The Accidental Wife

by Simi K. Rao

  “Beta, don’t refuse. Consider it as a shagun for your new life. My son is a very lucky man.”

  Naina wondered what he meant, wishing he had elaborated further. But the money left her utterly stupefied. What do I do with it?

  Still unsure what to do, Naina mentioned the visit to Alice the next day.

  “Spend it, that’s what!” Alice said, smiling and shaking her head incredulously. “You really could do with some new clothes. Tomorrow I’ll take you to a place where they sell real good stuff for dirt cheap.”

  Naina agreed. Her wardrobe was indeed sparse. All she had was a long kaftan-like robe she’d worn home from the hospital, a couple of halter sundresses Rihaan had bought that she’d never dared to try on, and a couple of PJs that she generally spent all day in. None of her old clothes would fit. The prospect of shopping was exciting.

  The next day, soon after entering the store, when she was confronted with row upon row of bewildering array of apparel, she became riddled with anxiety. “Let’s go back, Alice. This place isn’t for me.”

  But Alice wouldn’t hear a word. “Stay quiet, woman. I know exactly what you need,” she said and marched right ahead, leaving Naina with no choice but to follow on her heels.

  True to her word, within minutes, Alice had assembled a pile of clothes. Among them, a couple of lightweight jeans and cotton skirts that enhanced Naina’s slim figure without making her look scrawny; a few soft, cotton fitted shirts and a couple of beautifully embroidered blouses that she could wear on special occasions. A fluffy scarf draped around her neck was an indispensable accessory—to add color and flair, but more importantly to camouflage the many scars that she had accumulated.

  Later, Naina took a nervous peek at the mirror, and was surprised by the image she saw. It was something she could live with. She felt human again, someone who could step out into the world without fear of prejudice or ridicule.

  Alice, who was standing behind her watching, said, “Now you know why the Doc loves you? Because you’re one helluva beautiful girl!”

  “You probably tell that to all your patients,” Naina retorted, yet deep inside she was pleased.

  Growing Pains

  The days rolled by as life slid into a new pattern. A week passed, then three. Naina considered herself healed except for her memory.

  On a sultry May afternoon, with the entire city reeling under sweltering heat, Naina and Alice chose to call it a day. They decided instead, to camp out on the balcony and sip chilled glasses of minty lemonade and watch the languorous citizens parade by.

  “It’s high time the clouds made up their minds and gave us a good old downpour,” Alice said, fanning herself vigorously with the frilly bottom of her apron.

  “It’s high time my brain made up its mind and gave me my good old memory back,” Naina muttered.

  “Do I hear a note of bitterness in that sweet voice, Mrs. Doc Mehta?”

  Naina glanced sharply at her friend. She had the irritating habit of switching to formal terms whenever she didn’t see eye to eye with her.

  “Maybe you do,” she replied, leaning back in her patio chair and gazing unseeingly at the shade umbrella. “But my memory, rather its absence I should say, has become a wound that won’t stop festering. I remain a stranger to myself. Who am I? What am I like? Do I have a family, if so, why don’t they look me up? Why does my mother-in-law refuse to have anything to do with me? What could’ve I possibly done to grudge her? Is it because of something between Rihaan and me? Why is he so tight-lipped about everything? I know he pretends to brush it under the carpet, but I can’t! There are way too many questions that need to be answered!”

  Alice scrutinized Naina silently. That she harbored a far deeper malady hadn’t escaped her, Naina knew. Yet, not wanting to intrude, she seemed to have waited patiently for the revelation.

  “I do understand what you’re going through,” Alice began, weighing her words with care. “I was born an unwanted child, who spent nearly all her life shuttling between foster homes. Don’t get me wrong! I’ve nothing against the system. It’s the reason why I’m here today,” she said emphatically. “But there’ve been more than a few times when I’ve wished to confront my mother, just so I could ask her why she gave me up? Was it because she didn’t want me or did kismet make her do it? I don’t blame her, I just want to clear my mind. But now I know I’ll probably never meet her.”

