by Ali Olson
From behind her, Jessica said, “You’re kidding, right? Don’t you want to take a little break? We have time.”
Renee absolutely did not want a break. Breaks were when thoughts and feelings could intrude. Better to keep working. “Where are the chairs?” she asked in response.
Jessica heaved herself up with a groan and led Renee to the barn. Her eyes immediately flew to the loft as images swam to the surface of her mind, but she shoved them back into the past where they belonged and brought her eyes back to ground level. The chairs were standing bunched in a corner, as out of the way as fifty or so large and starkly white chairs could get. They must have been delivered the day before, Renee realized. While she was at Jeremiah’s.
Before more unwelcome images could come calling, she grabbed a chair and started moving. They were heavy, not cheap fold-away chairs by any stretch of the imagination. Renee could feel her muscles burning, but she ignored them.
After they had moved nearly half the chairs, Aaron showed up. “I didn’t realize you two were going to start all the heavy lifting without me or I would’ve been quicker with the horses,” he said.
Jessica went over to him, settling into his arms like they had been made for her. She said something Renee couldn’t quite catch, but she assumed it was about her pushing them to get things done. And what was wrong with that?
With Aaron helping, the job sped up, and soon all the chairs were in the tent, encircling the tables. Renee was about to ask what the next job was, but before she could, Jessica was shaking her head. “Nope, I’m calling a lunch break. We’ve done enough for right now and I’m starving.”
Renee didn’t feel hungry at all, but what could she say? She shut her mouth and followed her sister back to the house.
11
JEREMIAH SAT ON his couch, the silence of the empty house heavy in his ears. Renee was gone. And she had made it perfectly clear that she was done with him and their whatever-it-was. He had tried to make her believe that they had a future, but it didn’t work, and her “No” as she left the truck still sat on his chest like a heavy weight crushing everything beneath it.
Now that he was home, he knew there was plenty he could do to distract himself, to stop his mind from going back to its favorite topic, Renee, but instead he sat on the couch.
Maybe if he could talk to her, really explain how he felt and why she should give them a chance, she would see the truth in it. They were great together. In the bedroom and out. He couldn’t just let that all go so easily, could he?
But he’d need some kind of gesture, something more than just words. An idea formed in his mind. It would take time, but if he started immediately, it should be ready by tomorrow evening, the rehearsal dinner.
He stood and rushed to his studio, a determined smile on his lips.
* * *
RENEE HEARD THE sound of tires on gravel through her window and shut her laptop. She had managed to paste in the article Jessica had written and adjust the layout design to match the length. She had also added the picture of the men opening the front door of the barn.
Those things would normally take less than a half hour, but it was over two hours since she had sat down to work. She hadn’t been able to find her focus.
She was also missing the sense of accomplishment that usually came when she completed a task for a layout.
Renee ran her fingers through her hair. Work had always been there for her, and now, when she most needed it, she felt dissatisfied.
She pushed away from the desk and headed downstairs. The babble of overlapping voices coming from outside grew louder as Jessica, Aaron and the newcomers approached the house.
As Renee moved to the front door, it burst open, and Renee’s mother entered, all smiles. She was followed by her boyfriend, Stew; Jessica’s best friend, Cindy; and Cindy’s husband. The bustle was a welcome relief. If she was busy talking and catching up, maybe she could forget about the way Jeremiah’s eyes sparkled when he was happy, or the way they dug into her soul when he was earnest.
After chatting into the evening, however, Jeremiah was no closer to disappearing from her brain. The only thing her attempt at distraction did was give her a headache. Pretending to be happy and pleasant was more work than she’d thought.
Finally, she couldn’t take it any longer. “I think I’m going to head up to bed,” she said, hoping she would get out of the room without much argument.
“Are you okay, Renee? You look pale,” her mother said, concerned.
Renee shrugged. “I just have a bit of a headache.”
Boy, was that the understatement of the year.
Everyone sent her to bed with well wishes, making Renee feel even crappier. All these loving, sweet people were here for Jessica’s wedding, and she couldn’t even pull it together for them? Over a guy she had no future with?
She dropped into bed, her stomach roiling with unpleasant emotions.
* * *
ANOTHER SLEEPLESS NIGHT and it was the day of the rehearsal dinner. Renee spent the day staying as busy as possible, determined to stick out the entire day and not let herself pine over something so tiny that didn’t feel tiny at all. Everyone helped to decorate the tables for the reception and get everything ready for the rehearsal dinner celebration that evening. With everyone working together, though, it was finished in a few hours, and Renee had run out of things to do.
She steeled herself to make small talk and be a perfectly pleasant helper to Jessica, even though her heart wasn’t in it. Luckily, Jessica came up and put a hand on her shoulder the moment the last table setting was in place. “Renee, you still look a little ill. I think you should take a break before the rehearsal dinner.”
Renee was about to protest, but Jessica shook her head before she could say a word. “Go take a nap or something. Please.”
