by Lynn Ames
After all, I only had a few days of thinking you were dead, not months like you.” She swallowed hard, her voice shaking, her temper flaring.
Kate recoiled from the starkness of the statement and the bitterness behind it.
“Let me tell you what I guess I’m qualified to understand then.” Jay broke contact, unable to stay angry in such proximity to the only woman she would ever love. “What I know is what it feels like to have no Lynn Ames
identity—no sense of home or self—just an empty ache inside that might never be filled. What I know is what it’s like to wake up feeling bereft—
like there’s a piece of me missing, only I don’t have a clue what it is.
What I know is what it feels like to be completely, utterly alone, not even knowing if I have someone in my life somewhere who cares. What I know is that if I could only have you back for a day, it would be better than that.” She broke free and ran down the beach, her heart breaking with every step. She wasn’t sure how she’d thought Kate would react to her reappearance, but one thing was certain—she wasn’t prepared for emotional rejection.
For a moment, Kate simply stood there, stunned. Then she took off running after Jay, her longer strides eating up the distance between them.
“Wait. Jay, wait.” With a last lunge, she was able to curl her fingers around Jay’s shoulder and bring her to a stop.
When Jay turned to face Kate, the despair and confusion in her eyes was more than Kate could bear.
“Come here. Come here, love.” Kate wrapped Jay in her arms, resting her chin on the top of Jay’s head, willing her own resistance to crumble.
“I-I don’t know how to do this. There’s no handbook for erasing grief and loss.”
Jay shook her head. “I’m not asking you to erase what happened or what you felt. You can’t. You need to honor what you went through—we both do.” She shivered. “I’m asking for my wife back. I want—no, I need—the woman I fell madly in love with, all of her, not just the piece that she’s willing to leave unprotected. I need to come home.”
Kate’s heart twisted in her chest. “I want to give you that, Jay. I just don’t know if I can.” She felt Jay stiffen against her.
“I guess all I can hope for then is that you’ll give it your best try.” Jay pulled back, her heart bleeding, wondering if she’d made a mistake by walking back into Kate’s life. Even spending two months suffering from amnesia hadn’t left her feeling as alone as she did at this moment.
Looking out to sea, she was surprised to note that the sun was well below the horizon. “We’d better get back.”
Kate followed Jay the length of the beach and up the path that led to the cottage. She had never felt more conflicted or adrift than she did right then. She wished she had Peter or Barbara to talk to—they would be able to help, she was sure of it.
“This list is longer than my arm,” Max complained as he and Peter studied the thirteen sheets of paper Gustav had faxed over. “There must be fifty or more properties owned or leased by Grayson in D.C. alone.”
“Mmm.” Peter’s face was grim. Max was right—it would take them forever to get through the list, and by that time, it would probably be too The Value of Valor
late. “We’re going to have to split up and divide the properties…” Peter’s voice trailed off as his beeper sounded. He squinted at the number.
“That’s interesting.”
“What is?”
“It’s Colonie police.”
“You run afoul of the law back home?”
“Not that I know about,” Peter said as he reached for the phone.
When it was answered on the other end, he said, “This is Peter Enright.
You just paged me?”
“Sorry to bother you, Mr. Enright, but your house alarm went off a few minutes ago. Thought you’d want to know.”
“Really?” Peter maintained a highly sophisticated, state-of-the-art, laser-based silent alarm system. He had designed and installed it himself several months earlier. It was virtually impenetrable and had never given off a false reading. “Did you send anybody out?”
“Yes, sir. They’re just reporting back now. Can you hold a second?”
“Sure.” Peter could hear talking over the police radio in the background.
“Mr. Enright? Looks like somebody cut a hole in one of the windows at the back of the house. The boys are still on the scene looking around.
So far, they haven’t found anyone.”
“Thanks, Sergeant. I appreciate your getting in touch with me. I’m out of town but available by beeper if you need me. Keep me posted if you come up with anything, okay?”
“Yes, sir.”
