by Ruby Dixon
I rub his shoulder, hurting for him. “I am so sorry, Mardok.”
His hand covers mine. “I think that’s why I have issues with the thought of being left behind somewhere. It all goes back to that night. The moment I hear a ship taking off without me, I just panic. I think Trakan’s words hit a little too close to home.”
I feel sick to my stomach. He’ll never stay with me, I realize. Not here. Not when it is his worst fear to be left behind. And I am full of sorrow for what he had to go through, but also heartsick for him, because I love him.
I cannot leave him.
If it means choosing between my people and the man I love, the mate I am destined to have, I pick him. I touch his face, gently turning him toward me. “I will go with you when you leave.”
Mardok’s eyes widen in surprise. “You will?” At my nod, his smile fades. “I didn’t tell you my sad story to try and push you into the decision, Farli. I just wanted you to understand that…sometimes my head isn’t in a good place.”
“I know this,” I tell him soothingly. I slide around and move into his lap, keeping my arms around his neck. I press my forehead to his, our horns interlocking. “I would not make you stay behind, not if it means hurting your spirit. Not when you do not like it here. I can go with you. See the worlds like you have promised.”
“You want to?”
I cup his face in my hands. “More than anything, I want to be at your side. It is where I belong.” I will not think about what I lose if I leave—my family, my tribe, my pet, the life I have known—I will weep for those things another time. For now, I am with Mardok, and he needs my love.
“Gods, I love you, Farli,” he murmurs, his gaze searching my face. “You’re sure?”
“I am sure.”
He leans forward, and his mouth captures mine in a hungry kiss. I eagerly return it, pressing my body against him as our mouths meld. There is nothing for me here if Mardok leaves. Without him, I will be lost, and I suspect he will be, too. This way, we are together forever. Hungry for him, I lick at his mouth, and he groans and holds me tighter, stroking his tongue against mine. The kissing soon becomes hot and fierce, and I am panting between each crash of our mouths together. I pull away briefly, though it is difficult. I want nothing more than to kiss him for endless hours, until the moons fade and the suns return. I could spend a lifetime kissing his perfect, wonderful mouth.
And I will. But for now… “Are you hungry? Do you wish to eat?”
He nips at my mouth, sending shivers through my body. “Only hungry for one thing—you.”
Such bold words make my skin tingle. My khui—already singing proudly—grows louder by the moment, the song filling my heart and my spirit as we mouth-mate once more. We somehow end up with my back on the metal floor of the ship, and Mardok’s weight is pressing over me. It feels right, the crush of his hips, the feel of his chest against mine. The only thing that is missing is the matching song of his khui. A tiny bolt of sadness shoots through me, and I push it away.
I have my mate. Nothing else matters. We are still together even if we are not bound by khui or resonance. We choose to be together. Nothing more is needed.
I gasp when he slides his hand inside the front of my tunic, cupping my teat. Every time he touches me, it feels new. We have mouth-mated and pleasured each other in the furs, but he has never put his cock inside me. We always stop before; sometimes he spills on my belly, and sometimes he spills in my mouth. I enjoy it, but…I want more. “Tonight,” I tell him between fierce kisses. “Tonight, I want to belong to you completely. I want you to come inside me.”
“Won’t there be a baby?” He searches my face, caressing my cheek. “I didn’t want to make you pregnant if I was going to leave you behind, but if we are staying together…”
“Then you can come inside me.”
“There are ways to prevent children, if you want,” he says softly. “A plasfilm worn over the cock, or a shot of medication. Both can stop it from happening.”
“Resonance sometimes takes days before a kit is conceived. It might not happen tonight. And if I leave with you…” It might not happen at all. I cannot help but ask. “Do you not want a kit?”
“Actually, I do.” A grin breaks across his face. “The thought of you with my child inside you? Nothing brings me greater joy. But it’s about what you want, Farli. It’s your body.”
I smile happily, because it is what I want, too. “I would love to make a family.”
“So no plasfilm?”
The thought is unpleasant. “I want nothing between us when we mate.”
The look in his eyes grows fierce. “Me either. You’re mine, and I want to claim you in all ways. I have since the moment I met you.” He presses another fierce kiss to my mouth, then begins to move down my neck. His fingers tease my nipple, dragging over it and tormenting me with every brush of his skin against mine.
“More,” I beg him. I tug at the seam of his heavy, thick tunic, wanting to get to the warm skin underneath. “Do you need furs? I want to be naked with you.”
He shakes his head, his mouth licking a trail down to my teat. I push open his tunic, and I feel his entire body shiver in response. I am not sure if he is reacting to the cold or my touch, but it is enough to make me stop. “Mardok.”
“All right, maybe we get out a few blankets.” He looks rueful. “But then I get to lick you from head to toe.”
“As if I would refuse!”
He grins, and then we are both racing for my pack. We traveled here on his ship, The Tranquil Lady, but I knew he and Har-loh would be working and that he has no khui to keep him warm, so I brought extra wraps, just in case. I am glad I did, because we shake them free and pile them near the fire, and then we are tearing at Mardok’s heavy coverings. I would love to see him dressed like my people, wearing nothing but a loincloth and letting his fine chest be bared. His shoulders are so wide and appealing, and I run my hands all over the artful designs that dance over his skin. “I love the way this looks,” I tell him. “It is so strange and yet beautiful.”
