“No,” he finally said. “He has a problem with me.”
“Why?”
“It’s a long story.”
* * *
Somehow, I convinced myself to invite Josh inside for tea. He seemed out-of-place on my couch with his hands on his knees, looking stiff and uncomfortable in his uniform as he surveyed my sparse décor with polite interest.
I put some water on to boil and found a can of cheap drugstore cookies. Going through the motions reminded me of Liam, who could brew tea like nobody’s business. I took another glance across the kitchen counter toward Josh, appreciating that he was only the second man to set foot in my apartment. My shoulders tensed at the thought. I felt uncomfortable, but why? Was I doing something wrong, or was this just something I’d have to get used to?
“Cream and sugar?”
“No, thank you.”
I perched on the opposite end of the couch, setting the tray on the coffee table. We sat in a brief, uncomfortable silence. He reached for a teacup, and I realized I had no idea why I’d invited him in.
Well. I did have some idea. If I was honest with myself, I had to say that Josh’s company was pleasant simply because he wasn’t bad to look at.
As if responding to my thoughts, Josh unbuttoned the collar of his shirt, and my eye followed the line of bare skin from his throat to the tip of his chest. Ashamed, I looked away. I looked back. I couldn’t help it. There was just something about him. But what was it? He was so different from Liam, with his blonde, All-American looks, nary a hair out of place. He had no tattoos, as far as I knew. While Liam was the brooding bad boy, Josh was absolutely the complete opposite.
And maybe that’s why I find him so appealing.
“So, how did you and Liam hook up?” he asked conversationally.
“He was one of my regulars when I worked at Buddy’s. It kind of blossomed from there.” There had been so much more that happened, like my old boss harassing me, thwarting an assault by the Scorpions, and the whole fiasco with my ex. But all that was a story for another time.
Josh nodded, sipping. “I see. Well, it’s too bad you didn’t start your food service career at Big Daddy’s Grill down the street. I probably would’ve gotten to you first.”
I felt a blush creeping up my neck. “Well…” I struggled to find the right thing to say. “I’m very happy with Liam.”
“Sure looks like it. That’s why I’m sitting here instead of him, right?”
“He’s just going through some stuff.” The moment it came out of my mouth, I realized how pathetic it sounded.
Josh reached over to take my hand for the second time that day. I had to admit that it was comforting as well as exciting. My pulse had fluttered the first time Liam held my hand, but now my skin knew every groove of his palm, every whorl of his fingerprints. Holding Josh’s strange hand and lacing his foreign fingers through my own gave my pulse a little jumpstart. I was feeling those butterflies all over again.
“What do you see in him, exactly?” he asked, his eyes gleaming with curiosity. “You’re a nice girl, not at all like the other biker girlfriends.”
I bristled. “Now, wait a second…” He said the phrase “biker girlfriends” like it was a dirty word. They weren’t just girlfriends, they were old ladies, and that meant something.
My hand dropped out of Josh’s grip. He raised his eyebrows.
“What do I see in Liam?” I began. “Well, he takes good care of me. He’s great in bed. He respects me.” Everything I said was true. Liam definitely respected me, but was I respecting him? That’s why I’m sitting here instead of him, Josh’s words echoed through my mind. Guilt chewed away at my insides. Liam had thwarted Bonnie’s pathetic advances. For me.
“And I love him,” I finally said with a sigh. The moment the words left my lips, I felt a huge, internal release. All of the hand-wringing, the late nights, the laughs…they were all because I loved him. It was a frightening thing to realize, but also liberating. I loved somebody.
I loved Liam.
Josh didn’t look surprised, only disappointed. “I see.”
“You’re welcome to stay here if you want,” I said, gesturing to his tea. “But I think I should go.”
Josh mirrored my movements, rising slowly to his feet. “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to find Liam.”
“Can I drive you?”
I gave Josh a look. “Really?”
His shoulders fell dejectedly. “You know what? Never mind.”
