He stared at it as if it were a snake in his hand. She knew he wouldn’t put it on. What Amish man would risk someone seeing him in an apron? But he didn’t say a word as he wrapped it around his narrow waist and tied it tightly in the back. “Next?”
Naomi glared at him, then turned her attention to the lesson. She let out a deep breath. Treat him like any other student. Don’t bring up anything personal. Keep the lesson succinct and quick. As she mentally prepared herself, she heard him come up behind her.
“Naomi?”
He stood close to her, his deep voice low in her ear, making goose bumps rise on her forearms.
“I don’t want you to be mad at me.”
The remorse in his voice made her turn around.
He took a step back. “This isn’t going like I thought.” He pushed his bangs back.
She barely noticed the birthmark this time.
“I wanted to talk to you one more time. I knew if I just showed up on your doorstep you wouldn’t see me. I thought maybe this would work . . . but I see it’s a bad idea.” He let out a deep breath and moved to stand beside the stove, putting ample space between them. “I’m not trying to trick you, Naomi.”
“It sure seems that way.”
He shook his head. “Then I’m sorry. I should have known better. I’ve had more than a few maed back home who’ve tried to pull the wool over my eyes.”
His words took her anger away. She couldn’t be mad at him, since she’d been less than innocent in her dealings with him concerning Margaret.
“It’s just that . . .”
For the first time since she’d met him he seemed unsure.
“I wanted . . . Naomi, I needed to see you again.”
She gripped the back of the chair, looking away from his intent gaze. Her fear heightened, feeding her drive to send him away. “Zeke, we don’t have anything more to say.” She fought to keep her voice steady. “I thought I made my feelings clear to you.”
“How can you do that when they’re not clear to yourself?”
When she looked at him, he nodded.
“I can see the confusion in your eyes, Naomi. Honesty is important to you, right?”
“Of course it is.”
“Then be honest with yourself. And while you’re at it, be honest with me.”
Naomi turned away, her knuckles snow-white against the dark wood of the chair. She stared unseeing at the ingredients and cooking utensils neatly displayed on the table. Zeke Lapp tapped feelings deep inside that she hadn’t realized she had. Feelings David hadn’t begun to reach. But how could she trust Zeke, a man she’d known only a short time, when a man she’d known all her life had betrayed her?
His hands lightly touched her shoulders, making her flinch. She hadn’t heard him approach. Her mind told her to shrug him off, to tell him to leave, but she couldn’t form the words. The warmth and comfort of his touch broke the dam in her heart.
“He promised he’d come back.” She turned and looked at him.
“Who?” he said softly.
“Do remember my friend Rose? The one we met at the Pantry?”
He nodded.
“Her cousin David. We had been dating for a year. I had just started teaching, and he was trying to find a job. We’d spoken of marriage, but we wanted to be practical. We wanted to save up enough money to build us a haus, like Chester is doing for Priscilla.”
“That sounds smart to me.” He nodded, his roughened palms still covering her shoulders. She continued.
“He couldn’t find work here, so he went to Florida to help out his cousin, who owned a construction company. He said he’d be back in a few months, and he promised to save every penny, just as I promised to do from my job. By the time he returned, we’d have enough money to get married. I waited for him.” She closed her eyes briefly. “I never doubted him for a moment.”
“He didn’t come back, did he?”
She opened her eyes. “I wrote him dozens of letters. He wrote me two. Six months after he left, I found out through Rose that he’d married someone he’d met in the settlement there.” Even though the pain wasn’t as acute as it had been, it still smarted.
“I’m sorry.” Gently he rubbed his hands over her shoulders.
“You don’t seem surprised.”
He shook his head. “I’ll admit, I suspected someone hurt you. I figured that was the reason you were pushing me away.” He cupped her cheek. “But I want you to listen to me carefully, Naomi. I’m not David. I would never hurt you like he did. And I promise, I’m not going to leave and never come back.”
“But you’re going to leave.”
