by Jade, Ashley
Not wanting anyone to hear or see me fall apart, I hobble over the cobblestones, heading toward the guesthouse.
Despite the empty space and bare walls, a sense of calm washes over me the minute I close the door.
I have no memories of this place. No emotional ties I can think of.
Yet, for some inexplicable reason, it feels like these walls harbor all my secrets.
All my pain.
I’m not quite sure what the reason behind my fresh set of tears are now.
All I know is it hurts like hell.
It’s as if there’s a physical hole in my chest that can never be filled.
A vital piece of me missing.
A wave of exhaustion sweeps over me and I stagger over to the only piece of furniture in the entire place.
The mattress in the bedroom.
And then I sob until there are no more tears left to cry.
Chapter 23
With shaky fingers, I type Hayley’s name into the search engine.
Instantly, my laptop spits out a slew of results.
Her birthdate and email. An article from our local newspaper that lists all the people from her graduating class. There’s even a picture of her from back when she was on the cheerleading squad at Royal Hearts Academy, a link to her Instagram page, and her obituary.
However, there’s absolutely nothing in the search results about our accident.
Not even a local news station covered it.
Hmm. I’m about to try a different search, when there’s a knock on my door.
“Come in,” I tell Sawyer.
“You have to tell them soon,” Sawyer hisses, quickly closing my bedroom door behind her. “Keeping this secret from Cole is killing me.”
I close my laptop. “I will. I just want to…” Catching myself, I shake my head. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Her brown eyes soften. “Try me.”
“I want to keep him a little longer.”
Stone’s been the light at the end of a very long, very dark tunnel and being forced to say goodbye to him is going to hurt so much.
I want more time.
“Okay, you’re right.” Her features screw up. “I don’t understand.”
I stifle the urge to say I told her so and tell her the truth instead.
“My brothers are everything to me. Which means I’ll never put anyone before them. Ever.”
“Still not understanding.”
“They’re never gonna be okay with me dating him, Sawyer.”
And because they’re my family and I love them…I’ll do what they want and stay away.
No matter how much it might hurt me.
A deep frown works over her face. “Honey…no.”
Now I’m the one who doesn’t understand.
“Yes, it’s going to suck at first. Your brothers will flip out and do their overprotective brotherly thing and order you to stay away from him.” Walking over to me, she cups my face in her hands. “But, Bianca. Your brothers love you. And I know that above everything else—including any pride or anger they might feel—they want their baby sister to be happy. We all do.”
I guess I never thought about it like that before. “You really think so?”
She smiles. “I know so.”
* * *
“I’m telling Jace and Cole soon,” I inform Stone.
We’re currently lying on his bed, watching another film in the Jason Bourne series.
Turns out Stone is a really big movie buff.
He turns on his side, facing me. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah.” I run my finger down his stomach. “After Christmas.”
His forehead creases. “Why not sooner?”
“I don’t want to ruin the holidays.”
I figure it’s the least I can do before I drop the bomb of all bombs.
“Wow.” His jaw tics. “Didn’t realize being with me was ruining your life.”
That’s not how I meant it at all. “Stone—”
“Whatever.” He sulks. “I get it, I just hate that we have to sneak around all the time.”
“It’s only for two more weeks.” I kiss the tip of his nose. “After that you’ll no longer be my dirty secret.”
His eyes gleam with wicked intent. “Dirty secret, huh?”
The energy in the room shifts, causing the muscles in my thighs to clench.
Stone has been the epitome of a gentleman, never pressuring me for anything more than a kiss. But the look he gives me tells me he’s ready for more.
So am I.
He palms my breast, squeezing gently. “Is this okay?”
More than okay. “Definitely.”
Closing the distance between us, he kisses me.
Goosebumps break out along my flesh as his hand dips lower, skimming the bare skin above the waistband of my jeans.
He pulls back. “Am I hurting you?”
My pelvis is the least of my worries. Besides, it’s almost healed.
I shake my head. “Not at all.”
In fact, I wouldn’t mind if his touch was a little rougher.
The sound of him lowering my zipper is so loud it almost echoes.
My breath hitches when he licks two fingers and slips his hand inside my panties.
Smirking, he brushes the pad of his thumb along my clit. “You like this?”
Biting my lip, I nod.
He repeats the movement, sending tiny little tingles to the sensitive bud.
“You want more?”
Hell yes. “Yes.”
His movements are so slow, so gentle.
“Stone.”
I need more. Deeper, faster, harder.
But he doesn’t.
Stone continues building me up, deliberately drawing out every inch of my pleasure.
Ever so slightly, he speeds up his movements bit by bit, bringing me to the brink.
He studies my face as he works me. “You gonna come for me?”
* * *
Past…
“Yesterday s-s-she w-w-wore a yellow dress.” Liam looks over at me. “She looked s-s-so p-p-pretty it gave me butterflies.”
