had better hold tight again because now we are going to speed up.’

  He grimaced. He could hardly believe he was doing this. He was taking old Hesley’s former mistress to look after the woman who was so precious to him. Why? Because he knew she would put Olivia’s welfare before her own. No, more than that: because a bond had developed between them since she had first gone to Hill Top House as a governess.

  He supposed they had both been ill-used by Mexton men, had both fled the comfort of money to be away from them. Miss Trent had found solace in religion and good works. And Olivia? What had she been doing for more than a year? Who was the father of her lost child? Who had deserted his responsibilities when she needed him most?

  With a guilty start he realized that Olivia had accused him of the same thing when he had ceased their meetings at the ruined cottage. But surely he had not been misguided in his desire for her to maintain the sanctity of her marriage.To walk away from her then had been the most difficult action of his life. He had done it for her, for her future happiness, and now she hated him for it. No, it would not be Miss Trent that Olivia refused to see. It would be him. Her late uncle’s mistress would be more worthy in her eyes than himself. He deserved Olivia’s rejection.

  Chapter 30

  Harriet slid thankfully off the horse and stumbled before she picked up her skirts and hurried into the Wiltons’ kitchen, where she introduced herself briskly to Sarah.

  Sarah was pressing linen with a flat-iron on the kitchen table. She directed Harriet upstairs to the back bedchamber, where Olivia was awake but pallid.

  Harriet was so relieved to see her again that she could hardly speak. She approached the bed softly. ‘Madam! What has happened to you?’

  ‘Miss Trent?’ Livvy could not believe her eyes. Miss Trent was here? Dear Heaven, she had come back. Come back to her. Now she could explain how she had never wanted her to leave. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘I’m going to look after you.’ Harriet marvelled at how wonderful it was to say it. To have a chance to make up for the guilt she had felt when she had left her. To make good their friendship.

  ‘Look after me here?’

  ‘Oh, Mrs Mexton, you have no idea—’

  ‘Do not call me that.’ She lifted her head to see around her visitor. ‘Is anyone with you? No one here knows who I am and you must not tell them.’

  ‘But why not?’ Harriet began to feel anxious. Had she been in hiding all this time?

  ‘I’m known as Livvy.You must call me Livvy.’

  ‘Very well.’

  But Livvy began to worry about what Miss Trent would do when she found out the truth. ‘How did you get here?’ she asked. ‘Who else knows about me?’

  ‘Stay calm, my dear. Jared brought me.’

  ‘Jared? He is here too?’ She remembered seeing his blackened face through the pain It had not been a dream, after all. They were both here! What did they want? To take her back to Hesley, where she belonged? She couldn’t go back. Not now.

  Harriet saw the anxiety and distress on Olivia’s face and it worried her. Olivia had trusted her. She had betrayed that trust and deserved the censure. But she had thought she would be pleased about Jared.

  ‘We shall both care for you until you are well again.’

  ‘No! Go away! I have managed quite well without you, these past years.’

  ‘I’m sorry I left, but you know why I had to go, and I have missed you so much. I often wondered how you were faring as mistress of Hill Top—’

  ‘Quiet! No one here knows of my past life.’

  ‘Past life? But why did you have to leave?

  ‘Hesley came home.’ Olivia tried to sit up and Harriet moved to aid her. ‘I do not need help.’

  ‘You do. This happened only yesterday and you have lost a great deal of blood.’

  ‘You know what happened?’

  ‘Jared told me.’

  ‘He mustn’t tell anyone else.’

  ‘He won’t.’

  ‘I should like to speak with him.’

  Harriet smiled. Olivia had not lost her spirit and for that she was grateful. ‘Wait until you are stronger,’ she said.

  ‘Do you still think you know what is best for me?’

  ‘I think you will become too agitated with him.You should rest.’ Harriet began to straighten the bedding.

  ‘I am already agitated. Please stop doing that and go away.’

  Harriet sighed but did as she was bade. She understood Olivia’s anger. ‘Very well. If that is what you want.’

  ‘It is.’

  Reluctantly, Harriet went down the stairs. Jared had seen to his horse and was now in the small cottage kitchen, emptying his saddle-bags of brandy, sugar and scented soap from the town, and questioning Sarah about Olivia.

