by Amy Clipston
“Danki.” She looked across the table where Mark had ended up next to Ethan and Mollie.
Ethan scooped a spoonful of peas into his mouth before whispering something to Mollie, who smiled.
“This is delicious, Laura,” Priscilla said.
Laura looked toward her husband sitting at the other end of the table. She grinned. “Allen just loves my hamburger casserole. Right, mei liewe?”
“What’s that?” Allen raised his eyebrows.
“You just love my hamburger casserole, right?” Her grin widened as if there was an unspoken private joke passing between them. “He loves casseroles.”
“That’s right.” Allen raised his glass to her. “Your casseroles are my favorites.”
Envy became a heavy rock in the pit of Priscilla’s belly. She’d never have that kind of connection with a man.
“What kind of sewing or mending repairs do you do for your customers?” Kayla asked.
“I do just about anything,” Priscilla said. “I’ve repaired a few quilts, shortened trousers, and even altered a wedding gown for a young woman who’s going to wear her grandmother’s.”
“Wow!” Laura said. “That sounds like difficult work.”
“Not really.” Priscilla looked over at Cindy, who sat by Jamie. “You’re an expert seamstress, right?”
Cindy shook her head and blushed. “Not really.”
“She’s being modest,” Laura said. “Cindy is the best seamstress in the family.”
“I learned everything from Mamm.” Cindy looked down at her plate.
“Ya, you did.” Laura nodded.
A hush fell over the sisters, and Priscilla’s heart felt the pain of their loss.
Priscilla turned to Kayla. “How have you been feeling?”
“Gut.” Kayla nodded. “I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday, and everything looks great.”
The family talked about the new additions coming to their family for the remainder of supper. When they were finished eating, Priscilla helped Laura bring two apple pies and a shoofly pie to the table while Kayla made coffee.
“Oh, I am stuffed,” Mark said as he leaned back in the chair and rubbed his flat waist. “Sis, you make the best pies.”
“Danki.” Laura stacked the empty dessert plates. “I’m so glad you all could come.”
“Mamm, may I show Ethan my swing set?” Mollie asked.
“Ya, of course.” Laura waved her off. “Have fun.”
Mollie looked at Mark. “Onkel Mark, would you please go with us?”
“Of course.” Mark stood, and Mollie took his hand. “Let me guess. You want me to push you on the swing.”
“Yay!” Mollie sang as she, Mark, and Ethan headed toward the mudroom.
“Ready to go sit on the porch?” Allen asked Jamie as they stood.
“Ya, let’s go.”
“Take your sohn,” Kayla instructed as she began filling one side of the sink with hot water.
“Ya, Mamm,” Jamie said, teasing her as he removed the tray from Calvin’s booster seat and wiped his face with a wet cloth Kayla handed him.
Priscilla joined Kayla at the sink and dried dishes, making small talk about recipes as they worked. When she spotted movement outside the kitchen window, she peered out to where Mark pushed both Ethan and Mollie on the swings, one with each hand. He talked and laughed, and Priscilla shook her head as a smile turned up the corners of her lips. The children loved Mark, and he loved them.
Why hadn’t Mark settled down with one of the eager women in the community? Priscilla had to admit he would make a wonderful father—and a handsome one too.
She swallowed a groan and returned to drying the dishes. Was she becoming one of his eager maed? She hoped not! What good would that do?
But the question haunted her as she worked. She couldn’t allow herself to fall for Mark Riehl. Giving her heart to any man, especially him, would only lead to disaster.
“You seemed like you had fun tonight.” Mark peeked at Priscilla as he guided his horse down Laura’s driveway.
“Ya, I did.” She gave him a half shrug and then turned toward him and smiled. “Danki for making me go.” The smile lit up her whole face and made her even more attractive.
“Gern gschehne.” He turned back toward the road, and they rode in silence for several minutes. When snores sounded from the back of the buggy, he glanced at her again. “Did Ethan fall asleep?”
She looked over her shoulder and then grinned. “Ya, he did. You wore him out on the swings.”
“No, those kinner wore me out. My arms are sore.”
She seemed to relax in the seat, and a comfortable silence sat between them.
After several moments she turned to him once again. “Why haven’t you married?”
The question stunned him silent for a beat. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve never found the right maedel.”
“But you flirt all the time. Do you have feelings for any of the maed you attract?”
Once again her question caught him off guard, and Priscilla waited as he took a moment to consider his response. “They’re all nice, and I consider them mei freinden, but I don’t want to marry any of them.”
“Do you ever want to get married?”
He halted the horse at a red light and then smirked at her. “Are you proposing to me? Because I have to be honest with you. I really like you, but I’m not sure I’m ready to make a commitment to you. I mean, maybe we should at least go on a date first.”
“Mark Riehl, you’re hopeless.”
He laughed as he guided the horse through the intersection. “I’m just froh you had fun tonight. You seemed at ease with my family, and I was grateful to see that.”
“Did you plan this evening for me?”
He paused as dread exploded like buckshot. Caught, redhanded! “No.”
Out of the corner of his eyes, he spotted her wagging a finger at him.
“You hesitated.”
