by Lacey Silks
Was that what love felt like? Did it give you wings? Because I certainly felt like I could fly and conquer anything. My love for him grew each day, and I couldn’t imagine loving him tomorrow any more than I did today, yet I was sure I would.
About halfway home, I felt my bladder fill and I realized that the huge bottle of water was being processed way too fast. I looked at my watch.
Three minutes. Just hold it for three minutes longer, and you’ll be home.
I chanted in my mind, quickening my steps, desperate to make it home. Of course my bladder had a mind of its own. No matter how hard I squeezed my thighs as I walked like a duck, the need to pee wouldn’t pass. In fact, if I held it in thirty seconds longer, I would have soiled my pants. I dashed through the door of a restaurant and headed straight for the bathroom. The relief was instant but short lived. It wasn’t until I finished peeing that I realized which restaurant I’d run into.
Shit!
I quickly wiped myself and flushed the toilet. It would have been a huge coincidence if he were here today, though. Given that he was wanted on assault charges, he was probably hiding out – or so I hoped.
Taking a deep breath in – not too deep because the smell of piss was overwhelming in this bathroom – I pushed the green stall door open and nearly fell over. Leaning back against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest, he was looking at me, all smug and confident. Except he didn’t look like Father. He looked like someone who’d just walked off a horror movie set. What the hell had happened to his face? The damage I’d done when I hit him in the nose should have healed, yet the injuries on his face were fresh. I wish I knew whom he’d pissed off so that I could find them and thank them.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, hoping to keep that backbone I thought I’d grown over the years. It wouldn’t be easy with him staring at me with those predatory eyes.
“Don’t you know how to properly greet your father?” His lip was crooked when he talked, split at the side, and he looked like he was missing a tooth as well. Whoever got in the brawl with him had definitely won.
“I have a restraining order against you. The officer told me one was delivered to your work. And you’re wanted for assault.”
“So?” He shrugged arrogantly.
I felt shivers run up my spine.
“Get out of my way.” I moved forward. But he stepped to the side, blocking the door.
“What the hell do you want?” I asked.
“You.”
The word vibrated in my ears over and over again as I felt the walls close in.
You… You… You…
I had to get away. I casually reached inside my purse, hoping to get to my phone, maybe even the pepper spray, but his gaze followed my hand. He rushed at me and ripped the purse off my shoulder. It fell to the floor, spilling my phone and wallet. I backed against one of the stalls.
“I will never let you touch me again,” I said though gritted teeth. “You’re lucky I’m not pressing charges for…” Jesus, I couldn’t even say it. The thought alone made me want to vomit. “For everything else. Mom deserves so much better than you. I’m so happy she finally got rid of your sorry ass. It will all be final soon.”
“I’m not signing any divorce papers, sweetheart. I didn’t sign them ten years ago, five years ago, and I won’t sign them now. Both of you will be stuck with me for the rest of your lives.”
Not if I have anything to say about it. I hadn’t even realized that my mother had filed for divorce several times.
“Why can’t you just go live your own life and let us be happy?”
“Happy? Your mother doesn’t know what’s good for her, and I’m what’s good for her. Now all I need is a little convincing, and I’ll be back in that house in no time.”
“There’s no way she’d let you in. She’s happier now, and she can finally be with Doctor Burke.”
Now was probably not the best time to infuriate him, but the damage had already been done. The vein on his forehead swelled as his jaw clenched.
“And, she has two other people who love her,” I added.
“Oh yeah? Who?” He had a smirk on his face.
“Her son and her daughter.” I raised my head higher. We did love her. She’d suffered through both physical and emotional abuse by this man, and kicking him out of the house was the best decision she’d ever made.
He took a calculated step toward me and I took one back, inside a stall.
“See, the thing is that you ain’t my daughter.” His voice was lowered as he leaned his head to the side, waiting for my reaction. Well, he was definitely about to get one.
