by L A Cotton
“You’re amazing. You know that, right?”
“I—” Heat spread into her cheeks as I got up and stalked around the counter. “Kaiden, what are you—”
“Ssh.” I dragged my thumb over her bottom lip. “I’m going to kiss you now.”
“But the food?”
“Will reheat.” I went to kiss her again, but she pressed her hands against my chest.
“Wait, you didn’t tell me what happened with the scout.”
“You really want to talk about this now?” My brow arched. I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to kiss her, to lose myself in her until everything else—my father, her dad, football, the future—melted away.
“Of course I do. It’s a huge deal for you.”
Something inside me twisted. It was a huge deal. Or, at least, it had been before I met Lily. Now I wasn’t sure what I wanted anymore.
“We talked a little. He gave me his card. He’s going to try and get down to Rixon in the next couple of weeks and watch me practice.”
“Kaiden, that’s amazing news.” She threw her arms around me and hugged me, but quickly eased away, frowning. “It is amazing news, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I mean, it’s what I’ve always wanted so…” The words sat between us like a giant fucking elephant in the room. Alabama was a fifteen-hour drive from Rixon. It might as well have been halfway around the world.
“What’s wrong?” Lily’s frown deepened.
“Nothing, come here.” Sliding my hands around her waist, I picked her up and carried her over to the bed. “Is this okay?” I laid her down and crawled over her.
“More than okay.” Her smile hit me right in the chest as she wound her hands around my neck.
“I’m gone for you, Lily,” I confessed, feeling the words coil around my heart. “So fucking gone. I hope you know that.”
“I do.” She whispered, brushing her lips over mine. “And I feel exactly the same.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” She nodded. “Now shut up and kiss me.”
“Oh God, Kaiden… God…” Lily arched beneath me, tugging my hair as I speared my tongue inside her. I’d spent hours kissing her, acquainting myself with every single inch of her skin. We’d reheated the takeout and eaten on the bed, sprawled out next to each other with the sheets draped over our bodies, completely at ease.
There was just something about her. She was so pure and good. Her light outshone the darkness circling my soul, and I wanted to soak up every last bit.
“Kaiden,” she cried, a tremor of pleasure going through her as I sucked her clit, curling my fingers deep inside her.
It only took another second for her to shatter around me, crying my name, over and over.
I crawled up her body, dropping a kiss on her lips before I rolled to the side and pulled her into the crook of my arm. “Have you enjoyed tonight?”
“So much. You know, it’s been a long time since I felt so happy.” Her expression turned serious. “You make me happy, Kaiden.”
There she went again, reaching inside my chest and fisting my heart.
I’d never met a girl that wanted me before, not like this. They usually wanted the football player, the star, the quarterback… they didn’t have much time or interest in getting to know Kaiden, the guy underneath all that.
Lily let out a soft sigh, pressing herself against the length of my body, walking her fingers down my chest. “How much longer do you think we have left before Bryan gets home?” She ghosted her lips over my jaw.
“We have time.”
“Good, because I’m curious about something.”
“Curious?” My brow arched, my heart almost exploding out of my chest when Lily pushed me onto my back and crawled over me.
“Well, it seems only fair that now you’ve tasted me…” Color stained her cheeks and she peered down at me, her pupils dilated with lust. “That I get to taste you.”
“Yeah?” My gaze went wide.
Lily nodded, sliding down my body. “But I have no idea what I’m doing, so you’ll have to tell me what you like.”
“Oh, I’ll like it.”
I’m pretty sure I’ll like anything you do to me.
“Fuck, man, you’ve got it bad.” Bryan strolled over to me and roped his arm around my neck as I watched Ashleigh drive off with Lily. “Coach Ford is going to hang you by your balls when he finds out you’re banging his daughter.”
“I’m not… we didn’t—”
“No? Shit. I thought for sure you’d given it to her good.”
“Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?” I glared at him.
