by L A Cotton
“I love you, Lily Star,” she whispered. It was what she called me whenever I was feeling down or afraid. When I was a kid, confused by the big scary world, Mom used to cuddle me and sing to me.
Lily Star, Lily Star
Don’t you cry
Lily Star, Lily Star
Just give me a smile
Lily Star, Lily Star
Whenever you’re feeling alone
Just look to the stars
And you’ll find me there
It was a silly kids song, but it was our song, and it always made me feel better.
“I love you too, Mom.”
She held me at arm’s length and more than ever I wished I was more like her. But Poppy was all our mom, in looks and personality. People gravitated to my sister the way planets orbited the sun. Her smile was infectious, her warmth irresistible. If Poppy was in a room, she always had everyone’s attention. And although she was the baby of the family, Mom and Dad didn’t worry about her the way they worried about me.
But I wouldn’t change it for anything.
I was relieved Poppy didn’t have to live inside my head.
It was an exhausting place to be.
“Looking good, babe,” Ashleigh said as I climbed into her car. But her eyes immediately went to my wrist and the thick, fluffy hair scrunchie there. “Lil?”
“I’m okay,” I lied, stuffing it back under my hoodie. “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed is all.”
“Have you talked to your mom and dad?”
“No, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make a big deal about it.” I levelled her with a hard look as Poppy joined us.
“Sorry, I forgot my cell.” She noticed the tension between me and Ashleigh and added, “What’s up?”
“Nothing.” I smiled. “Leigh is worried about Peyton. Aren’t you?”
“Uh, yeah. I’m worried—”
“Worried about what?” Peyton ducked into the car beside Poppy. “Sorry, I overslept.”
“Let’s roll.” Ashleigh pulled into the steady stream of morning traffic.
“So I heard Lindsey is having a party Friday and I was thinking we should go.”
“Hell yes,” my sister said.
“Lindsey, really?” I balked.
“It’s senior year, Lily,” Peyton added. “I know she’s a bitch, but everyone will be there.”
“I don’t think so. You can go, but I’m not—”
“Lily, don’t do this. Don’t let what happened back then ruin your senior year. You’re stronger than that.”
“Peyton has a point, Lil,” Ashleigh glanced over at me. “It’s one party. What’s the worst that can happen?”
“Come on, Lilster, please,” Poppy implored. “You know Mom and Dad won’t let me go unless you go.”
“She won’t want me there.” Any more than I wanted to be there.
“She should have thought of that before she invited half the senior class. We’ll keep our distance, and we don’t even have to go in her house.”
Peyton had a point. The Filmer’s had a big house backing onto the lake. It was flanked by the woods making it the perfect party spot. They had jet skis and a jetty with a water slide. I hadn’t been over there in forever, but I remembered from when we were kids.
“Who knows,” Ashleigh cast me a reassuring smile, “it might even be fun.”
Mom’s words from yesterday echoed in my mind. She wanted me to embrace senior year, everyone did.
“Did you know Mom had a list in senior year?” I blurted out.
“A list?” Poppy replied.
“Yeah, like a bucket list. She wouldn’t tell me what was on the list, but she said she didn’t want to graduate with any regrets.”
“That is so cool,” Peyton said. “Hey, you should totally do that. Your therapist would love that.”
“I am not making a list.”
“You don’t have to actually write a list, but you could have a couple of mental goals. Like attend a party.” Ashleigh waggled her brows. “Your first high school party. It could be kinda cool.”
“You’re not going to stop until I agree, are you?”
“Nope, sorry, Lil. We promised to always be the kind of best friends who gave it to you straight, and it’s time to step out of your bubble and live.”
“She’s right, Lilster.” Poppy leaned over and gently squeezed my shoulder. “You’ve got this.”
“So…” Ashleigh pulled into the school parking lot and found an empty spot. “What’ll it be?”
“I’ll think about it.”
“You have four days.” She nodded.
