by Amy Clipston
“Mark, I’ve known you since before we were born.” Laura pointed at him. “Something is on your mind.”
He sighed.
“What is it?” Laura’s eyes lit up. “Are you in love? Are you going to ask one of your girlfriends to marry you and you just didn’t want us to know yet? Is it Franey?”
He swallowed a groan. “Please, Laura. You need to stop hoping for that. I have no plans to marry. I’m working for Yonnie so I can save money.” He pointed toward the back of the house. “You know my goal is to build a haus of my own on this property. I’m fine if I never find a fraa.”
Laura wrinkled her nose as if she smelled something foul. “That’s really bedauerlich.”
“Why?” He touched Mollie’s shoulder. “I have mei bruderskinner.”
Mollie smiled up at him and then looked down at her book.
“Who will do your laundry when you move out?”
Mark grinned. “I’ll just bring it over here, and Florence will take care of it.” He took another bite of steak.
“You’re unbelievable,” she said as she rubbed her temples.
Mark took a deep breath and moved the rest of his corn around. It was time to tell Laura her friend was home, but he debated how much to tell her. Priscilla’s homecoming had been painful, and the story surrounding her son was her business. Would it be a violation of the Allgyer family’s trust if Mark told Laura about what happened while he was there tonight? But Laura had been one of Priscilla’s closest friends, and Laura was Mark’s twin, his closest confidante. They’d always shared their deepest and darkest secrets. He had to tell her the whole truth.
Mark set his fork down and leaned back in his chair as he met his twin’s gaze. “Priscilla came home this evening.”
Laura clapped her hands over her mouth for a moment before speaking. “Why didn’t you tell me as soon as you came home?”
“Mamm?” Mollie’s blue eyes widened as she looked at Laura. “Was iss letz?”
“Nothing is wrong, mei liewe. Onkel Mark just told me my dear freind came home today. She’s been gone a long time.” She pointed to Mollie’s book. “You can go back to your book, okay?”
Mollie nodded and looked down at the pictures of horses.
“Why did you keep that from me?” Laura frowned. “You know Priscilla was one of my best freinden. Priscilla, Savilla, and I were inseparable in school and youth group. I never understood why she left. She seemed okay, as if nothing was bothering her. I knew she argued with her dat, but she never made it seem like it was that bad.”
“Maybe it was worse than you thought.” Mark rubbed the back of his neck.
“What do you mean?”
“Her mamm was very froh to see her, but her dat wasn’t welcoming. In fact, he was critical of her.”
“Why?” Laura tilted her head. “I know she’s shunned for leaving, but why wouldn’t he be froh to see her?”
“She has a sohn. He’s six and a half.”
“Really?” Priscilla smiled. “That’s wunderbaar.”
“She’s not married. She said she left his father, so I think there’s a painful story there.”
“Oh.” Laura’s smiled faded. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Ya.” Mark’s thoughts swirled as his mind replayed Priscilla’s strained reunion with her parents.
“Mark. I can feel your anguish.” Laura touched her collarbone. “Zwillingbopplin.”
“I know.” He set the fork down again. “I just keep thinking that our parents would have welcomed us home no matter what. They would have rejoiced if you or Cindy had come home after so many years, even if you had a boppli out of wedlock.”
“Ya, they’d just be froh we came home. Mamm would’ve always supported us. I miss her so much.” Laura’s eyes sparkled as she patted her middle again.
“I know.” Mark’s eyes stung as he thought of their mother. “I do too.”
“But Yonnie has always been tough. You’ve told me he’s not the easiest man to work for. He expects everything to be perfect, and he lets you know when it isn’t.”
He grinned. “Ya, but he pays well.”
“I think he’ll come around. Who can resist a kind, right?” She nodded toward Mollie. “I fell in love with Mollie the moment I first saw her, right after Savilla had her. I’m so grateful I can be a part of her life.”
“I hope you’re right, and that Yonnie comes around.”
“He will.” Laura smiled. “Tell me about Priscilla’s sohn. I can’t wait to see her and meet him.”
