by L A Cotton
“Poppy, it was a disaster. I wish I’d never gone to the stupid dance.” Pain lashed at my insides and a tear slipped free. I wiped it away, trying not to let the darkness consume me again.
“Granted, it didn’t end quite the way you had planned. But don’t let that take away from the fact that you stepped wildly out of your comfort zone and went for it. You should be so proud of yourself.”
“You do know half our class and most of the faculty saw me and Kaiden…”
“That was… unfortunate.” Her lips curved and we both shared a small laugh.
“Unfortunate?” I balked. “Poppy, Dad saw me giving Kaiden a hand job in the middle of the fair.”
“Shit, you’re right. We’d better call 9-1-1.” I frowned and she added, “Dad’s going to kill him.”
Turned out Dad didn’t kill Kaiden. He came home an hour later. I heard him and Mom talking in hushed voices, but I stayed in my room.
I was exhausted. Wrung out from my panic attack last night. From the sheer embarrassment that everyone now shared one of the most intimate moments of my life with me. I would never be able to walk down the hall at school without someone smirking or snickering.
God, how was I ever going to face them? If I was Lindsey or Peyton—hell, even Ashleigh—something like that wouldn’t faze them. They’d walk into school with their heads held high and own it. Teenagers made mistakes. They got caught up in the moment and gave into their sexual urges. It happened all the time.
But most of us didn’t end up sharing those moments with the entire senior class.
A knock at my door startled me. “Lily, can I come in?”
“Sure, Dad.”
He slipped inside, closing the door behind him. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I never want to set foot in school again. I mean, I can barely look at you right now.” And he was my dad. The man who had picked me up whenever I fell down. The man who had taught me about the importance of family. The man who had taught me how to love.
“It’s okay, I bleached my eyes earlier. Problem solved.” His lips curved into a wry smile, but it did little to ease the huge knot in my stomach. “I don’t care about the video, Lily. I care about you, sweetheart.” He sat on the edge of the bed.
“You went to see him?”
“I did.”
“Should I start calling the local hospitals?”
He chuckled, his eyes crinkling with humor. “Funny, funny, ha ha. You know, Kaiden isn’t at all what I expected. His old man… how bad does it get?”
“I’m not sure. But you know the bruise on his cheek?” Dad nodded and I went on, “His dad hit him. He says it was an accident, but I’m not so sure.”
“Shit.” He released a steady breath. “I didn’t realize things were so bad. He told me he got it at practice.”
“It’s not exactly something he wants to broadcast.”
“No, but I’m his coach. I should know my players. Know their struggles. I’m supposed to make it my business to know,” he murmured to himself, disappointment etched into his expression.
A beat passed, the air sticky around us.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Lily? You could have come to me about this.”
“It was new, Dad. I’ve never felt this way about a boy before. And it was Kaiden. You said—”
“I know what I said, sweetheart. But I’m your dad. We talk shit sometimes.”
“For what it’s worth, I am sorry.” I dropped my gaze, but Dad slid his fingers under my chin and lifted my face back to his.
“I know, Lil. I know. Kaiden is a good guy, sweetheart. You should give him a chance to fix this.”
My heart squeezed as I gave him a sad smile and said, “I’m not sure he can.”
Everything was different now. Although it wasn’t Kaiden’s fault, not really, everything was tainted. I was tainted. I’d been strong this morning when Poppy was here. But I was already slipping.
“I’ve emailed my therapist,” I said.
“You have?”
“Yeah, I don’t want this to turn into something I can’t control. So, if it’s okay with you and Mom, I’m going to ask for weekly sessions again.”
“You know we’ll support you, Lily. Always.”
“Thank you. I don’t want it to be a huge deal though. I’m okay, and I will get through this.”
He regarded me for a second, his eyes glittering with unshed tears.
“Dad?” My mouth went dry. “Are you—”
“Proud, sweetheart. I’m so fucking proud of you. And I know this is a temporary setback, but you’ll overcome it, Lily. Because you’re strong. You’re a Ford, sweetheart. And Ford’s never quit.”
Peyton and Ashleigh spent the day with me. We binged junk food and watched reruns of our favorite TV shows. And every time my fingers slipped to my braid, and it was a lot, one of them would distract me.
But for the last hour, Peyton had been distracted herself.
“Something you want to tell us?” I said, and she frowned over the top of her cell phone.
“Nope.”
“Wait, what are you doing? Who is that?”
“That’s for me to know and you to find out.” She stuck her tongue out at me, and I rolled my eyes.
“Is it Bryan?” I could imagine them colluding to try to fix things between me and Kaiden.
I still hadn’t texted him back, and he’d finally stopped messaging me. I couldn’t explain it, but I needed some time before I saw him again. After baring my soul to him and it ending so badly, I guess you could say, I needed time to heal.
“Are you hungry?” Ashleigh asked. “We could get pizza? Or I’m sure Aunt Fee will—”
“I couldn’t eat another thing,” I said, rubbing my candy-filled stomach. “I’m surprised Mom hasn’t been up here, trying to feed us.”
“Actually, I think they went out.”