Chapter 14
I drove past Liam’s apartment, disappointed to find that his Harley wasn’t parked in its spot. I crossed over the railroad tracks toward the clubhouse, only to discover that all the Skull Kings’ bikes had cleared out.
Where is everybody? I wondered. I parked at a gas station, tapping my steering wheel. Think. Think. I knew Liam better than anybody, better than Liam himself, sometimes. I closed my eyes, imagining him just after I left on Josh’s arm, whipping around to return his brothers’ stares of disbelief. My gut was telling me that Liam would’ve been on my trail. He would’ve wanted to talk things out. I knew it wasn’t right, though, or else he would’ve showed up at my door.
And with a gasp, I realized why.
Josh’s cruiser. It was more than conspicuous as far as cars went, and it had been parked right in front of my apartment. I shifted my car into drive and accelerated back on the road, my heart racing. I still didn’t know where the hell he was, but I just had to find him.
“Stupid bitch,” I muttered to myself. Liam had done so much for me, and how did I thank him? Suddenly, I felt like I’d used the word “love” in a cavalier way.
Embarrassment burned in my face as I recalled Josh’s patient face as he listened to me go on and on about Liam. Sure, you love him, I imagined him thinking sarcastically to himself.
I banged on the steering wheel in frustration.
The town scrolled past my windows, apartment buildings, strip malls, and the cracked asphalt landscape of the interstate. I drove through the shadow of R&R Diner’s giant neon chevron and let it fall behind me, reduced to the size of a fingernail in my rearview mirror. I followed the interstate out into the canyons.
My grip tightened on the steering wheel as I scanned the horizon for a Harley, but it was a smooth and uninterrupted as flowing sand. The pink sun was beginning to dip behind the mountains, turning them purple, and I realized I’d have to turn back soon.
Or not.
Thanks for visiting beautiful Canyon City! proclaimed a sign.
I could just keep driving until my tank ran out of gas, start a different life in whatever town I happened to be in at the time. No more motorcycle clubs with complicated codes of behavior, no more sexy, flirtatious sheriff’s deputies, no more predatory bosses.
My foot pressed into the pedal, almost on its own accord. My engine gave a roar, and my car lunged forward. The town was just a speckle of lights, now. In a few moments, I’d be too far away to even be able to see it. The farther along I drove, the faster my heart buzzed in a shrill sort of exhilaration, not unlike the feeling I got holding Josh’s hand in my living room.
And then, I saw it.
A dot shimmering on the road, too large to be an animal and too small to be car. It approached me with frightening speed, level with my car for only a brief second before rushing past, but that one second had been enough. I recognized the driver of the motorcycle, but it wasn’t Liam. Noah’s bearded frown was immediately recognizable beneath his goggles. Shayna rode behind him, arms wrapped around her man’s thick waist, dark hair whipping like a flag in the wind.
They rode past me without seeing me, pointing their trajectory back into town like a compass. Canyon City was a mess, and here they were driving back into the thick of it, intent on fixing things up. And here I was, running away.
I braked and reversed.
Chapter 15
I waited at home, elbow-deep in bleach as I cleaned the kitchen for something
to do. I’d called Shayna, who told me that the guys were in church and probably wouldn’t emerge for hours. Cell phones weren’t allowed, so I left Liam a text, hoping he’d see it when he turned his back on.
It had taken me a little over half an hour to think of the right thing to say. I’d assumed he knew that Josh had been over, but I didn’t know that for sure. I’d assumed that he was angry at me, and although it was probable, I also didn’t know that for sure. Eventually, I was able to condense all of my fears, anxieties, and apprehension into one simple phrase.
Can we talk?
An engine growled outside my door. My heart gave a leap, and I hurried to the window. It was only a tow truck.
I sighed.
* * *
“Aspen?”
There was a hand on my shoulder shaking me awake. I lifted my cheek off of my fist and opened my eyes. “Huh?”
Liam’s face hovered in front of mine, bent with concern. “Babe, did you fall asleep out here?”
I sat upright. My muscles were tight and sore. I’d fallen asleep on the couch, my body bent into a comma over the armrest. “What time is it?”
