Jodi’s heart stuttered, squeezing tightly, but she wasn’t going to fall apart. She wasn’t.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, nodding emphatically at his punishing words.
His gaze was cold, his words colder.
“I have to get home to my daughter, let her know you’re not dead on a roadside somewhere. All of our scheduling arrangements are off the table for now. I need to think about this. Figure out what’s next—if anything—for you and Katie.”
He stepped around her, careful not to touch her, and took the porch steps in one big stride.
“And what about us?” she asked, her voice strong even though everything else in her was about to crumble into dust.
He stopped at his truck, not turning to face her. His broad shoulders slumped, and his head dropped. “There was a point when I thought you might actually be lying alongside the PCH dead. Then there was the point at which I thought you’d skipped town because you couldn’t handle it all. Now I find out you’d completely forgotten her for hours. I’m not sure what I feel at this point. I’m not sure if I can be with a woman who does that.”
It was like a knife to her gut, digging deep, opening every wounded part of her she’d worked so hard to repair over the years. In one fell swoop, he managed to cut through it all and leave her bleeding on her front porch as he barreled away in his truck. Jodi sank to the floorboards of the old wooden porch, her knees to her chest as she watched the thing she wanted most in the world slip away yet again.
19
“Good morning,” Nina said as Ty walked into the kitchen at six a.m. He blinked at her, wondering if his mind was playing tricks.
“What are you doing here so early?” he asked, heading straight for the coffeepot. God bless Lynn for putting a timer on the damn thing so there was always coffee available from five thirty on.
Nina smiled as she rubbed her protruding tummy and sliced a banana. “I don’t sleep all that much these days. Or I should say I sleep like a cat—twenty minutes here, twenty there.”
He poured a cup of heaven, added a dash of cream, and sat at the kitchen counter, watching her as she tossed the bananas in a bowl and added a pint of blueberries.
“Fruit salad?”
“Mm-hm. You can put it on top of the pancakes I’m going to make you.”
He nodded, feeling like he was a step or two behind somehow. “And you’re doing this why?”
Nina deftly sliced some strawberries next, adding them to the bowl before she turned to the stovetop and flicked on a burner.
“Seems to me you might be due for a little TLC.”
Ahh. She felt sorry for him. Just great.
“I’m fine. It’s Katie you should be worried about.”
Nina raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m concerned about Katie, but the fact is, she’s a kid who loves her mom and she’ll make a lot of accommodations for her, especially if Jodi apologizes sincerely, which I have no doubt she will.”
Ty scowled at her.
“You, on the other hand, are an adult, and we’re entirely different animals.”
Silence settled over the kitchen as Nina mixed together the ingredients for the pancakes, tossing in some walnuts and chocolate chips for good measure.
Finally, Ty couldn’t take it anymore.
“What’s that mean—we’re different animals.”
She ladled the first pancake into the pan. “Adults have been hurt. We’ve been betrayed and disappointed, and knocked around by life over and over. Even the most fortunate of us have had some setbacks, and it changes your views, makes you wary, protective. It’s a necessity. We don’t have someone dedicated to protecting us twenty-four seven, so we have to do it for ourselves. But then we sometimes go overboard with it. Turn away chances we shouldn’t, don’t forgive people we should.”
“You think I should forgive her?” He raised one eyebrow, his tone incredulous.
“I think you should hear her out, discuss it, maybe wait and see how the next few weeks or months go. Don’t make a snap decision.”
She flipped the pancake and scooped some fruit salad onto a plate.
“She forgot my kid—for hours. If she were a babysitter, I’d have fired her on the spot.”
“But she’s not a babysitter, she’s her mother.”
“Who wasn’t here for the first five years.”
“But is trying to be here now, and hasn’t had one misstep since she showed up. And not just with Katie. She’s developed a business, become really well liked in town, made some friends—me among them. And she’s been so patient and good with Katie. That whole meeting could have gone many ways, but Jodi handled it perfectly, and because of that, Katie’s life has been richer than ever. She finally knows about the missing half of herself.”
Ty’s blood thrummed in his veins, his chest tightening.
“And there’s another reason you need to think before you make any decisions about this,” she said softly, placing a plate with steaming-hot pancakes and fresh fruit in front of him. “I think you might be in love with her, and I can guarantee she is with you. You’ve been by yourself for so many years now, Ty. You deserve happiness more than any person I know. You and Katie deserve to have Jodi in your lives, and even if she’s not perfect, I think she’s pretty damn great.”
Ty blinked at the breakfast in front of him, unable to look his sister-in-law in the eyes. Then he heard her slip quietly out the back door, leaving him with a plate full of food for thought.
“Daddy,” Katie said on Sunday night after dinner. “When am I going to see Mommy again?”
“I’m not sure, bug. She’s been busy with work.”
“But she calls me every day, and she said she misses me. When I asked when I can see her again, she said I needed to ask you.”
Ty had ended any visits between Jodi and Katie for the remainder of the week, but he hadn’t said anything when Lynn let Katie talk to Jodi on the phone. He knew he couldn’t simply excise Jodi from Katie’s life now. He needed to determine what ground rules should apply at this point.