THREE
ETHAN SNUGGLED INTO THE DOUBLE BED IN THE spare bedroom later that evening. “Daadi let me help with the horses, and he said he’ll let me help tomorrow too.”
“I’m glad you had fun.” Maybe her father would continue to make Ethan feel welcome here. After all, he’d already taught him to call him Daadi.
“Daadi is kind of quiet. He seems sad.”
Priscilla suppressed a scowl. That’s one way to describe him. “He’s always been kind of quiet. It’s just how he is. Some people like to smile and tell jokes, and other people are quiet and more somber.”
“Yeah.” Ethan paused as if contemplating something. “It’s funny not having lights or air-conditioning. It’s kind of like when we went camping with Dad that one time.” He pointed to the Coleman lantern on the nightstand next to the bed. “We had to use lanterns too, and there weren’t any light switches.”
“You’re right.” Priscilla smiled as she tucked the sheet around him. “It is sort of like camping.” She kissed his forehead and then touched his nose. “You get some sleep, okay?”
“Okay. It’s hot in here.” He pointed to the open window on the far side of the room. “Will it get cooler?”
“Hopefully you’ll get a breeze. You’ll get used to it eventually.” She flipped off the lantern. “Good night.”
“How do you say good night in Dutch?”
“Gut nacht.” As she crossed the room, she realized it was still decorated the same. Two dressers lined the far wall, and a simple mirror and a shelf with two candles adorned the other wall. Her mother had insisted on having a guest room, although Priscilla never recalled any guests coming to visit and enjoying the pretty room.
“Mom?”
“Yes?” Priscilla stood in the doorway.
“Will Dad visit us here?”
Priscilla’s stomach dipped and then spiraled as her thoughts turned to Trent. “I don’t know, sweetie. We’ll see.”
“I miss him.”
She pressed her lips together as her shoulders tightened. She’d never told Ethan why it was necessary to leave his father behind. She’d merely explained it was time for Ethan to get to know his grandparents, and then she prayed they’d be accepted. She also prayed Trent would never find them and try to take Ethan away from her.
“I know you do. Don’t forget to say your prayers. Gut nacht, Ethan.”
“Gut nacht, Mom.”
She began to pull the door closed but stopped when he called her back.
“How do you say I love you in Dutch?” he asked.
She smiled. “Ich liebe dich.”
“Okay. Ich liebe dich, Mom.”
Priscilla’s heart seemed to turn over. Was she the mother Ethan deserved? “I love you too. Now get some sleep. You told me your grandfather said you can help with chores again tomorrow.”
“I’m glad,” he said before rolling over.
She closed his door and crossed the hallway, swallowing back raging emotions as she stepped into her former bedroom. Like the spare room, her bedroom hadn’t changed. Her favorite trinkets still lined the long dresser. Her double bed was adorned with the pink and purple log cabin design quilt she’d finished shortly before she made the decision to leave her childhood home in search of a happier one.
She shook her head. She’d been eighteen, not a child. Why had she thought running away would solve her problems?
She opened her closet and found the dresses and apron
s she’d left behind. She even found a pair of shoes on the floor.
“I kept everything in case you decided to come back.”
Priscilla spun to face her mother. “I didn’t hear you walking down the hall.”
“I have your prayer covering too.” Mamm crossed the room and opened the top drawer of the dresser. “I kept it in here.”
“Danki.” Priscilla touched it. When she left the community, she adapted the Englisher way of dressing to blend in, abandoning the few dresses, aprons, and prayer coverings she’d packed. It would feel odd to put on her former clothing, but she felt a strange tug from her former life. Had she missed dressing this way?
“Your dat is going to talk to you in the morning.”
She looked up into her mother’s dark eyes. “About what?”
“His rules for you if you decide to stay.”
“I expected that.” Priscilla sank onto the corner of the bed. “He wants me to dress Amish, right?”
