by L A Cotton
“I know, Mom.” I placed my mug down and went to her, wrapping my arms around her waist. “I’m okay, I promise.”
I hated lying to her, to my dad. But it was a means to an end. The only way to stop Dad losing his shit and causing problems for Kaiden. I had no doubt they would try to talk me out of being with him when they found out.
He was a football player with plans to go off to college and chase his dreams of going pro. So while part of me felt that out of everyone, Mom should have understood my predicament, the other part knew the fact that she’d been there. Her falling in love with a Raider meant that she knew firsthand the emotional rollercoaster it could be.
Falling in love…
Was I really falling in love with Kaiden?
It wasn’t like I had anything to base my feelings on.
All I knew was, I had constant butterflies whenever he was around. I watched my cell phone like a hawk, wishing he would text. I felt completely at ease in his company. And now I had a giant pit in my stomach, wondering if we were over before we even got started.
I’d let Kaiden touch and kiss me intimately.
I’d let him in.
Maybe it was lust or first crush feelings, but it felt like something more.
It felt right.
“Well, if it isn’t two of my favorite girls.” Dad came into the kitchen, sporting a Raiders hoodie and his trusty ball cap.
“Jase, it’s ten in the morning. Why do you look ready to go to work?” Mom frowned.
“You mean it isn’t Monday?” He hooked an arm around her waist and pulled her into his side, covering her face in big wet kisses.
I watched them fondly despite the ache in my chest. What they had was rare. It was the same for my Uncle Cam and Aunt Hailee, and Mr. and Mrs. Bennet.
We’d all heard the stories about how they met in senior year and survived four years of college, tragedy, my dad’s career in the NFL, and time and distance. Nothing had torn them apart, and they were stronger than ever.
My mom supported Dad one hundred and ten percent and he never ever clipped her wings or dreams.
I used to look at them and think I would never be blessed with that kind of love. I came with too much emotional baggage, too many insecurities and self-doubts. But Kaiden saw past all that. Not only did he see past it… he wanted me in spite of it.
A guy who could have any girl he wanted.
Was Poppy right? Did he have his own self-doubts about us? About being good enough for me?
“What’s on the agenda today, Lil?” Dad asked, keeping one arm possessively around Mom.
“I’m not sure yet. We might hang out at the Bennet’s again, or head to Riverside.”
“I’m not sure I like this new Lily.” His eyes crinkled.
“Jase,” Mom sighed.
“I know, I know, Fee. But she’s my little girl.” He sounded a little choked up. “I’m not ready for senior year—college applications and prom.”
“You still have a few months to get used to the idea of prom, Dad.” I smiled, but it didn’t reach my eyes.
“Yeah, well, I have to survive Homecoming first,” he grumbled.
“Oh, hush. You loved Homecoming our senior year.” Mom swatted his chest. “I can still picture you now, wearing that stupid plastic crown.”
I snickered into my hand. It was hard to believe my dad was once that guy—the star quarterback and most popular guy in school.
“Who was your queen?” I asked.
“You’re looking at her.” A proud smirk crossed his mouth.
“Smooth, real smooth. But no, it wasn’t me. You know I wasn’t that girl back in high school, baby.” Sympathy glittered in her eyes, as if Mom knew what it was like to be the odd girl out.
But she didn’t know.
How could she?
She’d been shy and a little quirky, sure… but she hadn’t been beholden to a mental health disorder that didn’t give any warning before it decided to strike.
“We could go dress shopping before Homecoming. The four of us. Or we could turn it into a proper girl’s day out with Hailee and Ashleigh, and Mya and Sofia.”
“I hadn’t planned to go, Mom.”
“What? You have to go.” Disappointment washed over her. “It’s senior year, Lily Star. Homecoming is a rite of passage.”
“What’s that about Homecoming?” Peyton breezed into the kitchen.
“Lily isn’t planning on going.”
