by Jay Bell
Together they chose another. And another, neither of them wanting to stop. They were in the middle of Tracy Chapman’s Baby Can I Hold You when he noticed Tim standing between the entryway and living room, leaning against the wall like he’d been there for some time. He met Jason’s eye and smiled—really smiled—almost like he did for Ben. The force of that gesture made Jason’s fingers falter for just one note, which was enough for Ben to look up. Then Tim was looking at his boyfriend instead, Ben’s singing instantly more intense. It was all Jason could do to keep playing, because sitting there and witnessing firsthand how much they loved each other made him want to cry.
When the song ended, Jason stood. “My hand is cramping,” he said. Keeping his head down, he hurried to the stairs and up to his bedroom. Once there he exhaled, heart racing from the intensity of the experience. To think he ever worried about coming between them! Or wondered if he was there to fix their relationship. What Ben and Tim had together—it was perfection. Sure they didn’t always get along or understand each other, but the love between them would compensate, would always keep them together.
A knock on the door made him jump. No, not a knock, a thump. Jason stood and opened the door. Chinchilla pattered in with a huff, turning and sitting before she looked up at him.
Jason chuckled. “Are they going at it again?” He shut the door as quietly as possible and flopped on the bed with a sigh. What he’d just witnessed, what Ben and Tim shared, there was nothing in the world he wanted more.
* * * * *
Around midnight, Chinchilla hopped off the bed and pawed at the door. Jason was on the verge of falling asleep and felt disoriented as he got up. When he opened the door for her, Chinchilla walked into the hall and then grumbled at him.
“What?” he whispered. “Do you have to go potty?”
More grumbling. Hitching up his pajama bottoms, Jason followed her downstairs. The house was dark and quiet. He fumbled at the back door, trying to find the lock, and discovered the door was already cracked open. Maybe so Chinchilla could let herself out. Besides, no robbers were going to make the trip way out here. Jason stepped onto the back patio, walking to the edge where stones turned to grass. Then he looked up. Here, away from the city lights, the stars were free to shine. He’d never seen so many in his life. They swirled through the sky in countless numbers, making him feel a strange sort of yearning.
Chinchilla grumbled again. Now she was sitting right in front of him, looking expectant.
“Go potty!” Jason tried.
Grumble grumble.
“What?” Jason asked her. “I thought you had to go?”
Grumble grumble.
“If you’re not going to potty, then I’m going back to bed.”
“She likes company.”
Jason tensed and spun around. To the side of the patio, lounging in a chair, was Tim. He wore jogging shorts and a tight tank top, and as he stood and came closer, Jason could see and smell the sweat in his hair.
“Sorry,” Tim said. “Didn’t mean to scare you. I was just cooling off after a run.” Chinchilla danced happily around his legs, Tim reaching down to pet her. “She likes company when she’s got business to make. I had a hard time house-training her, and I think she got used to the praise when she actually went outside. Now she expects us to stand there watching so we can applaud or whatever.”
Jason continued to stare.
Tim stared back. “Want to be her cheerleader with me?”
“Okay,” Jason managed.
They walked across the grass, Chinchilla taking the lead as she tried to choose the ultimate spot to pee.
“An artist came into the gallery today,” Tim said. “The one who did the bunny painting. You remember that one?”
“Yeah,” Jason said, his voice a little terse.
“I asked him what that painting was all about. You know what he said?”
Jason shook his head.
“That he was thinking of his childhood and how much he liked painting eggs at Easter. He even used egg dye to make the checkered background. Said he had an idea for a Halloween-themed painting using smooshed candy corn.”
Jason laughed. He couldn’t help it. To his surprise, Tim joined him.
“Maybe I am a salesman,” Tim continued. “People expect art to have some deep meaning, when really it can be as simple as wanting to create something that looks nice or is fun. So I guess I’ve gotten used to putting a spin on everything in the gallery to convince people that our art has value. And it does, but not because of any convoluted symbolism. Art is art. Simple as that. So you were right. About me, I mean.”