It takes everything in me not to roll my eyes. His crush on Dylan is becoming all-consuming.
Brows knitting together, he folds an arm under his head. “And t-t-that’s w-w-when I realized.”
Turning over, I humor him. “Realized what?”
The tear streaming down his cheek pierces my heart. “That I’ll n-n-never be good e-e-enough f-f-for her.”
“Liam, that’s not true.”
If I could have any superpower in the whole wide world, it would be for my brother to see himself the way I see him.
Because if he did, he’d realize how incredible he is.
When other kids are mean—Liam’s nice.
When other kids are stupid—Liam’s smart.
And when other kids are following their mean, stupid friends because they’re too scared to be themselves—Liam always follows his heart.
He’s the most courageous person I’ve ever met.
The world is so much better and brighter with him in it.
Another tear falls. “Yes i-i-it is.” He swats his tears with his sleeve. “I’m a f-f-freak.”
“You are not a freak.”
“Everyone at s-s-school s-s-says s-s-so,” he argues. “Whenever T-t-tommy m-m-m-makes f-f-fun of m-m-me, everyone laughs. No one ever s-s-stops him.” More tears fall. So many they soak the pillow. “Because I’m a l-l-loser.”
His words punch straight through my heart. Tommy is a dumb jerk who needs to be beat up.
“Liam—”
“I get now why M-m-mom k-k-killed herself.” The agony in his eyes makes me want to keel over. “W-w-we d-d-didn’t love her e-e-enough.”
Pain slices through my chest.
I did love our mom.
So much I fight the anger I have for her daily.
So much that every day that passes I wish I could have done something�
�anything—to save her.
So much I wish it was me who died instead of her, because maybe, just maybe, Liam wouldn’t be so upset all the time and I wouldn’t have to keep pressuring him to keep the real reason she died a secret.
“I’m n-n-never gonna have a girlfriend,” Liam continues, his sobs growing with each word. “I’m n-n-never gonna get m-m-married.” He’s so distraught, he begins shaking. “No girl is e-e-ever gonna k-k-kiss me. Because n-n-no one’s e-e-ever gonna l-l-love me—”
I press my lips to his.
Not because he gives me butterflies like Dylan gives him, but because I want him to know that no matter what happens, I will always love him, and he will always be good enough.
Liam deserves to have everything he wants and then some.
He jerks his head away. “Yuck.” Disgusted, he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “W-w-what is w-w-wrong with you?”
I’m not sure.
All I know is he was hurting and feeling like no one was ever going to love him, so I wanted to prove him wrong.
Because even though I don’t love him like that—I do love him more than anyone else in the whole wide world.
He’s my favorite person.
However, the look of repulsion he’s giving me tells me I seriously screwed up.
“I was just trying to help. You were sad so I wanted to make you—”
“Gross.” He jumps off the bed like it’s on fire. “You c-c-can’t do s-s-stuff like t-t-that, Bianca. You’re my s-s-sister.”
I’m about to pinky promise that I’ll never, ever do it again, but I can’t because he runs out of my bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
* * *
Vomit races up my throat and I bolt upright, pushing Stone’s hand out of the way.
Oh, God.
What did I do? What the fuck did I do?
“Are you okay?” Stone questions. “What just happened?”
What happened is I’m sick.
Sick, sick, sick.
“I—” I try to speak, but bile fills my mouth.
I was only trying to make Liam feel better, but there’s no way I can explain that to Stone.
Or anyone for that matter.
Because no one will ever understand.
My intentions were good…but my actions were wrong.
So very wrong.
Oh, God. I can’t breathe.
It’s too much.
The old Bianca—everything she did—is too much for me to take.
She’s like slow poison killing me piece by piece, and I want her gone.
“Bianca,” Stone says slowly. “Did someone hurt you?”
I should deny it and tell him the truth.
But I can’t because he won’t understand.
No one will.
I quickly button my pants. “I have to go.”
He wraps his fingers around my wrist, halting me. “You can tell me anything.”
Not this.
“Please stop,” I choke out.
“You got it.” Kissing my forehead, he wraps his arms around me. “How about we just lay here for a little bit?”
I drop my head to his chest, breathing in his scent.
“You’re okay,” he whispers. “Everything’s okay.”
But it’s not.
Because I think I finally know the reason Liam didn’t come to me the night he killed himself.
And I have no one else to blame but myself.
Chapter 24
“I miss him so much,” Dylan chokes out. “So damn much.”
My ears perk up and I stop in my tracks, eavesdropping on her conversation with Sawyer.
“I know,” Sawyer says.
There’s a long pause and then…
“Why don’t you go see him?”
“I can’t.” Dylan sighs. “Jace knows my schedule like the back of his hand. There’s no way I’d be able to sneak away without him questioning my whereabouts.”
A spark of anger lights my belly.
That little tramp.
My brother was the best damn thing to ever happen to her and she’s cheating on him?
