"We've been having a lot of problems with her even before all this." my mother said. "I don't want to get into depressing things at this time, but she's being quite a handful, hanging around with the wrong people, drinking-- even, we fear, doing drugs. Grant's very concerned and is trying to do everything possible, including private counseling."
"I'm sorry," I said. "Maybe some day we can be friends," I added, but that was about as realistic in my mind as walking again.
My mother nodded without any confidence in her eyes and we stopped talking about her.
Two days before our ceremony, my father and his wife arrived from London. We insisted they stay with us. I wanted them to get to know Austin well and it gave me more time to get to know them better too. We had invited my great-aunt and great-uncle, but they claimed it was impossible to break a previous engagement involving the royal family, which was fine with me whether true or not.
After my father had arrived, and up until the day of the ceremony, my mother avoided coming to the house. Of course, their meeting was inevitable. Everyone was very civil when it finally happened. Grant actually got into a long conversation concerning politics in England with my father. My mother walked about the house and grounds with Leanna, talking about the flora and the indigenous trees. Still. I felt as if we were all tiptoing over thin ice and it would take only a longer glance, an unfortunate word or memory to sink us all.
Thankfully, nothing like that occurred and the wedding itself went off like a space launch every single part of it conducted without the smallest mistake, even my being wheeled down the aisle to the altar. What a thrill it was for me to have my real father there to give me away! Austin had thought ahead and had my place raised so that he and I were practically eye level with each other during our vows. The ceremonial kiss went well. too, and everyone was pleased.
It seemed so strange to have so much festivity in grandmother Hudson's house afterward. For so long it had been the scene of dark and depressing events, but with the decorations, the music, the happy guests and the good food, it was easy to push the shadows back, make them retreat below where I hoped they would be shut up forever and ever.
Nevertheless, when it was all over, and I had to say good-bye to my father and his wife, promising to visit them as soon as we were able. I had a dreadfully deep foreboding that all this happiness and joy would dissipate like smoke in the wind and leave us with the cold reality to remind me that I was still a paraplegic. that I still had a difficult birth ahead of me and that I would have even a more challenging time trying to be a mother. The rose-colored glasses had to be lifted from my eyes. Gray skies were also a part of our world, and not all the music, flowers, fancy dishes and wonderful food could change any of it for long.
We were able to hold it off a while longer because of our honeymoon in the Bahamas, but when we returned, we did have our dark days, our depressing moments as we adjusted to our new lives together. However. Austin never showed any strain or regret. How perfect he was for me because he was so familiar with what someone who had my handicap experienced. He was still my therapist, even during my months of pregnancy, chiding me if I was too lazy, reminding me that the stronger I made myself, the easier the delivery would be for me and for our baby.
Now that Aunt Victoria's threats were gone. Austin and his uncle continued to develop their company. He hated leaving me every workday, but I insisted he not give up any of his life nor his career.
"If to make this marriage work, your sacrifice is so much bigger than mine. Austin. I will be weighed down with too much guilt to ever be happy," I warned.
He understood, and assumed his full duties. In my third trimester, we hired a part-time nurse to be with me. Austin found a delightful woman in her fifties. Mrs. Meriweather, who had actually assisted in two pregnancies and post deliveries of paraplegic women. She agreed that after I had given birth, she would move in with us for as long as I needed her. She had never married and had no immediate family to consider. It seemed perfect.
As the clock ticked toward the day of my delivery. I grew more anxious. Fortunately, the more serious complications Doctor Baker had described never occurred. but I kept thinking what if after all this effort and preparation, something terrible happened? If I lost this baby, I would surely never even think seriously about trying to have another.
At the beginning of what was to be my final week of pregnancy, they took me to the hospital. As Doctor Baker had predicted, I went into a normal delivery with assistance of vacuum extraction. Austin and I had decided not to learn our baby's sex beforehand. We wanted the surprise and the fun that came with predicting. He was there in the delivery room and the moment I heard my baby cry. Austin leaned over to kiss me and say, "It's a girl. I win."
We had already chosen names. Our choice for a girl was Summer. It was when he and I had grown to know and love each other and it was the season we both loved the most. Austin, showing off. quoted Shakespeare's Sonnet 18 and recited. "But thy eternal summer shall not fade,"
"She will always be summer to us, warm and full of life," he predicted when I held her for the first time in my arms.
"I hope I can be a full mother to her. Austin," I said, worrying aloud now that she was born and actually breathing and sleeping against my breast.
"Of course you will. Rain. Who else knows more about how important that is than you?"
"That's why I worry," I said, rocking her gently.
"That's why you won't fail her," he insisted.
My wonderful, optimistic husband, closing the door on any dark thoughts, stood beside me, smiling, making me believe in myself and our future together as a family.
It wasn't until the spring of the following year that I was to hear from Roy. He had been in an army prison all that time and was too ashamed to let me know. When I spoke to him on the phone. I had no idea how close he was,
"I wanted to see if you hated me for not writing or calling you before this." he admitted.
"Roy, I could never hate you, but you shouldn't have kept me from knowing how you were."
"I'm sorry," he said. "About a lot of things,'"
"Where are you?"
He hesitated and then said. "About ten minutes away."
"You're not! You're here! Oh. Roy, I can't wait to see you. Hurry," I cried. "We have tons and tons of stuff to catch up on."
He laughed and hung up.