“They did?” My brows pinched. “Why wouldn’t they tell—”
The doorbell rang, and Peyton bolted upright off the bed. “I’ll get it.”
“Peyton,” my spine tingled, “what did you do?”
But she practically ran from my room.
“Tell me she didn’t,” I said to Ashleigh.
“Don’t look at me,” she said, shrugging. “I have no idea what she’s up to.”
But my heart knew.
It knew the second the doorbell rang.
“He can’t come up here,” I said, panic rising inside me. “I’m a complete mess.”
“Relax,” Ashleigh gave me a reassuring smile. “He cares about you, Lil. He doesn’t care what you look like.”
Oh God.
I was going to hurl.
“I don’t feel so good,” I whimpered, and Ashleigh shuffled closer to me.
“Relax, it’s only Kaiden. You have nothing to worry about. We’ll be right downstairs, okay?”
“I…” The words got stuck.
“Okay, Lil?”
“Y-yeah, okay.”
My heart crashed violently against my rib cage. Kaiden was here. In my house. And I was in my lounge pants and ratty, well-loved tank top, and my bedroom looked like a bomb had gone off.
I sat frozen in place as Ashleigh climbed off the bed and went to the door, trading places with Kaiden.
“Hey,” he said, stepping into the room, taking every ounce of air with him until my lungs felt like they might burst.
“H-hi.” I managed to choke out, noticing the ugly bruise along his jaw.
“Tell me he didn’t—”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I’m okay.”
“Kaiden, you need to tell someone.” My heart sank. He didn’t deserve this. Kaiden didn’t deserve to be made to feel less than worthy all because his dad was a bitter drunk stuck in the past.
“I didn’t come here to talk about him, Lily. I came here for you. And I’m so fucking sorry for showing up unannounced, but since you were ignoring me, Peyton thought… I can go,” uncertainty flashed in his eyes,
“if you want me to.”
“No, it’s okay. I just wasn’t exactly expecting visitors.” My eyes darted around my room.
“You think I care about any of that?” He took another step toward me. “I just needed to know you’re okay.”
“Honestly, I don’t know what I feel right now. I still can’t believe she…”
“Fuck, Lily.” He dropped to his knees in front of me. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. If I’d have known—”
“Ssh.” My finger slid against his lips, silencing him. “It doesn’t matter. It’s done now.”
“It matters,” he said around my digit, his warm breath shooting shivers down my arm.
“It matters to me. I hate that she took something from us… from you. I know how lucky I am that you chose me to trust with all your firsts, Lily.”
My expression softened. How could it not when he was on his knees before me saying such things?
“How am I ever going to walk back into school, Kaiden? I have spent so long hiding, avoiding the spotlight… and now it’s shining right on me.”
He leaned closer, resting his hands on the bed on either side of my thighs. His eyes closed as he inhaled a shuddering breath. “Let me be your shield,” he said, fixing his steel gaze right on me. “Let me hold you up when you fall, Lily. Let me love you.”
A soft gasp escaped my lips.
“W-what did you say?”
“You heard me.” His mouth curved.
“Can you say it again? Just so I can be sure I heard it right?”
Erasing the final sliver of space between us, Kaiden let his mouth ghost over mine. “I love you, Lily Ford. I am hopelessly, desperately in love with you.”
“You love me?” My lips brushed his as the words formed.
“I do. I think I have for a while. I was just too chickenshit to say it. I will never regret anything more than I do about what happened last night. It shouldn’t have gone down like that. But how can I ever forget it, when it was the night the girl I love chose me? Fought for me.” His hand glided up the side of my throat, gently holding me. “It’s you and me, Lily. Nothing else matters.”
“I’m scared, Kaiden.” I confessed, feeling the weight of my words slide between us.
“You don’t need to be.” He cupped the back of my neck, kissing me but not nearly enough. “I’ll always protect you, Lily. I’ll pick you up when you fall, carry you when things seem too hard. I’ll always be there, I promise.”
“You can kiss me now,” I whispered, letting his love cocoon me like a warm blanket.
He loved me.
Kaiden loved me.
And while I knew he couldn’t fix me; he could stand by my side. He could be my person.
“I love you,” I breathed the words against his lips.
And this time…
He said them right back.
“You guys are so freaking cute,” Sofia said as we all sat around in Aaron’s den. It had been Poppy’s idea. She thought it would do me good to get out of the house, be around people after last night.
People who wouldn’t point and snicker.
And she was right.
Our friends hadn’t uttered a word about the video, acting as if they’d never even seen it. Even though they had.
Kaiden dropped a kiss on my head before scooting me off his lap. “It’s my turn.” He motioned over to where Bryan stood at the pool table.
“Okay. Good luck.” I snagged his sweater, kissing him on the cheek.
Someone let out a dreamy sigh, and heat creeped into my cheeks as I watched Kaiden walk over to the pool table.
“Major swoon alert,” Sofia said.
“Right? You should have seen Dad earlier,” Poppy chuckled. “He barely held it together.”
“Oh, I don’t know. He did okay.”
I was proud of the way he was handling things, all things considered. No father wanted to see his daughter getting hot and heavy with their boyfriend. Yet, he’d somehow managed to shelve his anger to focus on me, and what I needed.
