That’s an excuse, and I don’t really want to hear it, a fucking cop-out that I didn’t expect from my friend.
“Just like I have to deal with you and Renegade,” I remind him. “But if she means enough to you, you’ll do it. Don’t pussy out. You’ll wonder for the rest of your life what you could have had.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit about her meaning enough to me. She means a lot to me, but I don’t want to lose the respect of my coworkers if it doesn’t work out between us.”
Nick is a big guy, serious and has a bit of a mean streak when provoked. He’s not someone you want to piss off. Most of all, though, he’s a damn good cop. He can smell a lie from a mile away and he’s extremely willing to investigate to make sure he’s figured out the right outcome to a problem.
“This is what I keep preaching to Menace, because he’s the only one, besides you, I’ve come clean with about Stelle. You’re not little kids anymore. You’re adults who can make your own decisions. If you don’t work out, you don’t work out, but the only people who matter are you two.”
“Then why haven’t you told Renegade yet.” He gives me a look, his eyebrows raised.
“It’s not been a good time. And we want to make sure we’re going to last. It’s not because either one of us are afraid of what someone might say, we’re worried about splitting up our friends.”
Nick nods, his dark gaze watching the fire before him. “You just…” He rubs his thigh like he can’t stand to be in his own skin. “You know my past, you know where I come from. I’m not like the rest of you guys with a great family.”
“Fuck that noise, you do come from a great family. As far as I’m concerned, your name is Nick Kepler, and there was never anyone else.”
“But would Mason and Caleb see me that way? Would they be willing to overlook the shit I did as a teenager before Ryan and Whitney got me? I mean, I did some bad shit. I’ve told you some of it, but not all.” He sighs heavily.
His shoulders slump lower, and I can tell this is bothering him, probably more than it should, but to him this is life and death basically.
“I don’t need to know everything you did in your past, because I know the man you are now. I know the cop you are now, and none of the past matters, Nick. I can guarantee you, Kels feels the same. You just have to give her a chance. You have to let her make her own decision. You can’t make it for her. That’s not fair, and it’s a real asshole thing to do.”
“I’m not used to giving people a chance,” he admits. “You don’t give them a chance, and then it doesn’t hurt as much when they disappoint you.”
“Maybe it’s time to believe you’re not going to be disappointed anymore. Maybe now it’s time to realize you’re capable of being the guy who gets to have his shot. Positive thinking is a hell of a thing.” I give him a pointed stare.
“Oh fuck you,” he laughs. “I’ll take your thoughts under advisement.”
“Be sure you do. I’m the one with a woman in my bed most nights. Not you.”’
He flips me the bird, a sly grin on his face, and that’s when I know Nick and Kels? They’ll be okay. It may take him a while to get there, but they’ll be okay.
Stella
“This is exactly what I needed,” Kelsea talks around a large glob of chocolate covered strawberry gelato we get at a shop not far from where our apartment is.
“Me too,” I agree, taking my own bite.
“Oh come on, you know you’d rather be with Ransom than here with me.” She gives me a sad smile. “And I get that, you really like him.”
“I do, but Ransom is such a force and sometimes I worry I’m not strong enough to keep up with him,” I admit softly, dunking my spoon in the slightly melted outer edges of my gelato. “Girl time is nice.” I shrug. “But I do miss him and Rambo.”
“I love that dog.” Kelsea grins. “Look what they did on my birthday last year.”
She picks up her phone, scrolls for what feels like forever, and then proudly turns the screen to me, a huge smile on her face. Rambo is wearing a birthday party hat, and Ransom is behind him holding up a balloon that reads “Happy Birthday” on it. It makes me smile. “You know Ransom isn’t gonna let Nick not treat you right, don’t you?” I gently get to the topic we’ve been dancing around all night. “Even though Nick’s his boy, he’s not going to let Nick string you along.”
“I know.” She blows out a deep breath. “I do know that, and I know I have to stop letting him. I have to stop chasing him.”
