by Lola Kidd
The silence hung as she considered her answer. “I got him a bunch of toys and clothes. Kelly got him one of those ride-on toys. A little car. My parents got him a playset for outside. He should love that when the weather gets a little better.”
She didn’t add any more. He didn’t seem to know what to say next. She knew he was waiting for her to invite him, but she couldn’t. It was a family celebration after all and she wasn’t sure exactly where he fit in just yet. Maybe she should suggest a time for him to celebrate with George during the day.
Nick parked the car outside the restaurant and looked at her. “When are you going to tell everyone? Before I show up at your house I hope? I don’t really want to have to pretend I’m there just to date you and not to see my son too. The longer we wait, the more awkward and strange things will get.”
So he did want to keep dating her. That’s what it sounded like anyway. Or was she reading into his statement? If he did, that was nice. “What if we did? I mean, what if we just told them you were visiting me and then told them about George later? Like a fun surprise.”
He shook his head. “That wouldn’t be very fun. Do you not want to tell your family that I’m his father?”
“I do.” She said. “I just...I don’t know how to do it, exactly. I don’t want to just blurt it out. I want it to be the right time.”
“When would be the right time?” he wondered. “I don’t see any time that would make a nice segue into the info except for when you bring up seeing me again.”
She nodded. “Yeah, I don’t really know when the right moment will be, but I’ll know it when it comes.”
“Will it be sooner or later?” he pressed.
“I don’t know.” She was beginning to get annoyed. “I told you that I’d do it and I will. Don’t freak out about this.”
“Sorry. I’m not trying to make you mad. I’m just not sure why you’re waiting to do this. It’s going to have to be done eventually and it seems like sooner is better than later. This feels like lying to me.”
“How am I lying?”
“I didn’t say you were lying. I said it felt like lying to me. When I was talking to Kelly, it felt like I was keeping a secret from her. I couldn’t speak freely. I didn’t like it. But it also feels like I shouldn’t be the one to spill the beans so to speak.”
“No, you shouldn’t, and I still don’t see how this is lying. I’m just not telling her a personal secret. That isn’t anyone’s business but ours.”
She was really annoyed. Who the hell was he to call her a liar? He didn’t even know her and now he was judging her choices. Was this how it was always going to be with him?
“Listen, you need to calm down. I can see that this is bothering you, but it’s important that we talk about this. I’m telling you in advance, I’m not going to keep this a secret for long once I get to town.”
“Excuse me?” She narrowed her eyes, chest rising as her irritation reached epic heights. “Who are you to dictate how anything will go? This is something for both us to talk about, but it’s my decision what to tell my family. It isn’t like you’re anything to them.”
“I’m George’s father. That makes me something to them,” he hissed through gritted teeth. “This isn’t all going to work at your pace. I’m trying to be polite, but you’re acting like you’re the only one who has a say in anything. That just isn’t true. I have just as much right to our son as you do and just as much to his life. I will conduct myself how I see fit. I don’t have to do things your way all the time. You aren’t the damn queen of the world.”
It felt like she’d been slapped in the face. His little tirade was entirely out of line. Queen of the world? No, she was just George’s mom and that meant she was queen of her little family.
She unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car. “This dinner is over before it even began. I guess you and I just can’t seem to get things right between us for too long unless we’re focused on George. Thanks for the ride, but I’ll find my own way home. Anything else you want to say about our son I guess it’s best we do it through our lawyers.”
She slammed the door shut and walked away. She ordered a car on her phone as she walked aimlessly. Waiting for it and the drive home was excruciating. Nick didn’t even try to come after her. She’d heard him drive off but hadn’t turned to watch.
Pearl was angry all the way home, but when she got back to her room her angry melted away. She burst into tears when the door closed behind her.
She’d messed up. Big time. There was no going back now and she’d just blown up her relationship with her son’s father. Would her son ever forgive her? Would she ever forgive herself?
Chapter Eleven
Nick was reeling. He hadn’t meant for any of this to happen this way. He had been speaking his mind and she’d totally flipped her top. He’d thought she was his mate, but his animal had to be wrong. His mate would never speak to him like that.
When she got out of the car and walked away, he was too mad to even follow her. He drove a little ways from her and watched to be sure she got into a car back to her hotel. Not his most gentlemanly moment.
Satisfied that she was okay, he headed for the outskirts of town. He could feel his animal pressing to get out. After driving for half an hour, he finally stopped and got out. He stripped down and let his animal take over.
The big bear burst out the moment he let it off the leash. He knew it wasn’t the smartest move, but he was too angry to try and control anything right now, let alone a raging polar bear.
The bear thought it was Nick’s fault how everything went down. Clearly, he must have pushed their mate away and he needed to fix this.
Nick disagreed passionately. This was entirely Pearl’s doing. He hadn’t called her a liar or been pushy. She was trying to control him and be the boss. But that wasn’t how relationships worked. At least not the kind he wanted to be in. It wasn’t fair. He knew that she was used to being the only parent in charge, but that had to change. If he had to go to a lawyer to make sure that happened, so be it. That was her doing. He hadn’t wanted it to come to this.
