by K E Osborn
My skin riddles in goosebumps as a cold sweat invades my entire being. My body sinks, feeling like the world is caving in on me. I let out a gasp as I bend over grabbing my knees in an attempt to pant for air.
He was married.
With a baby on the way.
And they both died.
Holy!
Fucking!
Shit!
He steps up beside me, his hand gently places on the small of my back to try and soothe me, but I can’t seem to catch my breath. Shaking my head, I feel sick. My stomach’s churning at such a high rate of knots, I don’t know if I can hold it together.
Knowing he had a life, a happy life, and it was ripped away from him kills me. He’s supposed to be a father, a husband, and right now he’s living the life of a widower.
I don’t know how to handle this. Everything hurts too much.
I have this overwhelming sorrow for the man I care about, and yet at the same time, I have anger that I feel is misplaced because he didn’t tell me. What am I supposed to think? Should I be attentive to his needs? Should I be angry? I don’t know what to fucking think.
My mind is this crazy mess of emotions which are all swirling around making me feel, in some ways, that I’m losing my damn mind.
I want to take him in my arms, tell him everything is going to be okay, comfort him in the best of ways, but at the same time I kind of feel betrayed. Should I? I have no idea.
“H… Heeley?” His voice cracks like he’s unsure of what else to say.
I stand up looking at him as my body tenses. His eyes look into mine, and for a moment we stare at each other, his full of loss and pain, mine full of sadness and some kind of anger.
He reaches out grabbing my hand, and I let him as his face contorts, and he shakes his head. “Heeley, I need you to know—”
“Was it Andretti?” I blurt out interrupting him.
His eyebrow raises, and he slumps his body slightly. He shakes his head and exhales. “No.” I relax, but only marginally as he softly pulls me over to the bed, and we sit on the edge taking the tension down a notch as he sits next to me. His thigh sliding next to mine giving me the type of comfort I actually need right now. He looks down to the floor but threads his fingers with mine holding my hand.
“My father, Guinness… at the time, he was the President of the club, and I was just a patched member. Zoey was my Old Lady, and things with the Andrettis were at an all-time crazy. Dad was dealing with Enzo’s father, Stefano. But Dad and Stefano were even worse than Enzo and I are. A deal was trying to be brokered, and Dad sent me and the guys to go and check it out. He didn’t want to be there to threaten the agreement.” He lets out a small chuckle. “Dad could be a hot-head.”
I smile and tighten my hand in his, continuing to listen.
“So, anyway, while I was busy dealing with the fuckin’ Italian Mafia, Zoey was here with Dad. She was like a daughter to him. He loved her and looked after her. She was, after all, gonna give him his first grandson…” He squeezes his eyes shut and then reopens them. “I mean, we were young, but we were in love. We got married at eighteen, she was pregnant at twenty…” he trails off, and I look up at him with a weak smile. He turns to me and finally looks me in the eyes. “Zoey was only three weeks away from her due date, and while I was out, she started having pains. So Dad took her straight to the hospital while my Mom tried to get in contact with me. By the time I got outta the dealings with the Andrettis, my cell was blowing up.”
My body tightens, and I shake my head. “There was a problem with the baby?”
He shakes his head. “No. On the way to the hospital, a drunk driver ran a red light. Slammed straight into Dad’s car. It rolled four times.”
I let out a gasp, my free hand shooting straight to my mouth in shock as I try to hold back my tears.
“I lost my dad, my wife, and my unborn son all to one drunk fuckin’ driver.” His face hardens as he looks at me, and I can’t control my tears as they freefall down my cheeks.
My bottom lip trembles as my body begins to shake knowing what he’s been through, mixed with the trauma I’ve been a part of today. Everything is starting to be a little too much.
“Jesus, Rylan… I don’t even know what to say.”
He nods and looks away from me down at the floor. “There’s nothing you can say.”