The joint custody papers he’d drawn up hadn’t been filed in court yet, so he was still fully in charge of Katie and her life. He could freeze Jodi out and force her to take him to court if she wanted more. But it didn’t sit right in his gut. He was mad, disappointed, and confused, but something kept him from doing anything permanent. He’d pressed pause, but his daughter wasn’t going to put up with that forever.
“Okay, I’ll talk to her tomorrow and find out when you can see her again,” he said, hoping it would placate Katie for a few days.
He underestimated his daughter.
“Here,” she said, holding out Lynn’s phone she’d had behind her back. “She’s on the phone. You make the plans now.”
She handed him the device and skipped happily away. He’d been played by a five-year-old.
Sighing, he walked with the phone out the front door and sat on the porch. “Hello?”
“Um, hi.” Jodi’s soft voice came over the line, and Ty’s heart leaped. He might be able to tell his mind he didn’t care anymore, but his heart said otherwise.
“I guess Katie wants us to pick a time for you to see her.”
“She’s been calling and asking every day.”
“She said you’d been calling her.”
“The first time yes. I wanted to apologize for the pickup fiasco. But I wasn’t sure if you were okay with me calling, so I haven’t since Wednesday, but she’s called me every day.”
Well hell, Ty thought. Damn kid wasn’t going to make this easy on him.
“You and I probably need to talk before you see her.”
“Whatever you’d like.” Jodi’s voice was polite but distant, and he had to admit to himself he hated it. Hated the loss of warmth and joy he’d been able to ease from her a week ago. Hated feeling as though they weren’t a team anymore, but wary opponents circling one another before one of them took a shot.
He looked at the sky as the sun began s
etting. Katie would go to bed in a couple of hours. The ranch was quiet, and he hadn’t slept well in days. Maybe it was time to pull the Band-Aid off. Settle this thing once and for all.
“Meet me on Lynn’s deck at nine?”
There was silence for a long breath, then her answer.
“Okay. I’ll see you then.”
Yes, she’d see him then, and he’d see her. And one way or another, he and Katie would be fine. He’d make sure of it.
20
Jodi stood at the railing of the café and closed her eyes, breathing in the night air full of moisture and salt.
She heard him when he approached, or maybe it wasn’t so much heard him as sensed him. She’d become so attuned to him over the last few weeks it felt as though she could feel him even when he didn’t touch her. She wondered if, living in the same town as him, that would always be the case. Ten years from now, when he’d found someone and married her, giving Katie a stepmother, would Jodi still be able to sense him when he was near? Be able to imagine the feel of his palms as they stroked down her back, cupping her ass, pulling her against him for a searing kiss.
“Thanks for meeting me,” he said quietly as he took the spot next to her along the railing.
“Of course,” she answered, a shiver working its way across her skin at the tenor of his voice.
“I’m not sure what I want to say, actually,” he admitted. “But I know we can’t stay in this limbo forever.”
She nodded, eyes still on the sea.
“I’m still—I don’t know—angry’s too strong a word. Maybe disappointed, maybe frustrated.”
“I get that. You have every right to be.”
He turned to her, and she finally looked at him. His anguish was visceral, and she gasped in response to the onslaught of emotions.
“I don’t want to feel those things. I want it to be like it was before,” he rasped, his hands clenched into fists. “But I can’t get past the part where you forgot our daughter. Our five-year-old daughter.”
“I know. I’m having trouble getting past it too.” The water rushed in over the sand and back out again, washing away some shells and seaweed but leaving others in its wake. And that was when it crystallized for her. She could never wipe away all her mistakes, because she’d only make new ones—like forgetting to pick up Katie at school. Not because she was an unfit mother, but because she was human, and humans weren’t static. They were mercurial and fallible, and evolving. That beach, the ocean, the seaweed and shells, they were all like the human life—mistakes out, mistakes in. Sweeping through, over and over. Just like the good parts, the joy, and the successes swept in and out on the same waves.
“I’m having trouble getting past it, but I will,” she said, her voice sounding stronger to her own ears. “Because here’s the thing, Ty. Even at my lowest, I always put Katie first. When I knew I couldn’t be a mother, I gave her to you because you had everything I didn’t—a stable income, a loving family, a solid self-image. That was better for her than having a depressed mess of a mom who might have bailed on her after she got attached to me.
“And when I got my head on straight and I could be there for her, I came back, because I knew having a loving mother in some form would be better than none at all. Yes, I wanted her, but I didn’t do it selfishly. I did it putting her first at every step. I’ve cooperated with you at each turn, from the day we found out I was pregnant until tonight. I’ve never fought you because you and I were in agreement about what was best for her.”
She looked at him, seeing how conflicted he was, how tense his body was strung.
“And I made a mistake this week. It’s hard to get past, but I will, because it’s best for Katie that I not focus on the one thing I’ve done wrong. It’s best for her if I keep being present in her life, loving her, supporting her. And by forgiving myself, I can teach her to forgive herself when she makes mistakes, and I can show her that even when I mess up, it doesn’t change how much I love her.”