He and Kaiden even shook hands before we left to come here, which was a huge step in the right direction.
The only thing left to overcome was school on Monday. But I wasn’t thinking about that yet, because if I thought about it, my palms went slick, my heart went haywire, and the walls started to close in.
“Who’d have thought that out of everyone, you’d be the first to get a boyfriend.”
“Gee, thanks, Poppy.”
“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know.”
She gave me a warm smile. “Now Dad should be a breeze when I finally find a guy I want to date.” Her eyes slid over to Aaron but quickly darted away.
“You should tell him,” I whispered.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She kept saying that, but she wasn’t fooling me for a second.
“What are we doing tonight?” Peyton asked, texting someone on her phone.
“Tonight?”
“Yeah, it’s Saturday. We always do something.”
“I figured we’d hang here,” Ashleigh said, glancing at something on Peyton’s cell. They shared a conspiratorial look.
“Who is that?” I asked.
“No one.”
“Peyton, what are you up to?”
“Nothing,” she smiled.
“Why do I not like the sound of that?”
“Babe, this is me. Don’t you trust me?”
I wanted to say yes, because she was my best friend.
But they were up to something.
And after her little stunt this morning, she couldn’t be trusted.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Kaiden
“We’re uh, we’re going to… go.” Peyton grabbed Bryan’s hand and pulled him toward the door.
“Go? Go where?” Lily’s brows drew together.
“He’s going to help me with something. Isn’t that right, Bry?”
“I…” She nudged his ribs and he spluttered, “Yeah, yeah. We’ll see you later, okay?”
They hurried out of the den.
“What the hell was all that about?” Lily glanced at Ashleigh who shrugged. “You don’t think they’re… going to have sex, do you?”
Fuck, she was so adorable.
I nuzzled her neck from behind and let my lips trail up to her ear. “Does it matter if they are?”
A shiver ran down Lily’s spine as she pressed into my touch. “I guess not,” she said, a little breathless. Turning slightly, she met my heated gaze. “Hi.” The word formed on her lips.
“Hi.”
Jesus, I was so gone for this girl.
I’d transferred to Rixon High hoping to play some football and secure a ticket out of here. I hadn’t expected to fall in love. But Lily was everything I never knew I needed. And I was so fucking relieved her dad hadn’t strung me up by my balls because a) I kind of liked them attached to my body and b) they belonged one-hundred-percent to his daughter.
The entire day had been a surprise: from Coach showing up at my house, to going to Lily’s and getting on my fucking knees for her.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked me.
“You… us. The fact I get to keep you.”
“Kaiden.” Her eyelashes fluttered as she dropped her gaze. When her eyes settled on mine again, they were shining with happiness. “I was so scared about telling everyone,” she whispered. “But it feels like such a relief that I no longer have to hide how I feel about you.”
“That doesn’t mean we all need to watch you making out, Lil.” Aaron, the cocky fucker, laughed, and I reached around her to flip him off.
“You’re only jealous,” Poppy said.
“Jealous? I don’t have time for girls,” he shot back, and her expression fell.
“He’s so clueless.” I murmured against the shell of Lily’s ear.
“Yep. I hope he realizes before it’s too late.”
“We’re guys,”
I said. “It usually takes us a while.”
Lily smiled, stealing a kiss, careful not to apply too much pressure. She was concerned about my injuries, despite my protests that I was fine.
When she went to pull away, I tightened my arm around her and anchored her to me. Gently parting her lips with my tongue, I curled it around hers, tasting her. Teasing her.
Someone groaned from beside us and I flipped the room off. I’d waited a long time to kiss Lily in public; no one was going to stop me now.
Well, maybe Coach Ford.
But he was my girlfriend’s dad now.
I had to make a good impression.
“Did you get his message?” Ashleigh asked me some time later.
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“I think they’re fucking ridiculous.” I snorted.
“They only want to help. I think it’s sweet.” Her eyes flicked over to where Lily sat with Poppy and Sofia, the three of them playing quarters. I knew because I hadn’t taken my eyes off her the entire time I’d been playing pool with Aaron and Gav.
“She deserves this, Kaiden.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“So, you’re in?” A slow smile spread across her face.
“Yeah, I’m in.”
“Eek, okay. So I’ll take her back to the house and get her ready and we’ll meet you there later?”
“She’ll know something is up,” I said.
“Yeah, but she won’t suspect this. I’ll think of something to throw her off the scent.”
“Okay, what do you need me to do?”
“Tell her that you need to head home and that you’ll see her tomorrow.”
“I can do that.” I went to go, but Ashleigh grabbed my arm. “I’m glad she has you, Kaiden.”
“Thanks.” My brows crinkled.
I made my way over to the girls and scooped Lily up, dropping down onto the couch with her on my lap. “Who’s winning?”
“Poppy. I’m terrible.”
I snatched up a quarter and flicked it into the cup. “Nothing a little practice won’t solve.” Kissing the end of Lily’s nose, I ran my fingers over the ends of her braid. “You know, there’s a lot I want to forget about last night, but I can’t get the image out of my head of how beautiful you looked with your hair down.”