“Uh, yes she is.” She shot me a questioning look. I didn’t know why it was such a surprise.
“We talked about it and I distinctly remember you saying you would come this year.”
I released a steady breath. “Actually, you and Ashleigh talked about it and I didn’t agree or disagree.” I’d just sat and listened.
“You have to come.” Peyton pouted, traipsing over to me and throwing her arms around my neck. “It won’t be the same without you. Plus, you know who will be there.” She’d lowered her voice to a whisper, but it didn’t stop me from pinching the back of her arm hard.
“Mother of—” She jerked away from me and rubbed her arm.
“Peyton?” Mom glanced between us.
“Just a muscle ache. I’m fine.”
“So dress shopping? Are you in?” Mom looked so hopeful I didn’t have the heart to tell her I couldn’t think of anything worse.
Kaiden eventually texted again, asking me to come to Bryan’s to talk. I hadn’t wanted to talk surrounded by our friends but decided that maybe they would be a buffer if things got too weird.
So here we were at Bryan’s house. Aaron and Cole were here. Gav too. Bryan’s parents were out of town until at least tomorrow and since the weather had taken a turn for the worse, he suggested we hang out in his indoor swimming pool.
Ashleigh and Peyton had freaked out when he’d announced that. So of course, they’d worn their bathing suits under their clothes. Poppy and Sofia too. I’d let them talk me into wearing one also, not that I had any plans on using it.
“This is something else.” Peyton whispered as we followed Bryan into the glass building attached to his house. It was like a tropical oasis, the air balmy, and mood lighting bouncing off the walls.
“Check this out.” Bryan went over to a switchboard and pressed a button, and a synthetic waterfall sprang into action, sluicing off the rocks positioned in one corner of the pool.
“What do your parents do again?” Peyton asked him, earning her a smirk.
“Impressed, Blondie?” he teased, and she waved him off. “My dad is an investment banker in the city.”
We were no strangers to money. Sofia and Aaron lived in a huge house on the lake, and Uncle Cam and Aunt Hailee had a beautiful five-bedroomed place down the street from our house. But Dad, despite his success in the NFL, had always taught us about the importance of working hard and saving hard for the future. Neither Poppy nor I would need to worry about college tuition, but we didn’t have a house like this.
The girls wasted no time stripping down to their bathing suits and joining the guys in the water, and soon enough the glasshouse was filled with the sounds of laughter.
“Hi,” Kaiden said, perching on the end of my lounger. He draped my legs over his thighs and ran his fingers up and down my bare skin, and my heart somersaulted.
“Hi.” I gave him a weak smile, frowning when I noticed the red welt along his jaw. “Kaiden, what happened?”
“Oh, this.” He touched a finger to his face. “It’s nothing.”
“It doesn’t look like nothing.” My eyes narrowed.
“Me and the guys were goofing around. I promise, it’s nothing.” A reassuring smile tugged at his mouth but quickly fell. “Listen, about last night. I was an asshole.”
“You hurt me,” I confessed.
“I know, and I’m so fucking sorry. But you kinda threw me for a loop, Lily. This is new for me and lying to Coach? It’s not easy. Especially not with Monroe out of the picture. And…” He trailed off, his
eyes darting away from me.
“And what?” I asked, coaxing him back to me.
When his eyes lifted to mine again, what I saw there made my heart ache. “I can’t help but wonder if you’re ashamed of me or something.”
“What? Why would you think that?”
He shrugged, raw vulnerability shining in his eyes.
“Kaiden, not telling my dad has nothing to do with you. It’s about me. This is the first time I’ve ever felt… something for a boy before. It’s new and confusing, and honestly, a little scary. I need time to process that. To understand it before I share it with everyone. Especially my parents.”
“It’s the first time I’ve ever felt something for a girl either,” he said.
“Yeah?” Hope bloomed inside my chest.
“Yeah. You knocked me on my ass, Lily.”
