With anger. Not pee.
“What?” Chad and Paul asked in unison.
“You two. Whenever it’s just you guys hanging out you’re all chummy-chummy, but the second someone else is introduced into the mix you end up being dicks and making fun of each other. Look, I’m sorry that I put Chad as my second, alright? But you have a habit of putting emotion first and logic second, especially when you’re trying to show off.”
“Thank you Zo.” Chad replied as he stared down his nose at Paul.
“Oh don’t get me started dude,” I snapped, “you’re swinging this bullshit position around like you’re the guy with the biggest dick in the showers. Grow. Up. Seriously, I thought you’d at least have some kind of respect for yourself.”
Things went quiet for a bit after that, no one quite knowing what to say, including me. It was one of those times where I wished I’d just kept my damn mouth shut, like when I’d get stopped outside of the supermarket by those bloody raffle people.
No, I can’t give you twenty bucks for a poor family’s fire alarm, I am a poor family!
…
Anyway, eventually the awkwardness lifted after one of us laughed, I still don’t know which one of us it was, but when it started it came like a tsunami, only not full of dead people and debris, but rather happiness and joy.
“Hey,” Paul said between laughs as he wiped away tears from his eyes, “anyone else hear rumbling?”
For some reason I thought he was making it up, but then I realised it was a really odd thing to just throw out there, and there was no reason for him to be deflecting.
“I don’t hear anything.” Chad said after we’d spent a few seconds listening to the empty night air.
“Just hold on… There! Did you h… Didn’t you guys come through a hole in the ground last night?”
My eyes widened and I started looking around frantically for the panel that looked different from the others, “Where!?”
“I don’t know, keep looking!”
No way had the Muties learned to burrow without following someone else.
It wasn’t possible.
Although…
“Paul! Where did we come through!?”
“I. Don’t. Know. If I knew I would’ve told you, wouldn’t I?”
I wanted to bark and growl about how inept he was as I too started to hear the rumbling. The Js and their guns were way too far away to reach us in time, and even if they did I had the feeling we weren’t going to be dealing with a single Mutie coming up out of the door.
And then it stopped, replaced instead with the sound of kicked up dirt and an angry snort from a large beast a few metres away from the cabin.
“Which one of you fuckers killed my livestock!?”
Someone’s invaded your Home Base. Haha, this is brilliant. Sorry, I just find it funny because you annoy me greatly.
It was in that moment that I came to truly hate Paul and everything that he stood for.
Also, the narrator was on thin ice.
Chapter Three
“I thought you said he didn’t see you?” I hissed from where I sat crouched beside the door, “Or, to put it a better way, what the actual fuck!? How did you manage to let him follow you all the way back here?”
“I can hear you, you know?” the farmer said, the fear of whatever he was on keeping me from the windows and thus not allowing me to see his name, “And the blame isn’t all on him, other than doing the completely stupid thing of killing my livestock!”
“How’d you find me then!?” Paul called out, “You were nowhere near me when I left!”
“Cameras dumb arse!”
And that’s when I realised we weren’t dealing with some run of the mill pissed off farmer. No, no, no, we had a tech hungry, high level, pissed off farmer sitting on our Home Base who, apparently, had absolutely zero fear in regards to the Muties that were surely lurking around the perimeter.
“What do you want?” I asked as calmly as I could as I tried to get a peek out the window to see exactly how screwed we were.
Silence lingered in the air for a while until the farmer cleared his throat, a rogue cough escaping him right before he could start his sentence, “Look, I’m a-” he said, pausing to cough for a few more seconds, “Sorry. Anyway, I’m a reasonable enough guy. If you give me that moron who thought he could screw me over, I’ll leave happy.”
“And if we refuse?” Paul asked as if it were an option.
“In that case,” he replied with a chuckle, “ol’ Big Bess out here is gonna hate-fuck your lil’ cabin ‘til it ain’t anything but splinters.”
“Well that was… graphic.” I said as I looked between Chad and Paul, “Can you give us a second to talk it over?”
“You have until sun up, after that I won’t be responsible for my actions.”
It was a hard call, no two ways about it. On one hand Paul had been really quite annoying over the past few hours, but on the other he was one of my closest friends. But he was also really annoying and clearly wanted to talk about a certain subject that I really didn’t want to talk about.
“I think Paul should go.” Chad said, breaking the silence.
“Of course you do,” Paul bit back, “dick.”
“Hey, don’t be like that. I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t think you had a chance of getting away.”
Chad did have a point, it wasn’t like Paul would have to go willingly, we just had to give him up.
“Yeah, but what if he breaks my legs, drags me back to his creepy arse farmhouse and proceeds to stuff batteries inside me until I corrode from the inside out?”
“Um…” I trailed off with a concerned look, “I don’t think he’s gonna do that, not unless you suggest it. Where the Hell do you come up with that kind of stuff?”
“All I’m saying is that getting away might not be as easy as you guys think it is, from the sounds of things he’s got a mount, and I haven’t even eaten yet.”
“You heard him though,” Chad said, “either way he’s getting you, and the only option that doesn’t involve all of us having to start from scratch again is you going out there.”
