by Louise Hall
Nico broke the awkward silence, “Cate, it’s good to see you again.” He leaned forward and kissed her on both cheeks.
“It’s, um… good to see you again too,” Cate stumbled over her words. She touched her eternity ring, wishing Kian was there.
“Hi,” Ruby said shyly. She gripped Nico’s hand tightly. “I’m Ruby.”
“Hi.”
As they shook hands, Cate noticed that Ruby had purple varnish on her fingernails and there was a gothic, lace design painted over the top. “I love your nails.” She’d used the same design on her toenails. “Did you use a Barden pen to do the lace like that?”
“Yes,” Ruby visibly relaxed. “It’s the first time I’ve used it. I wasn’t sure how it would turn out…”
Nico looked at Liv, who was still stood at the top of the stairs, clutching the banister so tightly her knuckles had turned white. “We’ll give you two some privacy.”
Cate didn’t want Ruby and Nico to go. Now that she was actually standing in front of her sister, the words she wanted to say wouldn’t come out of her mouth.
“Let’s go downstairs,” Liv suggested.
“OK,” Cate followed her sister downstairs to the basement.
Cate perched on the edge of the sofa. The air in the basement was so thick with tension, it was hard to breathe.
“I’m sorry,” Liv said at the same time as Cate said, “I hate you.”
“You hate me?” Liv looked hurt.
Cate shook her head, “I don’t know. I want to.”
“You want to hate me?”
“You were my best friend, Liv,” Cate swallowed the lump at the back of her throat, “and then you just cut me out of your life.”
“I called you every week,” Liv protested.
Cate shook her head, “only because Kian paid you.”
She got up and paced back and forth, “I can’t forgive you for leaving.”
“I didn’t have a choice,” Liv pleaded. “If I’d stayed here, I would have always been that drunken girl who almost burned down a church because her ex-boyfriend was getting married. You’re a family, Cate; you, Kian and Lola. I couldn’t stay in your guest room forever. I tried applying for jobs but I couldn’t get interviews; they must have heard about what I’d done. I couldn’t face going back to mum’s; I knew she’d be disappointed with me again. I needed to go somewhere I could breathe, where nobody knew who I was.”
“It’s not that,” Cate said. “It hurt but I understood why you needed to get away.”
Liv frowned, “but you said you couldn’t forgive me for leaving?”
“I can’t forgive you for leaving the second time.”
Liv’s frown deepened, “the second time?”
“When I heard your voice on my answer machine that night, you sounded so broken… Kian didn’t want me to go. He thought it might make my panic attacks worse. I told him I had to go, you’re my sister. Ben and I drove through the night. When we got there and you were OK, I was so freaking relieved. I hugged you and I didn’t want to let go. After we’d confronted our… biological father and we went to the hotel, I thought I’d got my sister back. I could see how happy you were. Later that night, when I walked into the hotel restaurant, I was so excited to hear all about your new life in Calder Harbour.”
Cate felt the pain slash afresh across her chest, “you weren’t there. You’d left us to make sure that Ruby was OK.”
She sat down on the sofa, “Ruby had Nico. I’d left my husband and daughter at home. I needed my big sister.”
“I’m here now,” Liv wrapped her arms tightly around her sister, “I’m so sorry, Cate. I’m so freaking sorry.”
“Auntie Liv!” Lola came running towards them. “You’re back.”
“Lotus Flower,” Liv yelped. She squeezed her niece into the group hug. “I’m so happy to see you.”
“Don’t squash Matteo,” Lola quickly looked up at Cate. “Mummy, is he OK?”
“The baby’s fine,” Cate smiled. “He or she is very lucky to have such a caring big sister.”
Lola clambered up on to Liv’s lap. “You’re not very tanned?”
Liv raised an eyebrow. “Why would I be tanned, sweet girl?”
“Mummy and Daddy said you went on holiday,” Lola explained. “Did you see Belle?”
“Mummy,” Lola turned to Cate. “Did you know that there’s a lady upstairs who looks just like you?”
“That’s your Auntie Ruby,” Cate said.