Part of me wants to tell her to go after what she wants, but I know Nick in ways other people don’t. “You need to show him how strong you are, Kels. The thing about Nick? He’s a fixer. His big downfall is he wants to fix everything, it’s why he became a cop. You show him you can do shit on your own? That’ll be the sexiest thing in the world to him.”
“I’ve been acting like I need him,” she mumbles. “Like texting him that I’m scared to sleep by myself since you’re not around at night.”
“Right, so he can come be the hero. Be your own hero, Kels. Show him you do just fine on your own. He’s going to want to fix whatever caused you not to want him around anymore.”
“What if I hurt his feelings?” She pulls her bottom lip in between her teeth. “I don’t want to hurt him.”
“Didn’t he hurt you? Rejecting you like he did? And dollars to donuts he thinks he did it for your own good.”
“He’s been hurt so much.” She sets her gelato down.
“Look, I’m not saying intentionally hurt him. I’m saying look out for you. Show him you’re a grown woman who doesn’t need a man. Show him you’re strong without him, and then when he comes back – because he will – show him how strong you can be with him, Kels. You’ve got this,” I encourage her.
“Stop texting him and inviting him over because I’m supposedly scared?” Her voice trembles like she is.
“Yes, stop doing that. Let him be the one to text you. Right now he’s not making the moves because he doesn’t have to. Let him put his damn heart on the line.”
We’re quiet for a few minutes, then Kelsea reaches over, taking my hand. Her dark eyes so much like her parents look into mine. “Will he? Put his heart on the line?”
“Yes,” I answer with such conviction, I almost can’t hear my conscience telling me how not sure of this whole situation it is.
Chapter 20
Stella
R: What are you up to on this lovely day.
Glancing out the window of the clinic, I have to laugh. It’s been raining for the past two days, which has made it difficult for us to see each other. More wrecks means more hours, which means my man has been pulling some overtime, and that’s drastically cut into my staying over. Even when he comes home it’s very late, and both of us do need our sleep sometimes.
S: Finishing up some reports I have to do, then I’m heading to pick up Molly and Levi for Kels.
R: Are you watching those little hellraisers?
S: LOL! No. I’m taking them over to the school for Ruby. I guess Caleb’s working, and she’s going to start packing on her room today. According to Kels the transition of the jobs can’t come fast enough.
R: Yeah, I had lunch with Caleb this afternoon, and he seems pretty excited about the possibilities this will open up for them as a family. It’s gotta be hard.
S: Being with people is hard, throwing in responsibilities makes it harder.
R: But if you care about the person, you make it work.
Everything he says is everything I need to hear, but I’m nervous as I type this next message out. Hands are shaking as I lay my fear out there for him.
S: You’re not going to regret the decision of us when I’m busy with school and you’re busy with work are you?
R: The fuck, Stelle? Seriously? No, it’s not forever, and I fully support you following your dreams. I mean look who my mom is, look where she came from. Do you, I want you to do you. This situation with Cruise and Ruby is an entirel
y different one. They’ve had pressures put on them because the school system is overcrowded, they weren’t necessarily prepared for Levi, and it’s just too much for them. Rather than arguing with each other and giving up on a marriage, they’re making it work. We would make it work too.
I smile at his words. Sometimes I can’t believe it took me so long to see what was right in front of me, but I’m not sure I would have appreciated it before. This man? I appreciate with every fiber of my being.
S: We would?
R: You even have to ask? Of course we would. I’m getting a call, I gotta go.
S: Be safe, handsome.
“Molly, Levi, y’all hold hands as we cross the parking lot,” I instruct the two adorable little kids I get to hang out with sometimes. Ransom called them hellraisers, but for the most part, they’re pretty well-behaved. “We gotta make a run for it.”
“Got it, Stella.” Molly grins back at me.
She’s almost ten and the spitting image of Ruby. Levi is almost seven and the spitting image of Caleb. These two kids are going to be gorgeous when they grow up. “Alright, let’s go.” I hold a jacket over my head. They hold the umbrella I had in my car, and we all run quickly.