Peyton and Poppy climbed out, but Ashleigh held back. “Sorry if we overstepped just now. I know this isn’t easy for you.”
“It isn’t, but you’re right,” I said. “Perhaps I should push myself more.”
Pushing myself was scary though because it usually resulted in a relapse. And I didn’t want that, not again.
“We’ll be by your side every step of the way, I promise. And if Lindsey says so much as a word—”
“I’m not worried about Lindsey, Leigh.” I hadn’t been on her radar ever since tenth grade when she got rid of her retainer, grew boobs, and became a cheerleader. She had the full attention of the football team now, without needing me or my dad’s connections.
“Okay, come here.” She twisted in her seat until she was facing me and reached for my hands. “Repeat after me. I, Lily May Ford—”
“Leigh, I am not—”
“Just humor me.” She grinned in that infectious way of hers. “I, Lily May Ford…”
“I, Lily May Ford.
“Am badass.”
I rolled my eyes, and she pinched my hand. “Am badass,” I grumbled. “And I have a group of badass friends, especially Ashleigh.” I reluctantly repeated her words.
“And I am going to make the most of senior year.”
“And I am going to make the most of senior year.”
“Okay, good. Now pinky swear.” She wrapped her pinky finger around mine.
“Leigh… come on.”
“Just give me this, Lil. Please.” She pouted, flashing me big, blue, puppy dog eyes.
“You don’t play fair.”
“Maybe not. But you love me.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Now come on. Let’s go kick senior year’s ass.” She climbed out of the car and I checked my reflection. I’d spent the last three years of high school hiding, sticking to the shadows and wishing myself invisible. And for the most part, it worked. I had a small circle of friends who understood me and a family who loved me. I was happy.
I was.
But I couldn’t deny a part of me always wondered what it would be like to be Peyton, or Ashleigh, or even my sister. To not have to worry about being all up in my head with my troublesome thoughts.
So while I didn’t want to make a list—and I didn’t—maybe I would try to push myself a little every now and again to step outside my safe zone.
Maybe I would push myself to finally live.
By the time Friday rolled around, I wasn’t feeling so confident in my decision to go to the party. It was all anyone—anyone being Peyton, Ashleigh, and my sister—was talking about. But the more excited they got, the more nervous I felt.
It’s just a party, I whispered to myself as I fished through my closet trying to find something to wear. My fingers ran through my hair, curling around the roots and tugging gently. A sense of calm washed over me, but I forced my hand away, inhaling a deep breath instead. I loved my long, wavy, brown hair. It was my shield, my armor, hanging over my shoulders like a chocolate waterfall.
“Sweetheart, can I come in?”
“Sure, Mom,” I said, and she slipped into my room.
“Still not dressed?”
“I don’t know what to wear.”
“Well, I think anything will be an improvement on that.” She glanced at the fluffy robe wrapped around my body and chuckled. “Jeans and
a t-shirt will be fine, baby. You don’t want to give your dad a heart attack.”
“Yeah.” He’d been in a mood ever since Poppy announced we were going to the party tonight. Of course, he’d tried to say no, but Mom quickly intervened and reminded him we weren’t kids anymore.
“I’m proud of you, you know? This is a big step, Lily.” Mom gave me a reassuring smile and left me to get dressed.
I pulled on a cropped, black t-shirt emblazoned with metallic stars and some cropped jeans. Pulling my hair into a loose ponytail over one shoulder, I braided the ends, and added a touch of lip gloss.
“Here goes nothing,” I said, grabbing my purse and making my way downstairs.
Peyton and Poppy were already waiting. “You look hot, Lil.” My best friend appraised me, giving me a thumbs up.
“Hot? No one is supposed to look hot,” Dad grumbled.
“Jase,” Mom warned. “Don’t start. It’s senior year. You’ve got to learn to loosen the strings.”
“Remember me at their age?” He gave her a pointed look, and Mom flushed pink. “Exactly,” Dad grumbled.
“It’ll be fine,” she said, brushing him off. “They’re all sensible and know the rules.”