I couldn’t rationally blame Paul for not wanting to go out there, we’d been alive for a while at that point and respawning didn’t sound like it’d be fun, especially when the farmer could very well spend a few hours torturing him before letting him die.
“Fine.” Paul said bluntly, “Fine, whatever. Let’s get this over and done with.”
And with that, guilt set in and I realised that I didn’t want him to die and risk losing him as he gave up on the game and logged off.
But his mind appeared to be made up, and I doubt there was anything I could’ve done to stop him.
“I’m gonna put my stuff away, alright!?” Paul shouted through the door, “Wouldn’t be fair if I took all this stuff with me!”
“Alright!” the farmer called back, “But be quick about it!”
We were gonna lose Paul and there wasn’t anything I could say in order to make it better. My community was starting to fracture, and I had no idea what to do.
I’d failed as a leader.
Chapter Four
We all stepped outside the cabin together, our hands raised high in surrender as the door slammed shut behind us and we finally got to see what the farmer, or Piggly-Diggly, was riding.
Looks like a big, scaly, spiky puppy, huh? Watch out for that tail.
“A stegosaurus?” I laughed before I could stop myself, “You rode here on a stegosaurus? Seems a bit over-the-top, don’t you think?”
“Not if you wanna keep the Muties at bay,” Piggly said as he gave the saddled dinosaur a pat with the hand that wasn’t holding a hefty looking shotgun, “Big Bess sends out pheromones that drive ‘em away. Normally it’s fair to assume it’s enough to keep my livestock safe, but apparently I was wrong in that assumption seeing as your boy here went ahead and killed ‘em all.”
Gable_1337 (Community): Is it just me or are
therr sounds comin from teh nursry?
It took me a minute to recognise Chad’s name in the chat, and the fact that there was actually a Community chat, but once I did I immediately started hearing what he was talking about.
Zoey (Community): I hear it too. Keep talkin Paul.
“Well I’m sorry, truly.” Paul said without a second’s hesitation, “In case you didn’t notice we’ve got a bunch of hungry mouths her-”
“Save your sob story, I ain’t interested. What I want is revenge.”
Zoey (Community): Its like a scratching or somethin right?
Gable_1337 (Community): Yeah, should we get the Js out here?
Zoey (Community): Piggly woud see us give the order. we just gotta keep quiet.
“Hey!” Piggly barked, “What are you three planning?”
“They’re just worried that you’re gonna turn that gun on us the second I go with you.”
Zoey (Community): gr8 job Paul,
“Well I just might if you keep messin’ around.” Piggly snarled, the slightest amount of concern coming through in his voice, “Now get over here, killer, and you two just stay put.”
“Hey!” I shouted unexpectedly for everyone including myself, “You can’t just come here and take our man away.”
“We had a dea-”
“Yeah well fuck your deal. I’m not letting you go anywhere with my man without at least having a decent conversation about it first.”
“Your man?” Paul laughed.
“Don’t read into it or I swear I’ll cut you.” I said under my breath before turning my attention back to the farmer, “Now, I think we need to talk about renegotiating our terms.”
“Oh yeah,” Piggly said with a throaty chuckle, “let’s do that.”
With that he pulled up his shotgun and levelled it with my face, giving me all of a second to dive to the left and narrowly miss the spray of buckshot which peppered the cabin’s front door.
As I scrambled to my feet I half expected to get shot at again and maybe even catch a nasty hit to my leg, but it seemed that Piggly’d turned his full attention back toward Paul who’d leapt to the right and was having some difficulty getting up.
“I broke my bloody leg!” Paul shouted as the shotgun went off again.
That was it, Paul was gonna get offed and the rest of us were gonna go along with him.
But then something amazing happened.
I didn’t get to see it happen, I’d already managed to get behind the cabin’s wall away from Piggly, but I heard it, blasts of burst fire going off in an almost musical fashion.
Piggly-Diggly has been slain (World).
Assuming the fight was over, I walked around the corner and saw that the Js had come out of the nursery guns-a-blazin’ and shot the crap out of Piggly, his bloodied body some five feet from his stegosaurus, but I was wrong to assume anything.
“The dino!” Chad shouted as the massive beast reared up on its hind legs and got ready to start trampling us to death.
The Js, for some God unknown reason, had decided that they were done shooting, and as the stegosaurus slammed back down, its huge feet sending rumblings throughout the entire Home Base, I couldn’t help but wonder if I could’ve done something better and not ended up where I was.
“Felicity, no!” someone cried out as the dino caught me in its gaze, mighty plumes of steam billowing out of his nostrils like it was some kind of spined train.
In my terror I didn’t even see the little girl in her burlap sack dress come running over to the stegosaurus, instead I only saw its black eyes boring into my soul as it prepared to trample me.
There was something pinning me to that spot, I hadn’t decided what yet, but it was between acceptance, fear, and exhaustion.
And then Felicity touched the stegosaurus on its side and the world got loud.
Chapter Five
The stegosaurus just wouldn’t stop roaring as it slammed its feet on the ground and smashed its barbed tail into the trees behind it, but that didn’t deter Felicity who was keeping her hand pressed firmly on the rampaging dino.