Peter severed the connection.
“Your place get sacked?”
“The cops aren’t finished looking around yet, but someone definitely tried to get in.”
“Do you think it’s our guys?”
“Not a doubt in my mind.” Peter chewed his lower lip. “Which means they must’ve done a hell of a number on Barbara to get her to talk.” His blood pressure rose as anger suffused his system. “We’ve got to find her—now.”
“Yes, sir. Let’s get started.”
Steven, Paul, and Lorraine bounced in their seats as the private jet landed just outside the District of Columbia. None of them had said a word the entire flight. They all breathed sighs of relief at being safely back home.
“We’re beyond lucky that we didn’t get caught back there,” Lorraine ground out through clenched teeth.
“Relax, we got what we went for.”
Lynn Ames
“We got nothing except some unwanted attention.”
“We know he’s not in Albany, and we picked up a piece of correspondence with a Washington, D.C., address. We can hit that address right away.”
“We came within seconds of getting nailed,” Paul complained.
“But we didn’t,” Steven said testily.
“Because I heard the tires on the street,” Lorraine said.
“Whatever. Let’s focus on bagging Enright.”
Lorraine unbuckled her seat belt as soon as they had come to a complete stop. She stalked off the plane, not even waiting for the others to follow.
Within an hour, Steven and Paul were standing in the empty living room of the condo Peter had originally rented in Alexandria—the one from which he had moved less than twenty-four hours before.
“There’s nothing here—not even a dry cleaning bill,” Paul said.
Lorraine, who was just walking through the door announced, “The building manager says Enright paid on a month-by-month basis—not using that name, of course. He terminated the lease yesterday.”
“We’re nowhere,” Paul said.
“Wrong.” Steven paced across the room. “If he only terminated the lease yesterday, it means that either Kyle’s still in the D.C. area…”
“Hardly likely,” Lorraine scoffed.
“Or he’s not with her, and he still might be close by.”
“In either case, we don’t have him, and we don’t have Kyle. You want to be the one to break that news to the Viper?”
“Viper.”
“Are we any closer to solving our problem?” Grayson asked.
“We know that until yesterday Enright was leasing a condo under an assumed name in Alexandria. We don’t believe Kyle is in the area.”
“But you don’t have him.”
“Not yet, sir.”
“These agents you have on the job, you have confidence in them?”
“Yes,” the Viper gritted his teeth.
“You’ve got twelve hours to deliver or we’ll find someone who can, do I make myself clear?”
“Perfectly,” the Viper said, as the dial tone buzzed in his ear.
“This is impossible,” Max said as he threw a sheaf of papers on the sofa. “We’ve been at it for hours. She could be anywhere.”
“I agree,” Peter said, looking up from his own pile. “We�
�re not going to find her following a paper trail.” He rolled his shoulders and neck, which were stiff from spending so much time hunched over. He’d been The Value of Valor
trying for hours not to focus on the clock—not to think about the fact that Barbara’s chances of survival diminished with every passing second.
“What next?” Max asked.
Peter tapped his forefinger to his mouth as he considered. “It seems to me our options are limited. They seem to want me, so let’s give me to them.”
“What? Boss, I know it’s late, but have you lost your mind?”
Peter shrugged. “An even trade—Barbara for me.”
“Wait a minute.” Max held up his hands. “First of all, we don’t even know if she’s alive.” He bit his lip as he watched Peter’s face go pale.
“Sorry to put it so bluntly, but it’s the truth.”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
Max raised an eyebrow in question.
“Ask them.”
“How do you propose to do that? You can’t exactly walk up to Grayson’s office. You’d never walk out.”
“Right. So we’re going to use a courier.”
“You’re going to send a messenger in to see Grayson?”
“In a manner of speaking. Let’s go.”
“Where are we going?”
“To make a house call on Dr. Englert.”
