by E J Darling
“I don’t want to be someone’s replacement.”
Declan grabbed her arms and pulled her away from his body, his eyebrows furrowed. “Replacement?”
“Your rebound. I can’t be compared to this woman you lost. The one that broke you so badly that your mind betrayed you.”
Declan shook his head, “There is no comparison, Lex. Her madness was my undoing. I may have loved her, but she broke me so badly that I lost everything I used to be, I lost my identity and my will to live. That isn’t love, and I see that now.” He leaned in, his lips on hers felt so right and warm. It was a sweet kiss that sipped at her lips and pulled her in closer. He broke it off and rested his forehead on hers, “I see so many new things now. I see you.”
CHAPTER NINE
Lexie’s stomach made a loud grumble and Declan winced, “Let me make you some food.”
He was kicking himself for not thinking of it sooner, but he was so used to not giving a shit about himself that it had completely spaced his mind that there was someone here to care for. He wanted to take care of her, wanted to make her happy, and the look on her face was tearing him up.
How could she ever think she was a rebound? A replacement? He didn’t even know she was thinking in those terms until then. He’d fallen for her in the few short days she’d been here, but he never would have assumed that she felt the same way. That was so far out of the reach of his mind to think someone would truly give a shit about him. She was too good. She deserved more than to be saddled with someone weighed down with his issues. He was crazy and rough where she was calm and sweet. His total opposite.
“I’d love that.” She said with a smile.
Declan grabbed her small hand in his and walked her back inside. She fit here, plastered against his side so perfectly, like a puzzle piece he didn’t know was missing. Everything about her was absolutely incredible.
“What are you hungry for? I happen to be an amazing cook.”
“I remember. Those leftovers I ate were to die for.” She let go of his hand and hopped up on the counter. She was so cute and small, and another smile pulled at his lips. He let her see that one. She was the reason he was happy for the moment and she responded with her own. She was giving him a compliment. Damn how long had it been since someone had done that? He’d been alone for far too long, that was obvious. “I like when you smile. You don’t do it a lot so when you do it feels genuine.”
“Well I never had a reason to until now.”
Declan opened the fridge and pulled out some eggs and bacon. It wasn’t much but it was still breakfast time and it wouldn’t take too long to cook.
“Can I help you with anything?”
“Nope.” He answered as he fiddled with the cupboards, pulling out bowls and pans. He set them on the stove and walked back towards Lexie. He stood between her parted thighs, his hands on her knees, and gave her another smile.
“You sure I can’t help you with anything?” Her voice was like honey and the look in her eye was calling to him.
He smiled again and bit the inside of his bottom lip. “Oh, I’m sure there are lots of things you could help me with, sweet thing.” He looked down to the drawer her legs were in front of, “But right now I need a fork out if here.”
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” She spread her legs wider and he opened the drawer, pulling out a fork, “Obviously my mind was somewhere else.”
Declan shut the drawer and quickly threaded his fingers through Lexie’s hair and planted a kiss on her lips. She moaned under his touch and he loved the way she responded to him. She was so pliable under his touch and he loved every moment she was there. Replacement? Hell. The memories of Autumn weren’t even in the same league as Lexie. There was no comparison between he two and he wanted Lexie to know that.
“No.” He whispered. Declan flicked her nose with his own and she giggled, bringing another smile to his lips. “We were on the same page., but food first. You and I both need something in our stomachs. I won’t have you on your death bed right after I got you.”
“Got me, huh?” She teased.
He kissed her once more and went back to work on the food, “You quite literally fell into my arms.”
“Can I ask you another question?”
Declan scrambled the eggs in a bowl and looked at her, one brow raised. “Pouring my heart out to you wasn’t enough?”
“Not even a little. I’m going to take that as a yes and ask this before I chicken out.” She inhaled deep and continued, “Why and how does your animal want me? Did I even say that right?”
He winced. That was probably the last question he wanted to answer right now but she’d asked, and he wasn’t in the business of lying. Declan poured the eggs into the pan and laid the bacon into another. The sizzle sounded refreshing and he focused on that instead of Lexie to calm his nerves. “If I tell you, you have to promise to not freak out.”
“Good thing I’m sitting down then.”
Declan inhaled and let it out in a huff, “In my world, you can become like me in two ways. You can be born with it, like I was, or bitten.” Lexie’s eyes widen and Declan winced. He knew this was going to be hard to say but seeing how she responded was going to be worse. He decided to focus on the food he was cooking instead and try to get it all out. “I said don’t freak out.”
“Give me a break. I was basically just told that your, whatever it is, wants to bite me.”
“I’m a bear shifter, Lex.”
“Fuckin’ hell.” He was glad he wasn’t looking at her because he didn’t know if he could bare the sight of her face. This curse was already too much sometimes and if she didn’t wrap her mind around this soon, he may lose it. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yes. Okay.”
“Just,” He paused, nervous as hell that she’d completely lost it or was just lying to make him feel better. She probably thought he was telling her stories to scare her, “Just like that.”