“Ya, he does, and he wants Ethan to dress Amish too.” Mamm touched her shoulder. “Please tell me you’ll agree to whatever he says. I don’t want you and Ethan to leave.”
“Ya, I will,” she said, realizing she had made the decision to stay despite continued anxiety about being around her father. She forced a smile. “I’ll make Ethan some clothes, and I’ll see if my dresses still fit.”
“They will. You look to be about the same size to me.” Mamm touched her cheek. “I’m so glad you’re here.” Her eyes seemed to penetrate Priscilla’s soul. “I suspect you wouldn’t be unless something happened with Ethan’s father. What was it?”
Priscilla swallowed as she debated how much to share. “He changed, and our home became an unsafe environment for Ethan.”
Mamm’s eyes sparkled with tears. “Did he hurt you?”
“I’m okay.” Priscilla squeezed her mother’s hand. “Ethan and I will be fine.”
Mamm studied her. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Priscilla shook her head as a yawn overtook her. “Maybe later.”
“All right. I’m always here.”
“Danki.” Priscilla’s heart seemed to swell. She was grateful for her mother.
“Get some sleep. Gut nacht.”
“Gut nacht.” Priscilla turned toward the doorway as her mother was leaving. “Mamm?”
“Ya?” Mamm swiveled to face her.
“Danki for allowing Ethan and me to stay here.”
Mamm’s eyes glimmered in the light of the Coleman lantern on her dresser. “Of course you can stay here. You belong here. You’re our family. Sleep well.” She closed the door as she stepped out into the hallway.
Priscilla walked to the closet and eyed a long-sleeved cranberry-colored dress. Since she’d left home in the summer, she’d left behind her long-sleeved dresses. She pulled the dress off the hanger and yanked off her purple shirt and jeans.
When she turned toward the mirror, her gaze fell on her right bicep and the scars that covered her arm. She touched the discolored and puckered skin, and her mind filled with memories of the night Trent had been so drunk and angry that he’d thrown a beer bottle at her.
Although Trent had never been violent toward Ethan, his drinking had put their son in danger. One day she arrived home from work to find Ethan home alone while Trent had gone out drinking with his buddies. At that moment Priscilla realized she had to get Ethan away from Trent before he wound up hurt.
That was the day she began planning her escape from Trent’s drunkenness and abuse.
She closed her eyes to keep her tears at bay. She was strong, and she was determined to keep Ethan safe. She’d gotten away from Trent, and now she had to rebuild her life. If that meant living here and assimilating to the Amish life again, then she’d do it for her son’s sake.
Priscilla slipped on the dress and studied her reflection in the mirror. The dress was a little snug, but she could let out the seams. She changed into her favorite nightshirt and shorts and then sat down at her sewing table. She was grateful her mother had left it and all her sewing supplies in her room. She set to work letting out the seams and shortening the sleeves to three-quarter length. Short sleeves were permitted during the summer, but she couldn’t risk anyone seeing the scars on her arm. Her mind wandered as she worked, anxiety causing her stomach to roil as she imagined what her father would say to her in the morning.
When the dress was finished, she hung it back in the closet and went to her dresser. She touched the little wooden box where she’d kept her bobby pins since she was a little girl. Then she pulled out her prayer covering and ran her fingers over the organza. Tomorrow she would don her former clothing and try to find her way back into the Amish community. But would they accept her despite her transgressions?
The question lingered in her mind as she turned off the lanterns and climbed into bed. Turning to her side, she closed her eyes.
“Lord, give me strength,” she whispered. “Guide me to where Ethan and I belong.”
Then she closed her eyes and waited for sleep to find her.
“Gude mariye.” Priscilla forced a smile on her lips as she stepped into the kitchen the following morning. The aroma of eggs, bacon, home fries, and fresh-baked bread washed over her, causing her stomach to growl.
“Gude mariye,” Mamm echoed as she set a platter of bacon on the table.
Dat barely repeated the greeting from the head of the table.
“You look pretty, Mom,” Ethan said as he sat beside her father.