“I didn’t mean it as an insult,” Jason said. “I was impressed that you’ve managed all of this.” He gestured to the yard, the house, the land. “Ben said that you’re the one with the money, and I just figured you were one of the best salesmen out there.”
“One of the best, huh?” Tim was quiet a second, the amused smile fading. “I’m a fuckup. I have been my entire life. I don’t know what Ben told you about our past but… Anyway, I was about your age when I met this guy, Eric. He was much older than me and really cool. I loved hanging out with him. Eventually there came a time when I didn’t have anywhere to go, and he took me in. Without a second thought, he invited me in like I was family. The money, it’s all his. He gave it to me because he wanted to take care of me. Or maybe he wanted to save me, because it’s hard to imagine where I’d be if he hadn’t done that. Eric couldn’t stay, but he still managed to find a way of caring for me.”
Chinchilla finished peeing and trotted back, looking up at them hopefully. Then came a very odd moment when Jason and Tim praised her, their voices full of superficial cheer, before the dog got bored and chased after a moth. Tim turned to face him, Jason doing the same because out here in the shadows, Tim’s handsome face wasn’t very visible. This made relaxing so much easier.
“Eric would like that you’re here,” Tim said, “that his generosity is benefitting someone else now. I’m glad too, but I can’t be Eric. I can’t help you in the way he helped me. I tried once for someone else, and it was a disaster. Ben, on the other hand, he’s what you need.”
“Maybe I don’t need either of you,” Jason said, trying to keep his tone neutral. “I’m not broken or something. I just…” He trailed off, unsure how he’d ended up here and if it was his fault.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Tim said. “It’s not that there’s something wrong with you, but there are people in this world who, after you meet them, you walk away a better person. No matter how okay you were before, they have a way of making you even better. Eric was like that, and so is Ben. I hope you stay here long enough to find that out.”
“Thanks,” Jason said. “For inviting me in and letting me stay, I mean.”
Tim looked taken aback, then nodded. “Yeah. No problem. I uh… I should probably hit the shower and get some sleep. Don’t let Chinchilla keep you up all night.”
“I won’t,” Jason said.
He watched Tim walk toward the house, chuckling quietly at the way he kept looking back, like even he was surprised that they had managed a civilized conversation. Then Jason turned and considered the stars again, wondering what other surprises they had in store for him.
Chapter Seventeen
Tim was at the breakfast table the next morning. He didn’t leap up from the table to hug Jason or anything, but he did give an upward nod when he entered the kitchen. Jason returned the gesture.
“Just cereal this morning,” Ben said. He was already dressed, unlike Tim who was still in his robe. “Oh, and some yogurt and cantaloupes. Hope that’s okay.”
“No complaints here,” Jason said. “I usually skip breakfast, so the cereal alone sounds luxurious.”
He helped himself before Ben could do it for him and took a seat across from them. Tim was flipping through one of the papers they had brought back yesterday while digging into his melon with a spoon. Ben seemed to be watching Jason, his body language a little ant
sy. Maybe he was worried about him and Tim getting along, which meant he didn’t know about last night. They were at least on okay terms now, right?
“You’re going to be late,” Tim said.
“I know.” Ben looked back at Jason. “I have to go to the hospital.”
Jason nearly spit out a mouthful of cereal. “What? Why?”
“Sorry,” Ben said. “I work there part-time as a speech therapist. It’s not an emergency or anything. What are you doing today?”
“Job search,” Jason said, nodding at the papers.
“Oh, okay.” Ben looked at Tim. “And you?”
“I’m going to sit here and give him hell the entire time.” Tim turned a deadpan expression on Ben. “We’ll be fine. Don’t worry. Go to work.”
Ben glanced back and forth between them, settling on Tim. “The electrician is coming today, don’t forget.”
“I won’t.”
