by L A Cotton
“Ugh,” I grumbled, as we headed for school.
“She’ll give up when she realizes Kaiden is off the market.”
But that was just it—he wasn’t.
So long as we kept whatever was happening between us a secret, girls like Lindsey would think they could bat their eyelashes and parade their perfect bodies around, trying to get him to notice them. All while I stood on the sidelines watching.
As we entered the building, my cell phone vibrated, and I dug it out of my bag.
Kaiden: You look beautiful today.
I blushed at his words, texting him back.
Lily: I missed you.
Kaiden: I missed you too. I wish I could walk up to you right now and kiss you…
I felt him before I saw him. Lifting my gaze down the hall, Kaiden moved slowly toward me, a faint smile tracing his mouth.
“Drool,” Peyton snickered. “You have a little drool, right there.” She tried to wipe my jaw, but I batted her away.
The air crackled as Kaiden passed us. He didn’t glance back or make it obvious in any way. He didn’t need to. Just being in close proximity to him, I felt it. The invisible tether connecting us.
“You know, I have been waiting so long for you to get your first—”
I slapped my hand over her mouth, narrowing my eyes at her. “You promised.”
“What?” Her words tickled my palm. “I wasn’t going to say any—”
“What’s that?” Lindsey strolled up to us.
“Nothing to do with you.” Peyton shot her a saccharine sweet smile.
“You know just because you’re the school slut, doesn’t me—”
“What the hell did you call me?” Peyton stepped into her space.
“Well, if the name fits… I heard Sean already dumped you for Layla. I guess he prefers a bit of class, after all.”
“You fucking bi—”
“Okay.” Ashleigh wrapped her arm around Peyton and yanked her backward. “She isn’t worth it.”
Lindsey smirked, checking her perfectly manicured nails. “So pathetic.” Her eyes flicked to me. “But I guess it’s no real surprise since you both hang around with the school freak.”
She might as well have punched me in the chest. The air sucked from my lungs as I tried to swallow over the lump in my throat.
Lindsey and her friends sauntered off, giggling at their leader’s vicious words.
“You should have let me hit her,” Peyton huffed indignantly.
“And let you get suspended? Uncle Jase would love that.”
“She deserved it.”
“People like Lindsey will get their karma one day,” Ashleigh added. “They always do.”
I glanced down the hall to where Lindsey and her friends were just about to disappear around the corner. I wanted to believe my cousin’s words, but I was proof that karma didn’t always come back around. Sure, Chelsea and her family had fled Rixon after my dad threatened them, but Lindsey was still here. She’d stood by that night, laughing and pointing as much as the other girls. Then we’d all started Rixon High and she’d flourished into this popular, outgoing girl while I shrunk further into the shadows.
It didn’t seem fair.
But as Mom liked to constantly remind me, life didn’t test us to reveal our weaknesses, it tested us to reveal our strengths.
It was a definite work in progress though.
If my therapist was here, she would tell me to focus on the things I could control. My breathing. My actions. The thoughts I allowed space in my mind.
Channeling both their words of advice, I took a deep breath, hitched my bag up my shoulder, and headed for math where I only planned to think about two things:
Algebra… and Kaiden.
After final period, Peyton and I headed to the football field to watch the team practice. She said I had a legitimate reason to be there, given my dad was coach and all. And since there had been a pop quiz in Mr. Jenkins’ class, which meant Kaiden and I had been unable to pass any notes back and forth, I went along with it.
“What’s Xander doing here?” Peyton motioned to where Xander was standing with my Dad.
“I heard Dad and Mom talking about him doing some work with my dad and the team.”
“For real?”
“Yeah, I think it’s his attempt of getting his life back on track.” Xander was everything his older brother wasn’t. Reckless. Impulsive. Unfocused. For as long as I could remember, he’d coasted through life working dead end jobs to make ends meet.
Xander Chase was a lost soul, but it was like the elephant in the room. No one really talked about it.
“Suddenly, hanging out here is looking up. Crap, I mean—”
I pinned her with a hard look. “What happened to ‘gross, he’s like thirty?’” I mimicked her.
“A: I do not talk like that, and B: I can appreciate the male form without wanting to jump his bones.”
My brow lifted higher and she rolled her eyes. “I’m not that bad.” The humor in her eyes dimmed to shame.
“Hey, I was joking. Besides, I’m totally here to appreciate the male form.” I glanced to where Kaiden was warming up. He looked so good in his shoulder pads and jersey. But it was even better knowing what was underneath.
“Lily Ford, are you blushing?” Peyton nestled into my side.
“He’s just so… dreamy.”
“Aww, you’ve got it bad, girl. Did you arrange to see each other again yet?”
“He wants to take me out this week.”
“But?”
“It’s just the sneaking around.” I didn’t want to share Kaiden with anyone, not yet, but I didn’t want to be the kind of girl who lied to her parents either.
“It’s new. You’re still figuring things out. Do you really want to tell everyone and then it doesn’t…” She trailed off.
“Doesn’t what?” My brows furrowed.
She pressed her lips together and glanced away.
“You don’t think it’ll become something more.” My stomach sank.
