by SJ McCoy
“You really think so?”
She nodded. “I might be wrong. He might genuinely be interested in building a relationship with his son, but even if he is, I doubt it’ll last. It’ll be too hard for him, and he’ll give up.”
“Can I do anything to make it easier?” If she wanted him to, he’d stay. He almost suggested it, but he didn’t want to come off as the territorial male, sticking around because there was another man in the picture. If he stayed, it would be for Owen’s sake, to provide some stability. At least that was what he wanted to believe.
“No, thanks. I can’t ask you to do anything, other than please just bear with me? I have a feeling this is going to be a tough run.”
“Anything you need, anything I can do for you and Owen, I want to be there.”
~ ~ ~
Tara wished he could be there—literally, physically stay here with them. It’d help Owen, it’d help her, not to mention the fact that she’d love for him to stay. But she couldn’t ask that of him. It was too soon. If they’d been dating for a few months, she might have asked him. It’d be the best solution. She had a feeling that Mark would back right off if he knew there was no chance of getting back together with her.
She smiled. “How do you do with listening to ranting females?”
He raised an eyebrow.
“I have a feeling I’m going to get angry about this. I’m going to need to let off some steam. So, if you don’t mind me calling you and just venting?” She worried as soon as she’d said it. She didn’t want to come across as a needy or bitchy type. She wasn’t one. She’d been trying to let him know that she wanted to be open with him, that she’d tell him all about what was going on. But judging by the look on his face, he wasn’t too impressed with the idea.
“I don’t mind.” His face belied his words.
She chuckled. “That’s okay. You look horrified. I can vent to my sister. It’s just that I know I’ll hear all about what an asshole he is from her—that and how stupid I was to ever have married him.”
He hugged her closer to his side and dropped a kiss on her lips. “You misunderstood. It’s not that I don’t want to be there for you, to listen. It’s more that I want to be here for you.”
She gave him a sad smile. “But you can’t be.”
She couldn’t figure out the look on his face. He looked like he was going to say something, but instead he just nodded.
“Reid!”
They both looked at Owen who was walking back to them holding both his hands out. When he reached them, he rested his little hands on Reid’s knees, palms up, each containing a piece of quartz.
“One for me, one for you.”
Tara’s eyes stung with tears. How she wished that this could be straightforward. Why couldn’t it be Reid saying he wanted them to be a family? That wasn’t fair. Maybe he would want that, someday, down the line. But right now, that didn’t help. She knew she had a rough few weeks ahead—and Owen did, too.
When they got back to the apartment, things felt different between them. It made her sad. Reid was distant somehow, and she didn’t like it. He was still the same with Owen, but while the two of them sat on the sofa looking through Owen’s book, she kept catching him glancing at her while she made dinner. He’d offered to bring something for them to eat, but she’d wanted to cook for him.
When Owen went to the bathroom, she went and sat down beside him. “What is it?”
He shrugged. “I’m sorry. I guess I keep thinking about what might happen with you and Mark.”
“There’s nothing to worry about. I have no interest whatsoever in getting back together with him. I’ve told you. I’m glad he left.”
“I know, but he’s Owen’s father.”
She shook her head adamantly. “Only biologically. You’ve been more of a father to him in the short time you’ve known him than Mark ever was. Listen, I know it’s too soon to say this; I don’t want to put you under any pressure, but I hope that someday you might want to be his dad.”
He rubbed his thumb across her cheek. “It’s not too soon. It doesn’t feel like pressure. It feels like reassurance. I already do.”
She stared at him. He meant it. She could tell by the look in his eyes. She leaned forward and kissed him. It was only a brief kiss; she didn’t want Owen to come back out and catch them, but that kiss felt like it sealed things between them.
When she leaned back, he smiled. “You call me whenever you want and let off as much steam as you want.”
She laughed. “I don’t want to put you off by making you think that I’m an overemotional female.”
“I already know you’re not. I just want to be here for you.”
She held his gaze for a long moment. There seemed to be so much meaning to his words. She got back up when Owen came out. She felt better. She still wasn’t looking forward to dealing with Mark or Owen once Reid left, but at least now she was looking forward to being able to talk to him and to tell him all about it.
After they’d eaten, they all went and played the getting it wrong game with Owen’s puzzle. It still unsettled him a little a first, and a couple of times she caught him slotting a piece into its proper place when he thought they weren’t looking. Reid spotted it too and smiled at her. It was a moment that she knew would stick with her. Up to this point she hadn’t been able to share little moments like that with someone who understood her son. She smiled back, wanting to take his face between her hands and kiss him senseless.
When Owen was ready for bed, they both sat with him for a few minutes. Tara’s eyes filled up as she watched him reach up and take hold of Reid’s ears, so he could look him in the eyes in the way that had already become so familiar to her. “Night night, Reid. See you tomorrow.”
Reid glanced at her. She’d hoped this wouldn’t happen. It’d be easier for her to deal with it tomorrow—once Reid had gone. She couldn’t let it go though. She knew that if she let him go to sleep believing he’d see Reid tomorrow, it would be even more difficult when he couldn’t.