“Yes,” Dad nodded, “let’s go over the rules.”
“Oh my God, no, Dad.”
“Yes, Pops. Rule one,” he held up a finger, “stay together. Rule two: do not accept any drinks from strangers. In fact, no drinks at all, unless it’s soda. Rule three: no kissing, no groping, and definitely no se—”
“Dad!”
Mom fought a smile while the three of us sat there, mortified. “I think we’ve got it covered, Mr. Ford.”
“Peyton.” He blew out an exasperated breath. “You’ve been living in my house and eating my food since the beginning of the summer, I think you can call me Jason.”
“Will do, Mr. Ford.”
He rolled his eyes. “Okay, go before I lock the door and throw away the key.”
Poppy grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the door. Ashleigh was giving us a ride, but she planned to leave her car at the Filmer’s so she could have a drink or two. Not that I planned on telling Dad that.
“Have fun,” Mom called. “Jason. Look at her,” I heard her whisper.
Emotion balled in my throat, but I swallowed it down. I could do this. It was only a party. I would go and say hello to a few people, smile in all the right places, and maybe even dance. Okay that was a stretch. But I could still embrace it. It was only a few hours.
One little party.
What was the worst that could happen?
Chapter Four
Kaiden
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Monroe leaped up off his chair and pulled to his full height.
“Relax, Jenson, I invited them.” Lindsey sauntered over to us and pressed herself into my side. “I’m glad you came.”
“Yeah.” Although from the death stare Monroe was sending us, I was already thinking it was a bad idea.
“Come on, let’s get you a drink.” Lindsey pulled me away from Monroe and his guys, indicating toward the back door leading to the kitchen.
“Nice house,” Bryan said, helping himself to a beer from the cooler.
“Thanks. My parents are away a lot, so I let the team hang out here.”
I glanced outside, arching a brow. “That looks like the entire senior class.”
She shrugged, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. “Word spreads fast. I don’t mind as long as no one causes trouble inside the house. There’s vodka, whiskey. I think there’s some tequila too. Whatever tickles your fancy.” Her eyes ran down my body and back up, a smirk tugging at her glossy lips.
“Thanks.”
“Oh hey, guys.” Aaron appeared with another junior from the team in tow, a guy called Cole.
“Hey.” I held out my fist and he bumped it. “I’m glad you came.”
“I’m going to find the girls,” Lindsey said. Her eyes lingered on me for a little too long, letting me know she didn’t care if I came from across the river.
“You need to watch her,” Aaron said the second she was gone. “She’s a viper.” My brow quirked, and he nodded. “She’s only looking out for one person here, herself. Besides, she’s Monroe’s ex.”
“Yeah, but does she give good head?” Bryan chuckled. “Because I wouldn’t say no.”
“Asshole.” I jabbed him in the ribs with my elbow.
“What? Like you’d say no. I saw the way she was watching you.” He smirked.
“Aaron’s right, man, her teeth are as sharp as her claws.”
“You speaking from experience?” Gav asked Cole.
“Nah, man. She’s not my type.”
“We’re going to hang out down by the lake if you want to come?” Aaron asked.
“Yeah, okay.” Aaron and Cole seemed like good people, unlike Monroe and his friends who had given us the cold shoulder all week.
After grabbing drinks, we all filed out of the house. Guys were splashing about in the kidney-shaped pool, goofing around on the diving board while girls in bikini tops sat around the edge shrieking with fake annoyance every time they got sprayed with water. It reminded me of our parties back in Rixon East. We weren’t any different except for the color jerseys we wore and the team we supported. We were strangers here though. Outsiders.
My old man had almost blown a gasket when he’d heard Bryan say we were heading across the river for a party. Lewis Thatcher hated Rixon with the heat of a thousand suns. It was silly really, his beef with his old high school rival. But my dad knew how to hold a grudge so much he could barely say Coach Ford’s name without choking on it.