“People decorate their bodies all the time back on my planet,” he says, stripping off his tunic. “I love your beautiful bare skin, but we can get you a tattoo if you want.”
I am intrigued by the idea, but I will explore that thought later. For now, the only exploring I want to do is him. I help pull off the rest of his clothing, except his boots, and then run my hands hungrily over his bared skin. I caress his chest as he tugs at my leathers, and then slide my hands down to his erect cock, toying with the fascinating piercing there. “I will finally get to experience this?”
“Absolutely,” he murmurs between kisses. He pushes my leathers off my shoulders, exposing my teats, and then begins to press kisses there. I moan and cling to his horns, my tail seeking his own. His shortened one wraps onto mine tightly and squeezes, and it sends another burst of pleasure through my body.
He shivers in the cold again, and my pleasure changes to remorse. I keep forgetting that he cannot withstand the cold. “Under the blankets,” I demand, and finish undressing. I slide under the blankets after him and pull him close so he can share my body heat. The old ship is protected from the wind, but not much else, and I imagine it is bitterly cold to him. “Better?”
“Always better when I’m touching you,” he says, nipping at my breasts. His tongue drags over one nipple, and I whimper. “I can’t wait to taste you,” he tells me. “Been thinking about it all day.”
“You were thinking about computers all day,” I tease him.
“Between thinking about computers,” he amends. “I pictured sliding between your thighs and licking you until you shudder.”
I shudder now, because I love that image. He craves the taste of my juices, he has told me, and loves to lick me to climax. I am happy to let him do so, though I want more than just that tonight. “As long as you do not forget the other parts.”
He chuckles and kisses lower on my belly. “Never.”
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“Hush,” Mardok says, and then gives me a long, thorough lick. “I’m concentrating.”
“I shall be quiet,” I promise, and then promptly squeal when he thrusts his tongue into my core.
“So damn wet and juicy,” he groans. “Love it. Can’t imagine how I’ve gone so long without you, without this.” And he pushes his tongue into me again, teasing.
I bite my knuckles, trying to hold back the urge to rock my hips against his face. He licks and thrusts his tongue, driving me wild, until I cannot hold back. I pant his name. “Mardok. Please. I need you.”
“What do you need?” he asks, and then drags his tongue through my folds again.
“You. Your cock. I want you inside me.”
He lifts his head and grins at me. “I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you demand my cock.”
I squirm underneath him. “I have been waiting forever to have you inside me. I do not want to wait any longer.”
The look in his dark eyes grows heated, and he glides up over me again, the weight of him pressing against the cradle of my hips. He braces one arm next to me and puts his hand to my chin, our eyes meeting. “I love you, Farli,” he says again, and I am filled with the glow of happiness.
“I love you, Mardok.”
He brushes his mouth lightly over mine, and I gasp because I can taste myself on his lips. “Spread your legs wider,” he murmurs.
I do, and I feel the shaft of his cock drag through my folds as he rocks his hips. I moan at the delicious sensation, hungry for more of that…and just more, altogether. The head of his cock pushes against my core, and I suck in a breath, shocked at how invasive—and yet scorchingly delicious—that felt. I close my eyes, drowning in sensation.
“No,” Mardok murmurs, and grabs my chin in his hand. “Open your eyes, Farli. I want you to be with me when I come inside you for the first time.”
It feels as if all the air has been pushed from my lungs as I open my eyes and gaze into his heated ones. His face looks different when he is aroused—more intense, more sexual, more everything. I hold on to him as he pushes deeper inside me, stretching my body. I feel too full, and as if he can sense it, he stops.
“Let me know when you want me to go on,” he tells me, and strokes my chin with his thumb. “You’re so tight.”
I wait a few moments, and then my impatience takes over. I rock my hips a little. “I want you to move again.”
“Demanding little thing,” he murmurs, and leans in to mate his mouth with mine again.
Sensation ripples through me. I feel as if I am being pierced by him, and yet when his tongue flicks against mine, I feel it deep inside. My moan of desire encourages him, and he thrusts deep, sending a sliver of discomfort through me. But he waits, his gaze locked on mine. It feels intimate and intense to gaze at each other as he is settled within me, his body covering mine. Our breaths mingle, and when I bite my lip, he rocks his hips forward.
I claw at his back, nearly coming out of my skin. “Oh!”
“That’s the piercing,” he tells me, and then captures my mouth in another heated kiss. “It hits you in just the right spot.”
Oh, by the twin suns, it sure does. He strokes into me again, and I feel as if I’m coming undone. This is different than the intense build of sensation as when his mouth is on me. This is like striking stones to make a spark, except it is nothing but a pure blaze of heat. I whimper, clinging to him, because I do not know how to handle it. “It is too much.”
“It’s not,” he whispers. “I’ve got you. Stay with me.”
