by Lacey Silks
“Yeah, I remember. You wouldn’t stop jumping in the puddles. You got all that muddy water on my nice dress.” She laughed. “My mom thought it was cute. She was still so happy back then.”
“Before he started drinking?” I couldn’t even call him her father. No father worthy of the title would have hurt his daughter the way he’d hurt Molly. I slowly guided us beneath the cabin and we sat down on a bench. Raindrops drummed against the rooftop.
“Yeah, it was before then.”
“When did he start?”
“I don’t know. As far back as I can remember.” She shrugged. “It was confusing, you know, the inappropriate touches and talks. About a year before Nathan was born, it got more serious. He came home one day and my parents had a huge fight. I went up to my bedroom, locked the door, and snuck out the window. I sat at the end of our backyard by the forest for hours. If it weren’t for the mosquitos, I would have sat there all night long. I just didn’t want to be in the same house as him.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It was a long time ago. But did you know that all my happy memories involve you?”
“All of them?”
“Most of them. Even the one when you took me to Doctor Burke’s. I know I wasn’t happy that day, but I was much better with you there.”
“I would do it all over again. If I had known the truth, I would have finished him off that day.” I reached for the corner of the blanket and exposed her knees. The faint marks of scars were still visible if you looked close enough. I traced my finger over her scars. She shivered at the touch and closed her eyes. A single tear rolled down her cheek.
“I’m sorry that he hurt you, Molly. But I want to help you heal. There’s nothing more that I want than for you to feel safe and free. Always, no matter where we are.”
She wedged herself further into me, resting her head on my shoulder. “I hadn’t realized what was missing in my life until I felt the comfort of your arms around me. I never want to lose you, Carter. You’re the knot that ties me to this life.”
I wanted to be more than a knot. I wanted to be the super glue of all glues that kept us together and strong —unbreakable. In the back of my mind, I had no doubt that we could do it.
“This is where we were meant to be, Molly. You and me in Hope Bay, with our future right in front of us. I know you have fears, but I’ll make them all disappear. I promise.”
“Thank you. And for what it’s worth, I believe you. It may take me some time to have faith again, but I’ll do it for you.”
“And I, for you.” I kissed her again. I could never get enough of her lips.
“Thank you for today and for yesterday. I mean it. You took my mind off life. You took me somewhere else in time, and for the first time ever, I felt peace. I felt like I could actually live.”
“And you will live. I promise.”
I knew that it was one hefty promise; and if I knew Mr. Fowler, he’d challenge me to keep it.
MOLLY
My one-month anniversary as a doctor started with the chief of surgery buying me coffee at the Starbucks downstairs. This was going to be a good day. We chatted about a few patients I’d seen earlier in the week, both of whom had emergency appendicitis, one that burst and almost cost my patient his life.
I did my rounds before going downstairs to the emergency department for my twelve-hour shift. The nurse updated me on the current cases as she prepped me to take over. I had barely started when a familiar voice called my name.
“Mom? What are you doing here?”
“Are you busy?” she asked. I saw someone standing behind her and peeked over, but couldn’t see whom she was with. Hopefully it wasn’t father. That would have been disastrous.
“A little.”
Doctor Burke appeared from behind her.
“Oh. Hi, Doctor Burke. What are you doing here?”
“I had a consultation with an old patient and we thought we could catch up with you.”
“Catch up?”
“Honey, there’s something we need to talk to you about, and it’s important.”
“Is Nathan okay?”
“Yes, he’s fine. Everything’s fine. It’s just now that you’re a doctor, have a stable career, and are dating from what I hear—”
“How do you know I’m dating?”
“I ran into Mrs. Clark at the store and she couldn’t stop talking about you and Carter. I wish I’d heard it from you.” There were both disappointment and understanding in my mother’s eyes. Of course Carter would have told his parents about us. He’d been hinting about going to dinner for his mother’s upcoming birthday as well, which meant I’d need to make a trip to Hope Bay.
“I’m sorry. It just happened so quickly.”
Truth be told, it had been happening for years, but it was only now that we were able to take our friendship to the next level.
“He’s a very good man, and he comes from a wonderful family. We’re happy for you, honey.”
We. The way they’d been referring to themselves had me wondering whether my mother and Doctor Burke had finally taken a step forward and were a couple themselves.
“I promise to have you over when these shifts calm down. You wanted to tell me something important?” I asked.
“Yes, well, there’s no easy way to tell you, but…”
“Doctor Fowler?” a nurse called out. “You’re needed in room four.”
“Mom, I’m sorry, but I gotta go. Are you staying for a while?” I asked, already backing away, my focus switching to room four.
“We were planning on heading back home early afternoon,” she called from halfway across the hall.
“Good, how about a coffee, then? One o’clock? Downstairs?”
“You got it.”
I pulled the curtains back to room four to check on a patient who was having chest pains. If there was anything you never joked about, it was chest pains.
