by Kay Bigelow
Lauren went to her office, got on her computer, and checked out her Facebook feed. There was nothing much going on there. She knew, of course, that in order for there to be something going on, she needed to be engaged. While she was working, there was no reason to be engaged on Facebook. Now that she wasn’t working, she had absolutely no idea how to get engaged. She wasn’t doing anything. Since that endeavor was a bust, she decided to make a list of things she might want to do with her time. That, too, was a bust because she couldn’t come up with anything she wanted to do. She needed to think about that some more. She wished someone had told her to get some hobbies before she retired so she’d have something to do after she retired. Oh, wait. Mom told me that exact thing and I ignored her. Once again, she proved to be right.
Lauren felt her eyes grow heavy. She was sitting in the sun and was being lulled to sleep because it was incredibly quiet and peaceful. She noticed the sun was now more on the couch than it had been when she’d come into the room. Once again, she was discombobulated because she didn’t know what time it was. She was either going to have to find her watch or her clock sooner rather than later or get used to not knowing the time. I guess I could use my phone as my watch, but I really don’t want to have to pull my phone out of my pocket every time I want to see what time it is. I want to glance up and see the time. So buy some clocks.
She got up and lay down on the couch in the sun. That was all the invitation Serena needed to join her. She lay down between Lauren’s legs and rested her head on Lauren’s hip bone. She knew she was falling asleep. Her last thought was, I wonder what it would be like for Alex to be lying where Serena is.
When she woke, Serena was still asleep between her legs. She roused the dog and they both stood and stretched. They went into the kitchen and Lauren looked at the clock on the stove. It was two-thirty. Damn. We were asleep for nearly two hours. Bedtime is at least eight hours away. Now what do I do?
Lauren and Serena went out the front door and around the house. They walked into the silence and down the hill toward the pond. As she stood at the edge of the water, she decided she needed a bench so she could sit and watch to see if there were any fish. A few months earlier, she would have thought sitting and watching a pond would have been incredibly boring, but today she found the thought of it appealing. She and Serena continued their tour around Lauren’s property, both dog and human intrigued by the smells and sounds they encountered. She thought she could hear things rustling in the underbrush as she walked by. She noticed that her big brave dog was keeping to the path that meandered around and across the property. Neither of them was brave enough to step off into the wilds of nature. By the time they returned to the house, the sun was much lower than it had been when they had left, and Lauren found the changing of the light both beautiful and charming in her new, natural surroundings.
Chapter Three
The question asked by her grandmother kept swirling around in Alex’s mind. Am I interested in knowing whether Lauren is girlfriend material? Is that why I want to get to know her better? Maybe. What’s wrong with that? I’m single. Kind of. Could I juggle Lucia and Lauren? Should I tell them about each other? Am I crazy? Lucia would drop me like a hot potato. And who wants to get involved with a woman who is prostituting herself to a rich woman? Well, when I put it like that...No, silence is the best answer. Wait a second? How do I know Lauren is single? How do I know she’d be interested in a painter, especially one with a patron with privileges?
Alex stopped her thinking right then and there. It was circular thinking at best, and stupid at worst. She didn’t need to go down that rabbit hole without knowing more—much more—about Lauren.
So instead of thinking about whether she needed to tell Lucia and Lauren about each other, her mind turned to other things. Like whether Lauren was a good kisser. “Stop that!” Alex told herself out loud. A woman who looked as good as Lauren probably already had a lover. And because she’s older, she’d probably want her lover to be monogamous. I’ll just play it by ear and wait for her to ask me out if she’s interested.
By the time she got home from a walk in the park, she was bored with herself. As she entered the loft, the sun was shining through one of the skylights directly onto her painting of Lauren. She dropped her messenger bag near the door and moved into the space. The woman on her canvas was beautiful. Not as beautiful as she was in person, but still gorgeous. Alex thought she’d almost captured that elusive something she’d told her grandmother about.