My eyelids flutter, and it is the most difficult thing possible to keep my gaze locked to his, but somehow I manage. I make a soft, needy noise with every pump of his cock into me, each time stroking that fire brighter and brighter. My entire body feels as if it is clenching and knotting together. He moves faster, breathing my name.
“Come for me, Farli,” he tells me in a low, urgent voice. I cannot look away, pinned by his gaze, and it feels as if every bit of my body is alive with sensation. He strokes harder and faster, and I cry out, my back arching as my body stiffens. Still he thrusts into me.
I come apart with a cry, the world shaking around me. Spots dance in front of my eyes, and the breath explodes out of me. I feel as if I am as tight as a stretched-out drumskin. And still he pounds into me.
And I come again.
And again.
Over and over, it feels as if I am being driven to the edge, only to fly over once more. I do not know if it is the piercing, or resonance, or Mardok himself, only that I am out of my mind with sensation. The world is an endless cycle of thrust-and-climax.
“Your eyes,” Mardok grits, and there is strain in his voice. “Give me your eyes again, Farli. I want to have you with me when I come.”
It feels like the most difficult thing in the world to open my eyes again, but I do, and as he surges into me one last time, we are locked together. He comes with a shout…and I come again, too.
My breath is gone. My energy, gone. My mind? Possibly gone. I am nothing but a boneless, happy mass crushed under Mardok’s delicious weight. I wrap my arms around him and somehow find the strength (and breath) to sigh.
He pants, pressing exhausted kisses to my face. “Farli. My Farli.”
“That was…” I have no words.
“Yeah,” he says, dazed.
My khui’s gentle song continues, the only sound other than our breathing. I thought it would stop if I were pregnant. Perhaps it did not happen, then. And tomorrow my khui will be gone. I feel a sudden sense of loss. Tomorrow I lose my khui, Chahm-pee, my family, my world—everything. I will follow Mardok to his strange, cold world, where everyone is unpleasant like Niri and Trakan. Where everyone eats bland food and people kill other people because their chiefs demand it.
Mardok will be there. I must cling to that. I will be happy with him. I know I will.
But I cannot stop the tears that flow as I bury my face in his arms.
13
MARDOK
It feels wrong. All of it, just wrong on every level.
I can’t get over the feeling that a mistake has been made as we fly The Tranquil Lady back to the village. Rukh, Harlow and their small son are glad to be returning. They talk of visiting the Elders’ Cave—I think in their eyes it will always be a cave and not a ship—and working on it again soon. They are excited for the future and what this means if Harlow can get the computers to work again. Her eyes are bright with excitement and she looks much healthier than before, so I am glad about that. I cannot help but notice that Farli is quiet as the Lady lands on the ridge just at the edge of the crevasse for the last time. She is at my side, her hands on me and a smile on her face, but silent.
I remember how she cried last night in my arms. Gods, it made me feel helpless. I think she didn’t want me to know…but how could I not? Her sadness eats at me, but I’m not ready to give her up. I need her with me, at my side, for whatever the future may hold. And she wants to be with me. So why does this feel so hollow?
I squeeze her hand as the ship settles to the ground with a little bump. She looks at me, and her smile brightens. Her khui hums gently in her breast, the song barely loud enough to catch my attention.
She’s not pregnant.
I don’t know if I’m happy about that, or sad. Sad, I think, but maybe it’s for the best. Maybe now’s not a good time for her to get pregnant. Maybe we can be like Trakan and his girl. Find a nice space station and settle down. I can get a job fixing ships at a dock or running security. Something that won’t involve me leaving her behind. But a space station seems like the wrong place to take someone as wild and free as Farli. She needs to go planetside, even though that’s far more expensive than what a simple mechanic can make on his salary. I’ll figure something out. I have to. She’s the most important thing in the world to me.
The entire village shows up to greet us, and as we descend down the pulley, Farli flings herself off the platform and races into her mother’s arms. She holds her tight and then hugs her father, then her brothers, and finally showers attention on her prancing Chompy. She seems to be on the verge of crying, keeping a desperate grin on her face as she hugs everyone again. I realize that she’s trying to get it all in before she has to leave.
And the feeling of wrongness slides under my skin and won’t leave. I am silent, unsure what to do or say that will make this better. I am taking Farli away from everything she knows and loves to come live with me in some tiny apartment in space, all because I cannot bear to leave her behind. She will lose her family, her khui, everything.
Getting me in exchange doesn’t seem like much of a deal.
I don’t have family waiting for me. My father was the last one, and he died months ago. I can’t even say that I’m sad that he’s gone, just filled with regret that we were never close. I can’t give her a big family like the one she’s leaving behind.
Farli’s mother has a sad expression on her face as she hugs her daughter again and holds her close. It’s as if she knows what Farli’s going to say before anything is spoken. Harlow and her family are enveloped back into the tribe, showered with hugs and happy exclamations about how good Harlow looks, how healthy, and I notice that Maddie and Lila are standing close by. Lila holds her little son, and he whispers something in her ear, and she smiles.
So perhaps our visit was not all bad, then. Maybe they’ll remember us with fondness instead of as just those assholes that took Farli away. Doesn’t give me much comfort, though.
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