  “Are you meaning to imply that I should simply stop harping over the past and get on with it?” Naina quipped.

  “No, not at all.” Alice shook her head. “What I’m trying to say is that there are certain things in life we have no control over and dwelling over them just causes more pain. Take for instance Tommy, my foster brother,” she said, her eyes taking on a distant look. “I loved him like my very own. Not just me, everybody did. We kids employed him as our bodyguard because he was big with lots of muscles, yet, the gentlest and kindest of creatures. But the bullies didn’t know that.” She tittered, tickled pink at her revelation, which made Naina smile.

  “Tommy was a slow learner. He struggled a lot at school, but he worked really hard and it paid off. He got a scholarship to college. He was also an ace athlete. Music, art, you name it, there was nothing that was out of bounds for him. He was always willing to learn and that was inspiring. For us kids, he was our brightest star. He gave us hope, showed a way out of the drudgery.” Her face brightened at the memory.

  “Then all at once, this beautiful life was delivered a cruel blow. Tommy was struck by a blinding disease. An irreversible condition, the doctors said. His world began to slowly fade away. He told me how one day he could read the words on the billboard across the street, but on the next it had dissolved into a messy blur. He lost his job. His driving license got taken away. And then when we thought things couldn’t get any worse, Karen, his beautiful wife, left him taking the children with her. That broke him completely. He was devastated. Life had lost its purpose. He tried to kill himself and almost succeeded.” Alice grew quiet.

  But Naina’s curiosity was piqued. “What happened to him? Tell me please,” she urged Alice.

  Her friend complied. “A dramatic change came over Tommy after his brush with death. What happened? No one knows. According to Maya, my romantic little sister, he had some kind of otherworldly experience while lying comatose on the hospital bed. We joke about it even now.” She chuckled. “But it’s true, he woke up a changed man. There was this new energy about him that’s hard to describe.”

  Her unblemished ebony brow wrinkled into a frown. “He was caught up in some kind of frenzy. He went to school again to train to be a counselor and now spends all his time helping people with developmental issues and other disabilities to better themselves. And I understand he’s very good at it.”

  Naina didn’t know how to respond. She stared down at her arms where the veins made a lacy network under the skin. The bruises and blotches she’d brought home from the hospital had long since disappeared. She felt at once humbled and deeply mortified by Alice’s account. Her own predicament seemed innocuous in comparison, and her anger irrelevant. “You must be so proud of your brother, Alice,” she mumbled.

  “Yes. But so am I of you, sweetheart,” Alice effused, leaning forward to encase Naina in a comforting hug. “Not many can achieve what you have and in such a short time.”

  “But I couldn’t have accomplished anything without either you or Rihaan,” Naina muttered in protest.

  “All we did was stand by while you sweated and slogged,” Alice insisted. “You’re a woman of rare courage and I’m privileged to know you!”

  “You are very kind, Alice. Your words give me confidence,” Naina said, hugging the woman back.

  “Good. I’m glad,” Alice said, pulling back.

  Suddenly she looked very solemn. “Because I think the time has come for me to leave.”

  Naina stared
unbelievingly at her. “Leave? Did I hear you right? You can’t say that! That’s insane! How will I make it without you? My life will fall apart. How will I survive?”

  Alice laughed, reaching to run her fingers through Naina’s short curly hair. “Don’t panic. You will survive. You aren’t a child anymore. Though you look very much like one.” Her tone turned wistful. “You have to learn to take care of your life and your husband. God bless him! I know you can, because your spirit is strong and it shines brighter every day. Besides, if you need anything, your nasty friend is just a phone call away.”

  Naina smiled, choosing not to argue. She could tell that, Alice too, was hard-headed just like her. Yet she couldn’t help but seek one last reassurance. “My memory, do you think I’ll ever get it back?”

