“I know the feeling,” said Thomas, coming up behind them. “Ready to dance, Quinn?”
“Nobody’s dancing yet,” she said, looking up into the empty gazebo.
He shrugged. “Somebody has to be first.” He took her hand and started walking toward the steps. She didn’t object.
Between Thomas and Linnea, the dancing was going strong in no time. At the dinner party the other night, Quinn had been surprised to realize that she still remembered many of the dance steps she had learned on her first visit. Today, she found that not only was she starting to get good at some of them, but that she was truly enjoying herself.
She partnered with Thomas the most, but she danced with nearly everyone else as well – Maxwell, Howard, several cousins she didn’t know well, and after dinner, she even took turns with Joshua and Daniel, the next two siblings in line after Linnea. The only person she hadn’t danced with was William.
Ever since the day with the tree house, William had been utterly kind and polite to her, but his distance was palpable. He stopped by her room once a day to check on her arm, but always when both Thomas and Linnea were there, and he never stayed for more than a couple of minutes. She hadn’t seen him much otherwise. Even the other night at the big dinner party, they had only danced together for a moment during one of the large group dances.
It was getting on her nerves.
She knew he had been upset over the tree house incident. In the short time she had known him, she’d gotten to know him well enough to understand that he reacted this way to things that scared him and were outside of his control, so she had given him some time to calm down. It had been six days, though, and it was time for him to be over it. Quinn would be going back home the day after tomorrow, and she didn’t want things to feel this way between them there.
Thomas was exacerbating her edginess. Something was up with him as well, and she couldn’t figure out what it was. She didn’t think it had anything to do with her – when he was spending time with her and Linnea, his abstraction would often disappear for a while. She would see it come back, though, whenever he had time to think. Today, however, the little crease between his eyebrows had grown substantially, and it hadn’t faded at all, even as he laughed and danced.
When Thomas finally stepped down from the gazebo and walked over to get a drink, she followed him.
“What’s going on?” she asked him.
“What do you mean?” his tone was too innocent.
She shook her head and raised an eyebrow at the same time. Then she waited.
Thomas blinked, surprised for a second before he recovered. “It’s nothing, really. I’m just a little distracted.”
“By?”
“I’ve been looking for a cousin of mine, and her family, but they’re not here like I expected they would be.”
“Oh.” She paused, thinking. “You’ve been distracted all week about your cousin when you didn’t know she wouldn’t be at the wedding until today?” She frowned, concerned. “I realize it’s probably none of my business, and you can tell me if it’s not, but are you okay?”
Thomas smiled and put his hand on her shoulder – careful to touch only her left shoulder, since the right one still bothered her. “I’m fine. I’ll tell you more about it later, but yes, I have been hoping to see Lily all week.”
“Lily?” A young man whom Quinn vaguely recognized interrupted their conversation. He was older than Thomas, probably by a few years – or cycles – or however time was measured here. She wasn’t sure exactly who he was, but there was a look in his eyes that made her instantly wary. Thomas quickly positioned himself between Quinn and the newcomer.
“Isn’t she still off in Philotheum in one of your brother’s little clinic projects? Why would she be here?”
“I’m not following you, Gavin. How would Lily’s work in Philotheum have anything to do with whether she would attend Simon’s wedding?”
“Are you so sheltered, Thomas, that your father and your older brothers share nothing with you? Even I, lowly ‘royal cousin’ that I am, have heard the rumors about the accusations the king has leveled against the healers of Philotheum. Lily is one of those healers – you really think she would dare to show her face here?”
Thomas stood, unmoving as he processed the words. Quinn remembered Gavin now. The first time she had ever seen him he had been chatting it up with Tolliver at the dinner party she had attended before Hannah’s naming ceremony. A shiver ran down her spine at the thought of Tolliver. She had no idea what was going on here, but she was certain of one thing already – she didn’t trust Gavin.
“Really, Thomas, you should spend more time acting like a man. Maybe you wouldn’t be so clueless about such important matters.” Gavin tilted the last of his drink into his mouth before setting the dirty glass on the table next to the full ones and walking away.
Quinn raised her eyebrows at Thomas.
“I don’t know,” he said, answering her unspoken question.
“He’s lying, you know.”
“Well, it’s Gavin. Obviously he’s lying; I just don’t know how much or about which parts.”
She sighed. “What can you do about it tonight?”
He reached over and pulled Gavin’s glass from the table, walking the two feet to a tray full of used ones. Then he held out his hand to Quinn. “Shall we dance?”
~ 14 ~
An Argument
QUINN AWOKE THE NEXT morning before the sun was even up. The strange dreams that frequently plagued her hadn’t been a problem when she had first come back to Eirentheos, but a couple of nights ago, they’d returned with a vengeance. She couldn’t remember anything about the dream, but she couldn’t shake the odd, heavy feeling of it when she woke. It felt like she was forgetting to do something important, or that she was late for something, but she didn’t know what.