“What? It’s just sex, Thatchman. And you need to get laid before it shrivels up and falls off.”
“Cut him some slack, Bry,” Gav said, throwing me a knowing look. “Lily isn’t like most girls.”
“Yeah, what’s up with that?”
The air around us turned tense.
“She’s got some stuff going on,” I said, not wanting to overstep the mark. It wasn’t my story to tell.
“Are you two like together now?” he asked.
“What do you think?”
“I think she’s Coach’s daughter. The daughter of the guy your dad hates more than—”
“Yeah, okay, man. I get it. It’s a mess.” I scrubbed my jaw, my cheekbone smarting as we went back inside.
“So, you’re going to keep it a secret?”
“For now, yeah. Which means it stays between us.” I gave them both a pointed look.
“Of course, Thatch,” Gav said. “But you know, secrets always have a way of coming out.”
“I know. Fuck, I know.” It’s why I’d wanted to come clean. But Lily was dead set on us not telling her father, and I wanted to honor her wishes.
No matter how much it killed me.
“What is it?” Gav asked.
“I dunno. I just wish things were different.”
“Dude, she’s a nobody and you’re a somebody now. She probably doesn’t want to be thrust into the limelight.”
I didn’t like thinking of Lily as a nobody, not when she was fast becoming everything to me. But Gav didn’t mean it like that. Lily wasn’t like a lot of girls at Rixon High. She hid in the shadows, shielding herself behind her friends. Suddenly dating the quarterback of the football team would shine attention on her.
The kind of attention I knew she didn’t like.
“I need another beer,” I said, suddenly feeling way out of my depth.
It had been an amazing night. I’d loved every second of being with Lily, and she’d surprised me again and again. Especially when she’d crawled down my body and wrapped her perfect lips around my dick. Fuck, I’d come so hard I saw stars, and not just the ones glittering down on us through the skylight.
But now she was gone, and my chest was hollow again. Because no matter how much she said she wanted me, no matter how much I wanted her… it still felt like a choice was coming. A choice I wasn’t ready to make.
Football…
Or Lily.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Lily
School had gone wild for Homecoming. Banners littered the halls and flyers were posted over lockers and noticeboards. Rixon High loved school spirit and aside from Prom, Homecoming was at the top of the social calendar.
It was all anyone was talking about, including the girls in the bathroom as I sat in the stall, silently praying they would disappear any second.
“I think I’m going to ask Stephen,” Candice said. “We hooked up over the summer, and I wouldn’t mind another ride, if you know what I mean.”
Their sickly-sweet laughter filled the air, making me shudder.
“I’m holding out for Kaiden to ask me.” That was Lindsey.
“Babe, you need to let that ship sail. He’s not interested.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I think I can persuade him.”
My pulse ratcheted at the confidence in her words.
“I’ll see it when
I believe it,” Candice snickered.
“You’ll see. There’s only one guy I’ll be with at Homecoming and it’s Kaiden. Besides, everyone knows with Jenson out of the running, he’ll be crowned king, and I’ll be his queen. Although he’ll be the one kneeling at my feet by the end of the night.”
“Oh my God, Linds, you are so bad,” another voice said.
“Yeah, well. I’m done playing. I want Kaiden and I’m going to do whatever it takes to get him.”
I held my breath, hoping they wouldn’t realize I was in here. The familiar tingle spread across my scalp as my heart pounded in my chest. I hated that after all this time, she still had such power over me. Power to make me feel small and insignificant. Power to make me question why Kaiden was with someone like me—shy, inexperienced Lily Ford—when he could be with someone like her. Even if she was a vapid bitch.
The door swung open and then closed as their laughter faded. Certain the coast was clear, I slipped out of the stall and—
“I thought I saw you come in here,” Lindsey sneered at me.
My heart dropped. “I… Lindsey,” I said, trying to disguise the quiver in my voice. Ignoring her death stare, I washed my hands and dried them.