“No,” Lola shook her head. “I haven’t got an Auntie Ruby.” She counted on her little fingers, “I’ve got four aunties – Auntie Liv, Auntie Remy, Auntie Sinead and Auntie Rin.”
Cate didn’t know what to say. How could she explain her messed-up family to her five-year-old daughter?
Remy came to the top of the stairs, “is it safe for us to come down?” Ruby and Nico followed behind. “Vin just texted me. He and Mum are stuck on the A6; they’ve got a flat tyre. They haven’t been able to get another turkey but they’ve got a boot load of tofu so it looks like we’ll be eating like you today, sis.”
“Ruby is my half-sister, that’s why we look so similar,” Cate said to Lola.
“Ruby has the same daddy but a different mummy,” Liv added.
Lola frowned, “but mummy, you said you didn’t have a daddy?”
Cate looked at Remy for help, “how did you explain all this to Rocco and Luca?”
“Pah,” Remy waved her hands in the air, “they’re boys. If it isn’t food or sports, they’re not interested.”
CHAPTER 34
“Is that…?” Kian asked. Irene and Vincenzo still weren’t back so Cate had snuck out of the house to call Kian. She’d stolen a sprig of mistletoe from the bunch hanging up in the basement and had affixed it to the wall in the alleyway, in the same spot where they’d had their first kiss.
“Yeah,” Cate laughed. “We’re at Mum’s.”
Kian was still on the team coach; she could hear the other players talking in the background. Suddenly, it went quiet. “What happened?”
“I’m in the loo,” Kian explained. “I thought you might want phone sex.”
“No,” Cate cradled her bump, “don’t make me laugh. The baby’s pressing on my bladder, I’ll pee.”
“Seriously though,” Kian asked. “How did it go? I take it you talked to Liv?”
“I did,” Cate told him what they’d both said. “She apologised. I think she meant it.”
“That’s good, isn’t it?” Kian asked. Cate could hear somebody banging on the toilet door.
“I’d better let you go,” she sighed. “I just really needed to hear your voice.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Kian laughed, “it’s only Yoakey.”
Cate heard him open the toilet door and tell Yoakey to “fuck off.”
“I want my sister back but I’m not good at forgiving people.”
“You’ll get there,” Kian reassured her. “You forgave me, angel, and what I did was a lot worse.”
Cate heard the rumble of a car engine coming from the front of the house. “I’d better go. Mum doesn’t know we’re here yet.”
“I love you,” Kian said. Cate heard the toilet door open and the players must have heard him because they were all making kiss-kiss noises in the background.
“Just wait until you’re on the phone to Sara,” Kian growled at Yoakey, “Mr Tight Buns!”
There was a burst of raucous laughter and then a chorus of “ooh Mr Tight Buns!”
“I’ll call you from the hotel,” Kian said to Cate.
Cate unhooked the sprig of mistletoe and put it in her coat pocket along with her phone. She could hear her mum and Vincenzo talking as she walked down the side of the house and opened the gate. Vincenzo went inside the house so Irene was on her own, taking the shopping bags out of the boot of the car. “Bloody, wretched potholes,” she cursed. “Is there a reason I pay my road tax?”
Cate tried to make her footsteps as loud as possible, not
wanting to startle her mum.
“Can I help?” she asked, reaching for one of the lighter-looking carrier bags.
“Cate?” Irene dumped the shopping bags on the ground. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” Tears streamed down Irene’s cheeks as she hugged her youngest daughter. Cate had never seen her mum cry before. Irene took a step back and gently touched Cate’s cheek as if the bruise she’d given her was still there.
“It’s OK, Mum.”
“No, it’s not,” Irene shook her head, “You never met him but my dad was a strict disciplinarian. He would hit you so hard; you could see the outline of the slipper on your skin for days afterwards. I always swore that I would never be that type of parent.”
She looked down at Cate’s bump, “how are you? Jean said that you’d been put on bed rest?”
“It was just for a few weeks,” Cate shrugged.