  “You will. Most people do. Try to titillate your mind. Don’t be afraid.”

  Yes, Naina had been afraid, wondering what she’d dig up. Her past seemed not just mysterious but also dark and sinister. What if she found something she didn’t like?

  Later, with Alice out on an errand, Naina set about in search for clues. Pictures, letters, a laptop perhaps? She found none except Rihaan’s PC and the tablet he liked to carry around. Eventually she zeroed in on a scuffed up brown leather bag that lay hidden, deep in the rear of the bedroom closet. She’d seen it before but it’d been too heavy to pull out, or maybe she hadn’t tried hard enough. This time she had no trouble.

  Inside it, she found some clothes just like the oversized ones hanging in the closet. They were of no interest to her. What caught her eye was a beautiful silk sari, tie-dyed in a rainbow of colors with decorated elephants marching along the borders and tiny shiny mirrors that caught the light and sparkled like diamonds. She flung it around her neck like a shawl and felt deeply comforted by the strong fragrance of sandalwood.

  Underneath was a finely inlaid wooden box, inside which on a bed of tissue, lay several glass bangles in red, green and orange tied together with a string. Slipping them over her hands, she wondered if they were a gift from Rihaan. Instinct told her they were, thus filling her with a warm glow.

  Trembling with excitement she dug deeper, and at the very bottom, found a large album. She flipped the pages over, only to find random black and white shots, of people and children on the streets. Nothing else. No blissful wedding pictures, in particular no family portraits, as if she’d severed all ties before coming here.

  Feeling utterly wretched and frustrated, she tore the bangles from her hands and sank sobbing to the floor.

  ***

  The following evening, Alice proposed her intention to leave.

  Rihaan considered it for several moments, though he didn’t seem much surprised. He wrote her a check, apparently a very generous one, because it stimulated a spurt of happy tears as well as a resounding kiss on the cheek that made him blush pink.

  She requested them not to accompany her to the street. “Then I won’t be able to go.” She slipped out the door and left.

  The tears that Naina had been holding back came pouring out. She scrambled to get to the balcony.

  “Wait Naina. Let me.” Rihaan ran to her assistance and to her surprise took her crutches away.

  But she remained silent, not uttering a word of objection when he carried her outside, and then, propping her against the low railing, wrapped a solid arm around her waist. She remained so because she didn’t want to be alone at this moment of loss. Alice’s absence already made her appreciate Rihaan more.

  Setting her qualms aside, she flung her arms around her husband’s broad chest and embraced him, springing a pleasant exclamation of surprise from him.

  He whispered into her hair as he stroked her gently on the back. “Everything’s going to be fine, Naina. I shall see to it.”

  Alice looked up just before climbing into the taxicab and broke into a broad grin on seeing them together.

  Naina smiled and waved cheerfully. She wanted her friend to leave in peace.

  Whole

  As Alice had predicted, Naina had no difficulty adapting to her absence.

  She kept herself occupied, sticking to the regimen her friend had drawn up, as it left little room to sulk over the palpable void she had left behind, along with her own persistently nagging insufficiency.

  She worked on her exercises, prepared quick and sensible meals (much to Rihaan’s delight) and rode the taxi alone to all her appointments, though often she found her husband waiting there ahead of time, perhaps indicating a lingering lack of trust in her decision making capabilities. It irked her immensely yet she didn’t begrudge him, because she wasn’t prepared to trust herself either.

  Despondent thoughts like these continued to plague her periodically. At such times she’d consciously recall Alice’s wise words and try to comfort herself.

  Alice had said: ‘The secret of happiness is very simple. Just count your blessings. You’ll see that you have more than you think.’

  Naina couldn’t do anything but agree. She had her health. She had her life. And most of all she had her crux—her husband. He was her blessing.

  There were days when her endurance was rewarded and hope made an ungainly resurgence. Flashes, tiny frames, teasing glimpses, of people, scenes and events that didn’t string together in a neat logical sequence sorted themselves in her mind.