“C’mon in here.” I hear Karina’s voice as we run up the sidewalk.
“Mimi!” The two kids greet their grandmother enthusiastically, each clamoring for a hug from her.
I stand back, watching them interact with a grin on my face. One day this will be my mom with my kids.
“How’s it going, Stella?” she asks as she puts her arms around them.
“Not bad, just bringing them for Ruby. Kels couldn’t do it today, so I offered,” I shrug.
“Thanks for helping them out, not too much longer until she doesn’t have to do this anymore.”
“I know, they have to be so excited.” We step back for a few people to walk through the foyer.
“They are.” Karina smiles. “I know I am, this last year hasn’t been easy.” She doesn’t say anymore pointedly looking at the kids.
“Mimi, can I go with you?” Levi asks as he puts his arms up.
He’s a little big to be picked up, but Karina does it anyway. “I’m going to meet Pop for dinner. You wanna come?”
“Yup, yup!”
“What about you, Mol?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “I’d rather stay and help Mom.”
“Okay, let me walk down with y’all, and make sure it’s cool for you to come with me.”
She sets Levi back on the ground, and the brother and sister run for their mom’s room. “She’s excited,” Karina says to me as we walk slowly down the hallway.
“I am too,” I admit. “We’re both kind of embarking on new chapters of our lives.”
“We’re all grateful for it.” She pats my arm as we turn down the hallway where Ruby’s classroom is located.
“Hey.” She waves to us as the kids are hugging her around the knees.
I stand back as they have a conversation about Levi going with his grandmother, and Molly staying with her. After they get everything straightened out, Ruby gets Molly started, before walking over to me.
“Hey.” She smiles, giving me a hug. “Thanks for bringing them.”
“No problem.” I give her a hug back. “Everything working out?” I gesture to the room where I can see there are a few boxes packed and a trashcan full of things she’s throwing away.
“It’s starting to,” she admits, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m hopeful and honestly I haven’t been hopeful for a while. Things with Caleb have been tense, but we’re working through it. Thank you for letting me have this opportunity.”
“Shit,” I laugh. “Thank you for doing it. Maybe this is something we both need, and I’m hoping things go back to normal with Caleb.”
“I’m sure they will. I love him, I just get so frustrated because we’re being pulled in so many directions.” Her tone is wistful. “But you don’t want to hear about the difficulties of having a cop for a husband.”
Part of me wants to tell her maybe one day I’ll know, but I’m not brave enough yet. “I have to be going, but if there’s anything else I can do for y’all, just let me know!”
She gives me a wave, and as I head back to my car, I feel like everything is finally falling into place – right where it should be.
Chapter 21
Stella
I’m playing with the paper of my straw wrapper as I wait for Nick to meet me at The Café. Miracle of all miracles we’ve made time for one another, just like we said we would. A week later than originally planned, but better late than never. He’s running late, which isn’t unusual for when we meet each other like this. He knows I’ll wait, and I know I’ll be waiting. It’s our own little thing.
Leigh comes over to the booth I’m sitting in, and I can’t help but notice how Ransom has her smile. “Hey Stella, how’s it going?”
“Not bad,” I answer, nervously rubbing on the pearl studs in my ears. For some reason, I think this woman should be able to tell I’ve been sleeping with her son. “Just been busy. I’m going back to school,” I announce to her, an edge of excitement in my voice.
There had been a late drop out in the nursing program, and because my family is well-connected in the community, and Aunt Blaze is who she is, some strings had been pulled and I’d been accepted.
“I heard, I’ll be at the cookout tonight.” She grins, mentioning the cookout my parents are having to celebrate my going back to school and Ruby buying into Mom’s business. My grandparents are gone on vacation, and we’ve gotten the okay to have it at their pool. With them gone, we can be a little louder than normal. All in all, it should be a great day.