“It’s about eleven p.m. I brought you some dinner in case you were hungry.” Liam lifted a grease-stained paper bag. It smelled like barbacoa and fresh tortillas from the carniceria.
We got plates out of the cupboard and set them up on the coffee table. I tried to catch Liam’s eyes as he poured some iced tea into two tall glasses, but he kept angling his face away from me. I wasn’t sure if it was on purpose or not.
“What did Noah have to say?” I finally asked.
Liam sat down in front of his plate, staring at his food but not eating. “Remember when I told you the sheriff’s office thought the Skull Kings were dealing drugs in town?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, so did the Feds.”
I dropped my fork. “What?’
Liam sighed. “It was around the same time that Logan started petitioning to join the MC. It’s kind of obvious, now that I think about it. But back then, he seemed like just another snot-nosed prospect.”
My stomach rolled into a hard, nervous knot. “What exactly are you telling me, Liam?”
His shoulders dropped, and he raised his hand to his forehead. “Logan is an undercover FBI agent. He got assigned to the Skull Kings because that’s where the U.S. government thought the drugs were coming from. He was already initiated by the time he realized the truth, so it was too late to join the Scorpions. He’s been playing double agent against them, pretending to be their rat while he built his case.”
“Holy shit.”
“Tell me about it. Noah and Shayna knew, but they couldn’t tell anyone, or else it would’ve blown his cover.”
We sat together in silence. Then, a strange realization needled into my thoughts. My mouth went dry instantly. I licked my lips. “Josh Hamilton knew,” I said softly.
Liam raised his eyebrows. “Of course he did. The sheriff’s office and the FBI are working together.”
I gripped my steak knife tight, my hand shaking. I could feel heat flooding up my neck and into my face.
“Aspen, are you okay?” Liam rose from his chair and reached for my arm.
I shook my head. “I was so stupid,” I muttered. “He knew the whole time. He was just using me.”
Liam’s groping hand stopped in mid-air and fell to his side. He drew in a long, ragged breath. “Aspen. What are you talking about?” His voice was steady but edged with fear.
“It’s not what you think,” I said quickly. I explained how I’d met with Josh at the R&R, how he’d played dumb and let me believe that Logan was a traitor, even encouraging me to tell the club. “But why would he do that?” I asked, directing the question more to myself than to Liam.
Liam sighed. “To get back at me.”
I looked at him in shock. To my surprise, Liam’s face broke out into a grin, the first one I’d seen in days.
“Remember when I told you we went to school together?” he asked. “Senior year of high school was when I started getting invited to Skull Kings hangouts. I also started dating this girl at the time, Charlotte. Of course, Hamilton was studying for the police academy, and he became obsessed with law enforcement and all that shit. He took it upon himself to warn every girl in town to stay away from me, because I was a gang-banger or something.”
I shook my head. “Wow. So what happened to Charlotte?”
“Charlotte was actually pretty cool. He tried to wedge himself between us, but she knew Hammie was nothing but a scumbag. She lured him into an empty lot, and we jumped him.”
My jaw fell open. “Did you really?”
The grin faded from Liam’s face. “Yeah. I bet that dickhead’s been holding onto that resentment all these years. I bet that he thought he could scare you away from me by putting Logan’s punishment into motion. His perfect little revenge, dressed up as a nice, respectable young woman, a direct line to me.” He gestured to me and shrugged.
“Well, he didn’t give up after we busted in on you guys. I invited him over after I came to stop you guys at the clubhouse.”
“I know,” Liam answered, confirming my suspicions.
I raised my eyebrows. “Aren’t you mad, though? Are you going to…I don’t know, jump him again?”
Liam snorted. “No.” He reached out and cupped my cheek in his broad, dry hand. “I know you, Aspen, and I know that you can handle whatever scheme Josh Hamilton tries to pull on you.”
My eyes burned. I closed them gratefully. “It’s crazy. You trusted me to be alone with him when I didn’t even trust myself. I feel like a shitty girlfriend.”