“Reid has to go home tomorrow,” she reminded him.
Owen scowled at her. “Reid is home.”
Her heart hammered in her chest. She wished that was true just as much as he did.
“I have to go back to my other house,” said Reid. “I’ll be back though.”
“When?” Owen was scowling at him.
“Ten days.” He looked deep into Owen’s eyes. “Can you count to ten?”
“Pft.” Tara wanted to laugh at the contempt in the little sound he uttered. “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.”
Reid chuckled. “Well, it won’t be quite that fast, but let’s make a chart with ten days on it, and you can cross them off.”
Owen wriggled out of bed and Tara didn’t have the heart to stop him. He came back with a piece of paper and a crayon and Reid wrote out all the days from tomorrow, Wednesday, until next Friday when he’d return. Then he numbered them from ten to one. “Maybe you and Mommy can mark them off each day when you go to bed? Each day will tell you how many more there are until I come back.”
Owen nodded sadly. “Ten days?”
“Ten days.”
Owen blew out a big sigh. “Okay. Kisses?”
Reid planted a kiss on his forehead and then Owen turned and landed one on his cheek. “Kisses. Reid loves Owen. Owen loves Reid.”
Tara covered her mouth with her hand and tried desperately to blink away the tears. She felt like her heart must overflow seeing the two of them like that.
Owen reached out to her, and she couldn’t help it. She hugged him tight until he wriggled free. She kissed his cheek, and he smiled. “Owen loves Mommy.”
“And Mommy loves Owen.”
“Night night,” he called when they reached the door.
“Goodnight, Owen. Love you.”
Tara bit her lip, struggling to believe that she’d somehow gotten so lucky to find a man li
ke Reid.
~ ~ ~
When she’d closed the door behind them, Reid hugged her to him. “I should go.”
She looked up into his eyes. “You don’t want to stay?”
“That’s the trouble. I do. You know I do. But after saying goodbye to him like that, it’d be even worse if he wakes up and finds me still here. If I stay for even a few minutes, I’ll be here for the night.”
She looped her arms up around his neck, and he let out a sigh as she pressed the length of her warm, soft body against him. It felt like an invitation. He’d love to take her up on it. But it wasn’t right. He knew he had to go. The next ten days would be telling. If her ex hadn’t showed up, he might have decided not to go home tomorrow. But he had to give the guy a fair go. Although Tara denied it, Reid believed there was a chance—however slim, that she and Mark could get back together. He hated the idea, but he had to let it play out. If Owen could be with his biological father, then he shouldn’t get in the way of that just for his own selfish reasons.
He lowered his head and brushed his lips over hers. She kissed him back with a passion that almost made him forget reason and logic. Almost. He was breathing hard by the time he lifted his head. He stepped away from her reluctantly. “I’ll see you next Friday.”
She nodded sadly. “Will you call me when you get home? Let me know you made it?”
He smiled. She sounded like his mom—and that reminded him. “I will. And I’ll call you every night—if you want.”
“I want.”
“I forgot to tell you that I spoke to my mom. Would you like to talk to her? Can I give her your number?”
She nodded. “If she doesn’t mind? Maybe it’s not a good idea?”
He brushed his thumb over her cheek. “She thought it was a wonderful idea.”
“Okay.”
He made his way to the door and then stopped to kiss her again. He tried to let her know without words how much he was going to miss her—and how much he hoped she’d still want to see him when he came back.
“I’m going to miss you,” she said.
“I’m going to miss you, too.”
She blew out a sigh. “If this is it, if you decide not to come back, I just want you to know that it’s been wonderful.”
He tightened his arms around her. “The only reason I wouldn’t come back is if you tell me not to.”
She reached up and planted a kiss on his lips. “I’ll see you next Friday then.”
Chapter Twelve
“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?”
“No. I’d love you to stay, Nic, but it’d just make things worse. You and Mark always antagonized each other.”
“Yeah. And I’d be happy to antagonize his ass right back to where he came from.”
Tara had to laugh. “I know, and I wish I could let you. But he’s Owen’s dad.”
“So? You wouldn’t give him this much leeway if he was just a sperm donor, and he’s no better than one.”
“I know. You’re right. I’m not going to argue with you, but it’s not about him. It's about doing what’s right. I don’t believe you should ever keep a child from knowing his father.”
“Hmph! Would you say that if he was a murderer?”
“He’s not a murderer, though.”
“Yeah, but my point is where do you draw the line between doing what’s considered right and doing what’s best for your kid?”
Tara shook her head. “It’s best for a child to know his father. I believe that.”
“Well, I believe you’re giving too much importance to the fact that Mark was your sperm donor. If Owen wasn’t his biological son, you wouldn’t even consider it. If he was someone you met and started dating you wouldn’t even let him meet Owen.”
Tara rolled her eyes.
“Exactly! You wouldn’t even date him because now you’re old enough and wise enough to see what an asshole he is. At least your taste’s improved. Reid’s a real catch. I wish you’d tell Mark to go screw himself and just focus on you and Reid.”