  ‘May we speak frankly, sir?’ Harriet said.

  ‘Of course.’

  Sarah put her iron to cool in the hearth on its heel and picked up a pile of undergarments. ‘I’ll go to my father. These are for travelling.’

  As soon as she had gone, Harriet turned on Jared. ‘Did you tell me the truth? Was it your child?’

  ‘I have already answered that question.’

  ‘But you did lie with her?’

  ‘I gave you my word,’ he said evenly, ‘and I have not seen her since she left Hill Top House.’

  Harriet put a finger to her lips and raised her eyes towards the ceiling. ‘You promised you would take care of her.’

  ‘I did what I thought was best for her. And I have searched everywhere. Believe me, I have been out of my mind with worry.’

  Harriet gave a wry half-laugh. She might have said the same before she had seen what it was like to lose one’s mind. A thought struck her. ‘You do not suppose Hesley was going to lock her up and that was why she left?’

  ‘That is a possibility. Jessup would have arranged it for him, especially if she was having another man’s child.’

  She picked up an empty blackened kettle from the hearth. ‘I’ll fetch water. Make up the fire, would you? I want to know what has been going on since I left.’

  He poked at the dying embers and added fresh coal from the bucket. He needed answers too. It had not occurred to him that Olivia would run away from Hesley. Or end up working in her husband’s pit.

  Harriet slung the heavy kettle on a hook over the fire and asked, ‘Did Hesley look for her?’

  ‘He said he did. But who can believe anything he says?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You have not heard about him?’

  ‘Only what you have told me.’

  ‘He is manic, and I am told he is getting worse.’

  ‘Who says he is manic?’ Harriet demanded. Not someone who had seen what ‘manic’ meant, she thought.

  ‘Adam Harvey. An overheated brain, he said.’

  ‘I see.’ She respected the apothecary’s opinion. ‘She is worried about something, a secret. She has asked to speak with you.’

  For the first time that day he brightened. ‘Really? I’ll go up to her now.’

  ‘Wait. She is already annoyed with - with me, and that is not good for her recovery. Wait until she is less anxious. I’ll make tea for us all. That will help.’

  Jared paced about the kitchen. ‘Sarah has agreed that Olivia can lodge here - she says her father is well enough to travel and she wishes to leave today. Will you stay with her tonight?’

  ‘Of course. Perhaps you would fetch my things from the town.’

  He nodded briefly. ‘I’ll go now.’

  ‘Have some tea first.’ After a short silence, Harriet added, ‘I may not be the person to help her get well.’

  ‘You know her better than anyone else.’

  ‘She is not pleased to see me.’

  ‘Can you blame her?’

  Harriet was spooning tea int
o a brown earthenware teapot. She stopped, remembering her anguish at the time. ‘I believed you would look after her. And also that Hesley would grow, like you, into a mature and responsible gentleman. I suppose it was foolish to expect such a change in him. In any event, I could not stay.’ Her voice dropped to a whisper. ‘I could not.’

  ‘I see that now.’

  ‘Do you?’

  ‘Of course.You were trapped by him, once you were there.’ He frowned at her.‘What I do not understand is why you went there in the first place. Old Hesley’s reputation in the Riding was widespread.’

  Harriet wished she could tell him, tell anyone, even tell Livvy. But she had kept it to herself for too long to unburden herself of her secret now. It would only add more pain to this unfortunate situation. Over the years she had grown used to its weight on her shoulders.‘I had my reasons,’ she answered shortly, and added, ‘Will you tell your mother about Olivia?’

  ‘Of course. She is as worried as I am.’

  ‘Please wait a little. Until we know more about her. About the child.’

  ‘And her lover?’ Harriet saw a look of pain pass across his brow. ‘Surely a lover would not have deserted her. Perhaps he did not know about the child.’

  ‘Even so, where is he? More importantly, who is he?’

  ‘She may never tell us.’

  ‘Have patience, Jared. I hope she will. Eventually.’