“Well no.” Lexie hopped off the counter and padded over to the stove and stood next to Declan. She picked up a fork and flipped the bacon over. “But I trust you enough to tell me the truth. You could have said anything to make me feel better but instead you went for the jugular.” A burst of laughter came from her and she covered her mouth with her hand, “Get it? Jugular?”
“That’s not funny. I would die before I hurt you in anyway.”
Lexie rested her chin on his bicep and looked up at him, a small insecure smile on her lips. “I believe that.”
…
Lexie had no doubt in her mind that Declan wouldn’t hurt a hair on her head. But she wouldn’t lie and say that she wasn’t feeling completely out of her element.
“So, a damn bear, huh? You’re not shitting me?”
Declan nodded and platted the food. “I am not shitting you.”
Lexie took her plate that he’d offered and walked to the small nook just off the kitchen that had a window seat perfect for her. “And the wolves? You weren’t lying about them being men once?” Lexie sat her plate down first and pulled down the borrowed sweatpants. The cabin was getting warmer and she didn’t need all the layers anymore. By the time she was done, all she had on was a giant white t-shirt and boxers, everything that she’d stolen from his dresser.
Declan stared at her, frozen in place in the middle of the kitchen. His body was ridged, and he shook his head and closed his eyes before staring at her again. She couldn’t tell if he was mad that she took his clothes or if he was having another episode, but he shook it off and looked normal again in seconds.
“I haven’t lied to you yet.” He answered and came to where she sat and plopped down in the floor by her feet, with his plate piled high with breakfast food. “I wish I could, but I can’t.”
“Interesting.” She thought for a moment and smiled, “How many women have you slept with in your lifetime?”
He stopped his fork halfway to his mouth and glared at her, “Four.”
“Where were you b
orn?”
“In these mountains.”
“What are your parents’ names?”
“Sable and Harris.”
“Do you get along with them?”
“My mother died birthing me and my father is a drunk abusive asshole. So, I guess my answer would be no.”
Lexie winced. She’d gone too far asking him questions and she felt like she pried too deep into his story. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s fine.” His voice was soft, and he dropped his fork to lay his hand on her thigh. “It’s really okay. I made peace with it long before you came along. It’s just a blip in my story now and made me who I am today.” He patted her leg and went back to eating, “Still deciding if that’s a good thing or a bad thing but I guess time will tell.”
“You are good, Declan. I see it in your actions and how you treat me. If you only treated yourself with this much respect, then I think your outlook would be much different.”
They sat and ate in the quiet after that. Declan hadn’t responded to her opinion and that was okay. It was something that would take a long time to understand and change in himself if that’s what he wanted to do.
Lexie had taken the dishes to the sink and washed them while Declan brought in the wood to dry in the rack. They’d have plenty of logs now and wouldn’t risk getting cold again for a while. She was lucky she had him. He was strong and worked hard. There was no way in hell she would have been able to cut that wood or bring it in by herself in the time he’d done it. The arm she’d broken in the accident would have given her hell after it too. It wasn’t good for too much work anymore.
“I think it’s my turn to ask you questions.” Declan plopped himself down on the couch and patted the seat next to him. She was nervous but she couldn’t clam up now after he’d been so forthcoming with his own answers.
Lexie grabbed the towel and dried her hands. “You promise to be nice?”
“Aren’t I always?”
She didn’t answer. Instead just gave him glaring eyes until he smiled like a high school boy and patted the seat again. “Fine.”
Tentatively walking over to the couch, Lexie plopped down beside Declan. He pulled her legs onto his lap and rubbed her not so soft legs, but he didn’t even act like he cared that she wasn’t soft and perfect. By the look of the man’s beard he didn’t own a razor anyways so there was no changing that anytime soon. She’d be as hairy as him when she left this place.
Lexie’s heart dropped. Left this place. Is that what she wanted? Why was she questioning herself now and why was she so sad to think about it? Declan’s face fell from his happy smile to a low furrowed brow and soft frown. Her face must be conveying what she was thinking, and she instantly righted it by giving him a smile and widening her eyes.
“Don’t do that.” He growled. His voice low and animalist again. “Don’t plaster on a fake smile after thinking deep about something. I know faking it when I see it.”
She’d been caught and Declan seemed to be more in tune with her than she realized. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to worry about me.” Lexie ran her hand down his arm and gave him a genuine smile this time. He was beautiful in all the right ways and just looking at the man gave her a female hard on.
“I won’t ask you what you were thinking, because I doubt I want to hear it right now, but I will think of another question.” He sat quiet for a moment and stared at her as she tried not to make silly faces while he concentrated. “Hmmm. Okay Where are you from?”
“A small town in Oklahoma where it’s as flat as a rock and is literally the complete opposite of this place.”
“Where do you work?”
“I’m an accountant for an energy company called EnoCon. They have an office branch near where I live.”
“What were your parents’ names?”
“Holly and Samuel.”
“How many men have you slept with.”
Lexie couldn’t ignore the way his body went ridged when he asked her that question. She may not know jack shit about the shifter world, but she could assume that he didn’t like the thought of her with other men. But answering the question honestly only seemed right since he’d answered hers.