I sensed Liam shaking his head. “It’s what happened at the end that matters. What happened right before you chased him out of this place?”
“I told him I loved you.”
I opened my eyes. Liam’s hand was still on my cheek. It fell to my shoulder, and his fingers dug themselves under the collar of my shirt.
“I love you, too,” he whispered.
It was almost like the first time again when we kissed, butterflies and all. His lips scorched my skin. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him into me. We could’ve been one single person as we moved together, making our slow way to the bedroom.
He lifted me onto the bed. Our hands moved frantically as we undressed each other, the two of us dying and hungry to fall into each other’s bodies. Finally, he slid his hard cock into me, tight, wet, and aching. My lips found his in the dark. We kissed fiercely.
“I love you, Aspen,” he said again.
I lifted my hips up to meet his, thrust for thrust. I could feel a vein in his cock ticking inside of me, his heartbeat in the space between my legs. There was something ethereal and beautiful about me holding him down there. He was inside of my body, alive and fragile.
I grazed my teeth over his shoulders, dug my fingers into his back. Mine, a voice in my head whispered. Mine, all mine. I marked him with my lips, sucking his skin gently between my teeth. He groaned as he slid on top of me, pumping himself into me, cutting me open. The room grew thick with the smell of sex, our mingling sweat, our cries.
Liam gave a few more quick thrusts before he froze. He jerked himself out. Veins traced up his thick, red neck as he came, spilling himself on my stomach. I watched my breasts heave, my belly fall up and down as I panted.
“God, Aspen. What are you doing to me?” Liam said as he collapsed. His body fell onto the bed beside mine, shifting the mattress and the sheets. He threw an arm over his eyes and tilted his face to the side, hiding half of his face as he smiled.
I balanced myself on my side. Liam’s sticky cum slid down my skin to stain the sheets, but I didn’t care. I let it pool there as I grazed my fingernails idly over Liam’s naked arm. His breaths grew steady and even as he fell asleep. Meanwhile, I continued to touch his arm, tracing the tattoos that had grown so familiar to me. I could probably draw them with my eyes closed at this point.
I f
elt a heavy sense of belonging fall over me. I could see my future coming together before my eyes, each day comfortingly symmetrical, safe in its sameness. I imagined myself trapped under Liam’s body, every day in this very room. Liam was all mine, and he was the only man I ever had to worry about. The thought left me feeling full and satisfied.
I arranged myself on my back and linked my elbow through Liam’s before closing my eyes. I fell asleep easily, feeling like I was home for the first time in a while.
Chapter 16
Oil dripped off of the burgers and into the grill. Sparks flew as the fatty drops ignited against the flames.
“Shit!” Shayna cried, flapping her oven mitt against the smoke.
I pried the spatula out of her hand. “I’ll take over,” I said.
“Good girl,” Shayna said. She swatted my butt playfully as she floated away to oversee the hanging of a banner against the clubhouse garage. “Higher! On the left! No, the left!”
I flipped burgers and ignored the guilt that soured the pit of my stomach. The sign had been Shayna’s idea. I didn’t have to look up to read what it said. The words were burned into my mind: Get Well Soon, Logan!
His beating had landed him in the hospital. Obviously, he couldn’t rat out his fellow members. The story he gave was that he was jumped by some strange guys wearing leather jackets with red sleeves. Somehow, the confusion over his betrayal had led to an unusual triumph, with the Scorpions in deep heat over Logan’s supposed assault. They were pointing fingers at each other, spilling beans about drug running, grand larceny, money laundering, anything to cut a deal with the D.A. And not surprisingly, the center of all the finger pointing was Ryan. I felt justifiably smug anytime I thought about him sitting in his holding cell, waiting for his day in court.
Then, I thought of Logan, battered and broken in the emergency room. It was my fault for showing Liam that photo, for letting Josh manipulate me. He’d known what the club was going to do to Logan and thought it would scare me away. It only left me paralyzed with guilt.
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