“Fuck you!”
I should have been happy he’d said it. I should have agreed with him, that he wasn’t my father, but it hurt so deep that I couldn’t. My heart was shattered into a million pieces. How could someone who was supposed to protect you, teach you how to drive your first car, and take you pumpkin picking, be so mean and heartless? He was right. He wasn’t my father, and truthfully, it had been a long time since I thought of him as such.
“I’m ready this time, baby. I’m ready to take it where I should have years ago.”
What did that mean? A spine-pinching fear crawled through me. It penetrated me to the bone, and suddenly I felt frozen over. The best scenario would be to be anywhere other than here. Anywhere he wouldn’t find me. Worst case, well, I wasn’t ready to die yet.
I got a better look at his hands to see if he was holding a beer, then at the pocket of his pants to see whether the neck of a flask was sticking out, because the shit that he was spewing had to mean that he was drunk. But I couldn’t find any alcohol. In fact, despite his demolished face, he seemed quite sober.
“What? You think I’m lying? You think I’d take that much pleasure in playing around with my own daughter? Watching her change into her pajamas” – He paced from one side of the bathroom, to the other – “Touch her to make sure she cleaned herself well. Jerk off while she was in the shower.”
Memories from my past rushed in all at once, and I wanted to throw up. All the strength I thought I had gained over the years of being independent was washed away with a few crude words. And he wasn’t anywhere near done.
“Fuck her first to make sure no one else did? You think I’d do that to my own daughter? What kind of a psycho do you think I am? Because see, you aren’t my daughter. You never have been and never will be.”
“You fucking raised me! We’ve lived in the same house since… well, forever. You know, you’ve said and done many nasty things in the past, but this is definitely a new low, even for you. I hate you and I wish you were dead!”
Pure fury raged inside me. I wished I had the strength to hit him over and over again, but I didn’t want to get that close to him.
Why was I sad about this? Why would I have expected anything else from him? Maybe because deep inside, I’d always been envious of the relationship others had with their fathers, like Carter. Somewhere in there, I had always hoped that maybe my father did love me in some stupid way. Was there even an ounce of him that had ever loved me? What about the years before he abused me? Even for one tiny split moment, had I ever been anything to him other than a toy?
“Yes, it’s true. I’ve been there since your birth. But think about it, baby.” He took a step closer to me, and I took another step back. He kept approaching until I backed against the bathroom wall, and stuck my foot onto a toilet. “Do you really think you got those smart doctor genes from me? Definitely not from your mother. She’s nothing more than a pathetic slut.”
“Stop it! Just stop being so mean and… an asshole.” Feeling him close in on me brought bile up from my stomach.
He took the final step and pinned me in my spot.
“Are you afraid of me now, Molly?”
He grasped my chin between his stinky cigarette stained fingers and squeezed until my bones hurt. His face inches away from mine looked even worse now. The stench of dirty teeth, alcohol, and
blood all mixed in one rolled out of his mouth. In his other hand, a shiny blade jutted into my ribcage.
“You’re a sick man, that’s all. Actually, you’re not even a man. You’re a sociopath and a monster. You’re not my father.”
“That’s right. I am not your fucking father, Molly. I would never fuck my daughter the way I fucked you, baby. I counted your periods. I knew when you ovulated to avoid getting you pregnant. That would ruin all the fun we were having. I could feel how tight you were for me each time I came inside you, baby. Every single fucking time that I snuck into your room in the middle of the night. I know you’ve fucked the Clark boy. Actually, I know that he fucked you from behind, on your knees. You’re my pussy, not his. This is my ass, no one else’s.” He reached down and grabbed my ass, all the while holding onto the weapon. There was no point in trying to wiggle out of his grip. I had no doubt he’d jab that blade between my ribs without hesitation.