As far as he was concerned, they didn’t need to get the law involved. He wanted to co-parent and be with her. He didn’t want to spend the next few months battling her in a courtroom just so he could see his son. This was all such a stupid mess.
His bear ran through trees and crashed through the brush. It wasn’t the ideal environment for the arctic bear. Much like him, it would never be in a place it truly belonged. It too knew how to make the best of a bad situation. So what if it was a little warm even in winter? His animal was still fine and it was able to run free and be content.
That was what he was going to do now. He was going to try his damnedest to keep this civil even if he had to get lawyers involved. Of course, that wasn’t going to stop him from hiring the best, most qualified lawyer he could find to go after her if needed.
He would hire someone who would go for the jugular if need be. Not that he wanted to do that, but if she was going to fight dirty, he didn’t want to be caught with his pants down. He wanted to be able fight the mother of his son hard if it came to that.
At that thought, his animal stopped in its tracks. Nick could feel something different.
Move, he thought. Come on. We need to let this aggression out.
The animal didn’t budge. He tried to take the reins but nothing happened. He wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
What the hell? Was his bear turning on him too?
He tried to see what was wrong, but the animal didn’t want to talk. It was sad. That much he could feel. He was sad too, but staying in one spot wasn’t going to fix that. They had to move. They had to do something. Didn’t their cub mean anything to the bear?
But what about our mate? The animal finally spoke to him. What about her? We can’t have one without the other.
Yes we can. We’re going to have to, he answered. She doesn’t want us, can barely stand us. Both times
we’ve hung out, it ended in disaster.
Not true, the bear said. This morning at the hotel. She was into us. She wanted us. Desired us.
Yeah for a booty call, he thought. That’s all she wants from us. Sex. That’s why she doesn’t want to tell anyone that we’re her son’s father. She doesn’t think we’re good enough.
You don’t know that. Maybe she’s nervous, the bear thought.
Wishful thinking. She doesn’t want us and we’re going to have to fight her for our son. That’s the way it is. If we want a family, we’re going to have to fight for it.
Exactly. Fight for her, his bear urged.
No! I’m not fighting for someone who doesn’t want me.
That spurned the animal to action. The bear moved swiftly through the tress until they reached a clearing. His chest was burning and his feet ached. They needed to rest. He’d barely eaten today and his animal was feeling the results for trying to push so hard with so little. He wasn’t going to be able to go much farther and the trip back to his car was going to be a nightmare.
Can we rest for a while, the bear asked. I’m sick of running.
Me too. Me too.
Nick wanted to stay in one place. It was all he wanted, but that wasn’t going to be his fate. It was going to be too painful to stay around Pearl for long after all this mess was done. Even though his son was with her, he was going to have to keep moving. But he wasn’t going to be a deadbeat. Maybe they could switch off and he could take his cub for the summer and they could switch holidays. She had to agree to that. She was still getting him for most of the year. She was the one who was going to be able to give him a stable home, so that seemed fair.
He wished he could do the same, but it wasn’t going to happen. He didn’t know how long his bear was going to keep pining for this woman, but he wouldn’t sit around and let it happen. He had tried. He’d given it his best effort and it had blown up in his face. There wasn’t anything else he could do at this point besides find a lawyer.
We could apologize, the bear said. Tell her you didn’t mean it. Maybe she didn’t either.
Fat chance. She meant every word she said. It is what it is. Stop trying to make me make a fool of myself for her.
She’s worth it and we won’t look a fool.
He didn’t believe it. There was no reason to believe that. After her actions the last two days, there was no way she was his mate. A mate would never treat their partner like that. No. She wasn’t the one for him. He wouldn’t be the first shifter to have an accident and have a cub with a woman who wasn’t his mate. No big deal. He’d still love his son and be a part of his life, but the search for his mate would continue. That was just the way it was.
***
There was a knock at the door but Pearl didn’t get up. She couldn’t. She’d been crying on the bathroom floor for the last hour. She felt so terrible. She didn’t know why this was hitting her so hard.
This was exactly the worst-case scenario she’d imagined. She’d prepared herself for this. So why was she so upset?
Her phone buzzed next to her. It was Kelly calling. She let it go to voicemail and then texted her sister that she was sleeping and to come back in the morning. They could talk then. But Kelly was insistent. It was only eight. There was no way she was sleeping already. She was lying and Kelly wanted to talk. If it was bad, well, they could go out and knock Nick’s bumper the rest of the way off. He had to contact his insurance anyway, right?
Pearl laughed. She got up and dragged herself to the door. Kelly had a bottle of vodka and two plastic cups. Perfect.
“So it was bad, I take it?” she asked, pouring them both healthy shots and mixing it down with soda.
“Yeah.” Pearl took a deep breath. “We didn’t even eat. It blew up before we could even get inside the place.”
“Seriously? He seemed so nice. I can’t believe he was such a jerk.”
“Actually, I’m not sure it was so one-sided.” Pearl started crying again and put her hands over her face until she could control herself enough to speak. Kelly rubbed her shoulder as she sobbed. “So, here’s the thing. Nick and I met before. Last time we were in Celebration, actually.”
