by Lacey Silks
“Thank you.” She blushed.
We said our goodbyes and waved to the crew of four until they disappeared around the corner.
“Now, I need to get out of these jeans and put on a comfortable pair of slacks. I’d suggest you put something warmer on as well. Will you join me on the deck in a few minutes?”
“Yes, of course.”
Tonight was going to be a night that neither Molly nor I would forget.
MOLLY
Wearing my yoga pants, which Joelle had conveniently packed for me, I went back up to the deck only to stop dead in my tracks as my sight reached the platform. My mouth dropped open as I stepped on the third last step. The scene in front of me was one out of a fairy tale. Spread out around the edges of the deck were tea-light candles. Hundreds of them. Carter must have also set them up on the roof of the boat because there was a glow emanating up into the night sky. In the middle of the deck was a mattress with blankets, pillows, and a bottle of wine with two glasses.
“Carter, this is beautiful.”
Now, if I were a betting woman, I’d say that he’d set up this romantic getaway to impress me. Not that he needed to do so. The more time I spent with him, the more I was beginning to worry about these feelings I was having for him and what they actually meant for me.
“No mosquitos tonight.” Remembering our time as kids when we’d been attacked by a swarm one evening, I was grateful for a bug-free night. I sat down beside Carter and relaxed back against the stacked pillows. Carter popped the bottle of wine and poured some in my glass. “You didn’t have to do all this, Carter.”
“I know. But I wanted to.”
“I thought you didn’t like candles. You keep putting the ones in my apartment out all the time.”
“Tonight is different.”
“Thank you. You really didn’t have to.”
“Stop saying that. Of course I did. You’ve been working hard at that hospital and taking care of me. I just wanted to make you happy.”
“I am happy and you’ve been pretty self-sufficient thus far. Too much, in fact.”
“Good, now what do you want to talk about?”
“Oh, so we’re going to ignore the fact that you keep refusing my help?” I teased.
“It would definitely make the evening go smoother.” He winked and gave me a lopsided smile that made it difficult to concentrate.
“Seriously, Carter. How are you feeling? You’ve been on your leg for a while today. Is anything hurting?”
“No, everything is fine. I told you I’ve been practicing my walking when you’re at work.”
“Well, it definitely shows. I can see it in your movements and agility. But—”
“Molly, I really don’t want to talk about my health. In fact, I’d like to forget that I was ever at the hospital. Tonight, I just want to feel like a man who’s still able to make a woman smile.”
“Well, I can confirm that you’ve definitely made me smile. You’ve made me the happiest I’d felt in a long time.”
A second-long look of guilt passed over his face, and I wondered what that was about.
“I’m assuming you haven’t told your father about your graduation, but what about your mother?”
“I called her. She knows.”
“She didn’t want to come to see you receive your papers?”
“She did, but I asked her not to.”
“Why?” he asked.
I set the glass aside. “It’s complicated.”
“Life is complicated. Come on, Molly. You’ve seen me at my worst and brought me back to life countless times. If there’s anything I can do to heal your wounds, I want to. Superficial or not. I really, really want to.”
I looked at him from the side and wondered why it had taken us so long to finally connect. But maybe the passed time wasn’t worthless. We had both matured, had a chance to live separate lives as adults, and had been able to remain great friends, for the most part. We had both been through such terrors in our lives, that maybe if the timing had been different, it wouldn’t have worked out between us then. Would it now?
“That means a lot. Thank you. I guess it’s different with my mother because we were never that close.”
“That’s not the way I remember things. She protected you that day at the pub when we got ice cream. She didn’t want you coming home when your father was upset.”
He was right. My mother, although for a long time blind to the mental and physical abuse that Father subjected her to, had done everything in her power to keep me safe. Could she have stopped Father? Maybe. I… I wasn’t sure. And she let me go that day to the pub with him… Didn’t she know that he liked me in a different way than a father should like his daughter?
“Okay, so maybe we were close up to a certain point, but not later. Not when I needed her the most and couldn’t count on her. She let it…”
I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. I’d almost said it. I’d almost told him my biggest secret – and the worst part was that I wanted to tell him. I finally didn’t want to be the only one who carried this burden around any longer.
“Let what?” Carter leaned in.
“It doesn’t matter. Now, what are your plans after you recover?”
“That’s a million dollar question, Molly. And I see what you did there, trying to change the subject.”
I laughed. I hoped he’d let it go. I prayed that he wouldn’t pressure me to answer questions I wasn’t ready for. At least, I didn’t think that I was ready for them. I was beginning to fear that I’d never be.
“Why is it a million dollar question?” I asked.
“Because I’d like my future plans to include you, but you’re still a little closed off.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to be. Sometimes it feels like there’s no way to move on, so I concentrate on work and… work, I guess.”
“My point exactly. Work is not life, Molly. It’s part of it, but it’s not everything.”
“Well, I have you now.”
My heart started beating at this honest revelation. I hadn’t thought about us beyond where we’d be after Carter recovered. I didn’t want to figure that part out just yet, simply because I wasn’t ready to figure it out, or maybe I didn’t know how to figure it out.