“I wish I could too, but …”
“Argh!” Nicole was so frustrated she was turning red. “I want to give you a shake and make you see it. But I know I can’t. So, I’m going to leave, but you call me as soon as he’s gone, okay?”
“Okay.” She gave her sister a hug. “I have to do this.”
“No, you don’t. I wish I could get that through to you. You don’t have to do this at all. It’s going to upset Owen. That's the only thing I see coming out of it.”
Tara knew she was right. She wasn’t looking forward to Mark coming over. But she couldn’t make herself tell him no. She truly believed that a child and his father had the right to know each other. She closed the door after Nicole and went back inside.
Owen was sitting on the sofa. He had Reid’s iPod gripped tightly in his little hand, but he wasn’t listening to the music. The earbuds sat on his lap.
“You don’t want Bach?”
He scowled at her. “I want Reid.” He’d said that every five minutes since he woke up on Wednesday morning.
She felt the same way. “I know. We’ll talk to him on the phone later.”
“I want Reid.” He started to sway back and forth, which was never a good sign. She was hoping he’d at least be calm when Mark arrived.
“I know, Owen. I do, too. But it’s only a week till we’ll see him now, and we can talk to him tonight. After your dad’s been to visit.”
He scowled again. “Don’ton’t like him.”
She sighed. He’d been saying that ever since she’d told him that Mark was going to come and see him. Usually, he followed it with I want Reid. “You don’t know that, sweetie. You need to get to know him. He’s your father.”
His little face was set and stubborn as he shook his head. “I don’t like him.” He put the earbuds in and stared determinedly in front of him.
Tara got to her feet. Conversation over, she muttered to herself. She felt the same way Owen did; she couldn’t blame him. She wished that Reid was here and that Mark had stayed gone from their lives. Unfortunately for her, she was a grown-up, and she couldn’t just dig her heels in and choose to listen to music instead. She had to deal with it.
She didn’t hurry when she heard the knock on the door. She walked toward it with a sense of dread. This wasn’t going to go well. She knew it.
Mark smiled when she opened the door. “Hey. Thanks for this. I know it’s a shock to you, me coming back. But you won’t regret giving me another chance.”
“All I’m giving you is the chance to get to know your son.”
He held up a bunch of flowers. “I know I’m going to have to work for it.” He smiled. “I got something for Owen, too.” He opened the plastic bag he was carrying and showed her a big yellow fire engine. It was one of those that had a siren and flashing lights—and was everything that would set Owen off the wrong way.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’ll be too much noise and—”
Mark pursed his lips. “You’ll just have to deal with it.” He walked past her into the living room. “Hey, Owen. Remember me?” He took the fire engine out of the bag and held it up to show him. “Want to play?”
Owen looked up at him, and the furrows deepened on his brow. “No.”
“Come on. It’ll be fun.” Mark pressed a button, and just as Tara had feared, a siren started wailing.
Owen looked at Mark as if he were a three-headed monster. He looked at the fire engine and back at Mark before he scrambled off the sofa and ran screaming to his bedroom.
“Shut that thing off,” Tara snapped as she followed Owen and closed the bedroom door behind them. He was curled up on his bed, rocking back and forth, staring, unseeing out the window. “It’s okay, sweetie. He’ll make the noise stop.”
Owen didn’t reply. She didn’t expect him to. He was gone, hiding in his own world, somewhere deep inside himself. She sat on th
e bed beside him and hugged him. She couldn’t help it. He usually pulled away from physical affection, but sometimes she just needed to hold her little boy and try to reassure him. He leaned his cheek against her side for a moment and then sat up. It was enough. She’d reached him. She tried to blink away the tears. Maybe Nicole was right? If this was what having Mark around was going to do to Owen, how could it be right? She blew out a sigh.
“I want Reid.”
She swallowed—hard—and nodded. “So do I, sweetie. Do you want to come and see your dad? He’s turned the siren off now.”
“No. Don’t like him.”
“Okay.” There was no point in trying to make him. She knew that. “I’ll go and tell him.”
Owen nodded. He was still clutching the iPod.
“Do you want to sit here and listen to the music?”
He nodded again and pressed play.
Tara drew a deep breath before she opened the door and went back into the living room.
Mark looked ashamed of himself. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”
“Obviously.”
“Tell him I’m sorry. Is he coming back out?”
“No. He needs to calm down. He needs some quiet time.”
Mark waggled his eyebrows at her. “Great. So, we get some quiet time, too?”
“No. We get some time to talk.”
“Okay. What do you want to talk about?” He sat down on the sofa and patted the space beside him.
The gesture made her think of Reid. She loved it when he did that. With Mark it just made her go and take a seat at the dining table.
“We need to talk about what you’re playing at. About why you’ve shown up again now.”
He gave her a sheepish grin. “I know I’m fucking it up, but I meant what I said, babes. I want us to give it another shot. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. I was an asshole to you and Owen, and I want to make it up to you.” He looked around her apartment. “You deserve better than this. And I can give it to you. The two of you should move in with me. You shouldn’t have to struggle.”
