“See, I feel like that’s a copout. I really do. I feel useless here. But then, how much help would I really be back home without my powers.”
“You lived your entire life without magic, and you were a smartarse back then too. You’re going to be fine.”
“I was a smart ass who could fight. That’s about it. I can’t do anything without my magic. It’s, you know what? You wouldn’t understand.” She pulled her jacket tight around her, only now realising how cold it was.
Sebastian reached out, pushing her to the dirt with such little effort that he almost looked bored.
“Ow. What the hell? Why would you do that?” She shrieked, looking at her muddied hand.
“You’re here feeling all sorry for yourself, I thought I’d give you something to actually moan about.” He shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets as she got up from the floor, only for him to push her again when she was on her knees.
“Stop it!” She screamed. “Just leave me alone.”
“Or what?” he taunted as she kicked away from him, so he couldn’t push her away.
“What are you, twelve? I’ll leave, that’s what.” Finally on her feet, she rubbed her muddied hands together.
“Sometimes things don’t work out. You just got to roll with the punches. That’s life. So start rolling with the punches.”
Annoyed beyond belief she smirked. “I’m trying to get back home, remember? I’m not hiding at all. I’m trying to do the best I can with what I have.”
He rolled his eyes. “You’re using your friend to make yourself feel more helpful. So I’ll tell you what, Lilliah and Becca are on their way. We’ll play a game, you run, and we’ll try and find you. If we win and find you within five minutes, you stay and pull yourself out of that pity party you’re having. If you win, you can leave.”
She thought on the idea just as Rebecca and Lilliah climbed over the wall to join them.
“What’s happening?” Lilliah asked once she was close enough, the wind twirling her hair in every direction, the movement not seeming to both her at all.
“She’s an Angel, that’s not fair,” Jaycen said, ignoring Lilliah’s question as she really looked at their surroundings. There was nothing more miles apart from a few trees and bushes not too far away. “There is literally nowhere to hide or run to.”
He thought on it, but it was Rebecca that spoke.
“Then fight him. No magic, just fighting. The first to pin the other down wins?”
“Works for me,” Sebastian said, rubbing his hands together.
She eyed him noticing how much he seemed to like that idea. Just who was this man? She’d have heard about him if he was an Angel, like his sister. A warlock maybe?
“You once told me you could beat anyone in a fight,” Lilliah put in, smiling a little.
That was true, but it was also back when she had magic and confidence. Now, she had nothing.
But if it meant her being able to leave? It was definitely worth a try.
“No magic. Just fighting?” she clarified.
Sebastian nodded. “Oh yeah.”
“Fine.”
“This probably isn’t the best idea we’ve ever had, but hell yeah, lets fight club the hell out of this.” Rebecca clapped her hands and even threw in a whoop.
“So, what are we exactly going to do here? Count to three and go?”
“Yeah, one, two go.” Sebastian launched himself at her, both of them landing on the ground and grunting.
“One. Two. Three. Seb wins.” Lilliah rolled her eyes as Sebastian jumped to his feet.
“Hell yeah. Point one to me.”
“You just charged at me, I wasn’t ready,” Jaycen defended, also getting to her feet.
“First rule about fight club? Always be ready.” Sebastian ran around them, pretending to wave at a cheering crowd.
“That’s not the first rule of fight club. At all.” Rebecca shook her head, watching Sebastian circle them.
“Round two. Let’s go.” Jaycen braced, not finding any of this funny.
Lilliah counted again. “One, Two Three go.”
Jaycen charged first, only to be flipped on her back within seconds.
“Sebastian wins again. Seb, I really don’t see the point in this.” Lilliah leaned forward, trying to help Jaycen up to her feet.
“You fought her, what, two, three months ago? She was fearless. Kickass. Now, she’s feeling sorry for herself and running away. No. We want that fighter back, and I’m not settling for anything else.”
“What do you want from me? Honestly? What do you want?” Jaycen screamed, once again getting to her feet.