  He took a few coins from his waistcoat pocket and placed them on the table. ‘For anything Olivia might need. I’ll ride into town for your belongings. I cannot sit about drinking tea. Adam Harvey will visit later this morning.’ He stopped at the back door and said, ‘Look after her, Harriet.’

  ‘I shall.’

  ‘She is much better. The bleeding has stopped. Mrs Mexton is a sturdy young woman, but keep her in bed for two weeks. Give her butcher’s meat and plenty of porter from the alehouse.’

  ‘It is a cold morning, sir.You will take a drink yourself before you leave?’ She offered Mr Harvey hot tea laced liberally with Jared’s brandy.

  ‘Thank you, Miss Trent. I am pleased Jared found you. I always thought you such a sensible young woman. Mrs Mexton did not seem as content after you left.’

  ‘Do you think her unhappiness was my doing, sir?’

  ‘Her husband was difficult.’

  ‘I saw you with him at the funeral.’

  ‘You were there? I feared for the pit after old Hesley died. His grandson is a weak man and he - he . . .’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘We all believed that sending him to the West Indies would have an improving effect on his character, but he came back a dissolute and sickly man.’

  ‘Sickly?’

  ‘A tropical fever ruined his health and he will not see sense about his habits. I have said too much, but this pit village is dying when it should be thriving and it is his responsibility.’

  ‘Does Hesley not care about the profits? They were always foremost in his grandfather’s mind.’

  ‘It is my belief that Hesley no longer has a mind of his own. Others order his life for him now.’

  ‘Then who runs the mine?’

  ‘Jessup, his gambling friend and now his lawyer. Hesley signs anything he puts in front of him. And Jessup makes sure that one of the servants is there to witness it. He’s even asked me on the occasions I have been present.’

  ‘Do you know Jessup?’

  ‘He dresses and behaves like a gentleman. And he is clever with all these new laws. Rich, too, they say. But over-fond of the horses and the card table, which is how he came to meet Hesley.’ Mr Harvey drank again and seemed to relax in Harriet’s company.‘He’s cunning. He hangs about Hill Top House, eating and drinking until Hesley has a more lucid moment. Then he talks about horses and bloodstock, and persuades him to bet huge amounts on the races.’

  ‘Does he ever win?’

  ‘Jessup tells him he does, even if it’s not true, so that he will wager more. I believe Jessup pockets the money. Or feeds his own gambling habit with it.’

  ‘Can nothing be done about him?’

  ‘Have you any suggestions, madam?’

  Harriet chose her words carefully. ‘Is it Hesley’s sickness that affects his mind?’

  ‘Do you know of these things?’

  ‘I have worked in an asylum for the insane and often talked with the doctor there.’

  ‘You have courage, madam. That is difficult nursing.’

  ‘I helped with the ladies who were showing signs of getting better.’

  ‘Really? We must talk again. I should like to know more of your experiences there.’ He stood up and swayed.

  ‘Are you well, sir? Shall I fetch your horse?’

  ‘No, thank you. I am quite all right. It is simply that I am not as young as I was. Tend your patient. She is in need of cheering.’

  Harriet thought that she was the last person who could raise Olivia’s spirits. ‘You will not tell Hesley that she is here?’

  ‘No, madam, I shall not. Mrs Mexton has begged me not to.’

  ‘Nor Mr Jessup?’

  ‘Hesley’s money may be his business, but his wife is not.’

  ‘Thank you, sir.’

  She watched him straighten his back and mount his horse, then settle in the saddle with a sigh. He ought to be using a trap at his age, she thought, but he must be too proud to give up his horse.

  ‘I do not need a nurse,’ Olivia muttered.

  ‘Mr Harvey has said you do.’

  ‘What would he know? But, then, I suppose that because he is a gentleman he thinks he knows best what is good for the ladies.’

  Harriet was surprised at this. ‘He’s an apothecary. You are distressed.You will feel differently when you have rested.’

  ‘I have rested all night and most of the day.’

  ‘If I may say so, Livvy, you are a difficult patient.’

  ‘I was a difficult pupil, wasn’t I?’

  ‘Sometimes.’

  ‘And you were always very kind to me.’ She sighed. ‘Firm, but kind. You put up with such cruelty for my sake. I wonder you stayed as long as you did. I do not forget what you did for me, Miss Trent. You were so devoted to me.’