Taking a deep breath, I look at him. I can see the way he’s hurting over this. I mean why wouldn’t he be. He lost the three most important people in his life in one stupid instant. But that unsettles me. It makes me feel like maybe it answers some questions that needed solving.
“Torque, are you still in love with her?” I blurt out.
His head snaps up to look at me, curiosity etched in his features. “What?”
I let his hand go and stand up needing some distance from him. “Zoey… do you still love her?”
His face falls, and he studies me intently. “A part of me will always love her, Heeley. It’s not like we broke up, or she left me…” he pauses, “… she died. I can’t just turn that off.”
Nodding, I chew on my bottom lip and fold my arms over my chest more to protect myself from falling apart. “So then… if you’re still in love with another woman, why try to start something with me?”
He grimaces and stands up so fast I almost step back from the shock of it as he strides up to me placing his hands on my arms and looks into my eyes. “Heeley. A part of me will always love Zoey. But it’s been six years, and I know she’s never coming back. Holding onto my love for her won’t do me any good. I need to move on. I need to let her go. I know that now, and I believe I can do that with you.”
My stomach churns, and a wave of nausea hits me. I stumble slightly as I shake off the adrenaline coursing through me, and he holds onto me firmer looking in my eyes assessing me. I take a step back from him giving us a little distance as his eyes droop watching me break away from him.
“Torque… Rylan… I just… this is so much… so, so much. You came swooping into my life and have swept me up in this world of anarchy and madness. All I’ve known since you came into it, is Italian Mafia men hunting down women, street fights, shootouts… which I still have no idea what happened here today, and me being thrown into the medical deep end… and you keeping huge life-changing secrets from me. I mean, it’s carnage and chaos, and I can’t wrap my head around any of it.”
He nods letting out a heavy sigh. “It’s too much… I’m too much.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement, and he and I both know it’s the truth. A truth neither of us wanted, but a truth nonetheless.
Sniffing back, I nod, and he turns away from me, his hand running through his hair in frustration as I tighten my arms around myself even further for my own comfort.
He heads off pacing the room, his feet thumping the carpet heavily. “So where does this leave us?”
Shaking my head, I slump my body. “I think you know.”
He turns back to face me, that sad look back on his face as he shakes his head and winces. “We could have had a good thing, you and me. But you’re probably safer without me.” His words, they rip through me even though I knew they were coming.
Hell, I’m the one doing this really.
Wiping a stray tear from my face, I sniff and let out a heavy breath. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be the woman you wanted.”
He smiles and steps up to me, his hand moves to my cheek caressing it with a little more force as he sweeps back into my hair. I melt into his arms as he stares into my eyes. “You’re still the woman I want, Heeley. That hasn’t changed,” he confides then pulls me forward planting a hard kiss on my lips.
My body reacts before I have time to think, and my arms wrap around his neck, my fingers threading through his hair holding him to me. Our tongues collide and we kiss—tongues, teeth, everything crashing in a frenzied, passionate, all-engrossing kiss—like it’s the first time. The chemistry is sizzling through the air as his body presses against mine completely. I
feel all of him, including his freshly-formed hard cock that’s pressing into my lower stomach. It makes me moan into his mouth as his hand in my hair tightens harder, and I mold into him completely losing myself in him. The kiss is hungry. Needy. Desperate.
His hand snakes down to my ass, his fingers tightening on my flesh and pressing my hips closer to him, so I’m rubbing against his erection.
This is getting heated and fast, and if we don’t cool it down, I’m going to end up taking my clothes off. So regrettably, I slow the kiss, and he follows my lead. His hand detaching from my ass, sliding to my waist and gripping on as the kiss slows to a stop.
He pulls back and looks into my eyes, our foreheads touching as we pant breathlessly and look into each other’s eyes.
His concerned stare tells me everything.
He knows, just like I do.
It changed nothing.
I slowly detach from him, my breathing trying to come back to normal, and I straighten out my top as I look to him one final time. “Goodbye, Rylan.”