“I…” Irene choked. “I was so worried. Kian wouldn’t let me see you but sometimes when I knew that he’d be at training, I’d park on Cooper Lane just to see if I could catch a glimpse of you even for a second.”
“I’m sorry too,” Cate felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes again. “Seriously, I can’t stop crying today.”
“Granny Reen, where’s the food?” Luca asked. Vincenzo must have sent him out to help carry the bags.
“I told you,” Remy chuckled, coming up behind her youngest son, “food and sports, it’s all they care about.”
They heard footsteps at the top of the driveway, it was Jean and Sinead and they were carrying a large, covered tray. “Kian said you’d had a problem with your turkey?”
“Granny Reen burned it,” Luca giggled.
“Inside now,” Remy scowled at him.
“You can share ours,” Jean said kindly, “come on, there’s more than enough.”
“Cate, Sinead, can you get the boys to come and give us a hand with the bags and this turkey?” Irene asked.
“We can help?” Cate offered.
Irene and Jean both raised their eyebrows, “you’re both pregnant. There’s four strapping young men in that house; they can do all the heavy lifting and carrying. Go.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” Sinead giggled with Cate as they carefully picked their way down the driveway. “It didn’t feel right not being here on Christmas Day.”
“I’m so not looking at your feet,” Cate frowned, “I bet you’re wearing stilettos, aren’t you?”
“You know it,” Sinead stuck her tongue out. A tiny snowflake landed on her tongue and quickly dissolved. “Wait a second, is that snow?”
Cate and Sinead both stopped and looked up at the sky, which was ominously white. Cate stretched out her hand, feeling the tiny snowflakes fizz and melt on her warm skin. “We might have a white Christmas after all?”
“Ugh, you know what that means?” Cate scowled. “I’m sleeping on Mum’s couch tonight. Kian won’t let me go home if it’s snowing.”
“Fabrizio’s the same,” Sinead said. “At least I can have my old room at Mum’s house.”
“I’ll fight you for it,” Cate challenged, “the loser has to sleep on the sofa in the basement.”
“Why would you be sleeping on the sofa?” Irene caught up with them. She must have overheard them talking. “If you and Lola are going to stay here tonight, you can sleep where you’ve always slept, in your old bedroom.”
“Oh,” Cate breathed a sigh of relief, “I thought you might have given it to Ruby and Nico?”
“It’s your room, Cate,” Irene patted her shoulder. “I wouldn’t just give it away like that. Ruby and Nico are in Ben’s old room. I asked him and he didn’t mind.”
Later that night, Kian called Cate from the team hotel. “What are you wearing?”
Cate lifted up the duvet. “If I remember, I think I’m wearing a pair of black boy shorts?” She couldn’t see because of her bump.
“What else?”
“Nothing,” Cate pulled the duvet back up over her aching breasts.
“Cate,” Kian let out a strangled groan, “I’m going to need a really cold shower now.”
Cate shrugged her shoulders, “you asked.”
“Why are you only wearing a pair of… fuck, panties?”
“It’s snowing,” Cate laughed. “I knew you wouldn’t let me go back to the house, especially with Ben and Erin away so Lola and I are staying at Mum’s. I’ve got some old clothes here but unfortunately none of them still fit me because I’m pregnant and my boobs are really sore so I didn’t want to sleep in my bra. I bet you don’t need that cold shower anymore?”
“I do,” Kian said gruffly. “How was today?”
“It was actually OK. I’m glad we came.” Her back was hurting so Cate rolled over on to her side. “Thanks for talking to your mum about the turkey, she really saved the day.”
Kian stayed on the phone with Cate until she was almost asleep. “I’ll be home soon, I love you.”
CHAPTER 35
“I don’t think that you should go to the game today,” Kian said when he walked into the bedroom.
“But I want to be there to support you,” Cate shifted uncomfortably, her lower back was really hurting. “It’s important to me.” For so long she’d been denied the opportunity to take her rightful place at the stadium as Kian’s wife.
“I know,” Kian gently kissed her forehead, “but Dr Waters only agreed a few days ago that you could stop being on bed rest. I don’t want to constantly be worried about whether you’re OK with all the pushing and shoving going on in the crowd. You can support me right here from this big, comfy bed listening to the game on the radio.