  ‘I am still devoted to you.’

  ‘Are you? I have not been very nice to you.’

  ‘I understand you, perhaps better than you do yourself. Can you forgive me?’

  ‘Of course I do! Jared, too. But I fear you both wish to persuade me to return to my dutiful place as Hesley’s wife. Well, I shall not go. I shall throw myself into the cut first.’

  Harriet stopped tidying the bed. So that was it. They had both encouraged her to make the best of her marriage and Olivia thought that was their motive now. She said calmly, ‘I have heated some porter for you. The doctor says you must drink it.’ She held out the tankard, but Olivia did not take it. ‘Mr Harvey is a good apothecary, in spite of being a gentleman. It is his bidding, not mine.’

  Olivia shuffled up the bed, took the warm drink with both hands and sipped. Harriet supported her back and plumped up the pillows. After a few more sips, Olivia said, ‘That’s nice.’

  ‘Honey and cinnamon. I found it in Mrs Wilton’s cupboard. It is well stocked, for a collier’s household.’

  ‘She treated many of the villagers. They all miss her.’

  Harriet watched her finish the porter and yawn. She took the empty tankard from her and said, ‘Try to sleep. I have to walk into town for food. You must eat well, too.’

  ‘I’m not going back.’

  ‘Where?’

  ‘Hill Top House. Not while Hesley is there.You can’t make me.’

  ‘No,’ Harriet agreed quietly. But she couldn’t stay here for ever, either. ‘We’ll talk about that later.’

  Olivia yawned again and slid down the bed.‘There is nothing to talk about.’

  Harriet raised her eyebrows but did not respond. She remembered how determined Olivia had been as a child. And how, when she had left her to
mull over her choices, she often came to a reasonable solution. But she could not think of a sensible way forward for her, except to return to her husband and her home. It would be difficult to keep her presence here secret now. And Hesley, no doubt, was like his grandfather, a vindictive man, even in the throes of ill-health, and a gentleman with powerful friends.

  She had seen what could happen to wayward girls and women at Blackstone and in the asylum. Running away and working in the pit were enough for Hesley to commit her, if he so wished. His grandfather had done it to Hesley’s mother. It was the Mexton way. To have carried a child that was not her husband’s would seal her fate. Harriet racked her brain for answers as she found a basket in the scullery of the Wiltons’ tiny cottage and set off for the market.

  ‘Who’s there?’ Livvy raised her head from the pillow and called as loudly as she could.

  A gentleman’s voice came up to her: ‘Do not fear. It’s Jared, with your supplies.’

  She heard him moving about downstairs, then the tread of his boots on the stairs.

  ‘May I come in?’ he said softly.

  She wondered if Miss Trent had sent him to change her mind about returning to Hill Top House.

  He pushed open the door and filled the space with his tall frame. ‘How are you?’ he asked gently.

  She felt fragile and hardly dared to move, but her heart leaped in her breast at the sight of him.Yet she was wary of his concern for her: she remembered why he had left her. ‘Have you seen Miss Trent?’ she asked.

  ‘I passed her on the towpath. She has been to market and was struggling with her purchases.’ He tried to lighten his tone. ‘She wouldn’t ride with me. She preferred to walk, so she’ll be here later.’

  ‘She’ll tell Hesley where I am. Or you will. Or Mr Harvey.’

  ‘No, we shan’t.’

  He sounded indignant and she peered more closely at his face. He looked old and haggard, worn beyond his years, and she wondered if he, too, had been working down the pit when he had found her. ‘Would you fetch me a drink, please?’

  He jumped smartly to attention. ‘Yes. Something warm?’

  ‘I’m to have porter.’

  He had gone before she could say more. She heard him raking the fire and shovelling coal. Then she heard the pump creaking and squeaking in the yard. She wondered if any of the neighbours had seen him and covered her face with her hands. He didn’t have to tell anyone about her for them to find out. Folk around here were not stupid. She was the talk of the village.They would put two and two together and work out who she was. She had thought she would be well away from prying eyes down the pit but she had only drawn attention to herself. She should have gone away with Toby.

 

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