by Robin Roseau
* * * *
It was some hours later that Alta returned me to Margaletta's townhome. She brushed cheeks with me then, holding my hands, asked, "Will you do something for me?"
"Of course."
"Will you wear a dress for dinner, and let your maids do what else they wish with you?"
"You know if you say it that way, they'll throw me onto the bed and..." I trailed off.
She laughed. "That part is between the three of you. Or five of you. Or six of you. Or however many are involved. Will you? For me?"
"No. I'm not letting them throw me onto the bed."
"Yalla," she said slowly.
"Fine, fine," I said. "For you. Dress. And whatever else they do."
"Thank you. I'll send a carriage for you."
And so, it was perhaps two hours later that five of us, all of us in dresses and looking quite lovely, climbed into the carriage. I found myself squished between two maids and facing Larien and Terél, all of us smiling.
"A good day," Larien said.
"Yes, but now I think we're to see more politics." I made a face. "I may need you."
"We're here, Yalla," Terél said.
"All of us," Féla added. And then she and Naddí laid their heads on my shoulder. It felt nice.
I was so blessed.
We were expected and led through the castle to a sitting room. Alta and the king were already there. It was the first time I'd seen the king without the queen at his side, and he looked out of place.
Like a V, we crossed the room and came to a stop. To either side, brief curtsies were offered. I didn't offer. The king offered a nod of his head, and I smiled.
"I'm glad you got that out of your system, Your Majesty."
"In our home, I hope you will call me Tradódid, Yallameenara."
I inclined my head. "Of course. How go negotiations?"
He frowned. "I'm sure we can find ample topics of conversation that exclude politics."
"Of course," I said. "My apologies."
"Queen Ralalta's gatekeeper is quite fierce," he observed. "And that is enough said on the subject."
"Quite so," I agreed.
"We have some business to discuss this evening," he said. "We will handle some of it prior to the meal, once my wife and son arrive, and some after, if that is all right with you."
"Of course, Tradódid."
"I am confused, however."
"Oh?"
"I was given to believe you purchased art to be shipped here, but Alta explains it would not remotely fit in that box." He gestured, and there was a simple, wooden box sitting on a table near the windows.
"That arrived for me?" I asked.
"An hour ago," he said.
"Well, there is a story, but would you mind if we took that into dinner with us and opened it during a convenient moment?"
"That would be wonderful," he replied.
We made small talk after that, and then the doors opened. We all turned to see the queen, escorted by her son, step into the room. That involved fresh greetings, including a brief hand clasp with the prince. It was done cordially, and then the king gestured. "We should sit. Naddiqualestra, would you mind pouring for us?"
"Not at all, Your Majesty," she replied.
We waited while Naddí and Féla saw to our refreshments and had their own seats. I was on the sofa with Larien and Terél beside m. Naddí and Féla were near and could reach over and touch if I wanted. The royal family was across a small coffee table from me, Alta on one side, Prodótar on the other, and the queen and king in the center.
"Lady Yallameenara," said the queen. "We treated you terribly. We never had the right to do what we did to you. And once you were in our care, we allowed even more horrible treatment. I cannot begin to describe how ashamed I am."
"We were desperate," said the king. "That is a reason, but not an excuse."
"It would not be possible to offer a full apology," continued the queen. "There are no gracious words that would suit."
"And so we will stick to simple words," said the king. "We were right about who you were, but we were wrong on everything else. We should have approached openly, with the truth."
"That path was discussed," said the queen with a glance to her daughter. "But my husband and I were terribly foolish."
"I hope you can forgive us," the king completed.
I looked at each of them, and then I leaned back on the sofa and took one hand from each woman seated beside me. Then I sat quietly for a while, not really thinking, but simply absorbing.
"It will take a little time," I said finally. "And full trust perhaps even longer." I took a breath and held it for a minute, then let it out slowly before I continued. "Thank you for your apologies. And thank you for the other things you have done to help me heal."
"Of course, you are welcome," replied the queen.
"I accept your apologies, and I will do everything I can to set aside lingering hard feelings. It will take time, but I have never been one to hold a grudge, and I will not start here."
They lowered their eyes. "Thank you," whispered the king.
"I do need one more thing. It will help. I need a promise my trust will not be misplaced."
They both looked up, looking right into my eyes. "We will never give you another cause to distrust us," said the queen. "But we need a promise from you. You have promised to do your duty, and you have promised to have children. We need you to repeat that promise."
I nodded. "I made those promises to the Goddess, and I couldn't possibly back out of them, as long as I am able to keep them. Yes, I will accept my responsibilities, as best I can. And I will have children, but perhaps not this year."
They smiled at that. "But not too long," said the queen.
"I will discuss it with the Goddess, once things are a little more settled. In the summer perhaps."
"That is best," she agreed. "You will accept the wisdom of the Goddess."
"Yes."
"Then we are satisfied," said the king.
"As am I, with time."
"Of course," he said.
And so I nodded and leaned against Larien for a moment, and then Terél.