He merely nods but doesn’t say anything in return as I spin heading for his door. I open it, hesitate, but don’t turn back as I walk out, my heart feeling heavy as I close the door with a click.
The sudden unmistakable sound of something smashing in the room, followed by a deep, heavy grunt startles me, but I need to follow through.
I’ve made my decision.
I have to stick to it.
This life—it’s too much.
It’s too high risk.
I need simple… right?
Taking a shaky breath, I walk back out into the clubroom, and Neala is by my side almost instantly. I smile weakly as she approaches.
“You look sad. Are you okay?”
Shrugging, I swallow hard. “Honestly, I have no idea.”
Neala wraps her arm around my shoulders and pulls me to her. “I know this would have been an eye-opener for you today. But trust me, these guys are tough, and they look out for their own. I know all this was scary for you, but don’t worry, Torque will always look after you. He cares about you too damn much to let anything happen to you.”
My stomach sinks, and I wince as she watches me. I don’t know if I should tell her or not. But I figure I should probably just get the hell out of here.
First, though, I need to thank Bex.
“Hey, do you know where Bex is?”
She nods with a smile. “Yeah, just over there, with Chains. Giving him a lecture probably.”
I raise my brow. “So, are they like… a thing?”
Neala bursts out laughing. “As in a couple? Oh God no. Don’t ever say that to them. Both of them would probably stab you. Chains and Rebecca Kline are brother and sister.”
I let out a puff of air which blows my hair back. “Wait… what?”
She nods. “I mean, not like blood brother and sister, but Bex’s parents took Chains in as a foster child when he was like ten or something like that. So yeah, they’re family. They consider themselves siblings. They fight like brother and sister that’s for damned sure.”
“Huh… would never have guessed. I thought she was a scorned ex-lover.”
Neala chuckles. “Ha! I would love to see you tell her that.”
Shaking my head, I purse my lips. “I think I better not. Thanks, Neala.”
She smiles. “Call me Lala, everyone else does.”
Nodding, I give her a brief smile and then take off toward Bex and Chains. As I approach, I hear them generally chatting in a witty banter until Bex notices me and smiles wide.
“Heeley… just the woman I wanted to see. Sit. I have a proposition for you.”
I nod and take a seat between her and Chains.
“You did great work today. I checked over everyone you worked on besides Torque, and I love your skillset. It does need a little improvement, but for your first attempt, and with the right mentoring, I think I could have you working wonderfully.”
Raising my brow, I wonder if I caught that right. “Umm… wait, you could have me working wonderfully?”
She nods. “Yes. I’d like you to come in under me and do some training at the hospital. I’ll take you in and teach you the ropes. You can shadow me. Of course, it won’t be hands-on, but it will be a foot in the door before med school. What do you think?”
Opening my eyes as wide as my mouth, I gasp. “Shit! Are you kidding me?”
She laughs. “Nope. Not kidding. Deadly serious. But I won’t have you messing about. I want full commitment.”
Nodding, I smile. “Yes, of course. Full commitment is what you’ll have for sure.”
She smiles and pulls out a business card and hands it to me. “Here’s my card. Call me tomorrow when we’re all a little more focused, and we’ll arrange a start date and time.”
“Wow! Thank you, Bex.”
She nods. “And from now on, I’ll be Doctor Kline. Have to be professional. You understand, Heeley.”
I nod. “Yes, Doctor Kline.”
She smiles, and I take the card from her and stand up. “Thank you, I’ll call tomorrow.”
“Talk soon. Good work today.”
Smiling, I turn and head over to my first-aid kit and start to pack it away feeling a mixture of emotions. I’m elated that I’ve been given a great opportunity to work with Bex, but equally devastated that things with Torque are officially off the cards.
My smile falls, and I finish packing up my bag as I turn, taking in the clubhouse. I doubt I’ll ever be here again. I take a deep breath looking at all the men and women here. Yanking the strap over my shoulder, I spin and head for the door, not taking a second look as I head out to my car. The feeling of dread washes over me as tears well in my eyes at the loss of something that could have been so good, but the ever-present dangers are just too real.