“Can’t wait to see you there.” I wave as I see Nick coming through the entrance.
He quickly makes his way over to where I’m sitting, giving Leigh a hug before he slides in across from me.
“What can I get for you two? Appetizers like normal?”
We’ve been coming here for years for our lunches, and ninety-five percent of the time Leigh waits on us. He and I look at each other, both smiling before we nod.
“You want a sweet tea?” she asks Nick. “Or are you cutting sugar like Ransom.” She rolls her eyes. “I swear, that boy, you’d think he was still on the football field.”
“Rambo runs him ragged.” Nick gives me a look that also seems to say so does Stella. “You know he has to stay in good shape.”
“I know,” she sighs. “But I hope he’s at least indulging in a few perks of life.”
“Oh I’m sure he is,” both Nick and I say together.
She looks back and forth between the two of us, a look in her eyes, almost as if she knows we’re keeping something from her. Just when I start to sweat, she laughs softly. “Probably best his mom doesn’t know about whatever it is.” She pushes a hand through her hair. “I’ll have your sweet tea over here in just a sec, and your appetizers will be out shortly.”
We both thank her, before we look at one another. Nick gives me a shit-eating grin. “Wouldn’t you like to tell Leigh just what kind of sugar Ransom is dipping into?”
“I’m your sister,” I fire back. “Shouldn’t you take offense that your best friend is hitting it?”
“I would if I didn’t know how much he cares for you.”
Those words warm a spot in my heart. “That’s sweet of you to say.”
“It’s the truth.” He nods a thanks to the waitress who brings him his sweet tea. “So what is it you wanted to talk to me about?”
“Nope, you first.” I gesture to him. “You know what’s going on in my life. School and Ransom. What’s going on in yours?”
He clears his throat, I can feel his feet shuffling under the table, his eyes move nervously back and forth from my face to his tea, then back again. “You know, Belle. I’m sure Kelsea’s told you.”
“Why don’t you tell me?”
A deep breath passes through his nose and out his mouth,
he squares his shoulders like he’s about to go to war and then begins speaking. “What do I have to offer her? A dude with a fucked-up past, who has an apartment he barely even sleeps in.”
This is news to me. “Where do you sleep, Nick?”
He’s uncomfortable, I can tell, because he shifts in his seat, and he doesn’t meet my eyes. “On the deck.”
“Nick.” My voice is full of compassion. “I thought you stopped that.”
“Thought I did too.” He shrugs. “But the noises, they’re too loud.”
Reaching over, I grab his hand, opening my mouth to suggest he go speak to someone about the memories of his childhood. Back when he first came to live with us, he had to have weekly sessions. Part of me feels like he needs them again.
“Don’t wanna talk about that, Belle. Wanna talk about Kels. What do I have to offer her?”
“Yourself, that’s all she wants.”
“I’m not good enough,” he says the words with a finality that makes my heart clench.
Our appetizers come, and even though I’ve lost my appetite, I put on a good show for him. All my accomplishments, all my problems forgotten as I think about my brother. The boy who’s grown into a man I love so much, who thinks so lowly of himself. “You’re good enough for me.” I give him my best smile.
“You’ll never know how much that means to me, Belle, but I just don’t know that I’m willing to let her risk it with me. I’m a wild card.”
As I take a bite of my potato skin, I let his last words mull around in my brain. Seems that Nick has forgotten something very important: wildcards are the most important cards in the deck. It’s apparently time he be reminded of that.
Ransom
I’m nursing my beer, trying hard not to gravitate closer to Stella. Keeping us a secret from everyone is getting harder by the day, especially when I wake up with her next to me almost every morning. Her scent is everywhere in my house, little pieces of her hanging around. A shirt in my closet, a pair of shorts in my drawer. Yesterday I actually washed a lace bra and thong, in one of those little garment bag things. Put that at the top of the list of shit I thought I’d never do.
Ransom: Laurel Springs Emergency Response Team #1 Page 11