She’d thought she’d paint Lauren in oil, but now she wondered if watercolor wouldn’t be a better medium. She didn’t need to decide right then. Besides, she needed to work on a couple of other pieces she wanted to finish in time to include them into her one-woman show that Lucia had arranged for her in the spring.
Lucia had been as good as her word—she’d acted as Alex’s agent, but she hadn’t booked a solo exposition. When Alex had asked her why she hadn’t, she’d said, “Because you’re not ready. You’re improving by the month, but you’re not there yet. In addition, you don’t have enough inventory for a one-woman show. So while you work on inventory, I’ll continue booking you into shows with other painters. Besides, those shows prove how much better you are than many of the other ‘new’ artists.”
Without really understanding why, Alex trusted Lucia’s instincts. Not only was she bringing Alex along slowly, but she was introducing Alex to her very rich friends, all of whom fancied themselves patrons of the arts. The bottom line was that she was happy with the way her career was being handled. She was well aware that without Lucia’s monthly stipend, she’d either not be painting at all or would be hustling to find a way to be shown at the local street fairs or the annual summer art show in the park. Her reality, though, was that she’d been invited to show in prestigious events in Paris, London, and Manhattan.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket. Alex pulled it out and saw that it was again Lucia. “Lucia,” Alex said.
“I hope you’re painting madly,” Lucia said.
“Well, maybe not madly, but I am painting,” Alex said, looking at her painting of Lauren.
“I just want you to know I’ll be out of touch for a couple of weeks. I’m going to Greece with friends. If something comes up, I’ll call you. Otherwise, we’ll get together when I return.”
“Have a safe trip, and have fun. I’ll see you when you return,” Alex said.
“Thank you,” Lucia said and cut the connection.
Alex was a little surprised Lucia hadn’t invited her along on the trip. Alex knew Lucia liked showing her off to her friends. Several of them had younger “protégés,” but none were as young as Alex.
Alex liked being around older women. She found them far more interesting than women her own age or younger. She didn’t think women really came into themselves until they crossed into their fifties. She knew she was still being formed and wasn’t concerned with age differences. She loved it when Lucia and her friends talked about “back in the day.” While the other protégés found something else to do, Alex would sit with the older women and listen to their stories.
I wonder what Lauren’s story will be. Was she brought up in privilege? Does she have siblings? Are her parents still alive? Had she been married? What kind of work does she do? Or did she do? Did she like it?
Alex took a carton of raspberry yogurt from the refrigerator and stood looking down on Main Street as she ate it. She saw several people she knew, one or two she wished she didn’t know, and a whole bunch she didn’t know at all. When she’d scraped the carton clean, she threw it away and returned to her painting.
****
Lauren was awakened the next morning not by another panic attack, but by birds singing. As she listened to them, she did what she’d done in the shower for twenty-five years while working: she ran through what she had to do that day. She’d no sooner began than she stopped. For the first time in her adult life, she had no to-do list.
She repeated what she’d
done the day before and got up, showered, dressed, let Serena into the backyard, fed both dog and cat, and sat with her coffee mug in hand staring out her study window at her property. Strangely, it felt good not to be rushing around. It felt really good to be able to sit and watch something other than Manhattanites racing around like so many gerbils on treadmills of their own making.
When she was ready, she pulled her laptop onto her lap. She Googled the New York Times best sellers’ list. She had to start somewhere to become not-boring, and the NYT’s list was as good as any. She made a list on a three-by-five card of a half dozen books that sounded interesting.
A half hour later, she retraced her route to town and parked in the library’s parking lot. When she went inside, Alex had been replaced by a woman much closer to her own age. To say she was disappointed would be putting it mildly. She didn’t let Alex’s absence deter her, however. She went in search of the books on her handy-dandy three-by-five card. She was surprised to find three of the six books on the list. She took the time to read the synopsis of each book, then decided to check out all three.