She lay in bed for a while, trying to fall back asleep, but the harder she tried, the more awake she became. Besides, her arm was starting to ache and itch again, and she was hungry, so she got up and headed into her bathroom to get ready for the day.
This second visit to Eirentheos had turned out very differently than her first. She had spent most of her time here in the castle with the family. She was much more comfortable here than she had ever imagined she could be. Stephen and Charlotte were so welcoming and accommodating; they treated her as if she belonged. Everyone did, except perhaps William.
Once she was dressed, she opened her door and quietly walked down the hall, which was still dark except for the nightlights every few feet along the floor. Across the hall from one of the children’s playrooms here in the family’s quarters, there was a large common room where members of the family often gathered to spend time together, to chat and play games. This was Quinn’s destination, for the room also contained a small kitchen area.
Aside from her own bedroom, the common room was her favorite room in the castle. It was filled with comfortable chairs and couches. Enormous bookshelves held games and hundreds of books. It felt homey in there, and casual, a place where everyone just hung out and laughed a lot.
The dark and silent corridors had indicated to her that she was the only one awake in this part of the castle, so she was surprised to see lights on when she opened the door to the common room. William was there, setting a kettle of water on the small, wood-burning stove, which was already bright and hot.
As soon as she saw him, she had to fight an overwhelming urge to turn around and head back to her bedroom, but he heard her enter and turned around. “Good morning.”
“Morning.”
“Would you like some tea?”
“Um, sure. Thank you.” She had never felt this awkward around him before; this was the first time she’d been alone with him since she had gotten hurt and he’d started acting so weird.
“Why are you up so early?”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“No?” A look of concern flitted across his face. “Is everything okay?”
The bubble of irritation that filled her chest startled her; he always spoke to her in a polite and caring manner, despite the increasing distance she could feel between them. “Yes, everything is fine. Why are you up already?”
He frowned; her voice must have betrayed her. “I’m usually up this early. I was going to head out to Cloud Valley in a little while.”
She raised her eyebrows. “That’s a long trip for one day.” Cloud Valley was several hours away on horseback; it would take him much of the day just to get there.
“Yes. I was planning to stop in Mistle Village for a couple of hours, and then make it to Cloud Valley by evening. I’m actually glad to see you; I was going to check on you again before I left, since I won’t see you again until Monday at school.”
So, he was just going to be gone for the rest of her visit? He wasn’t even planning on going back to the gate with her tomorrow? The bubble grew, threatening to explode…
“What is going on with you, William?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, ever since I got hurt you’ve been treating me like I barely exist. You haven’t even been spending time with Thomas or Linnea, and I know you usually spend all of your time with them, so clearly it’s because they’ve been with me. You never even danced with me yesterday at the wedding – I hardly even saw you the entire day. Now, you’re taking off and I won’t see you again while I’m here. It feels intentional. So what is it? What did I do to make you mad or whatever your issue is?”
His eyebrows furrowed. He studied her face, looking like he was trying to decide something. Then he sighed. “You’re right. I have kind of been avoiding you.”
“Kind of?”
“Okay, I have been. But it isn’t because I’m mad at you or that I think you did something wrong.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s just … I don’t think this is a good idea, Quinn.”
“You don’t think what is a good idea?”
“You coming here, going back and forth between my world and yours.”
The bubble burst, turning into a heavy, sticky glob in her ribcage. She was shocked at how much his words hurt, at the sudden lump in her throat, and at the faint stinging in the corners of her eyes.
“Oh.” She turned away, hiding her face.
She heard a sudden intake of breath. His voice changed instantly. “That’s not what I meant, Quinn. I don’t mean that I don’t want you here, or that I don’t enjoy your company. I actually do.”
Still reeling, still unable to look at him, she sank into one of the big, comfortable chairs , curling in her legs and hiding her face. “Then what do you mean?”
“I mean that this is serious stuff you’re playing around with here, Quinn, having one foot in each world. It’s real, and it will affect your life. You already lied to your mom to come here. And where exactly does Zander think you are this weekend?”
She was silent.
“That’s what I thought. And there are real people on this end, too, you know. Thomas and Linnea. My little sisters are becoming quite attached to you. How do you think this is going to end? A year from now, in your world, you’re going to graduate from high school, go to college, and maybe get married not long after that.” She heard the clink of a mug against the table, and the sound of him sitting down in a chair across from her. “What’s going to happen then?”
No longer afraid she was going to cry, she sneaked a peek at him – he didn’t look upset; he held his hand toward the tea. She picked up the mug and sipped at the hot, sweet liquid, contemplating his words.
“I don’t know,” she said, finally.
“Exactly.”
“Exactly what, William? Because I don’t know how every single thing is going to work out in the future means I shouldn’t make friends and enjoy spending time with people now?”
“But what is the point, Quinn? You’re building up all of these relationships and friendships that you can’t keep. You’re going back through the gate tomorrow. What are you going to do? Keep risking yourself by lying to your family and your friends to come back here? And why come back at all? Just to prolong the inevitable farewell?”