“I just want that fighter that I’ve heard so much about. I want to see that fire that would take on anyone and anything, magic be dammed. Is that so much to ask for?” Sebastian clapped his hands together. “One more round. Winner takes all.”
“Yeah, I was a fighter. And look what good it did me. I lost my mum, I lost my magic. Even before then all my magic did was cause trouble for everyone. It’s all just, pointless.”
“Your mum, I’m so sorry.” Lilliah bit her lip as Jaycen nodded.
“Yeah. So tell me. What should I be fighting for exactly?”
“Fight for you. Fight for who you really are. Why isn’t that enough? Because Benedict sure as hell thinks it is. He’s willing to fight anyone for you,” Sebastian stressed. “I mean damn, I came here looking for an animal, I got a young girl moaning about everything she can’t control. Ready to make stupid decisions on nothing.”
“I’m not moaning,” she gritted out.
“Well, you sure as hell aren’t fighting.”
“Sebastian, that’s enough. Let’s just go back to the houses, okay?” Lilliah suggested softly.
No one was listening.
“And don’t forget, not every fight is a fistfight.” Sebastian crossed his arms over his chest.
Jaycen through up her hands. “You win. I won’t leave the house.” She turned, marching her way across the field and over the small wall.
The guy had just met her, what did he know? What did he understand about losing everything? And then, when you try to rebuild a life, it just got knocked down by the whole world. What did he understand? He didn’t.
Jaycen looked up, even the tears in her eyes unable to hide the woman a few feet away. Jaycen’s anger flared.
“What the hell do you want from me?” Jaycen stormed over to her, her body shaking with emotions. “I don’t have your stupid power anymore. It’s long gone. So go and haunt those that have it. Do you understand me?”
Isabella, Jaycen’s ancestor, the source of her magic stared, sympathy pouring from her.
“What do you want?” she screamed again. “You keep appearing for no reason. What do you want from me?”
“Jaycen, who are you talking to?” Lillia shouted from behind her.
Jaycen didn’t look back, she didn’t take her eyes off the redhead in front of her. Until she moved so fast Jaycen couldn’t retreat. Isabella’s icy hands gripped onto Jaycen’s forearms; their faces so close their noses nearly touched.
“I’m trying to help you.”
And then she was gone. Released Jaycen stumbled back.
“Holy hell. Holy hell,” she chanted over and over. She spoke back. That had never happened before.
Lilliah and Rebecca were by her side, both taking hold of an arm to steady her.
“What just happened?” Rebecca asked as Jaycen was still trying to steady her breathing.
“I swear to God; I’m being haunted by a ghost. Either that or I’m losing my mind, and I’m not sure what’s worse.”
“Haunted? What are you talking about?” Lilliah frowned, clearly confused.
“I’m losing my mind, that’s what I’m talking about. I’m going loopy, seeing the dead. Talking to them.” Jaycen shook her head, bewildered. “I thought it would stop when I lost my magic but it’s not, it’s getting worse. She actually touched me, I felt her.”
“Nothing can help me.”
Lilliah smiled down at her, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear sweetly. “A trip to heaven might.”
Now it was Jaycen’s turn to be confused. “What?”
“A trip to Heaven. And maybe a chat with your mother.”
Chapter 22
“Is this real? Do you think it’ll even work?” Jaycen paced the living room, with both Rebecca and Sebastian sitting down, watching her.
“Honestly, I have no idea. She shouldn’t really have said anything. I think that maybe she heard you talking about being haunted and panicked.” Rebecca rubbed her head with one hand while linking her other with Sebastian’s.
“Yeah, because it was an awfully big promise to make. Wasn’t it?” He pulled a face that said, it might not be possible.
No one was sure if this was actually going to happen. But Jaycen needed it to happen, more than she ever realised.
There was a huge possibility she was going crazy, literally losing her mind. Seeing ghosts and all. And would this actually help her? Seeing another actual dead relative? Who knows? But God, the chance to speak to her mother? Just one last time? She’d give it all up, for just a second.