“Look,” he began, his words measured, “I just wanted you to see that you’re not an outsider.”
“What do you mean?”
“You act like you think you don’t belong to this community, but you do. I think coming back here was the best choice you could’ve made for both you and Ethan.”
“That’s easy for you to say, but you don’t know everything about me.” Her voice was soft as she looked out the window.
“Priscilla, you can talk to me if you need someone to listen.” He held his breath, hoping she’d share whatever was bothering her. But she didn’t. She kept facing the road as headlights zoomed past them.
He sighed. They were back to square one. Why hadn’t he kept his mouth shut instead of trying to tell her how much the community cared about her? Perhaps he should mind his own business. But that seemed impossible when he cared about her and Ethan too.
The clip-clop of horse hooves and the sound of passing cars filled the buggy once again as he did his best to analyze her feelings for him. It seemed that one moment she trusted him and liked him as a friend, but then the next he was invisible and insignificant. If only he could convince her that he wanted to be her friend, maybe she would trust him.
“Why do you dislike me?” His question broke through the suffocating silence.
She swiveled toward him. “I don’t dislike you. I just don’t know why you keep expecting us to be such gut freinden. I’m not the kind of maedel you seek out. When we were younger you were interested only in the schee maed, the exciting maed. You never noticed me when we were younger, so I don’t expect you to particularly notice me now.”
“Are you kidding?” He snorted. “I noticed you. You’re mei schweschder’s best freind.”
She blew out a heavy sigh that seemed to bubble up from her toes. “That’s not what I mean.”
“So what do you mean, then?” He longed to understand her, but her words just confused him.
“Just forget it, okay? It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.”
She turned toward him, her pretty lips turned into a frown. “I’m not the kind of maedel you like. Why would you waste your time on me?”
“Waste my time on you?” He shook his head.
“That’s what I said. I’ve always been part of the background, not the kind of maedel you wanted to—and still want to—spend time with, like Franey and Ruthann. Why don’t we leave it that way, okay? It will keep life uncomplicated.” She waved him off, as if he didn’t matter.
The gesture gutted him. So she didn’t want to be his friend. He had to let it go, but the dismissal burned him like a hot knife to his soul. He kept his eyes focused on the road ahead as he guided the horse onto the road leading to her father’s farm.
Mark clamped his teeth together so hard that his jaw throbbed as the farm’s driveway came into view. Confusion churned in his stomach. He wanted to be Priscilla’s friend, but all his efforts were met with a polite dismissal. What could he possibly do to earn her friendship?
And why was he so determined to win her over? Why couldn’t he just let it go?
When he halted the horse near the house, she turned toward him, her eyes seeming to glitter with sadness.
“Danki for taking me to Laura’s tonight,” she said, her voice thick. Then she leaned over the seat and shook Ethan. “Get up. We’re home.”
“Okay.” Ethan yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Gut nacht, Mark.”
“Gut nacht.” He opened his mouth to ask her what he could do to close the great chasm that seemed to continually widen between them, but Priscilla had already climbed out of the buggy and started toward the house.
There had to be a way to earn her trust. He’d try harder, and maybe, just maybe, she’d give him another chance.
TWELVE
MARK’S THOUGHTS SWIRLED LIKE A TORNADO AS he sat next to Roy in the barn during the service. As the congregation sang the last hymn, the humid August air felt like a constricting blanket hovering over him.
Today was the day Priscilla would be forgiven and rejoin the congregation. Her shunning would be over, and she would be welcomed back as a sister in the faith. It was a momentous day, and he longed to be by her side after the service to welcome her personally. But he was certain he wouldn’t be the first person she’d seek after her acceptance.
He’d spent the entire service staring at the back of Priscilla’s prayer covering and analyzing the past week. He’d tried different approaches for trying to encourage her to open up to him, but none of his lame conversations had resulted in more than a halfhearted smile or the one-word responses he couldn’t get used to. Still, each rejection had made him more determined to win her friendship. He wasn’t going to give up, no matter how many times she dismissed him with an uninterested wave of her hand.
When the hymn ended, the bishop stood and faced the congregation. “And now I invite all the nonmembers to please exit and the baptized members to stay for a special meeting.”
A murmur spread over the barn as the children and nonmembers of the church exited. When Priscilla stood, her gaze moved toward the unmarried men’s section, and her eyes flickered over to his. He tried to smile at her, but she looked down and then headed out of the barn, her eyes focused on the barn floor.
Roy leaned over and whispered, “This is it. She’s going to be a member again.”
“I know.” Mark nodded. “I’m glad for her.”
Roy’s eyes narrowed as he studied Mark for a moment. “Do you have feelings for Priscilla?”
“What?” Mark sat up straighter. “Why would you say that?”
“I don’t know.” Roy tapped his clean-shaven chin. “You just seem totally focused on her when she’s around.”
“That’s ridiculous.” Mark turned his attention back to the bishop.
“As you know, Priscilla Allgyer has returned to the community after eight years. She moved to Baltimore to live like an Englisher, but as of today, she has completed her time under the Meiding, and she is ready to be received back into the church.”