"There is one more apology owed," said the prince. "The things I said the other morning." He paused and stared at his hands for a moment. "I want to be a good future king, but sometimes, even now, I am so damned stupid." He looked back up. "For more reasons than I think I can count, I should never have said any of those things. I was lashing out in frustration. Which is a reason, but not an excuse. I am deeply sorry, Lady Yallameenara."
Then he grew silent. I considered him for a while. Finally I spoke. "I am young, the youngest in the room. I have no claim on wisdom of my own. I wish to ask a question, Prince Prodótar. You said you shouldn't have said those things. But do you think them? I expect an honest answer."
The room grew quiet, and I let him think about his answer. He didn't look at me for a long time, and when finally he answered, he didn't look up. "Some. I don't think it's fair, but yes. I think I blame you at least a little, but not the way I said it."
"Well, if it's fair, I blame myself some, too."
At that he looked up rather quickly. "You do?"
"I think part of me believed the truth the moment Muranna told me, that first morning aboard your ship. I think when the queen kissed my feet, I believed. I certainly understood all of you believed. I was so caught up in my anger, I couldn't let go."
"You were justified," said the queen.
"Perhaps, which is why I only partly blame myself." I grew quiet for a minute, then I looked down at my hands, held by one woman each, squeezing tightly. "I met a man. That day after that game on the lake. He talked about his dog. His dog died because he couldn't get medicine for her that comes from Framara."
I looked up and fought not to cry. "His dog was old and had been sick, but she died because she couldn't get her medicine anymore. I don't know how many other dogs have died, or horses, or children, or old women. We ha
ve to fix this." I turned to the prince. "We have to fix this."
At that, he nodded.
I squeezed hands for a moment, then forced myself to relax. "Thank you for the apology, Prince Prodótar. It means a lot to me, and I will take it to heart. And for my part, I apologize for what I said in return."
"You shouldn't," he said, looking back down. "I'm worried you were right."
"About that," I said. "I have a theory, but I'd like to ask a question." I looked back to the king and queen. "How much did you depend upon my mother?"
The queen smiled briefly. "As rulers?" I nodded. "We didn't. She was gone by the time my father died. But father relied on her heavily, and upon your grandmother. I grew up receiving their advice, for a while it was both of them. This was before Tradódid began to court me. But I remember during times of stress, either your grandmother or mother barely left Father's side. I am older than your mother by ten years, but I remember when she was born. The entire country celebrated. And then I was immediately assigned as one of her baby sitters. I traveled all over the country, helping to take care of her. As she grew older, we played together, in spite of the difference. I helped teach her to read."
She smiled broadly. "I could tell when the Goddess was there. Your mother's eyes would grow so wide, and she would begin talking in the language of the Goddess, simple words at first. And the Goddess would pick her up. You can imagine how strange that was, seeing this little girl hanging in the middle of the air."
I laughed. "I can only imagine."
"Your grandmother taught me," she said. "And then Tradódid too. And your mother as well, when she was older. And then your grandmother died." She looked down at her own hands. "I wish you could have known her. She was an amazing woman."
"You grew up with that," I said.
"Yes," she said. She looked back up and met my gaze. "I don't know how much of what your grandmother told me came from the Goddess, and how much came from her. She was very wise in her own way. Your mother was younger, but she would talk to the Goddess, and then she would turn to me. I don't know how often she said, 'She says...' and then offer wisdom or advice. She might tell me which of my friends wasn't such a good friend after all, and who I could most trust." She paused. "They saved my life once. I was about to do something foolish, and then suddenly your mother was there, screaming, 'No, no, no'. She couldn't say anything else. She only screamed, 'No', over and over. I think she was about six."
I looked away. "I'm not ready to be that woman for you," I said quietly.
"We think your role is to be different," said the king. "But do you see?"
"I see," I said. I turned to the prince. "You didn't grow up with that. And I can't imagine how someone with your years and experience could possibly turn to a simple girl of the horse people and ask for her help. The idea is-"
"Wait," interjected the princess. "Don't tell us. Ridiculous, right?"
"Quite so," I said. "Ridiculous."
I paused. "I need time to grow into my position." I looked up and looked at each of them in turn. "I need time, and I will be torn into pieces, but I will do what I can. I will require the Goddess to guide me, and I think she has more plans for me, but she hasn't said what." I turned to the prince. "I am not ready to be that person for you. But I can tell you this. You need to stop and think before you act. And on that, you should talk to Princess Juleena, for she is wiser than I am on this."
"Did the Goddess tell you this?"
"No, but when I am ready, then I will invite you to the Heart of the Goddess, and we can have a long, long talk with her, if she agrees. But think about what I said, and think about inviting Juleena to a frank talk. Maybe not this visit. Maybe a future visit. I leave that to you to decide."
He nodded.
"All right," I said. "Did we have more hard things to discuss?"
"Not today," said the queen with a faint smile.
"Good." I stood up. "I need hugs. I am sorry, Prodótar, but I am not quite ready for one from you. We will see how you and I do. I may never want more than a hand clasp with you."