Lynn Ames
CHAPTER TWENTY
ay was lying on her side, her back to Kate, her arms tightly J hugging her chest. She was exhausted—the combination of the long flight and the emotional day had zapped all her strength. Yet sleep would not come. She could hear Kate’s even breathing behind her and knew that she wasn’t sleeping, either.
Neither one of them said much after their return from the beach—
neither knew what to say. They ate some cheese and crackers, but neither one of them had an appetite. Jay got ready for bed early and slipped under the covers.
Kate followed shortly thereafter, taking care to leave some space between them. She knew Jay was awake, so she didn’t dare move. She wasn’t ready for any more physical contact—she wasn’t sure how she would handle it or even if she could. All that time without Jay, the only thing she’d wished for was another chance—one more night with her.
Now that she had it, she was miserable.
How could it ever be the same? She’d mourned Jay, grieved for her, spent weeks adapting and adjusting to being alone again. It had been the most painful experience of her life—more so than when she’d lost her parents. To open her heart again—to make herself that vulnerable—even for Jay…She wasn’t sure she could. Not only that, but Kate was in danger—it wouldn’t be fair to jeopardize Jay’s life, too. No, Kate decided, it was better to stay aloof, to stay safe.
She began to cry silent tears, her heart aching as she watched Jay’s back, just inches away, her hair shining in the moonlight. Hesitantly, Kate raised her hand, her fingertips longing to brush soft skin—Jay’s skin. Closing her eyes, she dropped her hand to the sheet before making contact. Misery washed over her like a cold blanket. She welcomed it.
It was some hours later when Kate awoke to a bloodcurdling scream.
Her heart raced. She reached for the gun on the night table before realizing that the sound had come from Jay.
Before Kate could react, Jay flew out of bed and through the French doors that opened onto the hillside. She ran across the grass to the edge of the rise where she squatted, wrapping her arms tightly around her The Value of Valor
knees. She rocked back and forth from her heels to her toes, her whole body vibrating.
Kate untangled herself from the sheets and followed. When she reached the lawn, she saw Jay silhouetted in the moonlight, her distress obvious even from a distance.
Jay made no move to acknowledge Kate’s presence, although she was aware of footsteps—she merely continued to rock and comfort herself as best she could.
Deliberately, as if approaching a frightened animal, Kate walked up alongside her. “Jay?”
There was no response.
“Jay, what is it?”
Again, there was silence.
“Please, maybe I can help.”
Jay shook her head.
“Do you want to come back inside?”
Jay shook her head again.
Kate bit her lower lip, feeling utterly useless. “Can I sit down?”
Jay shrugged.
Kate sat on the grass, the dew soaking her shorts, feeling helpless.
She could see from Jay’s profile that she was crying and shaking. She reached out a hand to her, but Jay shook it off.
“Is it me?” Kate asked softly.
Jay shook her head.
“Please, Jay, say something.”
“I remember,” she whispered.
“What?” Kate asked, straining to hear.
Jay looked at her, her eyes wide with terror. “I remember.”
Afraid to move a muscle, Kate asked, “Remember what, honey?”
Jay bent forward, folding even farther into herself, as she let out a mournful wail.
Kate, unable to stay still any longer, wrapped herself around Jay, covering her entirely with her body. “It’s okay. Shh, it’s okay.” She rocked in time with Jay. She could hear her teeth chattering. “I’ve got you, honey. Whatever it is, let it go.”
“No,” Jay sobbed. “No.” She shifted her body and dropped to the ground on her side, knocking Kate off balance and curling up in the fetal position.
Kate got to her knees and placed herself in front of Jay. She’d only ever seen Jay like this once—it was when she’d nearly been raped when they were in college. Her eyes went wide with fear.
“Did anybody touch you? Did…”
“No,” Jay whispered. “I remember.” She started to cry harder.
Lynn Ames
Kate searched her mind desperately. “Something about your father, honey?”
“No, no,” Jay answered.
“Please, Jay, help me here.”
Jay closed her eyes and gave voice to the anguish. “The accident. I remember the accident. It was awful.” She covered her mouth with her hand.