The concern on Jessica’s face tugged at Renee’s heartstrings, and she threw her arms around Jessica and squeezed her tight. “Thanks, sister. I love you.”
She hoped Jessica wouldn’t ask Renee to explain any of her odd behaviors, and felt relieved when Jessica hugged her back and only said, “Love you, too. Now go get some rest.”
Renee didn’t need to be asked twice; she was exhausted.
The moment she dropped onto the bed, however, she sat back up. There was just too much Jeremiah in this bed for her to be comfortable. Instead, she grabbed her laptop and decided to bury herself in her favorite distraction—work.
The rehearsal dinner would be starting in a couple of hours, and Renee was sure she wouldn’t have an opportunity to get much done until after the wedding the next day, so this was the best time to get some work in.
When Renee sat down at the desk with her computer, though, she couldn’t find the motivation to get started. Why was she even putting herself through this? She had plenty of great pages that showed off her skills. She didn’t need to make a new one.
And even if she still wanted to submit the new page, did she really need to put in hours of work to make it just a tiny bit better? She opened what she had done so far. It wasn’t perfect, but it was very good already. Certainly good enough.
Renee shook her head. When had she ever thought something was “good enough”? She wasn’t sure what had happened to her, but she knew exactly who it was that had started it. Jeremiah.
She hadn’t seen him since she’d climbed out of his truck two days ago, but that didn’t mean his presence hadn’t been felt for those two days. In fact, now that she let herself admit it, all that time she’d spent with her mind blank, when she was hauling heavy tables into place and chatting with her mother, Jeremiah had been front and center, whatever she tried to do.
This fun fling, this impractical relationship, was making it impossible for her to do her job. Renee’s frustration came out as she slammed down the lid of her laptop an
d paced around the room.
Jeremiah would be at the rehearsal dinner, and this was the time to end things once and for all. She needed to burn that bridge so it would stop beckoning to her, inviting her to cross into Texas housewife territory.
If she did, there would be no going back. Her career, her life in New York, were all too important to risk. If she needed to lose a bit of her heart in the process, well, then that was a sacrifice she was willing to make.
* * *
JEREMIAH COULD FEEL his heart in his throat as he climbed out of his truck. He touched the bulge of his chest pocket, gathering strength from it. He would give Renee the gift as a peace offering, and then perhaps she would reconsider their relationship. Even if it was just temporary.
Temporary was better than nothing, and maybe it would be able to turn into something more. He could imagine her reaction to his present, and the thought of it made his heart beat faster. He was sure she would love it, and if he gave it to her in private, maybe they could have their own little party before rejoining the rehearsal dinner.
He walked along the side of Jessica and Aaron’s house, following the light and noise, excitement making his pace nearly a jog. Now that he was here, he couldn’t get to Renee soon enough. Behind the house, two dozen or so people were gathered, talking in small clumps. Large heaters were spaced throughout the crowd to keep away the chill that had been in the air the entire day, and everyone seemed happy and comfortable. The smell of barbecue and music filled the air.
The rehearsal dinner looked just as Jessica had described it: long tables laden with classic Texas barbecue and sides, friends and family mingling. He saw Jessica and Aaron surrounded by people they cared about, smiling and laughing, and felt lighter for a moment. At least this whole thing with Renee hadn’t ruined anything for them.
And if he was lucky and things worked out, he was sure they would be happy about him and Renee being together.
Now he just needed to convince Renee.
Jeremiah’s eyes found her almost immediately, standing beside an older version of herself and a man who looked like an elderly professor. It had to be her mom and the boyfriend, whom he had heard about from Jessica.
Before he could walk up to her and ask her for a private word, Renee saw him and hurried over. His heart jumped at the sight. Maybe she finally sees that we have something bigger than a fling, he thought.
Once she got closer, though, her eyes and expression turned his hope to worry. She didn’t look happy to see him—she looked exhausted. And determined.
She left the circle of light and music and gaiety, striding ever closer, and suddenly he didn’t want her to get any nearer. He could see from her face that whatever she planned to say or do, it wouldn’t be good. The excitement that had been building in him died.
Renee stopped several feet away from him, out of arm’s reach. Before he could say anything, she said, “I wanted to let you know before you entered the party that I still don’t want anything more to happen between us, just in case you were considering trying to discuss it with me. I’ve sowed my wild oats, and now it’s over. We’re done. Please leave it at that.”
She didn’t look him in the eyes once, and she left without his saying a word.
* * *
RENEE WALKED AWAY, wondering what she would do if Jeremiah stopped her, if he saw the tears in her eyes. She hadn’t wanted to be harsh, but it was the only way to cut things off for good. Why did she have to say that thing about wild oats, like he was nothing to her?
You had to. He’d keep pushing otherwise.
Still, she couldn’t stop thinking about how much that must have hurt him, and she knew that this had to be the last time she let herself get close to him. She’d only allowed herself one glance at him before turning away, but the pain on his face in that second had hit her like a punch to the gut, and she couldn’t let herself fall into his arms again, only to hurt him another time. It was clear that he wanted far more than she could give, which was all the more reason to stay away from him altogether.