“Would you ever move back to Hope Bay?” he asked.
“No, I don’t think so. Actually, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t. No, make that a definite no.”
He furrowed his brows, obviously not liking my answer.
“Why? You don’t need to go back to your parents’ house. Actually, I wouldn’t want you to. But your brother lives there. He’s a good student, from what I hear, and definitely has good manners, from what I’d seen. You really want to be that far away from your friends? I know you love Hope Bay, and I love it too. So where is this determination to stay away forever coming from?”
“I do love it, and while the town holds a lot of precious memories for me, it also holds pain.”
“I understand.”
He did, didn’t he? That’s where he’d lost Daisy and his unborn child. For Christ’s sake, his house had burned down almost two months ago. I’d seen Carter go through pain like no other man had, one that pushed him to the brink of death, yet he still thought of Hope Bay as the most wonderful place to live.
“Molly, you know you can talk to me about anything. Is it your mom? Your father? Yes, he has a drinking problem, but maybe we could do something to help him.”
Oh, how I wanted to throw my arms around his neck right now and kiss him! This man had the most loving heart in the world. Too bad I’d have to squash his idea of my family reunion.
“There’s nothing you can say to make me turn around and run away,” he added.
I feared that if Carter knew the truth, running away was the least of my worries. He took a sip of the wine and I followed the motion.
“All right. So, if this was a perfect world, where would you see yourself in ten years? You can choose anywher
e in the world.”
That was a loaded question, and he knew it. He was well aware of the fond memories this place held for me. “I’d buy my mom a newer house and make sure my brother had enough money for school,” I said.
“That’s not what I asked.”
I sighed, smiling. “Fine, Hope Bay is where I’d want to be, but I’m not ready to take that step. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready.”
Not as long as Father was alive.
“That’s okay, because you have me to help you along the way, even if we end up taking those little steps forever.”
I shook my head. “Sometimes I wish you’d go back to your smutty pick-up lines.”
“Why?”
“Because I knew that it wasn’t you then,” I whispered shaking my head. “When you’re like this with me, all caring and talking about the future… it freaks me out a little.”
“You? Freaked out? I thought out of the two of us, you were the one in control. And you’re a doctor, which automatically means that you have everything together, more than average folk. More than me.”
Boy, was he ever wrong!
“I’m not in control. I’m way out of control, Carter Clark. Especially when it comes to you.”
I wasn’t sure whether it was Carter or me, who moved in closer. I closed my eyes as soon as I felt his breath on my face. His lips were just as warm but held more emotion. I felt them invite me into his heart. He cradled my face with his hand, tilting my head to that perfect angle so that his tongue could dart inside my mouth with ease. If I’d thought the air was too cool earlier in the evening, it must had changed because right now, I felt perfect. It was just what we needed to cool the growing heat between us. He nipped my lower lip with his teeth and I squirmed, feeling my body slowly lie back on the blankets as Carter hovered above me. The night was filled with cricket sounds, a howling owl, gentle swooshes of water against the yacht, and our pounding hearts. Carter kissed me deeper. His lips maneuvered mine with ease, as if he were telling me a story that he’d be here for me, always. They were needy and desperate to let me in. And I tried. I tried so hard to give him everything that my mouth had to offer and prayed that it would be enough.
His hands traced my curves, gently touching the sides of my breasts and venturing lower to my hips, the tips of his fingers reached underneath my shirt, tantalizing my skin. I got lost in the way my body could so easily mold into his, the way he could be so supportive despite his own injuries, but not too overbearing. How had he overcome his burns so easily? He still had scars that would remind him of the fire his entire life, the way I knew the scars on my knees would always remind me of my pain, but they didn’t seem to bother him.
As I felt him grow hard against me, his hands meandering over my thighs, I pulled back. “Carter, I can’t give you what I know you want.”
“What is it that you think I want?”
“You want… I’m…I’m scared.”
“What are you afraid of, Molly? Talk to me. We don’t need to do anything if you don’t want to. I’m more than happy just to be here with you, kissing you. There’s no pressure for anything.”
“I do want you, Carter. I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone in my life. But I’m scared.”
“Are you afraid of me?”
I shook my head.
“Is it because you’re a virgin? And I mean that in the most respectable way, Molly. There’s nothing wrong with waiting, and if you don’t think I’m the right guy, you should push me away right now. But if there’s a slight chance that I am, then I’ll wait for as long as we need to.”
“I want you as much as you want me, Carter, but I’m not a virgin.”
He pulled back, a little bit shocked.
“Oh, well, that’s not a problem. I’m not a virgin either. I just assumed because you’ve never mentioned being with another guy… I mean, it’s none of my business—”
“It’s not like that. I haven’t been intimate with another guy.”
He looked at me with confusion.
There it was. I’d said it. The truth was slowly spilling out of my lips.
“Molly?”
“I… I’m not a virgin.” I heard my voice lower to barely a whisper. “But it’s not exactly by choice.”