“Okay.” Kelly didn’t interject and there was no judgment in her voice.
“Yeah,” Pearl continued with a shaky sigh. “And we slept-slept together. He was the last person I slept with before I got pregnant. He’s George’s father.”
“Wow. Okay. Wow. Let me...just give me a minute, okay?” Kelly took her hand off Pearl’s shoulder and got up to pace the room. “George’s father? Why didn’t you say something sooner? This is the guy you were searching for last year, right? The one you were going to get a PI to find. Were you not excited to see him?”
“I don’t know why I didn’t say anything. I guess I was too nervous and shocked. I didn’t know anything about him. What if he was a total psycho? I guess I wanted to get to know him a little before I told you guys.”
“So how did it go all wrong then? The date was to get to know him, but he was actually a jerk?”
“No. I don’t know. Maybe.” Pearl tried to think back to the events of the last two days. “I think we may just be the kind of people who brush each other the wrong way. We just don’t get along. I think it’ll be well enough to co-parent but not much more.”
Thinking of her son spending time with Nick and his mate, whoever she was, without her was just too heartbreaking. She started crying anew and Kelly had to comfort her again.
“I’m sorry,” Pearl said. “This has just gotten so out of hand so fast. I thought it would be hard to integrate him into our lives, but not this hard.”
“So he wants to be a part of George’s life then?”
“Yeah, and I told him he was going to have to take me to court to do it.”
Kelly cringed. “Ouch. That might be the best way to go though if you two can’t get along. A court is a neutral third party who will have George’s best interest in mind. You two won’t have to fight and make things weird. You can just get a custody agreement and a support agreement going. Then it should be smooth sailing.”
“I don’t want a custody agreement.” Pearl cried. “I don’t want to see my son less and have to spend holidays without him. Christmas morning without my son? No thank you. This is going to be so awful.”
Kelly hugged her. “I’m sorry, Pearl. Is there any way that you two could spend the holidays together while George is young? That way nobody would have to miss out. And Nick did say he wasn’t dating and didn’t have any family. I don’t see why you two couldn’t work something out that works for everyone. Our family would love to have him spend time with us and he gets to see his son too.”
“Maybe. I don’t know how I would bring that up. But you’re right, he is single and without a permanent home. I don’t see why he wouldn’t agree to the joint holiday unless he totally hates me. And I think I might have made that happen. God, he just wanted to get to know me and I was so awful to him. I don’t know what’s wrong with me!”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re out of the game. It’s hard to date. I mean, I totally get it. Maybe you could apologize and ask him to give you a second chance. Still go to the courts for a legal agreement, but if you guys are on good terms I think it would be so much easier and so much better for George.”
Pearl nodded. “Maybe. I guess it couldn’t hurt to try. Although it could. If I screw this up, there’s no more chances after this. So I’ll have to be real careful. But I guess I could try. Ugh. I’m so tired now from all the crying.”
Kelly hugged her. “I’m going to go to bed now. Good luck whatever you choose.”
She let her sister out and got ready for bed. By the time she crawled under the covers, she was ready to pass out. Tomorrow. She would fix this all tomorrow.
Chapter Twelve
When she woke up, Pearl felt much better. They had two more days of work and she wasn’t going to talk to Nick until that was all done. The days, th
ankfully, flew by. She avoided the main room in the convention center as much as she could. When she did have to be in there to support her clients, she avoided looking where she knew Nick was. Maybe not the best move, but she didn’t care if he thought she still hated him. She needed time to think.
What had been bothering her wasn’t so much that she had ruined her son’s life but both of theirs. If she was honest, she had seen a future with Nick. As stupid as that was, it was true. She didn’t want to fight with him. She wanted to build something. She didn’t know if they would go the distance, but she felt like they should try. So her talk with him was going to be a big one. She was going to have to pick her words carefully and speak from the heart.
She had to try one final time, and this time she was going to be totally honest and vulnerable. If he shot her down, so be it. That was an option and if it happened, that was what was supposed to happen. Shifters knew their mate and maybe she wasn’t his. That would hurt, but it would be okay eventually. She would rather tell him and get her heart broken than to always wonder what could have been when he came to pick up their son.
At the end of the two days, she was exhausted but hopeful. Before she left the convention center, she found him. She tapped him lightly on the shoulder. “Hey, can we talk?”
“About?” he asked coolly. “I thought we were supposed to go through lawyers only.”
“I think I made a mistake and was a little too harsh. I would like to speak to you alone for a moment.”
“Sure. Where?”
“We can go to the room upstairs where Kelly and I just finished up.”
She led him upstairs and closed the door behind them. She motioned for him to sit on the bed. “Okay. I have a lot to say, so please let me finish before you speak. Just have an open mind, please.”
He nodded and crossed his arms. “Fine.”
“Okay. First, I’m sorry for what I said the other night. It was uncalled for and inexcusable. I don’t want to have to speak only through a lawyer. I do think it’s best if we work out a custody and support settlement though a mediator though. It will save us any headaches in the future if we don’t get along.”