John paused and looked around the congregation. “She told me she’s ready to confess. The ministers and I agree if you vote to accept Priscilla today, we’re going to immediately welcome her back into the fold. Now I need to know if each of you agrees she’s repentant and ready to be received back into the church.” John pointed to the side of the barn where the men sat. Then he pointed to the minister. “I will ask the men, and Abner will ask the women.”
Mark sat up taller as John walked over to his section of the barn. On the opposite side of the barn, Abner went to the women. Mark heard each woman take turns saying “Ya,” and he silently asked God to encourage every member to echo that response.
“Do you believe Priscilla Allgyer is repentant and ready to be received back into the church?” John asked the unmarried men.
“Ya,” Mark said when it was his turn.
“Ya,” Roy echoed.
Each man after Mark gave the same response, and the muscles in his back eased.
When John moved to the married men’s section, he again asked if they agreed. Each of the men responded with “Ya.”
Mark swallowed a deep breath of relief.
Then John moved to the center of the barn. “We will invite our schweschder back in to confess now.”
Mark gripped the bench and sucked in a deep breath. He prayed Priscilla would be strong as she stood in front of their congregation to repent for her sins.
Priscilla wrung her hands as she stood at one corner of the barn and watched the children play on Mary Glick’s elaborate wooden swing set. Ethan and Mollie swung next to each other while teenage girls leaned on a nearby fence and talked.
Priscilla’s heart felt a mixture of fear, excitement, and relief. She was finally going to be accepted back into the church. But uncertainty still plagued her. Was she making the right choice for Ethan’s future? Did he belong in this community after being born in the Englisher life?
It’s only temporary! I’ll be out of here and on my own soon, and then I can go back to the Englisher life!
Maybe this wasn’t about Ethan as much as it was about her.
Closing her eyes, she opened her heart in prayer.
God, please lead me down the path you’ve chosen for me. Help me figure out what’s best for mei kind. Is he supposed to remain in this community? Is this the right choice for Ethan’s future? Help me make the right choice and be a gut mutter. I’m so confused, and I never know if I’m doing the best I can for mei sohn, even though I try. Help me, God. I need you more than ever—not just for Ethan’s sake, but for mine too.
“Priscilla.”
She jumped with a start at the sound of her name.
“I’m sorry.” Cindy came up behind her. “I didn’t mean to startle you. I wanted to see if you’re okay. You looked pretty terrified when you walked out of the barn.”
“That’s an accurate description for how I feel right now.”
“Everything will be fine.” Cindy rubbed her arm. “You made it through the hard part. Now the bishop will tell you you’re forgiven, and you can stay for the noon meal and shop at Amish stores.”
“I know.” Priscilla looked out toward the swing set again. It seemed like only yesterday that she was playing on a swing set without a care in the world. How had her life become so complicated?
“Do you want to talk about whatever is bothering you?”
Priscilla turned toward Cindy’s pretty face. “Do you ever wonder where you belong?”
Cindy nodded. “All the time. Why do you think I haven’t joined the church?” She fingered her white apron. “When mei mamm died I felt like I was lost, just floating through life without a destination. I thought it would get easier with time, but it’s been five years and I still feel like I’m straddling a line between the Amish church and the outside world. It’s not that I don’t want to be Amish, but I’m not sure I belong here.”
Priscilla studied Cindy’s bright-blue eyes. How was it that she was only
twenty-two years old but understood how Priscilla felt?
Cindy gave her a sheepish smile. “You’re looking at me like I’m narrisch.”
“No.” Priscilla shook her head. “I understand exactly how you feel.”
“But you came back, so I thought you figured out you belonged here.” Cindy pointed to the ground. “If you didn’t feel that way, why are you confessing?”
Priscilla shook her head. “It’s not that simple.” She gestured toward the swing set. “I had to find the safest home for mei sohn. Coming home was my only option.”
Cindy seemed to contemplate her words for a moment. “What would you have done if you hadn’t had Ethan to consider?”
“I don’t know.”
“So how do you know if you truly belong here?”
“I don’t.”
“I see.” Cindy looked past her. “Jamie and Laura are settled and froh, and I believe Mark will settle down soon, even though he says he’s not interested in getting married. Sometimes I think I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. I keep waiting to wake up and realize I’m in the right place, but it hasn’t happened. I’ve prayed about it, but I don’t think God is ready to answer me.”
“You’re so young, Cindy. It will happen for you.”
Cindy smiled at her. “Danki.”
Just then the bishop came around the corner, his brow furrowed and his frown serious. “We’re ready for you. You can repent now.”
“Okay.” Priscilla smoothed her hands down her apron and cleared her throat.
John’s expression was serious but also caring. “Priscilla, are you ready?”
“I think so.” Panic chewed at her insides, and she stood on shaky legs. Where was the courageous woman who had packed all her worldly possessions and snuck out of the townhouse she rented while Trent was out with his friends?
John gestured toward the barn doors. “Let’s go. The congregation is waiting.”
She squared her shoulders and followed the bishop, her steps bogged down with the heavy apprehension pressing her heart.
When she reached the barn’s entrance, her lungs seemed to seize. Would the congregation accept her confession as she knelt before them? Would they believe her intentions were sincere?