“I’m not sure if she can just nip in and ask an Angel for a favour. Isn’t that Iris’s job?” Sebastian smiled, looking at the door as if Lilliah was already there.
A bang could be heard from upstairs, followed by voices.
“Who was that?” Jaycen lifted her head, straining to hear what the voices were saying.
“I don’t know. Could be one of her sisters?” Rebecca hedged, still looking very uneasy.
“Oh.” Unable to stand still Jaycen stalked out the door, taking the stairs two at a time.
“Jaycen wait, you can’t just…” Sebastian called out, but she was too far up the stairs to hear the rest. She pushed open the only shut door she could see and then stopped.
Lilliah was in the small dated room, talking to another woman. A beautiful, regal looking woman. Jaycen could hardly breathe as she took in both of them.
“Jaycen you should’ve waited downstairs,” Lilliah said, walking the distance of the small room, so she was standing in front of Jaycen, trying to usher her out the room.
The other woman, who Jaycen could only assume was an Angel, just stood there. She wasn’t smiling, she wasn’t frowning. She just was.
“I’m Jaycen.” She stepped forward, and out of Lilliah’s grasp. “My mum died.”
Why did she say that?
“Jaycen, please. Wait downstairs,” Lilliah tried again, gently pulling on Jaycen’s arm.
“Everyone has lost someone, Jaycen. It’s a critical part of a mortal’s life. Birth and death. They go hand in hand.” The woman told her solemnly, her dark hair looking as if it was glowing. Her skin almost translucent.
Jaycen knew it then, she knew that the Angel was going to deny her request to see her mother. And her heart broke all over again.
“Lizelle, please. We can speak about this when Jaycen has left the room,” Lilliah tried again.
“No, we can’t. And you shouldn’t have asked this from me, Lilliah. It’s wrong.” Lizelle, the Angel, looked simply let down as she shook her head.
Now Lilliah turned to face Lizelle. “Jaycen has been through so much, she’s already lost so much, and she keeps on losing. I thought, I hoped, that if we could just give her something, some form of hope that she could hold onto, then it would give her enough fight to carry on.”
“Everyone is going through something Lilliah, you should know this,” Lizelle stressed out.“But not everyone has a direct link to Heaven that they feel like they could exploit whenever they feel like it.”
“In all of the years since Heaven has opened, I haven’t asked for anything. But Jaycen needs your help. She needs all of our help.”
Lizelle looked at the two women. “Looking backward will not help you with your future. It will only drag you down. Keep you trapped there in a place and time that no longer exists. If you want to move forward, do it.”
With tears filling her eyes Jaycen ran over to Lizelle, taking her elegant hands in her own and squeezing tight.
“Please, I’ll give anything. I just want to speak to her. Just once.”
“Everyone just wants to hold their loved one for one last time. But one last hug, one last word won’t change anything. I need you to understand this, really truly understand it Jaycen. Speaking to the dead will not give you a new life.” Lizelle pried her hands away from Jaycen and took a step back. The small distance feeling like miles. The possibility of her seeing her mother again now feeling desperately out of reach.
And that was when the last hope died in Jaycen.
“You should live in the present, no matter how hard the past tried to pull you back. Do you understand me?” Lizelle asked, her voice stern.
“I’m trying. God, I’m trying but I feel like I’m drowning in choices that aren’t mine.” Jaycen looked away as the tears spilled out of her eyes.
“Death, the past, it’s following you. Not even your past, but a past. I feel it when we touch. You need to break free of all of it before it pulls you down.”
“I’m trying!” Jaycen screamed, her tears now freely falling down her face. “I’m trying to pull myself out of it and I can’t. I need help. I don’t even know the kind of help that I need, I just know I need it. That’s what I’m asking for, help.”
Lizelle placed her hands on Jaycen’s shoulder, shaking her slightly. “Face it, head-on. It is the only thing that will help you now. Speaking to your mother will do nothing but drag you back. Do you understand that?”