“That’s not… I just think you have to be realistic. He’s a football player, Lily. He’ll get a scholarship and go off to college and you’ll be…”
“Left behind. That’s what you mean, don’t you?” Disbelief coated my words. “You encouraged me to take a risk and now you’re what, suggesting I stop?”
“No,” her lips thinned, “I’m just saying don’t get too invested.”
Easy for her to say.
I didn’t flirt with random guys or hook up with guys at parties. I couldn’t even remember a time I’d looked at a guy and felt something. But I got butterflies in my stomach and my heart did little flips whenever Kaiden’s gray eyes looked in my direction.
How was I supposed to turn all that off when my heart was already invested?
“I didn’t mean to upset you.” Peyton nudged my shoulder, and I gave her a weak smile.
“I know.” And I did.
But it didn’t change the fact she’d said it.
“I take back my earlier statement.” Peyton laid her head on my shoulder. “I would totally jump Xander’s bones.”
I glanced at her, a beat passing between us, then we both exploded with laughter. It was her way of apologizing. At least, I hoped it was, because Xander was eleven years older than her and just as broken as she was.
It had disaster written all over it.
“One day, Lil, we won’t be like this,” she whispered. “One day, we’ll spread our wings and fly.”
I wanted to ask her what she meant because when I looked at Peyton, I saw a girl who was strong and fearless and unafraid to go after the things she wanted. But I guess we all had our demons.
The ones we kept inside and didn’t let people see.
Nestling closer to her as we watched the guys run drills on the field below, I let out a soft sigh.
“Yeah, I hope so too.”
Chapter Twenty
Kaiden
It was Thurs
day before I got to see Lily again. Aaron invited us over to his house to hang out and she was there with Ashleigh and Poppy.
The second she and the girls entered the shed, my heart did this weird little flip. Fuck, she was turning me soft, but I couldn’t find it in myself to care.
“Hi,” I said as she made a beeline for me.
“Hi.” She smiled, and Aaron snorted.
I flipped him off, causing everyone else to laugh. Apparently, we weren’t doing a good job at being discreet.
Lily’s gaze dropped, her cheeks an adorable shade of pink.
“No Peyton?” Bryan asked.
“She’s working an extra shift.”
“Bummer.” He sank down onto the couch.
“I think it’s time to call it quits. Peyton isn’t interested in the Brymeister.” Gav punched his arm.
“Hey, no need to crush a guy’s hopes. She might still want a piece of this.” He pointed at his chest. “She’s been at practice every day this week.”
Lily frowned, as if it was news to her.
“I don’t think she’s hanging around for you, dude. I think she has a new interest.” Cole snickered.
“Who—?” Bryan’s brows furrowed and then his eyes widened. “Xander?” he growled. “The guy is pushing thirty.”
“Twenty-eight,” Lily corrected.
“Case in point. No way he’d go for a girl in high school.”
“I would hope not. My dad would kick his ass all over the football field.” Strained laughter spilled from her lips.
We hadn’t moved from our position by the pool table. I wanted to move closer, to slide my fingers into her belt loops and pull her into my body. But we hadn’t exactly discussed how we planned to navigate things around our friends.
All week at school, we’d avoided being too close. But it didn’t stop the back-and-forth text messages, and the long, lingering looks across the cafeteria at lunch or in the hall as we passed each other on the way to class.
It wasn’t enough though.
Everyone else was sitting around on the couch and beanbags. It was safe to touch her.
Just for a second.
I extended my fingers, brushing them against Lily, and she rewarded me with a megawatt smile.
“So I was thinking,” Aaron said, “tomorrow after the game we should ditch Lindsey’s party and check out the county fair instead.
“Will there be girls?” Bryan asked.
“I guess.” Aaron shrugged.
“Count me in. Guys?” He glanced at Gav then me. Lily tried to snatch her hand back, but I held it firm. Bryan couldn’t see, and if he could, he wouldn’t say anything.
He knew the deal.
“Yeah, I’m in. Lily?”
Her eyes snapped to mine, wide with surprise. “I… uh, the fair? I mean, it sounds great, but I—”
“No pressure,” I said, reassuring her.
“I want to,” she whispered. “I’m just not sure I’ll be able to handle it…”
“I’ll protect you.” My hand found its way into her belt loop and I gently tugged her closer.
“So what do you think? Do you think Coach will change things up tomorrow?” Cole asked no one in particular, but I only had eyes for Lily. She stepped into me slightly, pressing her hands on my chest. We were closer now, too close, but neither of us stopped.
“Hi,” she mouthed.
“Hi.” I brushed my nose along hers.
I wanted to kiss her. I needed to kiss her.
But then the door swung open and Lily jerked back.
“What the hell, Dad?” Aaron groaned as Mr. Bennet stuck his head inside.
“Relax. I just wanted to come out here and check if everything’s okay. Big game tomorrow. What’s the plan for after? Big party?”
“Actually, we’re thinking of checking out the county fair.”
“Nice. Maybe your mom and I will tag—”
“Okay, Dad. Nice chat. You can go now.”