Cate slumped back against the pillows. “Why do other women just sail through their pregnancies without any drama at all? Lola is going to be so disappointed.”
“I’ve asked Mum to take her; she’ll be here to pick her up just after 11.”
Cate narrowed her eyes at him. “You are so taking your life in your hands right now. Did you seriously just tell your seven months pregnant, crazy with hormones wife that you discussed me not going to the match today with your mum before talking to me about it?”
Kian laughed, “you know it’s the right decision, angel.”
“I know if I wasn’t the size of a house right now, you’d be in big trouble.”
After Kian had left for the stadium and Jean had picked up Lola, Cate curled up on the sofa in the lounge. She really hated it that Kian was right but she was exhausted after all of the heavy emotional stuff on Christmas Day.
“I love you, little one,” she adjusted the heating pad against her lower back, “but being pregnant sucks big time.”
Sara messaged her from the stadium, “where are you?”
Cate scowled. Sara was even further along in her pregnancy than Cate was and she was still allowed to go to the game. “At home, my ridiculously overprotective husband won’t let me come to the game today!”
“You poor thing,” Sara replied back. “Don’t worry, Sinead and I will keep you up to date with all the gossip.”
An hour later, Cate had just woken up from a nap when the doorbell rang. She hauled herself up off the sofa to answer it. She didn’t know who it could be. Ben, Erin and Oliver were still in the Cotswolds with Erin’s family and they weren’t expecting any visitors.
“Hey,” Liv shifted awkwardly from foot to foot on the snowy ground. “Kian said you’d be home.”
The conversation on Christmas Day hadn’t completely broken the ice but it had chipped away at it until it was a thin veneer between them.
“Do you want to come in?” Cate asked as a gust of wind swirled through the snowy courtyard.
“Thanks,” Liv said gratefully. Without the rest of the family there to distract them, the conversation felt too polite, almost like they were tip-toeing around each other.
While Cate hung up Liv’s Parka in the under stairs cupboard, Liv took off her fleece-lined boots.
“Can I get you anything?”
�
�A cup of tea would be amazing,” Liv smiled, “it’s so freaking cold out there.”
“Of course.”
They settled on the sofas in front of the roaring fire in the lounge. “So whose idea was it that you come over here today, yours or Kian’s?”
“Kian’s,” Liv admitted, “but I’d been thinking about it anyway. It’s kind of all I’ve been able to think about since we had that talk on Christmas Day. I feel like there’s still so much that we need to resolve. I miss you, kid.”
“You don’t have to say that, you know?” Cate sipped her tea. “I mean I can see how much happier you are with your new life in Calder Harbour with Jax and Ruby.”
“You don’t want me to be happy?”
“Of course I want you to be happy,” Cate said, “it’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. Ugh, I feel like such a whiny b-word right now. I know it’s selfish but I can’t help wondering why you couldn’t have been happy like that here in Manchester with me, Mum and Ben. Why weren’t we enough for you?”
“It’s not about that,” Liv said softly, pulling Cate into a hug. “I love you, Cate. You’re my best friend in the whole world. Jax and Ruby didn’t make me happy just like you, Mum and Ben didn’t make me unhappy. I was unhappy then and I’m happy now because of me. This last year has been one of the worst years of my life but it’s also been one of the best in a freaky kind of way. I really wish that it hadn’t taken almost burning down St Ignatius to make me take a long, hard look at my life but it forced me to face the demons, or should I say one particularly nasty demon that has been haunting me for a long time and I feel so much freer now. I can finally see myself the way that you’ve always seen me. I’ve made some mistakes in the past but I’m not a screw up.”
When she looked up, Cate was crying. “Hey now, don’t cry.”
“I’m sorry,” Cate swiped at the tears trickling down her cheeks. “I’ve just waited so long for you to say that and really believe it. Of course you’re not a screw up. You’re my best friend too. I think that’s why it hurt so much when you pushed me away.”