At the front counter, the woman, whose name according to the nameplate on the desk was Marian, quickly started scanning her books into the system along with her library card. Lauren wanted to say something about being a librarian named Marian but didn’t. She was sure Marian had heard enough jokes made about the fact the name Marian was synonymous with librarians.
When she came to a book by an unknown—to Lauren—author by the name of Louise Penny, Marian asked, “Don’t you love this author? I’m always so disappointed when her books end because it means I’ll have to wait another year to read her next book.”
“I’ve never read her before,” Lauren confessed.
“Oh, well then, I recommend you forego reading this book until you read the others in the series. Start with A Still Life, her first book. We don’t have it here at this library, but I can get a copy for you. Or better yet, go to Hudson’s Bookshop. I know they have it there.”
“Okay, I will. Thank you for the advice.”
“I don’t think I’ve seen you before, have I?”
“No. I’m new to town.”
“My name is Marian. If I can be of further help, let me know.”
“Lauren,” she said, taking the hand Marian extended to her.
“Oh, goodness. I have a note here for you.”
“Really?” Lauren asked, thinking it must be a mistake.
“Indeed. Alex asked me to give it to you if you came in today.”
She picked her mouse pad up and took a folded piece of paper from beneath it. Lauren took the note and stuck it in her jacket pocket.
“By the way, we sponsor a book club here at the library on the second Tuesday of the month. Next month, the book is a mystery by Jacqueline Winspear. All the copies are checked out, but if you’re going to Hudson’s you can pick up a copy there,” she said. She quickly wrote the title of the book on a piece of scrap paper and handed it to Lauren.
“Thanks,” Lauren said, taking the piece of paper from Marian and adding it to her pocket.
“Thanks for your patronage.”
Lauren smiled at her and took her books to the car. She’d seen Hudson’s Bookstore the day before in the center of town and decided to relocate her car nearer there.
She stepped into Patsy’s Diner to taste their coffee. Her choices were black coffee or coffee with cream and/or sugar. So much for being the town’s Starbucks. Again this morning, Patsy’s was crowded with tables of two or three people sipping coffee and chatting. Lauren was waiting for her to-go cup when a very sensual alto voice asked, “Dreaming of Starbucks?”
She looked to her left and came face-to-face with the beautiful Alexandra Aoki. She swore her heart skipped a beat, leaving her tongue-tied.
“That bad? My name is Alex, we met yesterday,” Alex said while Lauren tried to get her brain to engage.
“I remember you, Alex. I think my Keurig will be my new Starbucks. It makes a pretty mean mocha latte.”
“Are you on your way to the library?”
“Actually, I’m on my way to Hudson’s.”
Alex put her hand over her heart. “You know you’re putting your new library in jeopardy by buying books, don’t you?”
“Not to worry. I have three books from the library in my car.”
“That’s a relief. I could never date someone who doesn’t use the library,” Alex said, smiling.
Lauren smiled back, relieved by her words.
Wait! Did she just say we are going to date? I barely know the woman. What would make her think we’d date? Duh! What do I care? If this woman wants to date me, I’ll go along for the ride, Lauren thought, channeling Lindsey.
“Are we going to date?” Lauren asked, throwing caution to the wind.
“I sure hope so. Do you mind if I tag along with you to Hudson’s?”
“Of course not, but are you allowed to go to Hudson’s? Doesn’t the library have a rule about consorting with the enemy?”
“I only work there part-time, and I’m a volunteer so that rule doesn’t apply to me,” Alex said just as Lauren’s name was called to pick up her coffee. She took a sip and had an urgent need to spit the liquid out. She hoped she hadn’t made a face to match what she’d just tasted.
With Lauren’s coffee in hand, they walked out of the diner and down the block toward Hudson’s. As they neared a recycle receptacle, Lauren looked around to make sure no one in Patsy’s would see her and that she and Alex were the only ones on the street. Lauren poured the coffee into the gutter and threw the empty cup into the barrel.