If luck was on her side, she thought, he would keep his distance until the wedding was over, and then she could go home and retreat into her work, into her little New York life, and that would be that. He could find a sweet girl who would be happy to live on a ranch in Texas, living the content country life, and she would...
Well, she would have her dream job. That would need to be enough.
She rejoined her mother and Stew. “What was that about, Renee?” the older woman asked once Renee was with them once again.
Renee tried to give a convincing smile. “I just needed to talk to Jeremiah real quick about something. For the wedding.”
She left it at that, hoping her mother would drop the subject, and her stomach felt knotted with tension. Once this weekend was over, Renee was done with lying, that was for sure.
For a moment it seemed like her mother would ask another question, but then she turned back to discussing the cruise she and Stew would be taking in a few weeks. Renee breathed out a secret sigh of relief and tried to focus her attention on the two people in front of her, not the one she had left on the edge of the party.
* * *
JEREMIAH LEFT THE circle of light and walked around near the horse paddock, avoiding the merriment of the rehearsal dinner. Ever since her very clear dismissal, Renee refused to even look at him, and it was driving him nuts. He could feel the object he’d brought for her weighing down his breast pocket, and now he felt stupid working so hard to have it ready in time. He took it out and looked at it.
He had made her a miniature statue of copper and silver pieces intertwined in a tiny dance. He knew she would like it, but how could he give it to her now? She wasn’t going to let him get close enough to talk to her, let alone willingly follow him to somewhere private so he could at least hand it to her.
She had made it incredibly clear that she wanted nothing more to do with him, and now he was stuck at this party, watching her ignore him and feeling the weight of his gift like an albatross around his neck.
The nearest horse snorted at him, and he reached out and patted her nose. It was chilly away from the heaters that protected the party from the cold, but he didn’t care. At least if he stayed away from the whole thing, he wouldn’t have to constantly be hit over the head by the fact that she was completely done with him.
And then a distraction came along in the form of a brunette wearing glasses. “Jeremiah!” she called out, rushing over to him and giving him a big hug.
He returned the embrace, trying to push Renee from his mind and give her a genuine smile. It was an impossible task. “Hi, Kiki. I didn’t think you were going to be able to make it.”
“I wasn’t sure I would, but I managed to wrap everything up in time. I flew in last week, but you know how my mom is. This is the first time I’ve had a chance to see anybody since I got back.”
“It’ll be good to have you around for a bit,” he said.
She stared at his face intently for a moment. “How are you?” she asked, concern edging her voice.
How could she already tell something was wrong?
Before he could respond, Kiki’s infamous mother appeared as if from nowhere. “I was wondering where you disappeared off to, Kerstin. You really should go visit with Aaron and the bride for a bit. He is your cousin, after all, and it’s rude not to chat with her some,” the older woman said while pushing Kiki’s hair out of her eyes.
Jeremiah watched Kiki’s controlled expression and wondered how hard it was for her to keep from rolling her eyes. If he hadn’t been feeling so crappy, he would have found this to be pretty amusing.
“I already talked to them, Mom, and set up a lunch date with Jessica for after their honeymoon. I thought it would be better to let them talk to their out-of-town guests right now,” Kiki said.
“Oh pshaw,” her mother returned. “You’re their family. I’m sure they would love it if you sat down with them for a bit.”
Jeremiah wondered if Kiki would point out that all those other guests were also family, but instead she gestured at Jeremiah. “I can’t right now, Mom. Jeremiah just asked me to dance and I said I would. It would be rude to go back on my word.”
Her mother seemed disappointed, but said nothing. The last thing Jeremiah wanted to do was dance, but he couldn’t leave Kiki in the lurch. They had been friends since grade school, and he was sure she would do the same for him. He took her hand and moved closer to the music, away from her mother’s stifling presence.
Once they were dancing, she said, “Thanks. I owe you one.”
“Your mom hasn’t changed one bit, has she?”
Kiki shook her head, her lips pursed with what had to be unpleasant reflections. He thought it best to change the subject. “How was Beijing?”
Her expression smoothed into a small smile. “It was great. But we can talk about that later. Let’s talk about you first. For instance, we can talk about what has you so down in the dumps.”
He had thought he’d been pulling it off pretty well. He wasn’t ready to talk about the whole Renee thing quite yet, however. Not with her sitting twenty feet away. Maybe once she was back in New York. Though Beijing was probably not far enough away to get her out of his mind, let alone New York.
Kiki seemed to sense his reluctance because she said, “Okay, different question—are you still playing the field? Sowing wild oats?”
Jeremiah had to smile. The humor of the situation wasn’t lost on him. “No, I’m ready to settle down, I think.”
“With a strawberry blonde bridesmaid?” Kiki asked, though by her tone it was clear she already knew the answer.
Jeremiah stopped dancing. “How did you know?”
Kiki smiled and shook her head. “You’re easy to read, Jeremiah.”