“I think I may need to give you a thorough examination to see just how much he stretched that pussy of yours.” His eyes shot wide open as if he’d just made a joke. He pointed his finger toward me, “See what I did there? Thorough examination? Well hell, with that vocabulary, maybe I could have been a doctor.”
He’s got to be shitting me right now.
I felt like time was standing still and I was in one of my worst nightmares. Actually, this was pretty much what my hell looked like, and I was afraid that I hadn’t seen the deepest pit just yet.
At that moment I realized that it wasn’t Hope Bay keeping me away from my hometown, and I shouldn’t have feared coming back. It was him. Always him. He was the problem. Maybe with loved ones and friends around, I would have been safer. Trouble would find me even in a city a hundred miles away. I bet it could find me anywhere in the world. No matter where I moved, he would be there. He would always be there, unless he was dead.
“I don’t care what you say.” Tears filled my eyes, but I refused to blink and give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. “I don’t ever want to see you again.”
He jerked me out of the stall by my scrubs and the knife poking me in the side broke through my skin.
“Ahh!” I cried out.
Would he really kill me? Or would he torture me for the rest of my life?
“We have some unfinished business, baby.”
“Stop it! I’m not your baby. I never was and never will be.”
He grasped me by my throat and pushed me against the wall, cutting off my breath. Part of his top lip dangled as he opened his mouth. “You don’t want to be my baby? How about my forever whore? I’ll never let you go, Molly. Never.”
He released my throat and I coughed until it burned. Without thinking, I took a chance and kneed him in the groin. He bent over in half, holding onto his crotch. I shot for the door, praying I’d have enough time to get away. I pulled the door open and felt his grip on my hair. He yanked me backward, and I fell to the tiles. He dragged my body along the floor by my ponytail.
“You bitch. I should kill you just for that. I should kill you for what your boyfriend did to me this afternoon, but that wouldn’t be enough. You think you can get away from me this easily? I’ve been waiting for this moment far too long.”
“Why can’t you just let me go?” I asked. “Why can’t you leave me alone?”
“I already told you. Vengeance is sweet, but revenge is even sweeter, and when I fuck you in front of your real father, I’ll have mine.”
His words didn’t yet make sense to me, but I had no time to process them as the knife’s handle flew to the side of my head. I barely felt the pain, but that was probably because I passed out.
CARTER
“Fuck.”
He had her. I didn’t know how and where, but I knew that he had her, and if I didn’t get to her, he’d kill her. Fowler wasn’t in jail. I should have waited out in that field until the police came and dragged his sorry ass out of that trench. I should have ensured that he was behind bars. But now that he had Molly and I’d roughed him up, I could only imagine his fury. He wouldn’t be afraid of anything, and a man without fear could be a dangerous beast.
“Let me know if there’s anything else I can do,” my brother said to me before hanging up.
“Will do. Thanks.”
Following my gut, I pressed harder on the gas. Molly had to be in Hope Bay. I didn’t know how, but I knew that the closer I got to Hope Bay, the more I could feel her.
I parked by the cemetery, about a hundred or so yards away, and jogged my way through the dusk to Daisy’s grave. I dug behind her headstone and retrieved the gun I’d bought years ago, when I’d wanted to take my life.
Carter, I heard. Be careful.
“Daisy? Where’s Molly?”
Hurry.
I turned toward where I knew I could climb over the cemetery wall and ran. I ran, cutting through the dark night, as fast as I could. Once I cleared the wall, then the foothill, and had a full view of the building, I stopped, rested my hands on my knees, steadying my breaths, and silently prayed for guidance. My gaze lifted to the sky and followed the first star, then down where it came to rest on top of the tall trees in the distance, where I knew Daisy’s grave was. I stared, waiting for another sign from her. She’d helped me in the past, when my life was in danger. Would she help me now?
A gust of wind picked up, bending the trees back and forth, reminding me of when I had danced with Daisy that last day at the fall fair, before the tornado struck. And then it all calmed down. A ghostly shape appeared from within the swaying trees and walked toward me. Except she was also floating.