If it wasn’t for Mom and Coach Forrester, I’d be attending Millington or Fenn Hill, playing for one of their mediocre teams.
Thank God for small mercies because although I didn’t relish playing with the Raiders, it was a damn sight better than playing for a team with no direction or hunger for the win.
Everyone stopped to watch us follow Aaron and Cole down to the lake, but I let their stares roll off my back. I wasn’t looking for their approval or even their acceptance. I was here to play football and land a full ride to Alabama.
“Fuck yes, jet skis,” Bryan said, nudging my arm.
“No way you’ll get me on one of those things. It’s too dangerous.”
“Seriously, Thatch, don’t be such a pussy.”
“I’d rather be a pussy than benched for the season with a broken arm.”
“He has a point,” Aaron said, and I tipped my chin in appreciation. “So how does Rixon High compare with East?” he asked.
“It’s… different. But practice is similar. Coach Forrester isn’t such a hard ass as Coach Ford.”
“Don’t let him hear you say that.” Cole laughed. “You think he’ll give you some game time?”
“He knows I’m the better choice,” I said.
My guys high-fived each other. “Damn right,” Gav said.
“Monroe won’t go down without a fight. His dad is a big friend of the Raiders.”
“Yeah, I figured.”
It wasn’t the same with my dad. But it should have been. If he’d been a stand-up guy who gave a shit about anyone but himself, he would have made sure to position himself right at the heart of my football career with the Eagles. He would have attended practice, donated to the booster fund, and drank with Coach and their friends on the weekend.
As it was, he only cared enough to ride me from his armchair.
Jealousy burned through me. Not only did Monroe have his team, the support of an entire town, and Coach Ford… he also had a father who cared.
“Hey, you okay?” Aaron asked me, and I nodded. “The senior players will come around. They’re pretty loyal to Monroe, but once they see you in action on the field, they’ll realize there’s room for you too.”
“Why are you being so cool about all this?” I asked him.
Aaron folded his arms across his chest a
nd shrugged. “Everyone deserves a chance. Besides, Monroe is kind of an asshole.”
“Hey, Aaron. Cole.” The blonde from the cafeteria the other day strolled up to our new friends.
“Peyton.” He returned her smile. “Where’s my sister and the others?”
“They’re around.” She gave me the once over. “You’re the new quarterback.”
“And you look like trouble.” I smirked.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.”
“I would,” Bryan chimed. “I definitely would. I’m Bryan. Bryan Hughes.”
“Nice tats.” She let her gaze linger on his arm. So of course the eager idiot yanked up his sleeve. “Wraps all the way around my shoulder.”
“Nice. Oh, here they are.” She beckoned over a group of girls. I instantly found the dark-haired girl. She hovered behind them, clearly uncomfortable.
“Guys, this is my sister Sofia,” Aaron said. “And that’s Ashleigh, Poppy, and Lily.”
She was definitely the odd one out. She barely made eye contact and was considerably underdressed compared to her friends. But she worked her jeans and t-shirt combo, hiding a slender body with curves in all the right places.
I didn’t know what it was about her… but there was something. I’d met plenty of girls like Peyton and Lindsey. Girls who wanted to bag themselves a football player. Eager and persistent. They batted their eyelashes and bit their lips acting all coy. It got old real quick. I liked a challenge, to work hard for my rewards.
We sat around drinking and talking. Bryan tried to impress Peyton, but she seemed more interested in watching the guys on the jet skis pulling tricks. At some point, we moved over to the small firepit. A few more people joined us and before long, we were no longer the outsiders.
“I’m going to take a leak,” I said, standing up. “I’ll grab some more drinks on the way back. Beers all round?” My eyes lingered on the quiet girl buried into her friend’s side.
“Water for me, please.” She finally met my eyes, and fuck, if it wasn’t like a bolt of lightning striking me right in the chest. She was beautiful. Big blue eyes that cut right through you, soft-pink lips, and long brown hair that hung in a loose braid over her shoulder.