Ty watched her for a moment, emotions flitting across his face in increments. Sorrow, regret, frustration, resignation. When he didn’t answer her, she finally broke the lock of their gazes.
“Think about what you want from here,” she said. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for Katie no matter what.”
Then she turned to walk to her car on the opposite side of the building.
“And what about us?” he asked in an echo of her question the night he’d tracked her down at her house.
She watched him in the moonlight, the ocean breeze ruffling his hair, and her heart stubbornly refused to let go. So her mouth stubbornly refused to as well.
“I’ve never doubted what I feel. You need to decide what you do.”
Then she walked away, no tears, no regrets. The waves would wash in and wash out. All she could do was keep on living and keep on loving. She was only human, after all.
“Mommy!” Katie yelled as she flung herself into Jodi’s waiting arms. A week without seeing her had seemed like an absolute eternity to Jodi, even with daily phone calls.
“She’s been so excited to see you, I had a hard time getting her to focus this afternoon,” the teacher said, smiling.
“Uh-oh. Do we need to have the talk about listening to your teacher?” Jodi said, ruffling Katie’s hair as she stood, grabbing Katie’s backpack in one hand and Katie with the other.
“No, she was good as always, just a little more wiggly, right?”
Katie gave a bashful smile. “Mrs. Riley let me to stand up finally ’cause I had the wiggles too bad.” She threw her arms around Jodi’s legs. “I missed you, Mommy.”
Jodi looked down at the sweet blonde head and stroked Katie’s soft hair. “I missed you too, love.” She smiled warmly at the teacher. “Thank you for taking such good care of her last week. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”
Mrs. Riley waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. “Oh please. I once had a father who dropped his kid off for school, drove off in a rush to get to work, and didn’t realize that there was no school that day.”
Jodi’s eyebrows lifted. “Oh my God. What happened?”
“Luckily, the older woman who lives across the street from the school saw him sitting out here on the lawn all alone and brought him a cell phone so he could call his mom. The mother was so mad at her husband, the kid said Daddy had to sleep on the sofa for a week.”
Both women laughed, and Jodi’s heart felt a million pounds lighter.
“Thank you,” she said again. “That really helped.”
“Well, you two have a nice afternoon. Enjoy hanging out with your mom, Katie.”
As they walked to the SUV, Jodi gave a wave to Lynn, whose car she’d spotted when she pulled up. She hadn’t been surprised to see Ty had sent her to not so covertly observe.
“Is that Aunt Lynn?” Katie asked, peering down the row of parked cars.
“Yes, I think it is.”
“What’s she doing here?”
“I’m not sure,” Jodi fibbed. “Maybe she had to deliver coffee to one of the teachers.”
Katie shrugged, seeming unconcerned as she climbed in Jodi’s car and buckled into her booster seat.
“You ready for dance class?” Jodi asked as she started the engine.
“Yes, but will you stay and watch?”
“Of course. Every minute, and then we get to go out to dinner afterward.”
“Yay!” Katie kicked her feet up and down. “Mommy?”
“Yes, Miss Katie?”
“I love you and Daddy.”
“I love you too,” Jodi answered. And your daddy, her heart added.
21
“You’ve been avoiding me,” Cade said as he walked into the office adjacent to the barn and crossed his arms, stance wide as he stood in front of the desk where Ty was working.
“I’ve been busy,” Ty answered, not looking at his brother.
“No, you’re avoiding me because you don’t want to talk about Jodi.”
/> Ty’s throat grew thick and dry. Even hearing her name now made him want to crawl out of his skin. It was as if his nerve endings were on fire all the time, sizzling, ready to burn him up.
He leaned back in the executive chair that accompanied the massive desk. “All right, let’s get it over with. Tell me you were right, she’s unreliable, she’ll just do shit like this again, she doesn’t deserve another chance.”
Cade sat heavily, leaning forward to put his elbows on his knees as he looked at Ty from under his brows.
“I’m not always right—”
“But you were this time.”
“No. I wasn’t.”
Ty stared at his brother.
“I said she’d either leave town again or try to get custody. She hasn’t done either thing. When you got mad at her for forgetting Katie, she had the perfect excuse to jet out of town in a huff, but she didn’t. She waited until you calmed down, then she went right back to being there for Katie.”
He paused, seeming to pick his words before he said them.
“You offered her joint custody, and she didn’t jump on it. She questioned whether she was ready, and since then, you haven’t filed the papers and she hasn’t said another word about it, am I right?”
Ty nodded.
Cade cleared his throat before he continued. “The only thing she’s actually done that I could criticize her for is forgetting to pick up Katie. So let me tell you a story, because I’m sure you don’t remember.”
Ty settled in, wondering where Cade was going with this.
“When I was only in first grade and you were still at home with Mom, we had these mini days where once a month, we’d get out of school early. So one Wednesday in March, I rode the bus to school. Dad was the one who walked me to the bus stop because you were sick with a fever and some stomach thing, and she’d been up all night taking care of you.”
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