Ben reluctantly got to his feet. “Okay,” he said. “All right. You’ve got my number, Jason? Come to think of it, I don’t have yours.”
“No phone,” he replied. Monthly plans were expensive.
“Well, I’ll put my number on the fridge, and you can use the home phone to call if—”
“—if I try to kill him or anything like that,” Tim said. “What? I thought it was funny.”
Jason did too, and while it probably wasn’t fair to keep Ben out of the loop, he supposed them having this secret was a weird way of bonding. “I’ll be fine,” he said. “I’ll probably still be at this table circling ads when you get back.”
That was enough to send Ben on his way, but only after a bit more loitering. When he was finally gone, Tim started clearing the table and putting bowls and spoons in the dishwasher.
“What sort of job are you looking for?” he asked.
“Anything besides waiting tables or fast food.”
Tim nodded. “Good luck. If you need anything, I’ll be around.”
That was it. Jason was on his own. He allowed himself to be lazy and flipped through the gay newspaper. Then he went upstairs, took a long shower, and got dressed. Afterwards he spent his time browsing ads and making calls. He expected the entire day to be full of this, but on his sixth call he got lucky. Hurrying through the house, he failed to find Tim anywhere, even the studio, which Jason peeked into briefly for the first time. He was overwhelmed by the number of canvases he saw inside, but didn’t have time to examine them closer. He checked the backyard next, feeling despair before he looked out front and noticed the garage was open, a figure moving around inside. Perfect!
“I got a job interview!” Jason said after rushing out there.
“Congrats,” Tim said. “Where at?”
“That stays a surprise,” Jason said. “Besides, I don’t want to jinx it. The interview is in an hour.”
“Oh, wow!”
“Yeah. Short notice. I guess they’re really understaffed. Uh, the only problem is, I need a ride.”
“No problem,” Tim said, before his face fell. “Actually, big problem. The electrician is supposed to be coming out here soon. Our bedroom lights keep flashing on and off in the middle of the night and it’s creeping me out.”
“Could I borrow the car?” Jason asked.
Tim turned to consider the vehicle in question, Jason noticing it for the first time. The car was silver and polished, like it had just rolled off a dealership floor. The details were subtle but still ornate, and from the vehicle’s condition, it was obvious Tim loved it. His eyes were shining even now.
“You know what kind of car this is?” Tim asked in reverent tones.
“As long as it’s an automatic, I’m good,” Jason replied.
Tim’s brow lowered. “It’s a Bentley Continental GTC!”
“Awesome. So can I borrow it?”
Now Tim looked pained. “Are you a good driver? I mean, you’re not like Benjamin, are you?”
Jason blinked. “I rode with Ben the other day and he did fine.”
“Really?”
“Well, he accidentally cut a guy off when reaching for the radio. Oh, and he went over a curb when pulling into the mall parking lot. He doesn’t seem to notice stop signs either.” Jason reconsidered. “Okay, so he’s a terrible driver.”
“Exactly,” Tim said. “That’s why he never drives this car. I bought it one day when I was feeling sappy, since you know, it’s a Bentley, just like his last name.”
“Aaaw!”
Tim snorted. “Yeah, I know. Thing is, this little romantic gesture cost me a small fortune. I should probably sell it before the value depreciates any further, but…” He reached out and lovingly stroked the hood.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Jason said, “but the clock is ticking.”
Tim’s jaw clenched a few times before he nodded reluctantly. “Okay. She’s all yours, but drive slow. And bring her right back after the interview.”
“I will,” Jason promised.
“And if something does happen,” Tim said, “come back here and put me out of my misery.”
“I’ll beat you over the head with a shovel, I swear.”
Jason returned to the house to check his appearance and grab his résumé. When he was ready, he found the car pulled up in front of the house. Fully exposed, the sunlight glinting off of every sexified curve, the car was anything but average. This impression was driven home when he slid into an interior that was both traditional and futurist.