Sofia and Poppy giggled as Aaron leaped up and started pushing his old man out of the door. But he craned his neck, scanning the room. His eyes landed on me… me and Lily standing near one another in the back. “Thatcher,” he said coolly, a knowing smirk playing on his mouth.
Did he know?
Just from looking at us, at me, did he know that something was going on between us?
“Lilypad.”
“Mr. Bennet.” She gave him a small wave.
“Well, okay then. I guess I’ll leave you all to it.”
Aaron nudged his dad out of the door and slammed it shut. “Fuck, he’s annoying.” He ran a hand through his hair and dropped back down on the couch beside Poppy.
“He’s funny,” she said. “At least he doesn’t care what we’re doing out here.”
“You think he came out here just to say hello? Don’t be fooled, Pops. Your dad probably called him up and asked him to come check on you.”
“He wouldn’t… Yeah, he totally would.” She blew out an exasperated breath. “He’s never going to let me date or have a boyfriend.”
“You want that?” Aaron asked. “A boyfriend, I mean.”
“I don’t know.” Her shoulders lifted in a small shrug. “It’s not like I have options right now, but one day…”
His expression clouded over as if it was news to him. I’d seen the way he watched her. The way his eyes followed Poppy wherever she went. It was the same for me and Lily.
There was definitely something about the Ford girls.
“Do you think he noticed?” Lily’s voice pulled me from my thoughts, and I glanced over at her.
“I think he probably noticed something, yeah.” I couldn’t explain it, but there had been something in his eyes.
“I guess we have to be more careful,” she said, staring at my mouth.
I inched closer, backing her up against the counter. “We should definitely be more careful.” My hand went to her belt loop again as I stared down at her.
Lily’s tongue darted out, wetting her lips, as she waited.
A beat passed.
And another.
Until the air was so thick between us it was hard to breathe.
Laughter filled the shed as the others watched Bryan and Cole duke it out on some video game. They were all distracted, or they were giving us some privacy. Either way, I couldn’t resist leaning down and sealing my mouth over hers.
Lily’s fingers twisted into my hoodie, yanking me closer until the hard lines of my body pressed against her soft curves. She whimpered as my tongue slipped past her lips and curled around her own.
Fuck, I loved kissing this girl.
It wasn’t hurried or superficial. It was real and raw, and it felt like she’d plunged her fist into my chest and grasped my heart in her hand.
When I finally broke away, I touched my head to hers and breathed in a shaky breath.
“Hi.” She smiled up at me.
“Hi, Lilypad.” I smirked.
“Hey.” Her fingers pinched my nipple, twisting hard.
“Joke,” I spluttered, wincing in agony. “It was a joke.”
Her laughter sank into me, fisting my heart again. This girl… this complicated beautiful girl.
I was falling for her.
Headfirst, irrevocably falling.
“It’s one of my less favorite nicknames.”
“There’s more?”
“Mr. Bennet has always called me Lilypad. My sister and friends call me Lil, sometimes Lilster, and my mom calls me Lily Star.”
“Lily Star, I like that.”
“There’s even a song.” Her cheeks dimpled, turning my favorite shade of pink.
“A song, you say?” My fingers found the loops in her jeans again. “And do I get to hear this song?”
“Maybe. One day.”
“Lovebirds,” Bryan yelled. “Why don’t you put each other down for a second and come play with me?”
“Oh my God,” Lily breathed, burying her face in my shoulder.
“Feeling a little left out, Bry?” I shot back.
“Damn right I am. Now get over here, Thatchman and show me what you’re made of.”
“We should probably…” Lily gazed at me, her mouth saying one thing and her eyes saying another thing entirely.
“Yeah, okay.”
“It means you have to move, Kaiden.”
“Huh?” I blinked. “Yeah, okay. I’m… going. I’m going.” Detangling myself from Lily, I ran a hand over my face and went to join Bryan.
“You are so fucking done for,” he whispered, his eyes flicking to where Lily sat on a beanbag next to Ashleigh.
“Yeah,” I replied, fighting a smile. “I am.”
The atmosphere the next day at school was electric, everyone excited about the looming game against Levinson.
Everyone except me.
I’d woken up with a pit in my stomach and an earful from my dad. His tirade had gotten so bad at breakfast that I’d hightailed it out of there and driven around for thirty minutes trying to clear my head, before I picked up Bryan and Gav.
I could still hear his voice now.
You’ll never get to play under that has-been.
How the fuck are scouts supposed to see your talent if you’re on the bench?
You should have gone to Millington.
I was beginning to think he had a point. But Coach Ford was the best, and I didn’t want to settle for mediocre.
It had already been almost a month though.
One month of practice and working my ass off for a team who still refused to give me a fair shot.
I slammed my locker shut and let out a frustrated breath.
“Jeez, who pissed you off?” Lindsey appeared, dressed in her cheer outfit. Her long hair was pulled into two braids over her shoulders and all I could think about was what Lily had confided in me by the lake.
Lindsey had stood by while her friend had hacked my girl’s hair off and then spent most of high school treating Lily like a social outcast.
My girl?
The words hit me out of left field.
Lily wasn’t my girl… was she?
I sure as shit wanted her to be. But it wasn’t that simple.