He dropped his hand from her cheek. “I have to. Middlefield is my home. But—”
“So you see how this won’t work?” She pulled away from him, her eyes burning. “I can’t geh through that again, Zeke. I can’t sit around and wait to see if you’ll come back, then discover you’ve met someone else.”
“Naomi, that won’t happen. I wouldn’t hurt you.”
“But what if—”
Zeke put his finger to her lips. “Naomi, you can’t live your life like that.”
“Easy for you to say. You’ve never had your heart broken.”
“YOU’RE RIGHT,” ZEKE SAID. FINALLY, SHE’D ADMITTED why she didn’t want to see him anymore. But he knew she wasn’t any closer to giving him a chance than she’d been when he first arrived. Still, he wasn’t going to give up. Pursuing a woman was new to him—usually he was the one being pursued. “I’ve never had my heart broken,” he had to admit. “But here’s something you don’t know. You’re breaking my heart now.”
She brought her fingertips to her mouth. “I don’t mean to.” She turned away from him again.
Frustrated, he reached out to touch her, wanting her to face him, wishing she could see how much he wanted her to give them a chance. Lord, what do I say? What do I do?
Then he realized he’d done everything he could. Said everything that could be said, at least right now. And still she hadn’t changed her mind. “Okay,” he said, trying to keep defeat from straining his voice. He fought to speak the words he knew were a lie as he let his arms fall to his sides. “I understand.”
She spun around, a surprised expression on her face. “You do?”
He nodded, even though his heart was shattering. Now he fully understood how she’d felt when David abandoned her. And through his pain, he could honestly sympathize with hers. Which made the fact she wouldn’t let him comfort her even more difficult to take. “I can’t make you trust me.”
He’d always known God had someone special for him, a woman who would complete him. But the Lord had never promised Zeke things would be easy. Maybe that was part of God’s plan after all. The Lord didn’t always answer prayers the way people expected Him to. Zeke knew that firsthand when he’d prayed for years that his parents would stop fighting with each other. They finally did, but in exchange they barely spoke to one another. And here was Naomi, the woman he’d prayed for, who seemed to be within his reach, but might as well be on the opposite side of the world. Zeke didn’t pretend to understand it or to derive comfort from it, but he had to trust in God above everything else.
He untied the apron and handed it back to her. “I promise you won’t see me again until the wedding.” When she took the apron from him, he turned to leave.
“Zeke. Wait.”
NAOMI CLUTCHED THE APRON IN HER HAND AS ZEKE turned around. His name had flown out of her mouth, and now she didn’t know what to say. Her gaze met his gorgeous hazel eyes, eyes that were filled with pain. And she realized he did understand, so much that he was willing to walk away because she asked him to. Now she suddenly didn’t want him to.
“Naomi?”
How could she ask him to stay when she’d made it clear she wanted him to leave? She glanced at the money on the counter beside him. “Your lesson,” she said, moving toward him. “Don’t you want your lesson?”
“I figured it was cance
led, considering the circumstances.”
“But you already paid for it.” She snatched up the money before he could grab it. More confusion entered his eyes, mirroring her own. What was she doing? Following my heart. “And, uh, I don’t give refunds.”
“Okay.” He tilted his head, uncertainty edging his tone. When she thrust the apron at him, he hesitated, and she expected him to refuse. Instead he put it back on and walked over to the table. She thought she heard him release a quiet sigh.
“I see flour, sugar, and apples.” He picked up the edge of the plastic wrap covering the bowl of apples. “Apple pie?”
“Strudel.”
“Oh, even better.” But his voice lacked his usual enthusiasm.
She couldn’t blame him for that. And now that she had him here, she didn’t know what to say. So she focused on the lesson, something she could do in her sleep. He was a model student, asking questions at the right time and following her directions while they made the apple filling. By the time they’d finished rolling out the pastry dough, she realized he’d downplayed his cooking skills. “You could teach your own class,” she said.