I pulled my hand over my eyes to clear them. And she was gone. Then I blinked, and she was there again, now standing in front of me, her ghost form smoothing her hand over my cheek. I leaned into it and asked in my mind, Help me. Please help me find her.
“This is it baby. This is where your life took a turn in the past and will take a turn in the future. Be careful,” she whispered. I imagined her warm breath on my face and closed my eyes.
“What do you mean by that?”
“You need to be smart today. Very smart, Carter. Don’t jump to conclusions and don’t act on your emotions. Now go. She needs you.”
“Go where?” I asked.
Daisy pointed behind me, to Molly’s house, then disappeared. I swear I felt a gentle push at my back as I started walking. Or maybe it was just the wind. The closer I got to the house, the more I quickened my hasty jog. The feeling of dread bubbled furiously in my stomach.
Staying underneath the windows, I snuck around to the back. All lights were turned off, or maybe Fowler was just being that careful. The place seemed quiet; in fact, too quiet. Molly’s mom rarely left the house and should have been home.
I peeked through each window, but all the drapes were shut. Faint light squeezed through between the window frame and the curtain. When I reached the back door, I hesitated. What if her mom thought I was an intruder? I didn’t want to freak her out. But an unknown force guided my hand to the doorknob and I turned it, gently opening the door.
When I heard the voices from within, I stopped and with the door slightly ajar, I placed my back against the outside wall, listening.
“Isn’t it nice to have a family reunion?” Molly’s father spoke up.
Shit!
It would take a lot of patience not to barge in there and beat the crap out of him, or even kill him. I clenched my jaw and tightened my sore fists. Standing still in the same spot, I listened.
“Come on, Ron. Let the girls go. It’s me you want. I’m the one who broke our agreement.”
Doctor Burke? What agreement?
“Bullshit. You have no fucking clue what I want, Burke.”
“Is it money? We can get you money. How much do you need?”
“Not everything is about money, but I did take that stash you had under the third board in the floor of your empty apartment.”
It looked like Molly’s place wasn’t the only one th
at Fowler broke into.
“What I want is for you to watch as I fuck your daughter, the way I watched when you fucked my wife.”
Daughter?
I peeked through the thin slit of the door. Doctor Burke was sitting in a chair with his hands tied behind his back. Though a shadow of worry underlined his eyes, he appeared unnerved by the situation.
“I’m not sure if you know it, but Molly here has had some practice. She’s very good at staying quiet.”
“What have you done?” Anger and rage that had built inside of Doctor Burke, seeped between his lips. It all mysteriously transferred into my body as the words exchanged finally started hitting me right in the middle of my chest; words that had haunted Molly her entire life.
“A little switch-a-roo of Clare’s paternity test, and Bam! I was an instant father.”
“Will you just let Mom and Doctor Burke go?” It was the first time I heard Molly’s voice, and while I wanted to exhale with relief that she was alive, I didn’t. Fowler was a dangerous son of a bitch, and I didn’t trust anything he said or did.
“Molly didn’t tell you, did she? We had so much fun when she lived in this house, I thought it was only fair to show you myself. That’s why I brought you here, Burke. You know, I remember watching you fuck Clare over here, just before the wedding. Now you’ll watch me fuck Molly over here. You took my woman, and I took your daughter. And she was real good, too.”
“You son of a bitch! You fucking raped my daughter?” Doctor Burke thrashed in the chair. “You gave me a man’s word when we had the paternity test done! You were supposed to protect Clare and your child. You were supposed to love them,” Doctor Burke screamed.
“And then you went ahead and fucked my wife again. You broke our agreement!” Fowler replied.
“He’s not a man. He’s a monster,” Molly spat to the floor. “He’s a drunk, a pedophile, and a rapist. I should have slit your throat that day. I should have burned your body in a pile of shit because that’s where you belong.”