The next few hours passed in a flash, and thankfully, the first rush of patients calmed by the time I had a half-hour break for lunch. I went downstairs where my mother and Doctor Burke were sitting at a corner table, holding hands. I froze in the doorway, observing the way they were looking at each other, and then it hit me.
They’re together.
They pulled their hands apart the moment they saw me walk toward them, as if they’d been burnt.
“Okay, so what’s going on here?” I pointed from one to the other. “Are you two…”
“Well, not officially. We’d like to ensure that Clare has her divorce first.”
“That shouldn’t be too hard. Get a few beers in Father and he’ll sign everything over.”
“Actually, it’s not that easy. If it were, we would have done it a long time ago.”
“I don’t need him to sign anything over, darling. He can have the house and the land. I just need him to let me finally go.”
I stared at them both with about a hundred questions going through my mind.
“Have a seat, Molly.” Doctor Burke pointed to the empty chair.
I sipped on my coffee, waiting for either one of them to explain what they meant.
“You know that we went to high school together, don’t you?” my mother asked.
“Yes, I do.”
“Well, we also dated back then.”
“Oh. So, I guess it didn’t work out. Which is okay, but it could now. Right?”
“Actually, it did work out. In fact, we were madly in love.” Doctor Burke took my mother’s hand and her cheeks flushed red. She lowered her head, shyly, before looking back up at me again.
“So, what happened?”
“Your father used to be different. He came into the picture just after graduation when Donald had to leave to study. We broke up just before he left. It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.”
“Why did you break up?”
“We came from different families who wanted different things for us. Also, I didn’t want Clare missing out on life whil
e I studied. I wanted her to experience her youth and not to have regrets. I shouldn’t have done that. I should have asked her to marry me before I left.”
“But you were so young, you didn’t know what life would bring.”
“That’s true, but sometimes you should listen to your heart instead of what others may think about your relationship. There were other forces at work as well. My parents wanted me to find a girl who was also a doctor. By the time I realized that my heart could never belong to anyone else, it was already too late.”
“I married your father. He… he used to be a good man, Molly. I really thought I was marrying a good man.” My mother’s eyes were sad, but they illuminated again once she snuck a peek at Doctor Burke. It was as if he were the center of her world.
“Why? I mean, he was young and probably not a drunk back then, but if you knew you loved someone else—”
“I didn’t have a ch—”
Someone tapped on my shoulder. “Doctor Fowler, the patient in room four has had a setback.”
“Mom, Doctor Burke, I’m sorry but I have to—”
“Go, Molly. We understand.”
“We’ll finish this conversation. I promise.” And I meant that. It was time that some light was shed on how my mother had ended up with an asshole and a rapist.
I shot off my chair and took the stairs to run up to the emergency floor. Another patient was still having chest pains, and after multiple tests, I’d diagnosed him as having pericarditis — an inflammation of the membrane enclosing his heart. All the symptoms were almost identical to a heart attack, except that there was no scarring of tissue on the ultrasound and the echocardiogram was perfect.
“The most likely cause is viral, Mr. McKinnon. I’ll prescribe anti-inflammatory medication to help with the pain and inflammation. In the meantime, you need to take it easy. It may take several months to bounce back to yourself, but if you notice any additional deterioration in your health, please come back.”
“Thank you, Doctor Fowler.”
“You’re welcome.” I scribbled the prescription and asked the nurse to give the patient his first dose of anti-inflammatories before he left, then headed into the next room. My lunch break was over anyway so there was no point in returning to the cafeteria.
When I stepped into the room and saw the next patient, I almost fell over. I wanted to turn around and back out, but a nurse blocked my way from behind.
“The police brought him in. They found him passed out on a sidewalk, and when he came to, he complained of stomach pains and was asking for you,” one of the nurses said.
I wanted to run away and never come back, but my duty as a doctor stopped me. Inside this hospital, I would treat him like any other patient. I had to. But outside, I wouldn’t pass him the last glass of water before his death. Okay, maybe I would, but I would also pray that he choked on it.
I took his chart and quickly checked his vitals. He had lowered blood pressure and a bump on the back of his head. There was a note that he’d been coherent when they found him. Was he dead?
He took in a deep breath and exhaled, snoring.
Nope. Definitely not dead.
“Mr. Fowler,” I called out to him, but he didn’t move, so I gently poked him with my pen. I had yet to think what I’d do if I had to touch him. Jesus, I’d never thought that Father would end up here as a patient. “Mr. Fowler, you need to wake up.”
His eyes opened slowly. A hint of alcohol wafted toward me and I wanted to throw up. I remembered that same smelly breath from ten years ago. He had the same lost eyes and the same cunning grin. I took a step back.
“How much have you had to drink today?”
“I don’t remember.”
“Are you still having stomach pains?”
He looked down at his stomach and shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
“Well, your blood pressure is a little low. We’re going to get some fluids in you and check back on you in an hour. A nurse is also going to look at that bump on your head. She can give you something for pain relief.”
I turned toward the door.