“Nah. I don’t have the patience for it.” He looked at her, seeming a little more relaxed. A short while later they put their strudels in the oven, and Zeke helped her clean up. They had the kitchen put back to rights by the time the strudel was finished. As they pulled the desserts out of the oven, Zeke murmured his approval. “They both look perfect.”
“I can wrap one up for you to take back to Chester’s.”
“That would be gut. I’m sure my cousin’s familye would like to have some.” He looked at her. “I should get going.”
But she still wasn’t ready for him to leave. “Unless you want to try a piece?” she said, struggling to sound unaffected. “While it’s warm, I mean?”
His smile faded. “Are you asking me to stay, Naomi?”
She licked her lips. “Ya. I want you to stay.”
He faced her, looking directly into her eyes. “First you want me to geh, now you’re asking me to stay. I don’t understand.”
She opened her mouth to speak, fear nearly stopping her words. But she wasn’t going to give into it this time. The verse from 2 Timothy came back to mind, and she prayed for strength. “I’m afraid, Zeke.”
“I know.” He moved toward her, his voice low. “But you don’t have to be. Not with me.”
“I’m not.” She took a deep breath. “I’m afraid of me.” Before he could say anything she added, “When David left, I blamed myself. I thought it was my fault he didn’t come back.”
“It wasn’t your fault. He was the one who left you, Naomi.”
“Because I asked him to. When David and I started courting, he wanted to marry me right away. I’m the one who wanted to wait. I wanted to make sure we had enough money.” Her bottom lip began to tremble. “I’m the one who pushed him to geh to Florida. He wanted to stay here, but all I could think about was the money.”
Zeke’s eyes were filled with compassion. “You were being practical. Nothing wrong with that.”
“Maybe there is.” She moved away from him. “I’m always practical, Zeke. I’m always planning, always thinking ahead.”
“Except when it comes to yourself.”
She nodded. “When David didn’t come back, I was devastated. I loved him, Zeke. At least I thought I did. But if I’d loved him enough, I wouldn’t have put money above our relationship. I wouldn’t have pushed him away.”
Zeke looked at her. “Or maybe you pushed him away because deep down you knew you weren’t right for each other.” He took a step toward her. “Maybe this wasn’t your decision alone.”
Naomi mused on his words for a moment. Could he be right, that she’d been reluctant to marry not because of money but for some other reason?
“Maybe this was part of God’s plan all along. Because if you had married David, I wouldn’t be able to do this.” He touched her cheek. “Or this.” He leaned forward, his lips brushing against hers. He pulled back, his gaze meeting her eyes. “I wouldn’t be standing here, enjoying every moment I spend with you.”
Tears sprang to her eyes. Something was happening to her heart. The ice encasing it started to melt away. She shivered as he wiped his thumb across her cheek.
He grinned. “So does this mean you’ll geh on that buggy ride with me?”
She started to nod, then paused. “But what about the future? What happens to us when you geh back to Middlefield?”
“Naomi,” he said, his voice low. “Whatever God’s plan is for us, I promise . . . I won’t hurt you.”
She wanted to believe him. And for the most part, she did. But even though she tried, she couldn’t completely erase the doubt.
Chapter Eleven
“SO HOW ARE THINGS BETWEEN YOU AND ZEKE?” Margaret pushed the white thread through a thin silver needle, then knotted the ends.
Naomi looked at her friend across the table, then back at the quilt laid out in front of them. Because of time constraints she wouldn’t be able to make the quilt the size of a bedspread like she wanted to, but it would make a decent lap quilt. She had also abandoned the wedding ring pattern for simple white and blue blocks. With Margaret’s help over the past couple days, she’d made good progress. At least she would have a wedding gift to give to Chester and Priscilla. She was pleased with the result.
She adjusted the thimble on her right middle finger and began making small quilting stitches through the two layers of fabric and the batting. “Things are going . . . well.”
“Hmmph.” Margaret stuck the needle into the underside of the fabric. “That didn’t sound too confident, Naomi.”