“Oh, Jay.” Kate used her leverage to lift Jay off the ground and into her lap.
“I-I didn’t remember it before. Th-they were chasing me, and I sped up to get away from them,” she said in a rush. “I saw the curve ahead, let up on the gas, and tried to steer into it—like a race car driver, you know?” she asked, looking up at Kate.
“I know,” Kate answered softly, realizing that Jay wasn’t with her on top of the hill—she was on top of that cliff, reliving the moment.
“I turned the car hard, but it wouldn’t respond. I saw the guardrail coming,” she gasped. “It was like slow motion. I watched that poor woman sliding across the seat toward me. I heard her scream. Then we hit the guardrail.”
Kate’s mind derailed. “What woman, honey?”
“The woman I had just picked up on the side of the road because her boyfriend dumped her.” Jay closed her eyes tightly, and her body jumped as she saw it all again in her mind’s eye. “Sh-she slammed into me. I remember hearing a gurgle, looking down, and seeing a piece of metal sticking out of her chest.” Jay put a shaking hand to her mouth.
Kate tightened her grip, whispering soothing words into Jay’s nearby ear, her mind turning over the new information. The teeth and bone fragments must have belonged to that woman. “It’s okay, honey.”
“I remember seeing the ledge come up at me,” she flinched and scrunched her eyes shut. When she opened them, there were huge teardrops on her lower lashes. “That was it. All I know after that is what Terri and the boys told me.”
Kate realized she knew absolutely nothing of what Jay had been through or where she’d been during her absence. Worse yet, Kate hadn’t even bothered to ask.
Jay jumped up out of Kate’s grasp, ran several steps, dropped to her knees, and v
omited. She stayed on her hands and knees for several moments until she was sure there was nothing left in her stomach. “I’m sorry,” she said, looking at Kate, who still sat on the ground several feet away.
Kate felt her cheeks turn red with shame. She held out her arms. “I’m the one who should be sorry.”
The Value of Valor
Jay returned to Kate and sat down by her side, her body still vibrating from the memory.
“I’ve been so selfish.” Kate ran impatient fingers through her own hair. “Here I’ve been so busy walling myself off that I never even considered the ordeal you’ve been through. I’m so, so sorry.” She squeezed Jay’s hand.
A sob escaped from Jay’s lips. “Yeah, me too.” She began to rock again, sitting on the grass. “I-I tried so hard to remember who I was. I really did, Kate. I didn’t want to stay away.” She looked at her lover with eyes that pleaded for understanding. “I wanted desperately to know who I was—where I belonged.”
“I know, sweetheart.” Kate rubbed Jay’s back. “Who is Terri, honey?”
“Terri is the Navajo healer who nursed me back to health after some of the boys on the reservation pulled me out of the wreck.” Jay stared straight ahead. “They saved my life on that ledge before the car dropped to the canyon floor.” Jay looked at Kate with anguished eyes. “Terri knew about the woman who died—she thought that was Jamison Parker based on the news reports. She had no idea who I really was.”
Kate ran her fingers lightly up Jay’s arm, closing her eyes as Jay described her injuries and how long it took to heal physically. “I’m so sorry, honey.”
“When I found out about the accident and the men chasing me, I wondered what kind of person I could be that someone wanted me dead,”
she whispered. “I thought maybe I was bad.” She sobbed.
“Oh, Jay.” Kate closed her eyes at the sound of Jay’s pain. “I can’t imagine what you went through.” I’m a selfish idiot.
Something occurred to Jay; she turned suddenly to face Kate, her eyes wide. “It was Breathwaite.”
“What?” Kate asked, trying to keep up.
“It was Breathwaite who ordered me killed—to get back at you for what happened.”
Kate’s blood ran cold. “How do you know that?” It was her turn to feel sick.
“Peter traced him through the ex-con he hired to do the job. The guy was at the ball; he must’ve overheard us talking to the president. Peter was flying back to Washington to tell you when all hell broke loose.”