Summer was outside with her Glenda, a twentyfour year old unwed mother whose little boy Harley was a year older than Summer. Austin had found her. She was the daughter of one of his clients and he was impressed with how loving, thoughtful and
responsible she was with her own child. She needed the work. I agreed because I needed the help, at least for now: but it was always my hope that I would soon not. Austin thought it would be good for Summer to have a playmate, even at this young age. It all did seem to be working out well.
I wheeled myself out of the house and down the ramp to wait for Roy. Glenda and the children were under the large old oak tree about two hundred yards east of the driveway, where Austin had put in a sandbox and small outdoor gym under the shade of the tree. I waved to Glenda and shouted that I was waiting for someone, not to worry. She turned her attention back to the children.
My heart raced with expectation. It had been so long since I had seen Roy. Of course, I had
trepidations, too. After all, he had tried so hard to convince me we should become husband and wife.
He drove up in a rented car and got out slowly. I saw immediately that he was a good deal thinner than usual, but still held himself tall and confidently. When he saw me sitting there, waiting, he paused. I could just imagine how hard it was for him to confront me in a wheelchair.
He was dressed in civilian clothes, a light blue short sleeve shirt and jeans. His hair was a little longer than he customarily wore it, especially when he was in the service. I wheeled myself toward him. Still, he stood staring at me.
"Don't I at least get a hug?" I said
.
He smiled and moved quickly to hug and hold me.
"How you doing?" he asked.
"I'm fine, Roy. Really. I'm okay."
He nodded, skepticism bright in his eyes.
"Wow, this is a big place," he said, looking up at the house. "How do you manage?"
I laughed.
"I have lots of help," I said.
"I bet you do."
"What happened to you. Roy?"
He looked down and kicked a small stone with the toe of his sneaker.
"When I heard about your accident. I wanted to come right back, but because I had gone AWOL in London when I went to see you, they weren't charitable. My request was denied. I decided to go anyway and made it to the airport where the military police picked me up. They sentenced me to three years, but it got cut back and I was given a dishonorable discharge. That's the worst of it," he said.
"I'm sorry. I feel it was all because of me."
"It wasn't, no way. I made my own choices. Rain and I don't regret any of it. Only thing I regret is not getting to you."
"You're here now," I said. "That's all that matters."
" yeah."
We heard the kids laugh and Roy turned. His eyes narrowed and then he looked at me.
"Who's that?"
"That's my mother's helper. Glenda, and her little boy. Harley, playing with my daughter. Summer."
"Your daughter?"
He looked so shocked a strong breeze could knock him over. "Yes," I said. smiling. "I'm married. Roy."
"Married?"
"My husband's name is Austin Clarke...
He continued to stare in disbelief.
"How could you do all that and be..."
"Handicapped, a paraplegic? I lucked out. Roy. The man who fell in love with me and whom I fell in love with was my therapist. There's a lot to tell. C'mon, push me up the ramp and let's go inside and have some lunch."
I turned my chair. but Roy didn't move.
"It's all worked out well for me. Roy. I hope you'll be happy for me. I want to know all about you, your plans, how I can help you."
"Wow," he said. '"I feel like I just got punched in the face." He shook his head and blew through his lips.
"I want you to be close to us. Roy, be part of my family. You're all I have left of those old days," I said. That, at least brought back a small smile.
"Same for me," he said. "But I was hoping for more."
"It just wasn't meant to be that way, Roy. I don't love you any less or need you any less. I inherited a major portion of a big business that's run by a bunch of strangers for me. Maybe you'll help with that," I suggested.
"I don't know."
"I mean. I don't want to interfere with any of your plans. but..."
"Interfere with my plans?" He laughed. "Looks like someone already did that."
He looked like he might cry. Suddenly, Summer ran toward me. laughing.
"Look how well she can walk and run at fourteen months, Roy," I said.
He turned and she stopped to look up at him. "Hi, honey. This is your Uncle Roy."
She moved cautiously toward me.
"She's beautiful,' Roy said.
She smiled at him and he beamed. She clung to my lea. "You want to give him a hug, Summer? Go on," I said.
She looked up at him expectantly and Roy knelt down and opened his arms.
Without any more hesitation, she ran to him. He held her close and kissed her and looked at me.
"She could have been our baby." he said.
"You'll have plenty of your own. Roy, but she'll always be close to you and so will I. Welcome home.," I said. 'Go on. Carry her into the house for me. I'll follow." I said.
Pausing only for a moment, he started up the stairs and I wheeled myself behind him up the ramp. Glenda started back to join us.
In a few hours Austin would be home. We would all be together and somehow, I hoped, we really would become a new family, driven by all our mutual needs for love and hope. I was afraid to look too far into the future. There were still so many unanswered questions.
Would I ever be close to my half sister? Would I continue to develop a new relationship with my real mother and my real father? Could Roy manage to find himself and create a life for himself if he was near me, the woman he had dreamed would be beside him as his wife forever and ever? Would Austin remain as strong and optimistic as he was?
And Summer, what of all this would she inherit? Would the world be a friendlier place for her than it had been for me? She certainly had a more advantageous beginning. I couldn't help but hope that Grandmother Hudson's spirit and Mama's had joined to hover over us and especially over Summer, to whisper good thoughts in her ear and fill my daughter's nights with sweet dreams.
At the doorway I paused and gazed out toward the lake. The wind was holding the dark clouds back, pushing them toward the horizon.
"Keep them away forever," I prayed.
Like a promise, my blackbirds swooned over the water soaring toward the blue skies and the coming of tomorrow.
Hudson 03 Eye of the Storm Page 30