“What’s happening?” I asked quietly as I slowly approached.
“I think…” Chad trailed off as he too walked toward the girl and the dino, “I think she’s taming it.”
“Can she do that?” Paul asked.
“I don’t know,” Chad replied, “but she seems to be trying.”
It was a crazy sight to see, the dirty, black-haired nine-year-old standing next to the beast that made her look no bigger than a puppy in comparison.
My heart continued to race as the giant dino started to calm down, my paranoid brain trying to convince me that it was somehow playing a trick on me.
Felicity has successfully tamed a dinosaur.
So, what? You’ve got them going out and playing with dangerous beasts from the past for your own amusement now? You evil son of a bitch.
Felicity has claimed the dinosaur for Zoey’s Fighters, would you like to GIVE IT TO FELICITY or KEEP IT FOR COMMUNITY USE?
Felicity now owns the dinosaur.
Felicity has named her pet Regina.
You’re just gonna let your people bring any old thing into your Home Base? Don’t have children, you’re just gonna end up with a house full of stray animals.
Felicity has completed Hunter Grade One.
Your Hunter has now proven to be even more proficient at hunting than you, huh? They’ll now go out and hunt if they think that your food reserves have gotten too low, or if you keep trying to starve them.
“So…” I said, my eyes tired after reading and clicking through a whole mess of game prompts in less than a few seconds, “we own a dino. Cool.”
“Yeah,” Chad laughed as he started patting Regina on the side after Felicity had climbed up on it, “really cool. You reckon she’ll really keep the Muties away?”
“I hope not.” I said before I could stop myself, before immediately jumping on the justification train, “They make things a bit more fun, you know? What’re we gonna do now that there’s nothing stopping us from going out at night?”
Chad stared at me for a few moments without saying anything and then shrugged, “Go out at night? Besides, I doubt Felicity here’ll let us take Regina out of her reach.”
“Did you know that that was gonna work?” Paul snarled as he limped over toward us from where he’d been hiding behind the nursery.
“What was gonna work?” I asked with genuine confusion.
“Pissing him off!”
“Oh… Yeah, no. That just kinda happened. I figured the Js would scare him off before he did anything.”
“Well that’s just great.” he growled, “Oh, and by the way, my legs still broken! Is anyone gonna help me out or are we just gonna wait ‘til the damage is permanent?”
“Quit your moanin’ dude,” Chad said with a laugh, “I’m sure you’ll be able to find a splint on Old McFuckface here.”
“Yeah, and you can keep the shotty too.”
I didn’t like rewarding whininess, but as far as I was concerned Paul had earned it. After all, he was the one who brought Piggly to us.
Paul, however, seemed unsure as to what to do with the seemingly unloaded nice gesture and refused to actually answer for the longest time, “Are you screwing with me?”
“No, seriously, go right ahead.” I said, instantly hearing how it could sound like sarcasm, “Honestly, you’ve earned it.”
‘There you go Zo, you succeeded in a human interaction without dialogue options plastered in front of you. Plus five charisma!’
“…Alright…” Paul finally said before hobbling over to the corpse and rummaging through Piggly like he was a box of cereal with a prize at the bottom.
“How do you think she did it?” Chad asked, getting my attention back, “Felicity, with the steggy.”
I thought on that for a few seconds, going through the lines after lines of walkthroughs and tips I’d stored in my head in my early days, before coming to
a conclusion, “I’m guessing it was a mix of the Biy berries, the fact that we’re in a Home Base and she was unowned, and that Felicity is a child. Doesn’t that offer some kind of bonus with creatures?”
“Ah yeah, I remember that now.” he said, clearly not remembering that.
“What the Hell!?” Paul shouted, “Take it you little bitch!”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“I thought I’d do something nice and give Felicity the shotty, then she handed it back and I lost influence with her!”
Chad and I started laughing at him for a while after that and went back inside the cabin, leaving Paul to keep snapping at Felicity for not taking the gun.
“Should we tell him that they don’t accept weapons until they’re teenagers?” Chad asked as we watched through the open door.
“Nah,” I said with a shake of my head, “let him piss her off for a while, she might hit him.”
“Yeah, aha, or get Regina to crush him.” he replied, eliciting a laugh from me that quickly turned to concern as Chad and I shared an ‘oh crap’ look.
“Paul! Paul stop that now!”
Chapter Six
Luckily we managed to stop Paul from getting himself killed in a nick of time, Felicity’s pet looking about ready to rip his head off before we pulled him back inside.
“I still don’t know why you guys didn’t warn me beforehand…”
“Because we figured something funny would happen.” I said like it was completely reasonable, “Anyway, it’ll be daylight soon and I reckon we should start talking about what we’re gonna do for the day.”
“What do you mean?” Chad asked, “I figured we’d just go on resource collecting until Francesca could start drawing up designs?”
“Me too, but then I realised that thanks to Paul there’s now a farm not far from where we’re standing that’s completely abandoned and likely filled with a ton of useful crap. At bare minimum he has those cameras.”
“So we’re all gonna go get that stuff, yeah?” Paul interjected hopefully.
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