  Such as when Rihaan took an entire weekend off and chose to spend it taking her around the city. “We need to spend some quality time together. Just you and I.”

  She didn’t realize until later that it was his way of dropping hints without making blatant suggestions, thereby relieving her of considerable anxiety.

  She accompanied him to the corner bagel shop for a late morning breakfast, where the young proprietor greeted her by name. She smiled to shield her embarrassment, not having any inkling whatsoever of ever being there before, let alone eating a bagel or meeting Gil, or his Indian wife Uma, who had just delivered their first child.

  Yet, she didn’t hesitate when asked to place her order. “Toasted pumpernickel with jalapeno,” she said, then stood back perplexed at her not so conventional choice.

  Rihaan, on the other hand seemed quite amused.

  “Do you know something I don’t?” she demanded, looking at him.

  He responded with a grin as he pulled her aside. “Rest easy sweetheart. It’s what you usually order. Things are looking up, shall we say?”

  So it appeared.

  They took a cab around the city, stopping briefly at various spots—Wall Street, United Nations, The Met, St. Patrick’s cathedral, Tiffany’s… Naina’s face drooped as the skyscrapers rushed by—her mind drawing a continuous blank and all the razzle-dazzle only making her nauseous and dizzy.

  Her husband probably read her mind, for within the space of five minutes (more likely fifteen, but it always seemed so much quicker with Rihaan) they had boarded the subway for a ride across the river. And soon after getting there, they drove to a café oddly called Happenstance where Naina sat trying to hustle a Key Lime shake while Rihaan stared fixatedly at an obscure apartment block across the street.

  Why had he brought her here? Was it to trigger a specific memory? Was he disappointed that she hadn’t jumped up screaming: Yes! It’s all coming back to me!

  Her perturbation on a steady upswing, she wanted to cry out—What do you expect from me, Rihaan? But she couldn’t get the words to her mouth. She didn’t want to risk provoking him. He was all she had—her past, her present and her future. Without him her life would become tenuous. She would cease to exist.

  “Shall we go?” he asked her after what seemed like forever. His mint julep remained untouched.

  She nodded vigorously, not trusting her speech. Maybe it’d been a long day, maybe she was simply worn out, maybe she was just tired of trying to remember all the time—a perfectly valid explanation. But all she wanted to do now was g
et back home, curl up in bed, and go to sleep.

  The train jerked as it hugged a sharp curve. She went sliding across the plastic seats. Rihaan caught her and they both broke out laughing. He held on. She snuggled into the open V of his shirt, seeking much needed solace. The contact stirred something deep—a surge of emotions—of gnawing pain, unrequited love and a smoldering all-consuming passion. She retracted, trembling with fright, leaving him utterly bemused.

  ***

  The cast came off. Finally! She was free! And there was no need for continued use of the crutches.

  Naina danced a little jig in front of Rihaan. “Now I’ll be able to come biking with you.”

  “Yes,” he laughed, “but let’s first celebrate with a walk.”

  She sensed an undercurrent of excitement in him, and she felt it, too. It would be her first outing as an emancipated woman.

  They took a cab to the park. “This was a bad idea. I’ve no muscles to speak of. Let’s go back,” she exclaimed, frustrated after trudging only a few yards.

  “No. I won’t let you goof-off. We shall finish what we set out to accomplish!” he declared, dismissing her demand.

  The resolute brute! But his cheer rubbed off on her and somehow she made it to the lake where they sat down on a bench to rest. It had been well worth the effort.

  “Close your eyes. Do you see anything?” he asked.

  She closed her eyes. After a few moments she smiled and nodded. “Yes. The color of the water, I remember it was much darker and the geese—they created such a din that I…”

  “Let’s go, Naina.” He stood up abruptly. His face darkening with anger and also apparent pain.

  “But why…?” she asked, puzzled.