“You know, I’ve seen how you watch him.”
“Excuse me?” I finally met her narrowed glare.
“Kaiden, silly. You want him.”
I pressed my lips together in defiance. I wasn’t going to do this with her.
“The thing is though, Lily.” She prowled toward me like a gazelle, all long legs and grace. Except her smile hid sharp teeth and her fingers were more like claws. I stepped back until I hit the wall, but she didn’t stop coming.
Her hand darted out, wrapping around my braid. “Does he know?” she tugged sharply, and a whimper spilled from my lips. There was nothing soothing about this though, only pain. “Does he know how you almost plucked yourself bald that summer?”
“W-why are you doing this?” I cried. It was the sleepover all over again. Chelsea waving the scissors in front of my face as Lindsey and the rest of her friends held me down like an animal.
My vision began to thin as I sucked in ragged breath after ragged breath. A giant weight pressed down on my rib cage, suffocating me as the memories slammed into me, one after another. Their taunts and laughter, the way they’d ignored me as I sobbed quietly in the corner with my hair in tatters.
“Look at you,” she spat. “You can’t even stand up for yourself. And you think you stand a shot with someone like Kaiden. He’s going to go all the way you know. Become a big football star…” She yanked me forward, sending another bolt of pain through me, and moved her lips to my ear. “He could have any girl he wants. Do you honestly think he’ll ever choose you?”
Lindsey shoved me hard, and I slumped against the wall, sobbing uncontrollably as I lost the fight against my irrational, traitorous thoughts.
She stared at me, victory gleaming in her eyes. “You’re nobody, Lily Ford. You should remember that.”
Spinning on her heel, Lindsey walked out of the bathroom as if she hadn’t just driven a knife through my heart. I slipped down the wall, landing with a thud as my body trembled.
Somehow, I managed to dig out my cell phone and text Peyton, and seconds later, she burst through the door with Ashleigh.
“Lily, what the hell?” They rushed over to me, helping me to my feet.
“What happened?” Peyton asked.
“L-Lindsey.”
“I’ll kill her,” she hissed. “I’ll fucking kill her.”
“No!” I grabbed her arm, sobbing hard. “I just want to get out of here… you have to get me out of here.”
“God, babe, yeah, okay.” Ashleigh checked the hall.
She went to the door and peeked her head out. “Coast is clear, but we’ll have to make a run for it.”
Peyton hugged me tight as we slipped out of the bathroom and hurried down the hall. The second we spilled out of the building, I felt lighter.
I felt like I could breathe again.
They ushered me into Ashleigh’s car, and she fired up the engine, backing out of the parking lot. Neither of them asked me anymore questions as I curled up on the seat and pressed my head against the cool glass.
As the panic attack subsided, I was left with a deep sense of shame. I didn’t want to be like this. Weak. Beholden to my emotions. But Lindsey had triggered the one memory that would always cause me a great amount of pain.
Ashleigh didn’t drive me home. She got drive-thru milkshakes instead and the three of us sat in her car down by the lake.
“How are you feeling now?” she asked.
“I’m okay.”
“Ready to tell us what happened?” Peyton said, and I didn’t miss the tremor of anger in her voice.
“Just Lindsey being Lindsey. I was in a stall and they were all talking. I waited until I thought they’d gone but she’d stayed behind.”
“Lily, you have to tell somebody.”
“N-no!” I blurted out. “Can you imagine what my dad will do if he finds out?”
“Good, let him,” Peyton scoffed. “She deserves it.”
“I don’t want to tell anyone,” I said firmly. “It will only make her worse.”
“Fine. Then we fight fire with fire. We go to Homecoming and show her that you, Lily Ford, are not going to let her win.”
My stomach sank. “Actually, about that,” I said, staring down at my hands. “I’ve decided I’m not going to Homecoming.”
“Lily,” Ashleigh said, pouting. “That’s the opposite of fighting. It’s letting her win.”