“Danki. That means thank you.” Priscilla touched her prayer covering. She’d put on the cranberry-colored dress and a black apron, and then she’d pulled her hair up before donning the prayer covering. The clothing felt oddly comforting. Perhaps she’d missed her former life.
Unwilling to go there, she turned toward her mother. “I’m sorry I didn’t come down earlier to help you. What can I do now?”
“Don’t worry. It’s all done.” Mamm handed her a plate and then gestured toward the small table in the corner. “Get yourself some food.”
“Danki.” Priscilla filled her plate and sat down. After a silent prayer, they all began to eat. With her stomach tied up in knots, she merely moved the eggs around as she waited for her father to speak to her. Would he lay down his rules now? Or make her wait until later in the day?
“Are we going to work on chores after breakfast, Daadi?” Ethan asked between bites of home fries.
“Ya,” Dat said. “Mark should be here soon, and you can help us outside.”
“Yay!” Ethan cheered. “I saw your horses last night, but what kind are they?”
Dat answered Ethan’s questions about the horses and the farm as they finished eating. Priscilla had gathered the empty dishes and was filling one side of the sink with water when her father finally addressed her. She was grateful Ethan had gone out to the porch to wait for him.
“Priscilla, I want to discuss your plans for staying here.”
She turned toward him and nodded. “All right.”
“If you stay under my roof, you and Ethan will dress Amish and abide by the rules of the Ordnung. Ethan will go to our Amish school.” Dat’s expression could not have been stonier.
“I understand.” Priscilla’s hands shook as she dried them on a dish towel.
“You will also meet with the bishop and make yourself right with the church.”
She swallowed. “I will.”
“You’ll do it today.” Dat jammed his finger against the table. “As soon as the kitchen is cleaned up, you will call for a ride and go talk to him. With his agreement, you’ll start your classes this Sunday.”
“Okay.” Priscilla kept back a biting retort. How she despised her father’s caustic tone despite her agreeing to his rules.
“And one more thing.” He narrowed his eyes. “After you’re accepted back as a community member, you will look for a husband.”
Her mouth dropped open. “What? Look for a husband?”
“Ya. Your soh
n needs a father, and you need a husband. The sooner you find one, the better. You know how your situation looks to other members of our community. The best thing you can do is make it right. You know what I’m saying.”
“No.” Priscilla shook her head. “I will live like an Amish woman, and I will make myself right with the church, but I can’t allow you to dictate my life beyond that. If that’s how you’re going to be, I’ll find another place to live.”
“No!” Mamm said. “Don’t go.”
Priscilla’s body shook as she looked at her mother. “I have to go.” She hurried up the stairs and into Ethan’s room. She opened the closet and pulled out his suitcase before tossing his clothes into it.
Priscilla shook her head as anger and confusion warred inside of her.
“Please stay,” Mamm pleaded as she stood in the doorway. “Your dat only wants what’s best for you.”
She spun toward her mother. “I can’t let him push me to get married. When I’m right with the church, it means I’m forgiven. I can’t be forced to marry. Ethan is mei sohn, no matter how he came into this world.”
“Priscilla, calm down.” Mamm took a step toward her. “Your dat is only thinking about your future. You can stay here and build a life for Ethan. Finding a husband isn’t a bad thing.”
“No, but it has to be my choice.” Priscilla pointed to her chest. “I get to choose who’s the best man to help me raise Ethan.” What was she thinking? She could never let anyone hurt her again—or hurt Ethan. That was true. But even if she found someone she could trust, what decent man would have her? She would still be damaged goods.
“Ya, I know it has to be your choice, and your dat knows that. He never said he would choose a husband for you. Why would he?” Mamm touched her arm. “Stop thinking about yourself and think about your kind. Where will you go if you leave here? Do you have enough money to provide a gut home for him?”
Priscilla’s shoulders slumped. She didn’t have enough money to rent an apartment, let alone a house.
“Stay here.” Mamm’s voice cracked with emotion. “Just do what your dat wants, and I promise everything will be all right.”