“So you’re okay with waiting?”
“If that’s what you want, then yeah, I’m okay with it. But I don’t want to wait until the end of the season, Lily. I can’t.” Heat flared in his gray orbs.
“Deal.” My gaze flicked to our friends, needing to break the intensity between us. It was destabilizing. Intimidating. All-consuming.
I was completely losing myself in Kaiden Thatcher, and it was as equally terrifying as it was exhilarating.
“You could always join them,” Kaiden said.
“I can’t.”
“Can’t? Or don’t want to?” His gray eyes pinned me in place, sending a ripple through me.
“I… water scares me.”
“It’s only deep at one end. If we stick to the shallow end, you’ll be able to stand, and I’ll be right there with you. I won’t let anything happen to you, Lily.”
“You can go in without me.” My voice quivered as I watched my sister and friends enjoy the water.
“Don’t you want to experience it? You’re safe here. No one’s going to ridicule you or hurt you.”
My heart crashed wildly against my chest as I tried to absorb his words. “I know.” I inhaled a ragged breath. “I want to… I’m just not sure I can.”
“How about we do baby steps?”
“Baby steps?” I sat up, leaning into him. He looked good in board shorts and a black fitted t-shirt.
“Yeah, we can start small.” His hand went to my braid, tugging the end gently. The slight pinch sent a shiver running down my spine. “I would love to see your hair down one day.”
“You would?”
I didn’t typically wear it down in public. It was too accessible, too easy to get carried away. A braid had been my preferred style since it grew back long enough for a ponytail after Chelsea hacked it off.
“Yeah. I mean, I like it like this, but I can’t bury my hands in it the way I want.”
I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry. Kaiden made even the simplest thing seem so intense, and it still blew my mind that he was choosing to be here, with me.
“What do you say, Lily? Will you go in the water with me?”
“That’s not going to work every time.” I fought a smile.
“I know.” He closed the space between us and kissed me softly. “But I’m hoping this might persuade you.” His tongue peeked out, running along the seam of my lips, coaxing me to open up for him. I did, letting him kiss me deeper.
Our friends goofed around behind us, paying us no attention. Not that it mattered. The second Kaiden touched me, everything else just melted away.
“Baby steps?” I repeated.
“Yep. You in?”
“Okay.” I took a steadying breath. Just the thought of stripping down to my bathing suit in front of everyone freaked me out. But Kaiden had seen me in less.
He lowered my legs to the floor, and I sat up, pulling off my t-shirt. His eyes immediately went to my boobs, and I shook my head.
“What?” A smirk traced his lips.
“So predictable.” Laughter bubbled in my chest.
Offering me his hand, I let him pull me to my feet. My bathing suit was nothing special: plain black, square-necked with two thick straps adorned with wooden beads that crossed at my back. Still, as I slipped off my pants, Kaiden looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
I smoothed a hand over my braid, letting it hang over my shoulder. “Okay. Your turn.”
He yanked his t-shirt over his head and grinned. “Done.” Kaiden held out his hand again and I took it, letting him guide me to the edge of the pool. We were near the shallow end with the walk-in steps.
“You can sit on the edge or come into the water?” He let go of my hand and waded in up to his waist. “Just a few steps?”
“O-okay.” My body trembled as I dipped my toes into the pool. It was warm and inviting and not at all as scary as I expected. I reached for his hand and he took it, threading our fingers together.
I didn’t look across the pool, but I knew our friends were watching. It wouldn’t be a big deal to the guys, but the girls knew what this meant to me.
“How does it feel?” Kaiden asked.
“Good. Nice. But I don’t think I’m ready to go any deeper.”
“We don’t have to. You can sit down.”
I lowered myself to the step, startling a little when Kaiden lowered himself into the water with a splash.
“Sorry.” He swam up to me, resting his upper body on my knees. I ran my hands through his hair, gazing down at him.
“Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me, Lily. It’s what boyfr…” He froze, his lips stuck mid-word. “I didn’t mean—”
“Can I ask you something?” I said, fighting a smile.
“Anything.”
“What are we, Kaiden? I mean… I don’t need a label or anything, but I guess I want to know if—”
“Mine, Lily, you’re mine.” The possessiveness in his voice made my breath hitch.
“Does that make you mine?”
“Yeah, it does.” He leaned up, kissing me. I curved my hand over his shoulder, whimpering when his tongue slid against mine.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that,” I breathed.
My heart was still racing but it was for an entirely different reason now.
The warm water lapped around us as our tongues slid together. Kaiden made everything quiet. My overactive thoughts, the pit in my stomach, the little voice in my head telling me to stay in the shadows.
He silenced them all until I was just a girl kissing a guy…
And falling headfirst in love with him.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Kaiden
“Looking good, Thatcher,” Coach Ford boomed across the field as I jogged back into position. It was my first practice as quarterback, but the mood was tense.
Monroe’s guys were wary of me, of falling in line behind me. But Coach had set them straight in the locker room. Monroe was out for the rest of the season, and since he needed extensive surgery on his arm, he wouldn’t be back to school anytime soon. We had seven games left to play, and if we wanted to make the playoffs, we couldn’t afford to mess up now.
I knew it. They knew it. We all knew it.
I just hoped they could put the shit with Monroe behind us. I didn’t want their approval or even their friendship. But I needed their respect on the field. We needed to be able to work as a team if we were going to get the job done.
“Okay,” he yelled. “Run it again.”
Aaron crouched down, waiting for me to call the play. I gave the order, and he snapped the ball to me. Dropping back, I waited for my running back. He faked the handoff and I rolled around him, cradling the ball right into my body and then sent it sailing down field to the open arms of the receiver.
“Nice.” Aaron held out his fist and I bumped it, glancing over to where Coach was saying something to Xander.
I still couldn’t get a read on our new assistant coach. He wasn’t like any coach I’d ever met. He was tardy, refused to let us call him coach, and usually looked like he’d just roll
ed out of bed. But Coach seemed to like having him around.
“Thatcher, get over here.” He beckoned me over to them.
“What’s up, Coach?” I said, a little breathless from forty minutes of solid drills.
“I want you and Xander to work together on some escape drills for the rest of the session.”
“Okay.” I frowned underneath my helmet.
“Don’t look so concerned,” he chuckled. “Xander was one of the best QBs the Raiders has ever seen. Almost as good as me.”
Something passed between the two men, but then Xander glanced away, releasing a long, steady breath as if he was struggling to keep his shit together.
“I’m ready when you are, Coach.”
“It’s Xander,” he grumbled. “Let’s go.”
I fell into step beside him. “One of the best quarterbacks the team’s ever seen… That’s quite the accolade,” I said. “Especially from Coach Ford.”
“Yeah, well, times were different back then.”
“Did you play ball in college?”
He glanced over at me, his lips thinned. “I didn’t go to college.”
“Oh.” The air turned thick around us and I stopped trying to make small talk. Clearly the guy had issues, and I wasn’t about to make my life any harder than it was already.
All morning I’d had a pit in my stomach at the prospect of coming face-to-face with Coach Ford. But the second I’d stepped out onto the field, it was like I splintered myself in two, leaving the guy who was infatuated with his daughter in the locker room, while Kaiden the football player ran drills and worked his ass off to prove his worth.
Xander set up five hoops and some throwing targets. I knew the drill. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t done a hundred times already. But my job wasn’t to ask questions, it was to follow instructions. To push myself harder, to always want to be better.
So I’d follow Coach’s orders and run the drill with Xander because I was his quarterback now, and he was looking to me to set the example and lead the team.
Something had shifted since Friday’s game. I guess part of me had expected it, but I hadn’t been prepared for the sudden spotlight shining on me.