“I just can’t be there and watch her trying to seduce Kaiden. I can’t do it.”
“You know, you wouldn’t have this problem if you just came clean to your dad and—”
“Peyton,” I sighed. “I’m not ready.”
I couldn’t explain it to them, make them understand what it was like when your own mind was constantly the enemy.
“But why, babe? Kaiden is head over heels about you. He’s proved that time and time again.”
“Because… because I’m hopelessly in love with him.”
“You love him?” Ashleigh asked, and I nodded.
“I do. I really do.”
“But isn’t that a good thing?” She looked genuinely confused, and I couldn’t answer her because I felt the same.
All I knew was that I loved Kaiden. I was in love with him, and it made me feel completely vulnerable in a way I’d never felt before. Because if by some small chance he didn’t feel the same, it would crush me.
I would be crushed.
“It’s scary,” I confessed.
“Well, duh.” Ashleigh leaned over and grabbed my hand, tangling it with her own. “Nothing worth having comes easy, Lil.”
I peeked over at her. “I’m so lucky to have you.” I craned my neck around to look at Peyton. “Both of you.”
“We love you, Lil. And we want you to have all the things. Whenever you’re ready, babe.” Peyton squeezed my shoulder too.
I wanted all the things, I did.
I just wasn’t sure I was brave enough to take them.
Kaiden: How are you feeling?
I rolled onto my stomach to text Kaiden back.
I’d been home for hours. I told everyone I had stomach cramps as that usually shut them up. And since Mom and Dad were at work and Poppy was still at school, I’d avoided any questions so far.
Lily: Better, thanks. I missed you today.
Kaiden: Not as much as I missed you. AP English was a drag. So Homecoming is this week…
Lily: It is.
I chewed my bottom lip, waiting for his reply.
Kaiden: Save me a dance?
Lily: I’m not sure I’m going to go yet.
My cell phone started vibrating.
“You have to go,” Kaiden said.
“It’s not really my thing, you know that. And my dad is one of the chaperones. We wouldn’t get any time
together.”
“I’ll admit, it’s not the ideal situation.” He let out a deep sigh. “But I don’t want to be there if you’re not.”
My heart melted. Kaiden said and did all the right things. My friends were right, he constantly proved his devotion to me. I had to start trying to believe in that and stop letting Lindsey get in my head.
“I’ll be at the game,” I said, changing the subject, the seeds of a plan taking root inside my mind.
Maybe we couldn’t have the full Homecoming experience, but there was something I could give Kaiden. But it was going to require a little help from my friends.
“You’d better be,” he chuckled. The possessiveness in his voice made me feel all warm inside. This was what I needed to focus on. The things he said, the way he made me feel. Lindsey was just jealous he didn’t want her, and I was an easy target to take out her frustrations on. Of course, it probably meant she would go postal when she found out the truth. But at least then, I’d have Kaiden by my side.
“What are you doing now?” he asked.
I climbed off my bed and padded over to my desk, gathering up the stack of college brochures. Sitting cross-legged in the middle of my bed, I said, “Looking at college brochures.”
“Where are you considering?”
“I have brochures for Penn State, the University of Pittsburgh at Bradford, and Temple University. I’m leaning toward veterinary science like my mom. But…”
But whenever I let my mind travel forward in time to next fall, I couldn’t imagine life at college without my heart almost beating out of my chest.
It was as frustrating as hell.
“My girl’s smart,” Kaiden teased.
“I do okay.”
“I know it’s outside your comfort zone, Lily. But you should do it. You should at least apply. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”
“Yeah. Has Alabama always been it for you?” I deflected.
“It’s my first choice, yeah.”
Chewing my bottom lip, I scanned all the brochures. I wanted to stay close to home. Kaiden couldn’t wait to leave. It wasn’t an issue now, next fall was a long way off, but if this thing between us worked out, eventually, it would become an issue.