“I can cover for you,” Sawyer suggests. “We can tell him we’re having girl time at the mall.”
My mouth drops open in shock.
Wow. For someone who gave me so much shit about coming clean to my brothers about Stone, Sawyer has a lot of nerve offering to cover for Dylan so she can run off and screw someone else.
“Thanks,” Dylan says. “You’re a—”
“Two-timing whore,” I scream, hobbling into the living room. “How the hell could you cheat on Jace!”
Blanching, Dylan springs up from the couch. “Cheat on Jace? What the—”
“What the hell is going on?” Jace questions behind me.
I spin around to face him. “I overheard your girlfriend making plans to see some guy behind your back.”
Jace’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “What?”
Dylan and Sawyer open their mouths to speak, but I don’t give them the chance.
“Dylan kept talking about how she missed some dude and then Sawyer offered to cover for her so she could go see him without you suspecting anything.”
Sawyer’s jaw practically hits the floor. “Wow.”
“Wow nothing. Helping Dylan cheat on my brother was wrong and you know it.”
“I’m not cheating on your brother,” Dylan shouts.
“You were making plans to see him?” Jace questions.
He’s so visibly irate and hurt a knot forms in my chest.
Anger crosses over Dylan’s features and it makes me want to punch her because she has no fucking right to be angry.
“Yes, I was,” she hisses. “God, I am so tired of you never understanding where I’m coming from. He’s my—”
“Dylan,” Jace growls. “Not here.”
Snorting, she looks at me. “Right.”
I take a step in her direction. “You know what? I think you should leave.”
She already hurt one brother and I’m not going to stand here and let her hurt another one.
Over my dead fucking body.
She snatches her purse off the coffee table. “That’s a great idea.” She glares at Jace. “I’ll be back for the rest of my shit later.”
His face falls. “You’re leaving?”
Dylan’s eyes become glassy. “I always thought we could make it through anything.” Her voice drops to a painful whisper. “But I’m not so sure we can make it through this.”
With that, she walks out the door.
Breaking my brother’s heart in the process.
“Fuck her,” I utter. “She doesn’t deserve you.”
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, Bianca,” Jace snaps.
Growling, he launches the glass he’s holding at the wall, causing it to shatter and Sawyer to jump.
Then he stalks off, nearly running straight into Cole who’s walking into the room.
Looking around, Cole takes a big bite of the sandwich in his hand. “What’d I miss?”
Crossing her arms, Sawyer glares daggers at me. “Your little sister causing trouble.” I open my mouth to defend myself, but then she says, “I thought you changed for the better, but it’s clear you haven’t.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“If you would open your eyes and your heart and stop hating her for two seconds, you’d realize just how much Dylan loves Jace and your family,” she snaps. “The girl is putting her own pain aside to be there for Jace and you, and—” An irritated groan rips from her throat. I don’t recall ever seeing her so upset before. “You were wrong, Bianca. So fucking wrong.”
I’m about to ask what she’s talking about, but she brushes past me.
“Bible Thumper,” Cole calls out after her, but she waves him off.
He turns to me. “What the hell did you do?”
I have no idea. However, something tells me I seriously messed up.<
br />
Chapter 25
“Thanks.” I close the car door. “If I’m not out in twenty, you should probably call the police because one of us most likely killed the other.”
Cole snorts. “Duly noted.”
I rub my sweaty palms on my jeans and grab my crutches from the back seat.
I didn’t plan on coming to Jace and Dylan’s apartment but when I asked Sawyer where she might be so I could talk to her, she caved and told me she was here.
I might not like Dylan for what she’s done in the past, but I’m willing to hear her side of things because Jace is so damn miserable without her it’s hard to look at him.
Drawing in a deep breath, I knock on her apartment door.
It opens a moment later.
Dylan’s eyes are puffy, like she’s been crying all day. “What do you want?”
“Can we talk?”
Her eyes narrow. “That depends, are you gonna call me a whore again?”
I shrug. “Only if you’re cheating on my brother.”
She steps to the side, gesturing for me to come in. “I’d never cheat on Jace.”
The sincerity in her eyes tells me it’s the truth.
But if that’s the case, I don’t know what to make of what I overheard this morning.
I hobble to the couch and take a seat. “Then who was this guy you missed so much and wanted to see behind his back?”
Sighing, she pinches the bridge of her nose. “My father.”
Color me confused. “Huh?”
She opens the fridge, takes out two bottles of water, and hands me one.
“My dad’s in jail again.”
Stone’s words from a few weeks ago flit through my head.
I love Jace, but plastering photos of her dad’s mugshot all over school was fucked up.
So was me jumping to conclusions.
“I’m sorry.”
She plops down on the far side of the couch. “Yeah, me too.”
A weird thought occurs to me. “Why would you need to hide seeing your dad from Jace?”
Jace is all about family so it makes no sense to me.
I’m not sure what to make of the expression on her face. “Because he wants me to stay away from him.”