Naomi pressed her lips together. While she had seen Zeke several times this week, including the buggy ride they’d taken last Saturday afternoon, she still couldn’t dispel the doubt that their relationship was too good too last. Knowing he would be returning to Middlefield two weeks after the wedding didn’t help. They had avoided talking about that, and she tried not to think about it. But she couldn’t help it.
“We’re fine, Margaret. We enjoy each other’s company. There isn’t more to tell than that.”
“Okay, I won’t pry.” She paused, looking at Naomi. “I’m glad you’re not angry with me about the cooking lesson.”
“Nee. How could I be? You were just giving me a taste of my own medicine.”
“I was trying to help you. And Zeke.”
“I know.” She grinned. “And it worked.”
Margaret nodded, her eyes filled with satisfaction. Then she bent her head down and started stitching in earnest. Suddenly she chuckled.
Naomi looked up. “What’s so funny?”
Margaret’s cheeks flushed. “Oh, nix. Just thinking about something Ben said the other day.”
“Ben? Are you talking about Ben Hooley?”
With a nod, Margaret looked up. “Ya,” she said softly.
“I noticed he picked you up a couple times last week.” Naomi tried to hide a smirk, but failed. “I suppose he’s still trying to appease your daed.”
“Maybe.” Then Margaret put down the needle and leaned forward, the ribbons of her prayer kapp brushing against the quilt. “Oh, Naomi. I think Ben might be the one.”
“What?” Naomi raised her eyebrow. “Four weeks ago you couldn’t stand him.”
“I know, but things have changed.”
“What happened?”
“He started to talk.” She held her hands up and shrugged. “When he picked me up on Monday he asked me about my day. Then before long he was telling me all kinds of things. Like what a troublemaker he was in school.”
Naomi couldn’t imagine a man as polite as Ben being a troublemaker. It gave her hope for Sarah Mae. “So that’s it? He started talking, and you fell in love with him?”
“I’m not saying I’m in love.” Margaret looked away, but her smile widened. “I’m just saying that I think I . . . might be.” She looked back at Naomi. “I feel ri
diculous even saying it out loud, but he’s so different from anyone else I know. I can be myself around him. I don’t even get tongue-tied, and I haven’t tripped over my feet once.”
“Does he feel the same way?”
Margaret nodded. “Last night he admitted that he’d had a crush on me for months, but he thought I didn’t like him, so he kept it a secret. All this time I thought he was being quiet because he didn’t like me. Turns out he did all along.”
“Do you know what made him admit that to you?”
“He’d heard about me having supper with Zeke. Fortunately he didn’t know how the evening ended.” She cringed. “But he realized he couldn’t sit by and let me slip away.” She sighed, leaning her elbow on the table and cupping her chin in her hand. “Isn’t that the most romantic thing you’ve ever heard?”
Naomi’s heart soared. “I’m really happy for you, Margaret.”
“I’m happy for both of us.” She reached over and took Naomi’s hand. “To think, we both might be getting married next year!”
“I wouldn’t plan any weddings yet.” Naomi pulled her hand away. “At least not for me.”
Margaret’s smile disappeared. “Why not? You and Zeke are a perfect match.”
Naomi couldn’t help but smile. She thought the same thing herself.
A knock sounded at the back door. Naomi answered it, pleased to see Zeke standing there. But her pleasure turned to worry when she saw the stricken look on his face. “Zeke. Is something wrong?”
“I need to talk to you.” He looked over her shoulder at Margaret, giving her a curt nod in greeting. “Alone.”
Margaret stood. “I’ll see if your mamm needs any help, Naomi.” Her gaze flashed from Zeke to Naomi before she hurried out of the room.
Naomi stepped to the side. Zeke strode to the table and took off his hat, but didn’t remove his coat. He slid his fingers through his bangs and pushed them away from his brow, revealing his birthmark.
She moved toward him. “You’re worrying me, Zeke.”
“I don’t mean to.” He put his hat on top of the table, covering one corner of the lap quilt. “I just got a call from one of my schwesters. Mei daed had an accident today.”
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