“Where are you going?”
“To work.”
“But you have to take care of me. I’m your father.”
I turned to the nurse in the doorway and asked her to give us a moment. If I wanted him out of my life for good, I had to stand up for myself. I had to draw a line that should have been drawn years ago. When she left, I ripped into him. “Where were you as a father when you raped me ten years ago? What about all the times you asked me to change in front of you? What about when you jerked off while I showered? You’re a sick bastard, and the last thing you are to me is a father, you sick ass. You’re fine to leave after the IV.”
I turned on my heel and left. I didn’t stop until I reached the bathroom, quickly asking the nurse to start the IV on Mr. Fowler before I locked myself behind the door. I braced myself against the wall and felt my tears fall all on their own.
What happened in there?
My heart was hammering in my chest, tightness overwhelming the upper ribcage. How dare he demand anything of me? How dare he come to my place of work to look for me? Was he really ill? Or maybe just drunk? And where did I find the strength to confront him about what he’d done? I wasn’t sure, but it felt incredibly satisfying. It felt as if a ton had been lifted off my shoulders. Was this a coincidence or some sick way in which he thought my life belonged to him?
Whatever the case, I knew that I never wanted to see him again and made a note to always look at a patient’s name before walking into another room. I turned on the tap and splashed cool water over my face before going back out to the ER. Though I didn’t think of him while with other patients, his threatening voice was always in the back of my mind. I wouldn’t go back to check on him and politely asked a co-worker to do so. He told me that Father was well enough to be discharged, and so that was what happened. Knowing that he was out of the hospital, a wave of relief washed over me.
It wouldn’t be long lived.
Before my shift was over, I felt someone grasp my arm and pull me into a supplies closet. My scream was muffled by a large hand over my mouth. It reeked of cigarettes, grease, and dirt. It reeked of torment.
With one swift jab that connected my elbow to his ribcage, I pushed my attacker away and headed for the door, but he was too fast.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Father grabbed me and pushed me away from the door.
“Anywhere but here. What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
His hands dropped to his waist as he unbuckled his pants, right in front of me. Memories from the past all flooded back, all at the same time, and I couldn’t move. Watching his fingers pull the belt out of its loops, I remembered standing behind the pub, shocked that Father would actually do it. I didn’t want to. I tried to run but fell down, and that was how I’d scraped my knees. He grabbed me by my hair, flipped me over onto the grass, and held me in place. I grabbed a broken bottle from the side and aimed for his neck but he grabbed my wrist before I made the connection. Watching him now as he pulled down his zipper, I felt an urge to kill him for what he’d done and for what he wanted to do now. But I wasn’t the same young, naïve, and scared teenager anymore, and I wasn’t about to throw my doctor’s license out the window either.
“Get the fuck out of the way,” I said, pushing him. He didn’t even sway.
“Whoa, there. I could have you reported for speaking to me that way, Molly. Now be the slut that you know you are, just like your mother, and turn around for me.”
“It’s Doctor Fowler. And good luck reporting me while trying to explain your past. I’m done keeping quiet, and I will never let you touch me again. Today was the first and the last time I’ve treated you. Do you understand? Don’t ask for me and don’t look for me because you won’t find me.”
His gaze switched from a confident prick to that of a vindictive predator as he took a step closer. “I will find you no m
atter where you try to hide, baby. I will find you and make you mine again. After so many years, I can still feel being inside you.” He took another step toward me, and I ran out of space to back away. “You won’t give that pussy to anyone ever again, do you understand me? And you know why? Because revenge is a bitch!”
Drops of his spit landed on my face, and I felt my stomach twist and push up.
“Fuck you and fuck your threats. I’m not afraid of you and I never will be.”
I then tightened my fist and with a big swing, I punched him in the nose. The sound of cracking bone echoed in the small space. As he bent over in pain, I bolted for the door and screamed, “Help!” as soon as I was able to open it. A few heads turned and I ran for the front of the ER where I knew security was always tight.
“There’s a man in the closet who tried to attack me,” I said to the first man in uniform.
Two of them rushed to the back while one of the nurses guided me to sit down. Someone passed me a cup of orange juice. I wanted to get up and jump right back to work, but the head doctor in the ER wouldn’t let me. Half an hour later, the security and police came to see me. Father was nowhere to be found. I gave them his name and the address of the restaurant where he worked, praying that they’d cuff him and lock him up.
That evening when I returned home, I couldn’t stop shaking. Thankfully, Carter was out with his brother shopping for a gift for their mother. That coming weekend, we were invited to dinner at the Clark house in Hope Bay. I didn’t want to go, but remembering the wonderful time I had with Carter on the boat, I gave in. Besides, I trusted him. Carter wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me.
I ran myself a bubble bath and warmed my chilled limbs. Despite the heat wave outside, I felt cold. Frozen, in fact, and terrified. I wished for the day to start over again; if it did, I would turn around on my heel and walk out that hospital door to avoid ever seeing Father again.