"I understand," he said.
"It's not just you," I said. "My history with male authority figures isn't good. It isn't much easier to think about them from your father, either, but this is part of healing."
And then I released the hands I held, walked around the coffee table, and stepped into the king's arms. After that, I took a long hug from the queen, the princess, and each member of my household. Then I bent down, picked up my wine, and drained the glass.
I wasn't the only one to do so.
* * * *
Féla carried the box into the dining room with us, and once she saw where everyone was seated, she set the box down in front of a surprised Alta.
"Oh, ho!" said the king. "A gift, and sitting under your unknowing nose for the last two hours."
"I will not be the one who decides when it is to be opened," I said. "We wouldn't want the soup to grow cold."
Alta gave me a brief glare. "I will open it now," she declared. But she looked to me, but I looked to her parents.
"Oh, very well," said the queen. "She'll be impossible if we make her wait."
That was all the encouragement she needed.
The gallery had packed it carefully, and it took time for her to make it through all the packing. And then she stared into the box but finally looked up at me. "How?"
"I have very clever assistants," I said. "I was just pleased you didn't buy it yourself."
"I went back for it after dropping you off, and it was gone!" she wailed. "You rat."
I grinned at her, pleased by her reaction.
"Well, what is it?" asked the prince. "Let us all see."
And so she carefully pulled it from the box and held it up. "It goes on the wall."
"It's... pretty," said the prince carefully.
I snorted, especially when his sister gave him a glare. "You have no taste in art, Brother," she told him. "It's beautiful, and I have just the spot for it." Then she carefully set the piece back in the box, stood up from the table, and circled to me. She leaned over the back of my chair and delivered a kiss on each cheek and a hug besides. "Thank you, Yalla."
"You're welcome, Alta," I said.
Dinner was lovely, better than I expected, and later we retired to the library. The king poured small drinks for all of us, and I found myself wedged into the sofa with Alta next to me this time, and my priestesses to my other side. She laid her head against mine for a moment then sighed happily.
"Alta said you wanted to know more about your new lands and title," Prodótar said after a moment.
"I'm concerned about that, too," I said. "A duchess has responsibilities. And a landowner needs to oversee the lands and make sure she isn't being cheated."
"Or rely on someone she can absolutely trust," said the prince.
"From what I'm told, she should still be able to look over that person's shoulder. I don't even know what to look at, and I certainly don't have the time to do it. I don't even know where this land is, much less anything else about it."
"Well some of this is easily remedied." He looked around. "Resaírelteena, there is a case of charts in my office. Could you retrieve it?"
"Of course, Prince Prodótar," said my maid. A moment later she was out of the room.
I stiffened, however, and beside me, Alta realized it. And then I realized the queen did as well. "Prodótar," she said.
I flicked a finger, just enough to get her attention, and when she looked at me, she bowed her head.
"Prince Prodótar," I said. "I appreciate your help, but this is perhaps an instance where my advice earlier would have done you well."
"I don't understand."
"You just issued an order to a member of my household, and not just any member, but one very, very close to me. I wouldn't step into the palace and make demands of your valet. Of you, yes. Your valet, probably not."
My little joke softened the rebuke, and he smiled wryly. "My
apologies, Lady Yallameenara. I can't say I won't do it again, but I'll try not to do it again."
We only had to wait a few minutes. To fill the time, the king and queen exchanged stories of how they learned to manage lands, and I listened intently. And then the prince chimed in about some of his education, and this was when I realized he wasn't a complete idiot.
He seemed to know what he was talking about.
And then Féla was back, setting a heavy case down on the table. The prince opened it, found the map he wanted, and spread it out on the coffee table, turned towards me.
"I should warn you," I said. "I didn't know what a map was until only a few years ago."
"But you understand the concept?"
"Yes. This is all of Alteara, isn't it?" I gestured. "Framara is down here, but your map doesn't show enough to see Marport."
"That is correct. There is a scale here that shows you how far it is for one hundred miles. The border is irregular, so there are places it only shows about ten miles, and a few places we see nearly two hundred, but in very little detail."
"I see. Here is Hergenseé," I said, finding it. "And we're here, in Lopéna."
"Right."
I looked to the west. "The Heart of the Goddess is not marked."
"It does not show on any of our maps," said the prince. Then he glanced at his parents, and I saw a pair of nods. "It is here, approximately." I pointed to a place that even I could tell was marked to be mountains. "We don't show the roads in this area, either."
I leaned closer, and then I tracked a route from Hergenseé to Lopéna and then drawing closer to where he indicated, ending at the end of a road with no village mentioned, still some distance from there the mountains were shown to begin.
"Almost," said the prince. "There is an unmarked track north, ten miles sooner than this. It looks like a road to the farms north of the village, but then it curves into the mountains."
"All right. And my lands? Are they near the Heart of the Goddess?"
"Not at all," he said. "They are here." He pointed with his finger, and I saw they were even labeled. It was a point perhaps midway from the capital to the Framaran border. "It is farm country," he said. He paused. "Horse country."
I stilled.