It took a moment for Carter to register what I was trying to tell him. I saw the expression on his face shift from happiness to one of pain. He kept shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe what I was telling him.
He then did the unexpected and took me into his arms, cradling my whole body against him. It felt so good to be held by someone who cared so much, but would he understand? Could he get past the fact that my body had been violated?
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that your first experience wasn’t wonderful. I’m sorry that some asshole hurt you that way and that you don’t know what making love should feel like. It should be gentle, affectionate, nurturing, and pleasurable. It should connect you to that other person on a whole new level, for the rest of your life.”
Wow.
I just stared at him. At his gorgeous brown eyes full of trust and worship, at his round lips, and the tiny fragments of discolored skin on his right cheek from the burn. I stared at him and couldn’t believe how hard my heart was beating for this man.
“I hope the man who hurt you isn’t in your life, because if he is, so help me God, I will castrate him.”
“That’s the problem, Carter. He will always be in my life, no matter how much I try to push him away.”
“When did this happen? University? The hospital? Was it an intern? Not a patient? Did you call the police?”
“No, it wasn’t any of those. It was a long time ago, Carter. It doesn’t even matter.”
He gently smoothed his hand down my thigh, right over my knee. I flinched and gasped at the same time, confusing him even more.
He sat up straight, pulling away a fraction. I immediately felt the absence of his touch.
“Of course it matters. You’ve had a bad experience, one that should have been good and one of the most wonderful times of your life. Making love to someone for the first time, it’s… it’s irreplaceable.”
“Was your first time with Daisy?” I asked.
“Yes. It was both our first times. Maybe that’s why for a long time I felt so connected to her.”
“That’s the way it should be, shouldn’t it?”
Frustration began seeping out of Carter’s pores. I knew that I wasn’t telling him much, but I couldn’t. It was better to leave the past where it belonged: behind us.
“Someone from our town?”
I nodded.
“Shit!” He stiffened before standing up. Carter paced from one side of the boat to the other, dragging his fingers through his hair, swearing under his breath. “Please tell me it’s not what I’m thinking. For God’s sake, Molly, tell me it’s not him!”
His voice was louder, but not shouting. He was upset, and rightly so.
“Carter, it’s been so long. It’s not even worth thinking about it.”
“My brother? I knew Max was there that night for a reason.”
His brother? For a smart guy, sometimes Carter overthought… everything.
“No, it’s not your brother. It’s… I can barely remember that night. I don’t want to remember it. You know, every time I look at the scar on my knees I’m reminded of what happened, and it’s not something that can ever be taken back.”
He froze. It suddenly got very quiet, and I realized that I’d said too much. He knew. From that one single look in his eyes, I knew that he finally knew what a monster Father had been.
I could hear our synchronized breathing and definitely my heartbeat. How had tonight, the perfect evening he’d planned, gone so wrong? This was my fault. I ruined it.
As recognition dawned on him, Carter just kept shaking his head. I never thought I’d see him cry, but he did. His tears fell the same way mine had over ten years ago. I felt his pain; in fact, I was the one wh
o experienced it. He kicked one of the candles up and off the boat screaming, “Fuck!” It splattered into the water, its light extinguished the same way my heart had been doused that gruesome day.
“That day I took you to Doctor Burke? You told me you fell.”
He came closer and knelt in front of me before looking up. Fear, confusion, doubt, and sorrow all filled his eyes at the same time.
“And you believed me,” I whispered, lowering my head.
“That’s wrong. That’s just so wrong.” He kept shaking his head in disbelief. “Is that why Doctor Burke gave me those condoms? Because he thought that we’d had sex?”
“Because that’s what I told him. I didn’t want him telling my mom. I didn’t want him telling anyone. I was just so scared and embarrassed. Ashamed.” My tears were streaming down my cheeks. Carter slowly stood up and wiped them off with his thumb before wrapping his arms around me. He pulled me to his secure body and I broke down.
I suddenly realized how much I’d ached to be comforted and held. My trembles were absorbed by him, my fear and mortification that this would haunt me for the rest of my life now replaced by so much care and love that it was difficult to contain.
“I’m going to kill him,” he said into my ear. “He has to pay for what he’s done. Oh, Molly. I’m so sorry you had to see him that day at the restaurant. I’m so sorry about what he did to you and that I ever questioned you about your family.”
I pulled away and looked up with my tear-filled eyes. “Carter, you can’t tell him that you know. He’ll come after me if you do. He’ll go after my mother as well.”
“He won’t if he’s dead.”
“You’re not a murderer.”
“And I won’t have the woman I love be a victim for the rest of her life.”
I gasped.
“What did you just say?”
“I said I won’t have the woman I lo…” he stopped mid-sentence, realizing the meaning of his words. “I love you, Molly. I think I’ve loved you from way before you lifted my vomit-filled mouth out of that snow the first time I tried to kill myself, but I’ve been in denial. Strong denial. You were my best friend. My puddle buddy. We shared gum and stories. You’re the one who saved me in more ways than just from death. And that’s not only because you picked the right puddles. You made my whole childhood memorable, happy, and fun.”