“Not your cup of coffee?” Alex asked.
“Not exactly. Way too strong for me.”
“Just so you know, you’re going to have to drive about thirty minutes to find the closest Starbucks. It’s in Rhinebeck.”
“I guess my Keurig and I really are going to become best friends.”
“And here I was hoping I could fill those shoes for you.”
“Who says I can’t have two best friends?”
“Ah, rather avant-garde of you,” Alex said with a smile.
“That’s me. Always ahead of my time,” she said, laughing at the absurdity of the statement.
What the hell is going on here? I’m flirting with a woman young enough to be my daughter. I’m not even sure she’s flirting with me. And, to make matters even more complicated, she’s already changed her mind about dating because now she says she wants to be friends. Is that all she wants? So why am I flirting with her? Why is she flirting with me? This is more confusing than…well, than anything I had to do at the law firm. Wait, I’ve flirted with women I didn’t even know before. That’s how you meet women. Why is it different with Alex? Because she’s so young. Ahhhh.
As they neared the bookstore, Lauren glanced into a storefront window to ensure her hair wasn’t standing on end. Nope, everything was in place. All that glance did was to confirm her insecurities. What is the raven-haired beauty at my side doing with the gray-haired fifty-something woman I’ve become? To be fair, she’d gone gray in her thirties following a long line of O’Brien women who were prematurely gray, so her hair didn’t necessarily indicate her age. It did now, but it hadn’t until recently.
“Relax,” Alex said. “We’re only going to the bookstore.”
“Easy for you to say,” she murmured.
“Let me make it more complicated, then.”
“Great,” she said under her breath.
Alex laughed, which told Lauren her utterance hadn’t been as quiet as she thought.
“Have dinner with me tonight. Please.”
Really? She’s asking me on a date? Not necessarily. I’m already getting weary of not knowing what’s going on. I don’t think I have any way of figuring it out, either. What would Lindsey do? She’d ask Alex if it was going to be a date. Like I could do that. Fat chance.
“I’ll understand if you’re busy tonight. But can we have dinner o
ne night this week?”
“I didn’t bring my calendar with me, so can I get back to you on that?”
“Sure,” she said, sounding disappointed.
Alex stopped and dug around in her jacket pocket. She handed Lauren a business card the way Asians do, with both hands. Lauren knew enough to take the card with both hands, too.
“Thanks.”
When they entered Hudson’s, a bell above the door tinkled announcing their presence in the store. Lauren fell in love the moment she stepped over the threshold. It was an old-fashioned bookstore with comfortable chairs strewn throughout, a table with a coffee urn and real cups and saucers. And books, too. Lots and lots of books. She left Alex and headed for the mystery section. When she was done, she had two hardbacks and ten paperbacks. Her new books included three NYT best sellers, Louise Penny’s A Still Life, and Jacqueline Winspear’s first book, Maisie Dobbs.
Lauren looked around for Alex and saw she was comfortably ensconced in a chair with an open book in her lap, talking to a woman. Look at the way the woman tilts her head as if Alex is saying the most wondrously intelligent things. Look at the way she touches Alex’s arm and the fake smile. The woman is obviously enamored of Alex.
Lauren headed for the wooden counter with the cash register. As she finished paying for her books, Alex came to her side. When the clerk handed her two cloth tote bags branded with the store logo full of books, Alex took one from her.
“I’ll ask again. Will you have dinner with me?”
Now is the time to nip this thing in the bud. If she’s got a girlfriend, I do not want to be a home wrecker and I certainly don’t need all the drama a spurned woman would bring into my life. So I’ll keep her at arm’s distance. Or better yet, why not see her and if things become serious, I’ll end it?
“I’d like to, but Serena is home with her brother Max, and I’ll need to feed them.”
So much for nipping this in the bud right now. Way to go, wussy girl.
“I hope Max is another four-legged critter and not your husband.”