“Six. I was a college student for a long time.” She tried to hide her smile at her poor joke. But Declan’s face wasn’t amused at all. “Wait no seven!” She said too quickly.
“Seven?”
“Well, I was at six until last night.”
He did smile then. Maybe he did have a sense of humor after all. “Let’s get off that question. I never should have asked you that.”
“Why?”
Declan’s hand moved up her leg and he wouldn’t meet her eyes. His gaze ran down her body and something in the air felt different. He felt wild and off just a little, enough for her to notice being this close to him. His head twitched to the side and Lexie knew he was just on the verge of an episode. He had to be. She moved quicker than she ever had and in a spilt second, she was straddling his waist and holding him close to her chest.
“Declan stay with me. I’m right here.” Lexie kissed his head over and over and she tried to will him into staying with her. Stay here in this moment. He didn’t have any more room in his head for things that didn’t belong, but she belonged. She belonged right here in his arms and in his mind. All the bad could go the hell away so she could stay.
Stay.
Why did that thought make her so… satisfied? It felt okay and right to think, and maybe even say one day out loud. She could stay and make Declan okay again.
Declan wrapped his thick arms around her body and held her tight. A rumble came from somewhere deep in his chest and Lexie’s breath quickened. She knew then that it wasn’t just Declan here with her anymore. It was his body sure enough, but his mind was quickly seeping away, and he was trying so hard to stay. His hold on her tightened and Lexie kissed his head over and over, tears filling her eyes.
She remembered everything he’d told about is bear. He wanted Declan’s body and one day he wasn’t going to give Declan back his control. He wanted Lexie and he wanted to keep her forever. But it wasn’t in a way that was normal or okay. It was going to be painful and she didn’t know if she would come back from something like that.
She cried and grabbed Declan’s hair, pulling his head back to look at her. His eyes were there but they were distant as she searched them for any sign of Declan. She kissed his face, but he didn’t respond. Stupid man. Stupid fucking man for asking questions that would trigger him. Trigger his bear into demanding she be his and no one else’s. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out, and Declan should have known better.
“Don’t do this to me, Declan.” She demanded, “Don’t you leave me here with him when I can’t defend myself. You were supposed to protect me! Do you remember that?” She kissed him again and searched his dead eyes. This wasn’t like the other times when he’d gone off the rails and spoke to someone who wasn’t there. This was so much worse. Lexie felt alone and desperate. Desperate enough to do anything to draw him back out.
She let go of him and dragged her shirt out from his tight hold to pull over her head. She tossed it next to them on the couch and held his head to her again. He began to move, and she exhaled a sigh of relief. Thank God for tits.
He rolled his neck around, taking in the feel of her skin and she let him. He needed to come back to her one way or another, because she wasn’t going to lose this man right now. Not like this.
His hold on her loosened then tightened again when a gut-wrenching yell came from deep inside Declan. He was holding on. “Declan. Listen to my voice. Please come back to me.” Her sobs broke her voice, but she didn’t care. She was desperate still and her fear was at an all-time high, as Declan’s nails seem to extend out and threatened to puncture her skin again. He wasn’t coming back as quickly as she thought he was and the skin around his neck was beginning to tear and heal all at the same time.
Panic. All she
could do was panic. Declan screamed again and in a flash of clarity, he released her body and tossed her back on the couch. He threw himself in the floor and hunched over in pain. Lexie hated seeing him like this. His body began to shiver, and his skin ripped as he fought to maintain control. She tried to go to him, but his arm shot out and he winced, “No! Stay back! Fuck this hurts!”
“Hold on.” Lexie pleaded. She was so happy that he was even talking that nothing else mattered but his pain right now and holding on to his last bits of clarity. “You’re strong. You’re so much stronger than him, Declan.”
“Lexie I’m not. I used to be but I’m not anymore.” Tears rolled down his cheeks, and she knew then, that this was a man on his last chance. If he didn’t make it out of this, Declan was gone forever.
“Fuck this.”
She was done listening to him. He didn’t know what he needed and if he did then he was a fool. He couldn’t do this on his own and she could help. She could save him and get him through this. She was his ultimate distraction. It had worked well so far so why stop now.
Lexie jumped off the couch and Declan roared his protest, unable to speak. She wasn’t going to listen though because that was the smart thing to do, and right now, she didn’t need to be smart. She needed to be open and willing. The only two things a desperate man needed to clear his mind.
She stripped off her borrowed boxers and jumped on top of Declan, ripping his shirt open. “Look at me Declan. Touch me.” His hands gripped her sides and she rolled her hips over his stiff cock. He groaned his satisfaction and his head rolled back on the hard floor, straining to stay in his body. He was here but just barely.
“I can’t do this. It isn’t working.”
As quickly as she’d jumped on him, Declan had flipped her over. She didn’t protest. She wanted this. Wanted to help him. His teeth bit her ass and she dropped her breasts to the floor. The fire warmed the area and it was almost comfortable but still unforgiving.