“Very steampunk,” Jason said to Tim, who was bent over and watching him through the driver-side window, face alternating between pride and terror. “I’m going to be late!”
Jason started the car and pushed the button to roll up the window, nearly trapping Tim’s nose in the process. Then he drove carefully down the drive, keeping his speed at an absolute minimum. Only when he reached the main road did he grin, push the gas pedal down hard, and gun his way toward Austin.
* * * * *
By the time Jason returned, Ben was already back. Not too surprising since Jason had been gone for hours. After the job interview, he drove around Austin, trying to get a feel for the city. Parts of it could have been Houston. The same chain restaurants, the same major retailers, but downtown Austin was something completely different, full of weird little shops and diners he was eager to check out. He browsed a few stores, but without any money to spend, he tired of this and settled for people-watching in a park.
Now he was home again and standing in the living room, but Jason’s lips would remain sealed until Tim came back inside.
“He’s out front checking on the car, isn’t he?” Ben asked from one of the cozy corner chairs. He shook his head and smiled. “So how’d it go? You can tell me that much at least.”
“Nope!”
Ben made a pouty face before flipping through a few more pages of the magazine he was reading. Jason noticed it was the gay one. “I’m looking for Tim,” Ben explained. “He did some modeling years ago, and occasionally he’ll pop up in an ad for an escort service or something. Gets upset every time it happens, but it’s not like he’s nude.”
Jason moved behind the chair to look over his shoulder until Tim came back inside.
Once he did, Tim exhaled as if disaster had been narrowly avoided and nodded. “She’s okay.”
“Thank goodness for that!” Ben said sarcastically. “Now then, tell us—”
“I got the job!” Jason blurted out.
“Already?” Tim asked. “Don’t they usually call you back later?”
“They were desperate,” Jason said. “I start tomorrow. The really good news is that I’m working at a pet store and get an employee discount. I can use it to help you save money until I start paying rent.”
“Congrats, man!” Tim said.
“Yeah, congratulations,” Ben said, “but you don’t need to worry about rent.”
“Of course I do,” Jason said, plopping down in the chair next to his and throwing a leg over one arm. “I’m not here to mooch.”
/> “No,” Ben said, “but you are here to get back on your feet, and that includes planning your future.”
“Uh-oh,” Tim said, heading for the kitchen. “Benjamin’s on the warpath! Better give in, kiddo, because he always knows what’s best for everyone.”
Ben grinned shamelessly. “The reason I don’t want you paying rent or bills is so you can save money. Have you thought of going to college?”
“Oh. Actually I dropped out of high school.”
“That’s okay,” Ben said. “Did you get your GED?”
Jason nodded.
“Well, there you go. Nothing’s holding you back. What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“You mean like a real profession?” Jason said. “No idea. I’ve never known.”
“Perfect!” Ben said, sounding satisfied. “College is made for people who don’t know what they want to do.”
Jason grimaced. “I really don’t think college is for me.”
“Okay,” Ben said. “Just think about it a little, that’s all I’m asking. Now, my other big idea is right here.”
Ben opened the newspaper and pointed to an ad. Jason took the paper and read it.
Lonely, lost, and looking for fun? Gay youth meeting, every Sunday at All Souls Unitarian Church.
Jason looked up. “Gay youth? I’m eighteen.”
“Which sounds awfully young to old people like me,” Ben said. “I called the number and asked about that. The meetings are for anyone under twenty-one.”
“Oh.”
“Might be a way of meeting that dream guy. Unless you saw someone adorable and gay stocking the dog food aisle today.”
Jason smiled. “I did just happen to scope out my coworkers, and they’re mostly women.”
“So what do you think?” Ben pressed. “Just imagine a whole room full of young gay people also looking to fall in love. You’ll probably get mobbed when you show up.”
“Can you go with me?” Jason asked.
“I’m a little older than twenty-one!”
“How much older?” Jason asked with a grin.
Ben squirmed in his seat. “I’m still in my twenties.”