“Please? I just want to see her, just once. Please.” Jaycen took hold of the Angel's hands once more, closed her eyes, and begged.
“Jaycen, stop it. Let go,” Lizelle demanded, trying to pull her hands away.
But Jaycen knew that if she pulled away now that was it, and this dream of seeing her mother really was over. “Please.”
It happened fast, the pull. Because that was the only way Jaycen could describe it as. A pull, something from far away was pulling her. It didn’t hurt, but it didn’t feel good either.
Lizelle yanked her hands back as she spat out. “How did you do that?”
Jaycen looked around, her mouth hanging open. They were no longer in the small bedroom in Scotland. But in a huge open space, with a ceiling so high that Jaycen wasn’t even sure there was one. It was bright and empty.
“I don’t… I don’t…Where are we?”
“Where do you think? We’re in Heaven. Is this some sort of spell? What did you do?” Anger rolled off her as she rounded on Jaycen, her eyes alight with anger.
“I don’t have my magic.” Jaycen shook her head, and even knowing that Lizelle was so angry next to her, she couldn’t help but smile.
“Then how?”
All she could do was shrug and grin. “But we’re, here right? So, I can ….”
“No, Jaycen. Do you not understand what has happened? You can’t just turn up here, it doesn’t work that way. Our magic is old magic. More complex than you could ever understand. Yet here you are. I want to know how.”
“I don’t know how,” Jaycen stressed.
Lizelle grabbed hold of Jaycen’s head and closed her eyes.
“What are you doing?”
Lizelle didn’t reply, but then let go, and stepped back. “You’ve been called here. Not by your mother, though. She doesn’t hold that power.”
“What? Then who? And why?” She asked the question, but she already knew the answer. Surely it had to be Isabella. Her ancestor. The source of her magic.
If not, she was being seriously haunted.
Lizelle smiled like she knew. She knew that’s what Jaycen knew.
“This must be important. So, I’m going back on my word, and I’m going to give you a choice,” Lizelle started
, her eyes calm as Jaycen’s widened. “Either, you can see the one that called you here, or, you can see your mother.”
Jaycen frowned, the choice so easy to her.
“Your choice isn’t between two people. It’s between what you want, and what you need. Think on this very carefully. Think of what this meeting will mean to you when you return to Earth and how it will help you.”
It dawned on her just what Lizelle was saying, and how important this decision was. Did she pick her own wants by choosing her mother? Because that was what she wanted more than anything. Or, did she choose Isabella, who had called her to Heaven for a reason? Who had been haunting her for a reason?
She turned away, fighting with the choice in her head.
Surely both could help her? Maybe in different ways, but they could both give advice? Couldn’t they?
And Isabella was capable of visiting Jaycen on Earth, she’d done it before. Why wouldn’t she do it again? Her mother on the other hand . . .
“My mother. I want to see my mother,” she mumbled, still looking away.
“You made the wrong choice. But as you wish.” Lizelle clapped twice, the air in the room changing.
“It’s not wrong, it’s–” Jaycen turned around, forgetting whatever it was that she was going to say when she saw her mother standing where Lizelle had just been.
They both stared at each other for a second.
“Jaycen? How?”
That was all she needed to jolt her body into action. Jaycen ran at her mother, wrapping her arms around her tightly.
“Mom, it’s me. It’s really me.”
“Oh, my love. How is this possible?” Her mother sniffed, pulling away as she grasped Jaycen’s head, “My God you are beautiful. So, so beautiful.”
“I’ve missed you so much. Too much,” Jaycen began.
“I know this sweetie, and I’ve missed you. But, why are you here?” she asked, tipping her head to the side just a little.
“Because, because I missed you.” Surely that was enough.
Her mother laughed a little, but slowly shook her head. “I missed you too, my love. But I doubt that is a good enough reason to make a trip up here. What is wrong? Talk to me.”
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