So I have to leave.
It’s the right thing to do.
Especially now my career is heading in the right direction.
This is the right choice, Heeley.
I have to just keep telling myself that.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
TORQUE
Moping about in my room isn’t going to get shit done. I know that, but I needed some time to get my head straight. I told Heeley about Zoey, about my dad, about my son, and she left anyway. I honestly thought me showing I was committed to someone would prove to her I could do this, but it had the exact opposite effect. I guess it came down to the fact I hadn’t told her about them, the fact I kept it from her, and it was a real blow.
I’m a fucking idiot.
That mixed with the drama of today, no wonder she’s walked.
All things considered, though, it’s for the best. If she can’t handle it when shits at its worst, then maybe I was wrong, and she isn’t Old Lady material after all. The thought makes me feel all kinds of wrong as I look to the broken lamp on my floor, the one I picked up and threw immediately after Heeley walked out of my door. I should clean it up, but honestly, I can’t be bothered right now.
I’ve been hauled up in my room for the last half hour running through our conversation in my brain, playing it over and over again, trying to figure out if I should have said something different. Told my story in a particular way where we’d still be together. I’m torturing myself with the pictures of her leaving playing over and over. But I’ve had enough. I need to be the fucking President of the Chicago Defiance MC right now. My club needs me.
So I straighten my shoulders, pull on a shirt, and head out into the clubhouse. The commotion has died down somewhat, and when I look over, I notice Heeley’s first-aid kit is gone. I walk across the room and grab my cut and throw it over my shoulders making me feel more like a man and less like the pussy-whipped fucker I feel like on the inside.
Looking around the club, I see Surge is no longer on the pool table. I’ll have to find out where he is, and how he’s recovering as I head straight for Doctor Kline. She’s sitting next to Chains, Lift, and Ace. They glance up at me and all tip thei
r chins up in a greeting.
“Pres,” Chains announces as I take a seat on a stool.
“How’s everyone looking, Kline?” I ask, and she smiles.
“All good, Pres. Everyone should make a full recovery. Surge will take a little longer. He’s in his room sleeping off the twilight anesthetic I administered him. His shoulder will be sore for a while. He’ll need to keep it in a sling for a good few weeks, but I’ll keep coming in to check on him. You know you can’t keep me away from here. Plus, I’ll need to check up on this dickhead to make sure he’s cleaning his wound.” She tilts her head to Chains, and he grunts while rolling his eyes.
“Whatever, I’m fine. Foxy healed me good.”
The mention of Heeley sends my muscles taut making Kline glance to me and raise her brow. “Yes, Heeley will be well suited to my program. I’m excited to have her onboard with me.”
I scrunch up my face. “I’m sorry, what?”
She swallows a lump in her throat sensing my tension and sits a little taller. “I’m taking Heeley under my wing at the hospital. Going to show her the ropes. Get her a foot in the door before med school. Help her gain best practices…” she pauses. “She has talent, Torque, and a thirst for knowledge. Don’t hold her back.”
While normally having someone tell me what to do would piss me off, having Kline step up and take on Heeley’s best interests like this actually makes me happy. She can step out of that damn froyo store she hates and work more on her goal of being a doctor full-time. This is perfect, and I can have someone I trust watching her full-time.
This is a good thing.
“Thanks, Kline… I appreciate you doing this for her.”
She raises her brow and plasters on a giant smile. “What? No… you should have talked to me about this before interfering with my woman, blah blah, thump my chest, throw a chair, break a pool cue… type reaction?”
Chains, Lift, and Ace all chuckle nodding like they were expecting that reaction too, and I shrug.
“Heeley’s not my woman. Not anymore…”
All their faces drop like they’re shocked. Kline’s face takes on a sad look as she reaches out soothingly grabbing for my hand.