She sat back deep in her chair, pulling her knees up in front of her and resting her cup on them. “So, are you asking me what the point is of caring about people if I’m not going to get to see them every day for the rest of my life?”
“Try ever again, Quinn. When you walk through that gate tomorrow, there’s a good chance that you will never see any of these people ever again. Why put yourself through that? Why make them care about you and then put them through that?”
“Maybe it’s worth it to me, William. If tomorrow is the last time I ever see Thomas, I’m not going to regret having known him. For the rest of my life there is going to be this part of me that is different because of him. And you. I’ve seen you at school every day for the past how many years, and I’m only just now getting to know what an amazing person you are. I don’t feel like I’m losing out on something just because I might not get to see you all of the time once you leave Bristlecone. What I really feel like is that I’ve lost all of these years we could have had that connection.”
William looked taken aback.
“And what is the point of that? What is the point of spending all of these years in Bristlecone completely locked up inside of yourself? You spend so much energy keeping yourself from everyone, sharing nothing. What does it accomplish? You don’t have to miss them when you leave? Is that really worth all the time you’ve had to spend alone? You’re right. When I leave Eirentheos tomorrow, I may never come back, but I still don’t think I’ve wasted my time. For all the years you’ve spent in Bristlecone, what are you going to take with you when you leave? A few hundred books worth of knowledge that Nathaniel could have carted back with him through the gate?”
“That isn’t fair, Quinn. You don’t understand the sacrifices I’ve made – the sacrifices you would have to make if you keep going back and forth, trying to be part of two worlds. It isn’t easy trying to live a secret life. These people you claim to care about, Quinn? You’re lying to them. You’ve lied to your mother. What kind of relationship are you thinking you’re going to have with a boyfriend you’re already lying to? Are you going to run off and marry someone that you can never share some big part of your life with?”
Quinn’s mouth fell open. It took several long sips of tea to recover. “I don’t like the lying part.”
“Kind of hard to build relationships based on lies, isn’t it?”
She didn’t answer.
“This is what I mean. There are a lot of things you are not considering, and it will affect your life. This is real.”
She sat there in her chair, letting his words sink in before she answered. “Shouldn’t it be my choice, either way?”
“Do the choices you make only affect you?”
“Of course not. Just like yours don’t, William. You’ve been avoiding me all week hoping that it was going to result in me making a particular choice. Do you think that didn’t affect anyone else? You could have been spending that time with your family who loves you and wanted to be celebrating and having fun with you. Instead, you were trying to force everyone into choosing what you thought was best. Did it work? Was it worth the cost?”
His mouth opened, and then closed again.
“You’re free to make whatever choices you want. I would like it if we could be friends, regardless of what ends up happening. You could be the one person in Bristlecone I could talk to without lying, you know. And I could be someone you don’t have to hide yourself from, if you just didn’t waste all of this time trying to control things you can’t.”
“And then what? We go our separate ways in a few months when I graduate high school and pretend it never happened?”
“No, William. We don’t ever pretend it never happened. I don’t know what is going to happen in the future, nobody does. People go their separate ways all
the time, but it doesn’t mean that the friendship just never happened. It will never not mean something.”
She swallowed hard. “My dad died when I was three. Just because I can’t see him now, does that mean it never happened, or that I should pretend that it didn’t? He loved me, and that still means something, it always will. It’s never a waste of time to care about somebody.”
William sighed, staring into his teacup. “So what do you propose, Quinn?”
“I say we should be friends. You stop avoiding me, and we talk to each other – no lying and no hiding. Whether I ever come back to Eirentheos, or I just see you in Bristlecone. We’ve already been through too much together to pretend that it doesn’t matter. As far as the rest of it, whatever happens will happen.”
He sighed again, and then nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay what?”
“We’ll be friends.”
~ 15 ~
The Gate
HER SECOND TRIP TO Eirentheos felt as if it had been much shorter than the first. It seemed like she had only just arrived; it couldn’t possibly already be time to leave, but it was. She spent the last day with the family in the sunshine, enjoying a picnic lunch and a friendly game of crumple. She was gaining some skill at the game, even though Thomas had made a point of babying her injury – going so far as to make Linnea switch out with him to be on Quinn’s team when he noticed Linnea using Quinn’s bum arm to her advantage.
After several rounds of teary good-byes, she mounted Dusk and followed Thomas and Storm onto the path. Her warm clothes and heavy winter coat were packed inside her backpack in one of the saddlebags. Already, she was dreading the return to freezing cold temperatures.
Dusk’s other bag was loaded down with medical supplies and necessities. Once Quinn was back in Bristlecone, Thomas was going to spend the night in Mistle Village before traveling to Cloud Valley in the morning to meet up with William.
Usually, the brothers were inseparable when William was home; Thomas traveled everywhere with him. She knew that Thomas had stayed behind at the castle just for her, which made her feel a small twinge of guilt – her presence was depriving them of valuable time they would have been spending together.
Roots of Insight (Dusk Gate Chronicles -- Book Two) Page 11
